Husband watches porn

[Norseman82]

I spent my teen years in a non-denominational congregation that taught exactly that. In fact, in our classes on “Christian Marriage” they told us that sometimes pornography is good in marriage to help rev things up

Saying this so you can pre-screen the counselor to make sure that they respect the Catholic moral teachings.

Thanks, I was also going to mention something along those lines.

 

[Norseman82]

I feel bad for asking here in this Christian it’s just that he got so comfortable with porn that he watch it while I’m doing the things he wants me to do (it’s against my Catholic faith) that’s why we’re going to marriage counselling. You know after we make love instead of thanking God for that love we shared I end up asking for forgiveness to what we’ve done. I don’t feel like a wife I feel like a cheap prostitute constantly disrespected, degraded, just an object.

That’s what I was afraid of. I’m glad you are going to marital counseling; hopefully it is with a practicing Catholic counselor. Ultimately, you will need to stand up for yourself and tell him, “No, I will not engage in those types of acts”. If he tries to pull any guilt trips about the wife being submissive to the husband, fire back at him about how the other part of the verse is that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and ask him if Christ would do degrading things to His Church like he is doing to you.

 

[Irishmom2]

I

Ultimately, you will need to stand up for yourself and tell him, “No, I will not engage in those types of acts”. If he tries to pull any guilt trips about the wife being submissive to the husband, fire back at him about how the other part of the verse is that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and ask him if Christ would do degrading things to His Church like he is doing to you.

This.

OP, you need to set your own boundaries with your husband. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You will not engage in anything while he is watching porn. Put your foot down about porn even being in your home.

Stand up for yourself. Dress how you see fit and wear makeup if it makes you feel better.

You have given him too much power in your marriage. You need to find a healthy balance.

 

[Norseman82]

OP, someone just posted a topic about her husband’s porn use. Maybe this can help?

What has helped our marriage after I discovered my husband's porn use Family Life

Last year I discovered my husband’s porn. We always attended mass on Sundays, holy days, and often during the week. We didn’t contracept. We homeschool our children. We prayed together and were active in our church, pro life, and chastity groups. My husband was raised in a strict catholic family and his faith was always important to him as long as I had known him. We had been having problems for a few years, and I had suspected something was up. But that didn’t lessen my shock and horror at …

 

[Devastated]

Please feel free to send me a message and I will be glad to give you my email. It is such a difficult place to be. Unless you have experienced it, It is not easy to comprehend the depth of the pain. I always knew it would hurt, but I never knew how much. God bless you and your family!

 

[TheLittleLady]

We need to remember, pornography is very tempting!

It’s use was not as widespread in earlier generations because in order to access it one had go to a seedy part of town and make a purchase. You then had to find a way to hide your “stash”.

Imagine for a moment that suddenly technology developed a way for cocaine to be dispensed at a very low cost or free, in an anonymous way, any time, any where. We would see an immense increase in cocaine addiction.

I would suggest that Catholics remember the nature of sin and the Church’s teachings, while Protestant websites may be attractive and all, the teachers there do not understand the sacramental nature of marriage nor the Church’s morality wrt pornography. Just viewing the website linked above, it calls “Lustful Looking” … tacky. It is not simply “tacky”. Lust is a grave sin.

Stick to Catholic sources.

Pope Francis: Pornography is ‘A Threat to Public Health’

The article below is reprinted with permission from CNA. The original article can be found here. Pope Francis on Friday spoke about the challenges facing families, including threats to human dignity such as pornography and surrogacy. “We also talk about the scourge of pornography, which is now...

www.foryourmarriage.org

 

[Devastated]

