Husbands-- need some honest opinions about weight gain

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royal_archer said:
Some messages are wise regardless of the messenger. Both members of the marriage have an obligation to try to maintain their appearance for the bennefit of the other. Of course this needs to be a rational effort, not an extreme absolute. If either spouse is out of shape to the point of being a detriment to the marriage, then they should be making an honnest effort to get into bettershape. Granted, not everyone can be a super model or decathalon athlete but it is not to much to ask to cut out excessive junk food and exercise routinely. The intent and effort can be more important than the resulting appearance.
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Yeah I don’t listen to Dr. Laura either but she makes half a fair point. Bodies are going to change over time, no doubt. But it is our obligation to take care of them as best we can. Does that mean we’re going to be as fit and attractive at 50 as we were at 20? No. But it means should make our best effort to stay healthy and yes, attractive for our mates. The half-point Dr. Laura makes is that men are more visual than women and wives should know that and do their best to keep up that end of the bargain. And men should likewise maintain their bodies, but also recall that women are generally more emotional and attracted by action than looks… so don’t get complacent and keep being creative in winning your bride over repeatedly.
 
I’m a mostly a size 16. My husband is MORE attracted to me now than when I was a size 4-6. 😃 Some men like women with curves and “meat on their bones”, some prefer that their wife maintain a more lean and toned figure. But no husband should ever base his love for his wife on her appearance or weight. 😦 If that’s an issue, then you’ll have MAJOR issues coming as you enter your upper years. A 12-14 is a very healthy size for a woman. I believe it’s the national average! I’m actually trying to get back to a size 12-14 myself, because I was healthier then. My husband will miss the added curves in all the right places ;), but he understands I need to get a little slimmer for my health. I have no desire to get back to a 4-6. I wasn’t healthy then either. 🤷
 
OK, I’m an unmarried man, but I have to say weight gain definitely wouldn’t be a turn-off for me 😉 especially if the woman in question had gained weight through bearing many beautiful children with me - how could any man fail to love that.

I’m not talking about scary weight-gain, like becoming unhealthy and obese, but I’ve never been a fan of skinny women.🤷

Just a personal opinion.
 
My wife watches “Biggest Loser” and then has an ice cream.

The trick she inherited from her mother and GM is to push food on the husband.

“You didn’t eat nuthin’” [after a full meal]

Somehow, it makes her feel better about her weight if she can use some form of guilt trip to push food on husband. AND, if I decide to skip a meal, well … that’s like not sharing in the marriage.

Food has become a social fabric issue. And the more food the better.
 
What about when the husband gains a beer belly or adds weight in other areas??? Is the wife not owed a refund too??? 😃
 
insideitall said:
I think the issue is really how much you take care of yourself. It doesn’t matter what your measurements are as long as you’re trying your best to keep yourself healthy.

I understand being angry at adverts and models who make women, and girls especially, feel unworthy (though really, you are the one choosing to feel that way) because they are not “skinny enough” - but this does not mean that everyone who is a size whatever should actually be that size. That is an excuse for people to be lazy - just look at the percentage of people who are not just unhealthy or overweight, but obese. My coworkers, while not obese, are people who go out to eat frequently, never exercise, and then complain that they’re not happy with their weight. Uh…

There are plenty of people who in their 50’s are in better shape than when they were 25. I’ve met LOTS of women who have two, three kids and you’d NEVER know it. Don’t let getting older/having children be an excuse to slack off. Even a little bit of slacking adds up over time, and by then the slacking is an established habit that is hard to break, so it takes even longer to lose the weight. The difference between a size 6 and a size 12 is about 4 inches on the waist. That seems to be anywhere from 20-40 lbs, depending on how individuals lose weight and how tall you are.

There is also a huge difference between loving your spouse and being attracted to them. If they gain a ton of weight and are no longer attractive, does that mean you no longer love them? No - but it might mean you’re not as interested in seeing them naked. I don’t really know there’s much you can do about that… people are turned on and off by certain things. Maybe turn the lights off… you know, “everybody’s beautiful in the dark” Besides, you’re both gonna get grey and bald and wrinkly eventually anyway…:rotfl:

Maybe you can both start walking or running together, go to the gym, or work out to videos in your living room. Take up a martial art or hiking or roller skating or biking. Turn it into something you do together!

I know this thread’s a bit old, and I don’t intend to offend anyone, but I get really annoyed when people make it sound like being a small size is always a bad thing. I mean, if I was a size 6, I’d be really fat. Sorry, y’all, I can’t help it - but I bet I’m way shorter than almost all of you. We should NOT weigh the same, and just like I shouldn’t try and make you feel bad for weighing more, you shouldn’t try and make me feel bad for weighing less. Like I said before, it’s all about your individual body. Ever heard of “skinny fat”? A lot of college girls are like this - they’re thin, but they don’t work out and they drink a lot of beer, so they’re flabby and have a gut. Does that mean just because they’re a size 4 that they’re actually healthier than someone who’s a size 8, and therefore we should all hate them for being so thin? I’d rather be bigger but actually LOOK better, and therefore be healthier… in fact, those girls need to hear how unhealthy they are more than the fatter people need to hear it!

My conclusion: exercise, eat healthy, and you’ll either lose weight or at least look better because you’ll be toned. If these things really don’t help (given enough time), either you’re not doing enough because your definition of ‘exercise’ and/or ‘eat healthy’ is faulty, or you have something wrong with you, in which case you should go to a doctor and not a forum board.

