Husband wants me to wear a chapel veil

[mdzialo]

I told my wife that she should wear one. I see that several women are wearing them in church now and I also think they look nice. Some are very nice, indeed.

My wife has great clothes, including outfits with pants. Sometimes I say, wear a dress today and she does… and why not? She doesn’t need to pray about it. Why would she?

I’ll bet if 25% of women start wearing chapel veils, all women will go out an buy one and a lot will start wearing one, too.

No tradition? Well,I don’t have any Mexican traditon but I like Mexican food, Vietnamese, Thai, etc. The tradition argument is lame. The praying about it argumnt is a rationalization.

You’re all driven by the current fashion. That’s all it amounts to.

What a bunch of chickens.

 

[Della]

I told my wife that she should wear one. I see that several women are wearing them in church now and I also think they look nice. Some are very nice, indeed.

My wife has great clothes, including outfits with pants. Sometimes I say, wear a dress today and she does… and why not? She doesn’t need to pray about it. Why would she?

I’ll bet if 25% of women start wearing chapel veils, all women will go out an buy one and a lot will start wearing one, too.

No tradition? Well,I don’t have any Mexican traditon but I like Mexican food, Vietnamese, Thai, etc. The tradition argument is lame. The praying about it argumnt is a rationalization.

You’re all driven by the current fashion. That’s all it amounts to.

What a bunch of chickens.

Since wearing a head covering is a private devotion it hardly matters what form it takes, if any. But insisting on one form over another, as if one is “holier” than another, is what is truly lame.

And btw, insulting others is a violation of forum rules. You might want to keep that in mind before calling others names for merely disagreeing with you. :tsktsk:

 

[KCT]

My wife has great clothes, including outfits with pants. Sometimes I say, wear a dress today and she does… and why not? She doesn’t need to pray about it. Why would she?

Do you actually say, “Wear a dress today” or do you say something like, “Would you mind wearing a dress today?” or “I’d love to see you in that dress I like so much.”

Just wondering. —KCT

 

[mdzialo]

I say, “Wear a dress?” Did I pass the test?

 

[PatienceAndLove]

I told my wife that she should wear one. I see that several women are wearing them in church now and I also think they look nice. Some are very nice, indeed.

My wife has great clothes, including outfits with pants. Sometimes I say, wear a dress today and she does… and why not? She doesn’t need to pray about it. Why would she?

I’ll bet if 25% of women start wearing chapel veils, all women will go out an buy one and a lot will start wearing one, too.

No tradition? Well,I don’t have any Mexican traditon but I like Mexican food, Vietnamese, Thai, etc. The tradition argument is lame. The praying about it argumnt is a rationalization.

You’re all driven by the current fashion. That’s all it amounts to.

What a bunch of chickens.

I hardly ever say this, but I am going to.
Since you are not a woman, and you cannot veil- where in the world do you get off telling us when/how to do it? And to make a private devotion a “fashion statement” completely demeans the practice and the beauty behind the reasons. I can tell you that not one woman here veils “because everyone else is” and if she does, she really needs to examine her reasons for veiling.
More than one of us has been influenced by someone wearing one, but that is because we were already discerning the devotion, and noticed that someone else was covering as well.

 

[Melchior]

I have to say I am puzzled by those who say “pray and see if God is calling you to do it”. Assuming her husband is a pious Christian man and she does not have a moral or some other reasonable objection like offending others (if so she should discuss it with her husband) then God has already spoken through His usual, ordinary means - her husband. If he loves her as Christ loves the church then she should submit to him as scripture commands. It is an opportunity for her to love and honor her husband in a Christ-like manner. The result should be an increase in his love and cherishing her and a blessing to their relationship.

It’s kind of beautiful that we don’t have to rely on subjective feelings God has given her the blessing of a family structure. The only thing she should be seeking God’s guidance for in this is if there is she should not submit to her husband for some reason, again assuming he is being a reasonable, godly man.

Mel

 

[dwc]

Let’s not feed the trolls.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

I have to say I am puzzled by those who say “pray and see if God is calling you to do it”. Assuming her husband is a pious Christian man and she does not have a moral or some other reasonable objection like offending others (if so she should discuss it with her husband) then God has already spoken through His usual ordinary means - her husband. If h loves her as Christ loves the church then she should submit to him as scripture commands.

