Husband wants vasectomy

[Ana]

SueG:

If I had for one minute known ahead of time that these feelings would have surfaced, do you think I would have agreed to the surgery? If you haven’t made this mistake, I hope you’re thanking God every day that you live in the light. I’m just so very angry that I never heard a sane voice while contemplating the vasectomy.

I read your post and I see where you are coming from. The word vasectomy by word association in my mind brings me to castration, which I know is not the same thing … but what can ya do? Anyways about these thoughts coming to mind. You said “come to mind”, not that you desire them or entertain them which would be necessary to make them sinful.

It’s natural that his actions are going to have some sort of consequence on your relationship and feelings for one another. Knowing me, my temptations would probably come in the same form as yours … less of a man … etc.

Just remember that temptations are not sins. They are temptations. Bring them before God and allow him to heal the wound in your marriage resulting from your husbands vasectomy. God can bring good, even from this.

God bless!

 

[SueG]

kamz:

you hit the nail right on rayne89, that type of view of ones husband is very unkind, and my own husband is not perfect but hey, I’m not either and I would not think to use those things to describe him, no matter how hurt I was, that is pretty personal.

Kamz and Rayne89,
When your mate was sterilized, was there no resentment on your part at all?

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

My dh once considered a vas and we did talk about it. I explained that it may not make sense to him, and the medical world and society may think I’m stupid or crazy - but I want ALL of him in this marriage. I also said that he knows the Church’s teachings and my feelings about the sinfull nature and possible martial damage of this and that I would NOT participate in any way with it.

After using NFP, we felt things level out and calm down and he has never felt a need to even mention it again. As a matter of fact, he’s very big on telling every couple we know they need to have more babies! I think men go through phases just like women where they feel over-whelmed with the responsiblity of caring for their families. If you can hold out through this rough patch, your dh may have a change of heart. It’s hard to see out from where we are at sometimes though, so just try to let him give you both time to see what you think in a year or 2. Has he been this way with each child or is this recent for some reason?

I would personally feel it a sin to continue relations afterward, kind of a silent acceptance. Many women feel deep resentment, anger, frustration, and disappointment in their dh - especially when done against their wishes. Some women just bury it deep and let that part of their heart wither away from their dh. Some women are able to lock those feelings up and pretend nothing has changed. Some women can’t though, and then a marriage can fall apart.

I would recommend NFP, but you both MUST communicate and be open to God’s will for your family. This is hard. Very hard. But just take it 1 day at a time. That’s all you have to do, just 1 day.

Blessings,

 

[BibleReader]

Do you know what increased, in our society, along with use of contraceptive measures? The answer is interesting: Arguments and divorce.

 

[rayne89]

SueG:

Kamz and Rayne89,
When your mate was sterilized, was there no resentment on your part at all?

You misunderstand, my husband did not have a vasectomy -we use natural family planning.

Resentment I could understand but to refer to your husband as flaccid, wimp, unic ect I just can not phathom. This is your husband that you are supposed to love, honor and cherish.

I have been married 15 years and in those 15 years we have encounter many difficulties - gone through may painful times. But we are called to forgiveness. My husband had addiction problems and is a recovered alcoholic so trust me I practice what I preach. Viewing your husband with such distain only hurts your marriage. It is done, confess it and move on. Bitterness and anger does not please God.

 

[SueG]

rayne89:

You misunderstand, my husband did not have a vasectomy -we use natural family planning.

Resentment I could understand but to refer to your husband as flaccid, wimp, unic ect I just can not phathom. This is your husband that you are supposed to love, honor and cherish.

I have been married 15 years and in those 15 years we have encounter many difficulties - gone through may painful times. But we are called to forgiveness. My husband had addiction problems and is a recovered alcoholic so trust me I practice what I preach. Viewing your husband with such distain only hurts your marriage. It is done, confess it and move on. Bitterness and anger does not please God.

I was almost sure your hubby DIDN’T get a vas., because you could not understand my feelings. My last post was sarcasm.

As I said in an earlier post on this thread, there would have been no way I would have gone along with the surgery had I known that these feelings would creep in. I feel that this is just something you cannot understand if you’re not in my shoes. I pray often for the grace to overcome these feelings…my hubby even started talking about getting a reversal, I’m sure as an answer to my prayer.

I think in science class I once learned that there is always a REaction to every action. Well, this reaction just happens to be as foul as the original action. I don’t worry though, God has kept us together in a holy marriage thru other means. My hope now is to prevent others from making the same stupid mistake we made in the days when we consulted the nightly news and co-workers first, rather than leaving our trust at the feet of the Almighty One. :bowdown:

 

[felra]

SueG:

I was almost sure your hubby DIDN’T get a vas., because you could not understand my feelings. My last post was sarcasm.

As I said in an earlier post on this thread, there would have been no way I would have gone along with the surgery had I known that these feelings would creep in. I feel that this is just something you cannot understand if you’re not in my shoes. I pray often for the grace to overcome these feelings…my hubby even started talking about getting a reversal, I’m sure as an answer to my prayer.

I think in science class I once learned that there is always a REaction to every action. Well, this reaction just happens to be as foul as the original action. I don’t worry though, God has kept us together in a holy marriage thru other means. My hope now is to prevent others from making the same stupid mistake we made in the days when we consulted the nightly news and co-workers first, rather than leaving our trust at the feet of the Almighty One. :bowdown:

Suggestion: Pray for the grace to look at your husband redeemed and made whole in and through Christ. Continue to pray for the grace to forgive yourself and your husband, and the grace needed to work through/let go of those hurtful feelings that block your marriage from being healed and made whole in Christ. Consider renewing your marriage vows. I don’t pretend to understand your feelings, but Jesus knows them through and through.