Husband thinks NFP is sinful

[Xantippe]

I showed this thread to my husband and he pointed me to the Summa Theologica.

newadvent.org/summa/5064.htm#article1

“Reply to Objection 2. The wife has no power over her husband’s body, except as is consistent with the welfare of his person, as stated above. Wherefore if she go beyond this in her demands, it is not a request for the debt, but an unjust exaction; and for this reason the husband is not bound to satisfy her.”

In other words, if a spouse is demanding the marital debt when that will cause the other spouse physical harm, this demand is not reasonable and does not need to be complied with.

 

[Xantippe]

“I love my husband but he doesn’t stop to.consider how we pay these bills. He says let them go into collections: using NFP is more harmful for us and therefore is more important than money. Meanwhile, I am the one that may have to take a second job and budget for our family. Hubs isn’t exactly stellar at budgeting.”

Don’t take this the wrong way, but your husband seems to have a lot of trouble with prudently planning for the welfare of his family. Not being able to do that is a much bigger problem than NFP.

I hope you are able to get good advice from a good priest. I don’t know where you are, but the current pastor of Gatesville, TX would be able to offer good counsel. He’s orthodox and has excellent judgment.

 

[28562]

Hi, thank you for all the responses. Without going into too much detail, I am in and out of the hospital a lot. Even with our insurance, we have about 3k or more in bills a year that is difficult to pay on our reduced salary. Hence the bankruptcy despite being faithful Dave Ramsey followers. I love my husband but he doesn’t stop to.consider how we pay these bills. He says let them go into collections: using NFP is more harmful for us and therefore is more important than money. Meanwhile, I am the one that may have to take a second job and budget for our family. Hubs isn’t exactly stellar at budgeting. In addition to everything, my pregnancies involve extreme morning sickness and hospitalization for dehydration, pre term labor and bedrest. I think with this pregnancy, and seeing how it is started worse than the others, he said it “clicked” for him that I physically and mentally struggle with everything and need a break. This doesn’t solve the perspective that NFP is a sin for him but it gives me some measure of balance. This has really taken its toll…I have been a staunch cradle Catholic all my life and firmly believe contraception is 100% wrong. This whole situation has me wanting to turn to ABC if it means getting my husband away. So not healthy. I am looking into Retrouville right now for us as well as some advice from a priest.

In addition to talking to your priest (which is an excellent idea) please consider getting him the book I suggested. He needs to learn what it really means to be a real man. Because, by what you say, he sure isn’t acting like it at all.

Rule #1=Be selfless, not selfish!!

 

[Debora123]

I can’t think of anything much more abusive and unloving than my own husband telling me I had to submit to an unlimited number of pregnancies, no matter how I felt about it. Maybe I have a unique perspective because I have miserable pregnancies that turn my family upside down. If my husband said “NO” to NFP, I would have no choice but to cut him off sexually. Is that better for the marriage than thoughtful spacing or postponing of pregnancies?

OP, your husband believes something that defies Church teaching. NFP is not sinful. Our Church has explicitly told us that it is not. Get into marital counseling with a priest or deacon right away. Your husband needs help letting go of erroneous beliefs and possibly with control issues. I will pray for you!

 

[Debora123]

No offense, but I’ve read other threads you’ve started regarding your marriage, and your husband sounds like kind of a jerk…

Things can’t stay the way they are. He needs to do a lot of changing for this marriage to be a happy/healthy one. The first step would be to somehow convince him to go with you to marriage counseling with a priest.

 

[Debora123]

In addition to talking to your priest (which is an excellent idea) please consider getting him the book I suggested.** He needs to learn what it really means to be a real man. Because, by what you say, he sure isn’t acting like it at all. **

Rule #1=Be selfless, not selfish!!

OP:

I think this is the most important reality in your marriage. He isn’t acting like a man.