Husband texting other women - continued

[RosaCarolinae]

I had started another thread about this a couple of months ago, but that one is now locked as being 14 days old. Here is the link to the original: Husband texting other women - please help

So we have been in marriage therapy for a few sessions now, but the therapist has mainly concentrated on a couple of other key issues in our marriage. I keep thinking we are going to come back to talk about the texting incidents, which was the original reason I set up the appointment, but so far it has not happened. I do plan to bring it up myself next time and specifically ask if we can talk about it.

We are both completely new to therapy and unfamiliar with what to expect. What I am finding out is that marriage/couples therapy focuses on the the relationship itself as the client rather than us as individuals. Also, I found out that our therapist doesn’t do individual therapy to people who are in couples counseling as we currently are. I don’t know exactly what I am trying to ask here except maybe for some advice on what to do next with the therapist (or with a different therapist)? Like the relationship counseling has been somewhat helpful but it seems to me that we are skipping over whatever deeper issues my husband may have that motivated him to do what he did. Maybe we can’t get that without switching to individual therapy?

Plus, it has been quite a while now since the original incident, but I never got any closure or any real answers on why he did it. Attempting to talk about it with my husband never did prove very productive, but I just figured we would be talking about it in counseling/therapy. (Sorry for the long post.)

 

[Elf01]

I’m not familiar with therapy but

Also, I found out that our therapist doesn’t do individual therapy to people who are in couples counseling as we currently are.

Seems like a good decision to me. The therapist is ensuring that there won’t be a conflict between counseling one of you individually and you as a couple - or even avoiding giving the impression that there may be one.

Like the relationship counseling has been somewhat helpful but it seems to me that we are skipping over whatever deeper issues my husband may have that motivated him to do what he did. Maybe we can’t get that without switching to individual therapy?

If it seem to be helpful I’d assume that the therapist is simply moving slowly in order to build trust before they can get to the issue and give it more time.

Again I’m not used to therapy either so hopefully someone else can confirm or correct me if necessary.

 

[pensmama87]

If it seem to be helpful I’d assume that the therapist is simply moving slowly in order to build trust before they can get to the issue and give it more time.

This can be the case sometimes, but IMO good therapists are clear about this and their methods, and if there’s something a client wants to talk about, they should speak right up about it and receive a good explanation.

I don’t know about the not counseling separately. I used to work in a counseling practice (as a receptionist) and I regularly scheduled separate sessions for spouses and then sessions for them to work together, all with the same therapist. So it may be just a preference for how a particular therapist likes to work. Or during one session, spouses would split the session up (this also happens with children and their parents a lot.)

 

[TheLittleLady]

It sounds as if she is working on the root of the problem instead of addressing the symptoms.

 

[Elf01]

Point taken about explaining. I accept that some therapists may be OK with counselling a person individually and as part of a couple but can see why one may prefer not to.

I did also think they may be dealing with a root that the OP doesn’t see but again it should be better explained.