I have been married 4 years, 3 children (expecting #3). I have rather serious health complications that have required the use of NFP to space our kids. Recent developments there as well as financial difficulties (bankruptcy, job loss/significant reduced income/tiny living space) have made longer abstinence required between children. Recently, my husband revealed to me that he thinks NFP is very sinful and that it’s his opinion that we’re just sinning because we “have to.” He is a convert and a very literal Bible person…he thinks “be fruitful and multiply” is the only aspect of our marriage that should be emphasized. Which leads to me feeling used, refusing intimacy, stress on our marriage, etc. I’ve given him “Holy Sex” and “The Good News about Sex and Marriage” to read. I’ve pointed to church teaching on NFP. I’ve argued that St. Paul talks about “abstinence when agreed upon for prayer.” I’ve cried and stated that I want a break and will continue to refuse him if he continues to treat me like an object through whom to gain his (desired) large family. I don’t know what else to do. He is swamped with work so efforts to speak to our priest are in vain. I have never in my LIFE heard of a HUSBAND thinking that NFP is sinful. I’ve only ever read on here of spouses refusing NFP for arbitrary reasons like it “doesn’t work” or it’s “too hard.” I don’t know how to combat the “NFP is a sin.”
According to the teaching of Roman Catholic Church who respects the natural moral law of marriage and who respects the holy anthropology of the holy scriptures about the marriage, the responsible procreation, the responsible maternity, the responsible paternity and the marital act during infertile times, and thus the natural family planning who is an expression of this responsible procreation, is not per se, by nature, a sinful act. By essence, that is not sinful, and it cannot be an immoral thing.
The interpretation of you husband is wrong, that is a false view about the catholic paradigm of marriage with this particular corollary. Your husband is wrong. He needs to study the catholic doctrine in the details and with all subtilties, that is one of his own moral obligations
And you, his wife, you have also the moral permission to refuse unilaterally the marital act under special conditions. Indeed, there are two moral regimes for the NFP: the bilateral agreement , the normal regime under condtions and the unilateral regime under other special conditions. Two different systems.
He (your husband) seems to be in favor of theoretical providentialism in thinking like that. The dangers of his speech and of his thought are: the pharisaism, the externalism, the moralism, the rigorism, the absolute procreationsim, the judgmentalism (presumptionism of selfishness, the trial of wrong intentions of couple), the possible refusal of concept of the conjugal rape, the integrism, the primary anti-rationalism.
The catholic teaching is not like that, it is more moderated, more balanced, more in favor of the liberty of decision of each couple, and of each member of couple.
For information about the theoretical providentialism
Abusing NFP
by Kathleen van Schaijik
theuniversityconcourse.com/article/1915.html