Husband watches porn

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Please help me. I’m 24 and married to my husband for almost 6 years we have two children together I first found out his addiction in the first year of our marriage he kept a lot of porn DVDs he threw them out when I asked him about it and every year since then he never changed. My husband doesn’t want to seek help. we already have great sex life I’m a good wife and mother my husband is the top priority in my life. every time we go out he tells me “You’re beautiful already so you don’t need to put on make up” but then his search history is filled with perfect women and their naked bodies he looks at pictures of women with nice makeup and sexy clothes mostly they are naked. Yet he judges me that I wear makeup. My husband also looks at pictures of women and their down there in his phone before we make love I feel so horrible that I’m starting to think he is not into me. how can I be confident as a wife and mom? I feel like it’s too early for him to be seeking other sexual pleasure outside of our marriage when he has everything he needs with me. I am suffering from loneliness and stress help me because our marriage is not winning. Satan is winning
 
It’s no reflection on you. Many husbands, unfortunately, look at pornography, no matter how wonderful their wives may be. And I think it is an exaggeration to say that Satan is winning. It’s just human weakness. I think should should talk to him, and maybe take a gradual approach to reducing his sinful behavior. He doesn’t want to seek help, OK, but he might be willing to gradually cut back on his use of porn, for your sake.
 
Remind him that the persons in the porn are someone’s son or daughter and he is participating in that industry by purchasing such
He would not want this life for his children, correct?
It’s not a harmless addiction.
All involved suffer.
Ask him to stop inviting evil into your home.
I don’t think he realizes the reality of it.
 
His dad is a devout Christian. Is it okay to talk to him about his son’s problem? He doesn’t take me seriously.I have no Facebook or instagram because I put all my priorities to my husband and kids alone. My husband is surrounded by friends who proudly cheat on their spouses too.
 
You are relatively quite young when you get married and I would guess that your husband too.

Problem like this do occur in early years of marriage life because most people have not made the clear transition from being single to being married. Things from our single life tend to be carried over to our married life.

Thus early married life can be really unstable because of such reasons and it may take time for the marriage to be stable. Unfortunately some people are unable to successfully pass this stage, which may result the marriage to be unsustainable. Some couples do overcome such problem to move on into a matured marriage life.

I can understand how you feel, seeing your husband watching porn or other beautiful women. Hopefully he will begin to accept the fact that he already had a woman, his wife – you, which is his, for eternity. And thus to act like one.

Accepting responsibility in marriage as married people can be easier if we see marriage as a sacred covenant between the husband and wife and that it is a gift from God as a Sacrament. For that to happen, the couple need to understand and believe in this concept. In other word, a journey to holiness is required.

Have a blessed Holy Week.
 
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I think you’re downplaying the gravity of this situation. Pornography is a very serious sin which disrespects one’s spouse, the dignity of the holy sacrament of marriage, and the people in the pornographic photographs. Satan is definitely winning here. The husband is going to have to do whatever it takes to stop this. If that means getting professional help, then that’s what he needs to do. He stood before God and vowed to be faithful to his wife until death. He’s not upholding those vows by looking at pictures of naked women who are not his wife. Gradually reducing his use of pornography is not going to be enough. It needs to stop.
 
I remember learning in pre-Cana that marriage difficulties should not be discussed with family members. I would exhaust all other options before talking to his father. A neutral third party would be best - i.e. a priest or therapist.
 
I’m so very sorry to read what you’re going through in your marriage, JMJ. Please know that you’re definitely not alone as a wife in this regard. In fact, there are so many of us wives who are feeling what you are because of their husbands’ pornography use that we used to have a support group here at CAF for that very reason. Unfortunately, when they changed the format at CAF, they abolished the ability to have specific, important groups like that, and it’s left many of us wives without that wonderful support. I wouldn’t recommend your speaking to his father about it at this point. You might want to suggest to your husband that he speak to him, though. I would highly recommend that you discuss it with a Priest or Catholic/Christian marriage counselor. If your husband won’t go with you, please speak to them by yourself. The advice I was given by both a Priest and a counselor when I discovered my husband’s horrific porn use definitely helped get me through some extremely difficult days. Try to be sure your husband knows how saddened and disrespected you feel about his actions. Sometimes talking it out in as calm and gentle a way as possible can help a lot. Be sure he also knows that yes, Satan IS very happily entering your home and lives when he views such things. That is a very serious and frightening thought. Satan is definitely winning the battle for far too many souls in our society today, but we all need to try to do as much as we can to try to keep him at bay. Prayers requesting our Blessed Mother’s, St. Monica’s, and St. Michael’s intercession have also helped me tremendously in my marriage. They are very powerful allies in the battle against the evil of porn. Praying for my husband and asking St. Joseph’s intercession for him also helps both of us, I think. Please know that it’s not your fault that your husband is doing this, so try not to feel guilty. It’s his sin and the sin of many other men, unfortunately, but it is definitely a very serious sin. Anyone who says otherwise is only fooling himself. Feel free to send me a private message if you wish, and know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. May our Dear Lord bless you always and give you strength through all of this.
 
kptrs said:
I think you’re downplaying the gravity of this situation. Pornography is a very serious sin which disrespects one’s spouse, the dignity of the holy sacrament of marriage, and the people in the pornographic photographs. Satan is definitely winning here. The husband is going to have to do whatever it takes to stop this. If that means getting professional help, then that’s what he needs to do. He stood before God and vowed to be faithful to his wife until death. He’s not upholding those vows by looking at pictures of naked women who are not his wife. Gradually reducing his use of pornography is not going to be enough. It needs to stop.
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@Ron_Conte, I’ll second this; with a firsthand knowledge of the damage it does to marriage and the emotional relationship of a husband and wife. Watching porn in any degree or fashion will kill love. And it IS satanic- the evil one knows that destroying the family; destroying the sacramental love of a husband and wife will draw more people away from God and His merciful love than most anything else. Satan is real, and he works to make people believe they don’t need God.
 