It’s kind of beautiful that we don’t have to rely on subjective feelings God has given her the blessing of a family structure. The only thing she should be seeking God’s guidance for in this is if there is she should not submit to her husband for some reason, again assuming he is being a reasonable, godly man.

Mel

I think the praying that is being advised in further discernment of this particular devotion.
Just cause a man is told “you’d make a good priest” doesn’t mean he is called to the vocation. It’s the same way with covering.
If her husband has said something, that may be an initial “Hey” from God. But if her husband does not truly understand the reasoning behind veiling, his suggestion may just be aesthetic, rather than spiritual. And then case, she needs to discern the call herself to see if she is attracted to just the aesthetic nature of veiling, or if she “gets it” (no offense to the OP with that statement)

 

[Melchior]

I think the praying that is being advised in further discernment of this particular devotion.
Just cause a man is told “you’d make a good priest” doesn’t mean he is called to the vocation. It’s the same way with covering.
If her husband has said something, that may be an initial “Hey” from God. But if her husband does not truly understand the reasoning behind veiling, his suggestion may just be aesthetic, rather than spiritual. And then case, she needs to discern the call herself to see if she is attracted to just the aesthetic nature of veiling, or if she “gets it” (no offense to the OP with that statement)

I see what you are saying but I think St. Paul’s command to mutual love/submission should be the first consideration not the last. She is not a single woman receiving a recommendation from a male friend. She is being asked to do something by the head of her household, her very flesh in the context of the corportate body of Christ. Obviously, I don’t want to take it to far. But assuming he is not a control freak the question should really be is there a reason to not do it - because she loves her husband? Just as he should give her thougths or suggestion priority over all others, she should. Husbands are to seek opportunities to love their wives and wives are supposed to take advantage of the opportunity to honor her husband. Assuming all things are equal, this is one of those opportunities. She is not her own and neither is he.

I trust my point is being made with certain assumptions (two good, loving catholics) and not a general male dominance statement which is certainly not what I am trying to convey. Certainly if it is even something that may cause her embarrassment she should tell him and if it were me I would say then by all means do not wear one.

 

[mdzialo]

Don’t get ridiculous. Let’s say you wear a cross. Is that some kind of deep devotional statement that you need to pray about before you do it? Why is it different if you wear something on your head? It’s not like you’re all wearing burkas (now that would demonstrate modesty).

When I was a kid all women wore hats or something on their heads when they went to church. Were they making deep devotional statements that they had to pray about? When I went to the World’s Fair in 65, women without hats were clipping kleenex tissue to their heads before they went into the Vatican exhibit. Was that a deep devotional statement or just following the rules?

Hey, I dress for church, and it’s out of respect but I don’t go around praying about it even though I might look different than a lot of other folks who roll in wearing, well, basically anthing.

Once more women wear veils, a lot of women will start doing it, without all the blather.

Prayer is big. Think about that before you pray.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

Don’t get ridiculous. Let’s say you wear a cross. Is that some kind of deep devotional statement that you need to pray about before you do it? Why is it different if you wear something on your head? It’s not like you’re all wearing burkas (now that would demonstrate modesty).

When I was a kid all women wore hats or something on their heads when they went to church. Were they making deep devotional statements that they had to pray about? When I went to the World’s Fair in 65, women without hats were clipping kleenex tissue to their heads before they went into the Vatican exhibit. Was that a deep devotional statement or just following the rules?

Hey, I dress for church, and it’s out of respect but I don’t go around praying about it even though I might look different than a lot of other folks who roll in wearing, well, basically anthing.

Once more women wear veils, a lot of women will start doing it, without all the blather.

Prayer is big. Think about that before you pray.

Since that was the rule THEN yes, women were following the rules. Since there are no rules now- headcovering is considered a private devotion.

Prayer is not just for big things, small things need to be included as well. Heck, i pray everyday that my car will get me too and from school everyday without incident. I thank Jesus that I wake up every morning.

And regarding women “following”. Very few women veil because it is not a widely done practice, and many women feel that it is “submitting” to some overarching patriarchal power. So no- women are not fashion-driven sheep.

I (and I am sure other woman) don’t appreciate your condescending tone regarding this private women-only devotion.

 

[lizaanne]

I (and I am sure other woman) don’t appreciate your condescending tone regarding this private women-only devotion.

