Husband wants me to look good

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Irishmom2 said:
. There are lots of people that always look good no matter what age they are.
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True. But nobody looks the same at 60 as they did at 30. That’s all I’m saying.
Irishmom2 said:
Yes, everyone changes in looks as they age but his comments and yours are a bit insulting.
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How so? It’s a fact of life that people get old.
Irishmom2 said:
So they are “approaching old age.” You say it like they are unimportant or somehow their looks count for less.
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I didn’t say that. Don’t be putting words in my mouth.
 
LeonardoArruda said:
Your husband needs to know that one day you are both going to get old, and ugly, but its going to be ok becuse you love each other, your husband must love your beauty but its up to you to become more pretty or not, you dont need to look like an angel every day, romantic stuff like “putting make up to look pretty” or “buying roses and chocolate” is very healthy for the couple (but not if done too much, i would say you should have a romantic dinner every saturday or something, if its every day it gets weird).
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I don’t know how old you are or if you’re married (I guess you must be, as you have rather firm ideas about this subject), but you seem to have a really rather distorted idea about relationships, especially with regard to how you feel about your spouse’s changing appearance as you both get older. My husband and I are only in our late 30s, so hopefully you don’t consider us to be old and ugly yet! However, we’ve been married for 17 years. In fact, we were best friends since we were children and became boyfriend and girlfriend when we were teenagers. When I first fell in love with my husband, he pretty much looked like Björn Andrésen in Death in Venice, but with shorter hair. Needless to say, he doesn’t look like that now. But he isn’t getting uglier, he’s just getting older. I think it would be rather strange if I wanted to have a husband who still looked like an adolescent boy.

Why is it weird to have a romantic dinner every day? I would like to think that every dinner we have together is romantic in its own way. I wouldn’t go to the trouble of lighting candles, putting a rose in a vase, Coltrane for Lovers playing in the background… I would feel that that was a bit silly. But you don’t have to make silly gestures to be romantic. I think just cooking somebody a nice dinner is romantic in itself. Enjoying quality time to talk to each other over a meal is one of the best things you can do to maintain your relationship. In my opinion. Unlike you, I wouldn’t like to suggest that the way we do things in our marriage is the way everyone else should do things in their marriages.
LeonardoArruda said:
What i mean its when you reach your 60’s there is only so much you can do to be pretty
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Ever seen a photo of a 60-year-old Helen Mirren?
LeonardoArruda said:
when a couple are together for 40 years they should not care about eachothers appearance so much
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Really? When my husband and I have been together for 40 years, I hope I am still trying my best to look as good as possible, for myself, as much as for him. I hope he will too.
 
Oh give me a break. How is 60 is old age when SSA expects you to keep working?
The kid needs a lesson, not a break. Pointing out arrogance and generalities is doing him a favor.
 
Well, this is not only a forum for adult. People as young as 13 are allowed to be a part of it.
So yes, we are likely to be “lectured” by a teenager.

As we are also answers by non- Catholic when you want Catholic advises.

We can find that sad, but it is how the forum is.

For young people who are targeted, be prudent. Many people here are Bayboomers. So around their 60’s and would not appreciate to be called “old”.

Being old is subjective, I would personally think that the objective limits of reproductive age can be considered. We can’t be called young forever.
 
MariaTT said:
But my husband puts a great deal of store on appearances.
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Sorry your thread got derailed.

Appearance is a matter of culture, not of intrinsic worth. If in his mind your appearance is somehow in his mind bleeding over into your worth as a person, that is wrong. His inappropriate anger is wrong. In 1 Peter it specifically says that external beauty is insignificant in comparison with virtue. Given our superficial culture, these ideas can get conflated, so if he is confusing any of these issues, then it is his problem.

On the other hand, we do have a duty of charity toward our husband or wife. If your husband wants you to do something, and you can do it with a good or neutral attitude, then you should. If you have some kind of resentment about doing it, then in my opinion you shouldn’t do it, as nothing good is going to come out of that.

For him to get so upset signals that there is a deeper issue. I would ask him to tell you exactly why it bothers him so much. You should both to explore the issue deeply. You should make a serious effort to understand both his position, and to be empathetic to his feelings. And he should do the same for you.
 
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