Husband wants to move...I’m afraid to

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Promises not to move, a major undertaking that would be hard for any couple no less you, and bizarre demands and complaints.

Then for nothing more than trivial reasons, he doesn’t want to live next to your parents anymore. That didn’t work, so he quickly moves out?

These red flags raise questions.

Did you notice any changes in his phone usage before the land purchase? Did he guard it more? Were there strange times when it rang and excuses.
Could you account for most of his time away from you? Did it change?
Did he change the way he looks? Clothing, hair etc.?

I could ask more but I think you get the idea.
 
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Since we both have limited driving abilities I know he hasn’t gone anywhere or done anything. I think he’s having an early mid-life crisis or something. He keeps saying “I’m almost 40 years old…”

I also think he’s finally come to realize he’s got a God-sized hole in his soul & he needs to do something to fill it. I just don’t think he recognizes that it’s a God-sized hole as much as just a hole. He’s just unhappy.
 
BiologyBrain said:
I can ask him about baby steps, but he told me yesterday that it will be too awkward to move back in here.
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Well, hopefully he’s man enough to be able to say, “I’m sorry”/“I was wrong”/“Forgive me”/“I love you” sooner than later. And hopefully, when he does, you have the fortitude to say, “I love you, too. Come on back.” Instead of, say, something along the lines of, “Well, that was really stupid. I hope you realize how stupid that was? Because let me tell you how stupid that was…” Which is an accurate, truthful, and understandable response— but not a very constructive one. 🙂

So… he left. And he took 90% of his household goods to his mom’s house. So, that means that his mom’s aware of everything, and yours, being next door, are also probably aware. So it’s not like it’s a big secret or anything… but it’s telling that, in his quest for independence, he had to go run off to his mom for help.

So-- let a bit of time pass. Let him stew in his unhappiness, and let him discover that his quest for something independent and meaningful isn’t to be found where he’s looking. And let him reason his way through his crisis, until he reasons his way back to, “You know, I was part of a team, and I don’t like not being part of that team.”

And in the meantime, you can reread the prodigal son parable over and over and over. The prodigal ultimately went back, not because he was sorry, but because he was hungry. And even though it was embarrassing, asking for your inheritance while your dad is still alive, and then squandering the whole thing, and then going back to his face and asking if he’s got a job for you— well, a little humility is better than dying of hunger.

Perhaps your husband will come back, not because he had a realization about love and family and unity and God and his place in life, but because living in the midst of y’all’s love and support is better than sweating or freezing and hobbling around in a 22-acre field all alone. And that’s okay, too… if that’s what it takes to get his feet back on the right path.

Hugs. Let us know how things develop.
 
BiologyBrain said:
I know he hasn’t gone anywhere or done anything
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What about his smartphone/computer usage? Think back over the past six months, was there anything you can remember odd? Did his usage increase dramatically? Did he become secretive with it? Did he have it with him everywhere, including the bathroom? Did he password protect it or get annoyed if you picked it up?

Not to be a pest, but I’ve been around these kinds of mysteries/overreactions for some time now, and in the end there’s almost always someone or something empowering them.

Hey, if I’m wrong… great!
 
My prayers for you and your family.
When my husband had a major stress breakdown around your husband’s age, due to work pressures, difficulty in coping with children, and with his perfectionism, he moved out for a while too, and intended divorce. He was angry and intransigent.
He was on disability for many years and has continuing issues.
But last year we quietly celebrated 50th years of marriage.
It still privately stuns me sometimes to hear him call me darling … something I didn’t hear for many years, and silently surprises me that he is attentive in little ways … things can change for better in time if your husband allows
Continue doing what’s right, continuing praying, and he must do what he will, but please God, it will be as God wills

It’s hard though, isn’t it.
 
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Men around the age of 40 go through a lot of changes. If parents are close he may just be seeking independence and maturity.
 
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