Don’t complain to others that your husband won’t pick up his laundry or you are having intimate trouble, that is good idea.

When your husband is committing a serious sin, asking his dad, his godfather, to speak with him is a very smart thing.
 
I am withdrawing this comment.

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Nope nope nope. Tattling to his father could very well harm their marriage forever, along with damaging her husband’s relationship with his dad, and, if the dad has any sense at all of marital respect, he will probably think less of the wife for dragging him in.

Do not EVER report your spouse to others to try to change behavior (physical abuse aside, obv), it’s cruel and manipulative and will only make things worse.
 
@BlueEyedLadies This is what I thought originally. I have withdrawn my post where I said going to his father should be a last resort. It should not be done ever. OP, if you need help, you really need to take this to a priest or therapist. If your husband doesn’t agree to go, go by yourself. But do leave other family members out of it.
 
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Thank you all so much for your advice I won’t talk to his dad! I talked to my husband and told him how it’s hard for me to be the best wife and mother I can be when he keeps watching those videos and looking at naked pictures of women. my husband hug me, apologised and said he wants a loving happy family. We both asked for forgiveness and we prayed. My husband agreed that we will see a Christian marriage counsellor. may God bless you all. (Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
I will only add these points:

How old is he?
Is he Catholic?
Most importantly, does he make you do anything sexual that makes you feel uncomfortable or is considered sinful? The main reason I ask is that there have been TED talks on the negative effects of pornography, and they stem from the fact that people are getting into it younger and younger (including junior high school kids!) and it is affecting what young people now expect sex to be like (shocking many of the middle age and older generations). The other reason I ask is that you mentions he looks at it on his phone before the two of you make love, so that raises a red flag to me. You do not need to answer this to us, and I don’t mean to alarm you, but these are things to be watchful for.

As far as getting the father in law involved, I’d keep it as a “backup plan”, as I think families trying to solve problems “in house” can provide a support and accountability system. However, it would be good to know how his father believes about pornography - does he take it seriously? Was any guidance given to the son on this subject? The son’s attitudes may have been influenced by the father.
 
He’s 29 and he’s a born again Christian. I feel bad for asking here in this Christian it’s just that he got so comfortable with porn that he watch it while I’m doing the things he wants me to do (it’s against my Catholic faith) that’s why we’re going to marriage counselling. You know after we make love instead of thanking God for that love we shared I end up asking for forgiveness to what we’ve done. I don’t feel like a wife I feel like a cheap prostitute constantly disrespected, degraded, just an object.
 
Well I don’t know about his addiction since he doesn’t want to do anything about it. But if you like wearing make up you should. And if asks why you should tell him that make up makes YOU feel good it’s not to attract other men or something like that. But if he insists I would bring it all up - what about the women in your phone, they all look perfect (actually they are also photoshoped you know, not just make up all over their body)? I mean… what are you supposed to think? That those women are a three party invisible and immaterial?
Dunno maybe a dumb advice, I am not married. But what is wrong with being a little jealous and express it? They always say husband and wife must not have secrets from one another. What about expressing when you feel jealous and unhappy? Why should he be mad at you? He should feel happy than you love him so much.
I understand that in marriage there is no ““you and me”” but only ““us””. So it’s not like he has a porn problem and you have to treat him like if he has a broken leg and not make him feel bad about it. Maybe porn problems grow because there is no personal discussion any more about it.
I pray St. Arch. Gabriel watches over you and your marriage and opens up your husband’s heart to make him see what you are feeling and stop being such a hypocrite about makeup and all. I mean really…
 
BlueEyedLadies said:
Nope nope nope. Tattling to his father could very well harm their marriage forever, along with damaging her husband’s relationship with his dad, and, if the dad has any sense at all of marital respect, he will probably think less of the wife for dragging him in.

Do not EVER report your spouse to others to try to change behavior (physical abuse aside, obv), it’s cruel and manipulative and will only make things worse.
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Disagree completely. In fact, in the gospel it specifically tells us that we SHOULD do this if someone is unrepentant. If I was watching porn and refused to stop and my wife told this to my parents, I guarantee 100% that they would have ZERO sympathy for me. In fact, they’d both be on my case faster than you could say “marital difficulties”.

I don’t think any good Christian parent would think less of their daughter in law for bringing this up.
 
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Just understand that there are not an insignificant number of non-Catholic Christian groups who teach that masturbation is not a sin (that it is a gift from God!) and that pornography is not so bad in certain instances.

I spent my teen years in a non-denominational congregation that taught exactly that. In fact, in our classes on “Christian Marriage” they told us that sometimes pornography is good in marriage to help rev things up 😦

Saying this so you can pre-screen the counselor to make sure that they respect the Catholic moral teachings.
 
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