I know that I don’t appreciate it! And it’s a good thing I know better or you would hear loud and clear from me what I think about you, Mr. mdzialo. I certainly hope you treat your wife with more respect.

Chickens indeed.

~Liza

 

[RWMorris]

I know that I would wear a veil if everyone else would. Maybe I am a chicken! But I would feel uncomfortable wearing a veil since no one else in our NO parish wears one. Not that it would matter since I am the organist and am up in the choir loft for the whole service where no one can see me. Hey - maybe I SHOULD wear one up there!

 

[lizaanne]

Hey - maybe I SHOULD wear one up there!

That would be a great way to start! Get comfortable wearing one up there, and then when you go to Mass and are not behind the organ, it may just feel like second nature for you.

~Liza

 

[PatienceAndLove]

I know that I would wear a veil if everyone else would. Maybe I am a chicken! But I would feel uncomfortable wearing a veil since no one else in our NO parish wears one. Not that it would matter since I am the organist and am up in the choir loft for the whole service where no one can see me. Hey - maybe I SHOULD wear one up there!

If you feel called to do it, but feel uncomfy with what people might say, go ahead and wear it up in the loft since many people won’t see you. Another way to get into it would be to wear the veil to adoration or Rosary.

 

[stayathomemommy]

If you are uncomfortable dont submit to your husband in this manner unless you want to do his for your own reasons.

I am sorry but as part of our marriage vows we do agree to submit our husband, its not like he is asking you to sin, he is asking you to do something wonderful for God. He is respecting her and treating her as God loved his Church so she has no reason to deny him his request. Just like many of us feel called, maybe he is feeling called by the Holy Spirit to encourage you to do Gods will in your life. Our husbands are the head of our home and sometimes its amazing how God can work through them to lift us up and help us grow in faith. To deny him could be to deny God?? That is for you to pray about and discern. But submission is not an evil thing. Just look to our Holy Mother and you will see how obedience to God and our husband can be a beautiful thing!

Once last thing. When i started wearing the veil i felt many things but one of the most amazing things was seeing the way my husband looked at me when i wore it. He was so loving, i really felt the pride of our Lord shining upon me through my husbands eyes. That feeling, that respect, is really life changing…in face its been changing for our marriage too.

 

[lizaanne]

When i started wearing the veil i felt many things but one of the most amazing things was seeing the way my husband looked at me when i wore it. He was so loving, i really felt the pride of our Lord shining upon me through my husbands eyes. That feeling, that respect, is really life changing…in face its been changing for our marriage too.

I noticed the same thing with my own DH - it really is amazing.

~Liza

 

[Irish_Becca]

Since no one has addressed my point, I’ll bring it up again. Why not a nice, simple hat if you want to wear a head covering? Mantillas and chapel veils are not holier than a simple hat. I don’t understand this push for mantillas when it is not necessary nor a part of Anglo tradition. A HAT would do just as well.

I’m so sorry!!! This is a good idea. I may go look at hats today.

 

[alh5184]

I must disagree with those who say she does not have to listen to her husband if she does not have her own reason to wear it. To me part of my marriage vows was to obey my husband. That does not mean she can not talk to him about it and they can decide together whether she should wear one or not. Yes it is a matter of private devotion, but the husband is also the head of the house as Christ is head of the Church. If Christ told you to do something would you say you have the right to go pray and come to your own conclusion. Not that you could not talk to Him about it, but it is not you decision to make alone.

I say this as a married woman who must constantly remind myself that I am to be obediant. And my husband has never asked anything of me that I should not be willing to do.

alh5184

 

[CarrieH]

Since no one has addressed my point, I’ll bring it up again. Why not a nice, simple hat if you want to wear a head covering? Mantillas and chapel veils are not holier than a simple hat. I don’t understand this push for mantillas when it is not necessary nor a part of Anglo tradition. A HAT would do just as well.

Or a scarf. As I said in another thread about head-coverings, being a tall, husky woman of northern European descent, mantillas and chapel veils aren’t a part of my heritage, and I think they look odd on me. But put me in a babushka, and I look just like my “Oma.” As an added bonus, my scarves don’t draw attention in the same way that a chapel veil might, and that is nice since we don’t have a regular TLM around here. A discreet scarf makes my choice to wear it truly a private devotion.