Actually. It goes way further than just “tacky.” If you would take more than a minute, you would see so much more. Though they may not view the marriage in the full sacramental sense that Catholics do, they do view it as an institution created by God to glorify Him, not simply instituted for our earthy pleasure. They do not treat it lightly! If they did, they would not have fought so hard for their own marriage after Jason’s behavior. Believe me, if I had been able to find a Catholic resource that offered nearly as much, I would have used it. I’m sure you mean well. I don’t know how much experience you have in this subject. What I do know, is that “just praying more and going to confession” is not enough. So far, I have not found a Catholic source that addresses the entire problem with a comprehensive solution. As practicing Catholics, we were skeptical at first. My husband was actually resistant. That could have been just the fact that he had to face his problem, or it could have truly been as he said, that they weren’t catholic. But we both know that some of their views are slightly different than ours. So far it has not been an issue except with one word in one video that we thought should have been replaced with another. This is REAL help for a REAL problem. With any resource, catholic or not, we have to remember that human beings are not infallible. Over the years, I have seen plenty of catholic resources that approach certain topics differently than I believe, as an educated catholic, that these should be approached. So there is a level of discernment with any resource. As a hurting wife, I am trying to offer other women (and men)in as much pain as I am, some help and an outlet for their grief so that they can heal and move forward.

 

[Devastated]

For the record, just finding a source that calls itself catholic, doesn’t mean it is a good or reliable source for information or help. I have seen “catholic sources,” and even some wishy- washy priest, treat pornography and masturbation way lighter than the sources I have listed. I am certainly not trying to force anyone to use these sources. And I certainly don’t want to see anyone lose their catholic faith. My intent is simply to offer a source of help to other marriages in the hope that more catholic marriages and families can heal and stay together in LOVING and HOLY marriages filled with sacramental grace. If your spouse is acting out, he/she cannot continue to receive those graces!

 

[TheLittleLady]

This is the reason I linked the USCCB resource. Very reliable!

 

[TheLittleLady]

I have worked at many levels in the Catholic universe.

Intimate details of my marriage are not something I discuss in public.

 

[rcwitness]

I strongly suggest no sex until there is serious efforts made to stop.

Do this out of love! Tell him you love him and are all for reconciliation, but that until he makes strong resolutions and begins working on purity, abstain from sex.

Im a guy, who has struggles with sexual impurity and its affecting my marriage. And so im telling you what would work or me. I wish my wife would have done this, and in a very positive, supportive manner.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Withholding reasonable requests for sex from one’s valid spouse is wrong, it can even rise to the level of grave sin.

 

[rcwitness]

Withholding reasonable requests for sex from one’s valid spouse is wrong, it can even rise to the level of grave sin.

Having sex means being reconciled with one another FIRST. While there is already serious offenses between the couple, sex can and should wait until they are reconciled for.

 

[TheLittleLady]

This is your opinion.

The Catholic Teaching about refusal of the marital debt has not changed.

 

[rcwitness]

This is your opinion.

The Catholic Teaching about refusal of the marital debt has not changed.

I am open to this Teaching! Can you please show me where it is?

If a spouse is cheating on their husband/wife, does the one being cheated on still need to have sex with them when they want?

 

[TheLittleLady]

Well, we are not talking about adultery here.

Looking at porn is not adultery. Don’t muddy the waters.

The serious moral theology texts are not available online, you can begin with Casti Connubii (December 31, 1930) | PIUS XI

The most respected works, for example Moral Theology [Heribert Jone], is not available online. I’d suggest buying a copy, it goes into great detail.

To summarize, if a spouse has committed adultery the innocent spouse is justified to withhold the debt, however, it cannot be “on and off”. If, after knowledge of adultery the spouse consents to sex, they cannot then go back and still use that act of adultery as a reason.

Jone is an invaluable book to own.

 

[rcwitness]

What constitutes adultery?

And thanks, i want the book

 

[TheLittleLady]

Catechism of the Catholic Church 2380 Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations - even transient ones - they commit adultery. Christ condemns even adultery of mere desire. The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid adultery absolutely. The prophets denounce the gravity of adultery; they see it as an image of the sin of idolatry.

 

[rcwitness]

Catechism of the Catholic Church 2380 Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations - even transient ones - they commit adultery. Christ condemns even adultery of mere desire. The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid adultery absolutely. The prophets denounce the gravity of adultery; they see it as an image of the sin of idolatry.

Looking at porn is desiring those people for sex, no?

 

[TheLittleLady]

The Church has not defined pornography nor masturbation as adultery.