Enjoy those nice summer days, y’all 😃
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Anybody who compares someone to a anorexic airbrushed model is living in a fantasy world. Those girls are either anorexic and or use to drugs to stave off their natural hunger pains. Also being so thin tends to age a person before their time. Eat right, exercise and avoid overexposure to the sun and you’ll get by all right. A nice evening stroll and a low fat diet are a good key to weight control. I do think a spouse has an obligation to stay in good health for their partner if possible but within reason. Not everyone is a triatholon athlete for example. Few of us will ever be completely buff…me included.
 
Sierrah said:
What about when the husband gains a beer belly or adds weight in other areas??? Is the wife not owed a refund too??? 😃
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every morning: UP!

DOWN!

UP!

DOWN!

ALRIGHT, NOW THE OTHER EYELID!

[frankly, i prefer the Australian pronunciation: Be-ah]
 
Wow!I just saw this thread and I’m so glad I did.

Granted, forgive me, I haven’t read the whole thread, but I just wanted to tell the OP one thing.

My husband had an affair 2 years ago. And one thing I learned is it was NOT about me or my weight. At all. Not in the least!

You must know this.

If you are feeling inferior, with our culture everywhere you look there are gorgeous women right and left, you must know, a decent man is a decent man. Period. He will never be strayed because of how we women and our weight may fluctuate. For Dr. Laura to say this is an ignorant statement, and an un-Christian statement too.

I thought when I first found out about my h’s affair, that it was ME, I gained some weight, going from a size 6 to a 10 or so post kids. Well, later I lost all the weight and was a 6 again, and it made no difference. Not one iota. Neither did my buying his favorite perfume again, that I wore when we were dating. Nothing mattered. He was crazed, adulterous and in a fog, and it had nothing to do with me! Nothing.

I know this now, but I didn’t 2 years ago. I wasted so much energy getting down on myself thinking if I only were thinner, or this or that, he would not have had his affair with a stiipper. I was wrong.

Look at all the beautiful women out there who’s hubby’s are louses and who cheat on them anyway: Donald Trump, Sandra Bullock, Christie Brinkley, etc.,m etc.m and the list goes on. And their spouses were gorgeous, talented, etc. Men can be jerks!

It is not you! Know this!

If we were a size 22, or a 2, our husbands either love us, or they don’t. If our size matters, well, they are superficial idiots.

BE positive and know God loves You, like he does me.

I hope you gained some insight from my post.😊 But it is one thing I have learned over the past 2 years since my h’s affair…
 
PS: When my h had his affair 2 years ago, he told me: “you don’t look the same like you did when we met”…well, duh neither does he…

I pointed this out to him and he shut up. He’s losing hair, beer belly, etc…He has been going through a real mid-life crisis lately, and working out constantly, taking male supplements, dyeing his hair, eating vitamins and health food, etc…I tell him it’s the soul that matters in the long run and he gets mad at me. I can tell he is afraid of death, I am not at all. I do feel it is important to keep oneself in shape, which I do, but he’s gone waaay overboard in it…

Still, we enjoy many health things together. I feel it is important to take an interest in what our spouses find important, even in later years together…it bonds us…

So…listen to your spouse…they may be right about much.

I know one thing, I will never let my hair go grey. I love being a blonde bombshell~LOL
 
Not sure if this is off topic or not, but the focus of discussion seems to be migrating slightly.

But, I’m curious when women complain that their husbands have affairs … why are some/so many women so eager to steal other women’s husbands? Not being facetious.
 
Monte_RCMS said:
Not sure if this is off topic or not, but the focus of discussion seems to be migrating slightly.

But, I’m curious when women complain that their husbands have affairs … why are some/so many women so eager to steal other women’s husbands? Not being facetious.
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I know one of my ex-friends liked to try to steal husbands, it was a sense of accomplishment for her. She got someone that shouldn’t be gotten. Plus, women are always in competition with each other, so stealing a man proves that one is better than the other.

Just to make this clear, I’m against cheating. Even though I did smile an evil smile (I stille feel bad) when country singer Garth Brooks left his skinny wife for chubby singer Trisha Yearwood. Bigger women unite!
 
i need to gain specific weight to make my husband even think of looking at me – he wants great big but perky breasts. w/o surgery, it isn’t gonna happen. but then, his skinny body could use a lot of help too, which i never noticed until he let out how he feels about my body not being ‘enough’ – i was all for marriage being a forever thing, however fat, thin, skinny, boney, built or unbuilt he or i was. now – since he has rejected me, my body, and our children and home to go find ‘greener grass’, my eyes no longer look at him as my one and only, my ideal – i have not looked at another man yet, but i no longer look at him the same loving, accepting, glorifying way i did for 24 years.
 
Your husband should love you for who you are, not what you look like. As other posters have stated, if your gaining an extra 100lbs he should say something due to your poor health habits. Gaining a few extra pounds after pregnancy isnt abnormal nor unattractive.
 
lovemyboys said:
How big of a deal is it to most men (who are fit themselves) when the wife gains weight? What if your wife was a size 6 when you dated, but after having a few kids is now more like a 12/14? Would that disgust a skinny man who doesn’t have a weight problem? In your opinion does this strain the relationship? I’ve heard Dr. Laura say that when a woman gains a lot of weight, she is breaking her end of the marriage deal. Do you agree or disagree? Also, how much does weight gain hurt physical attraction? Just want some honest opinions (I know there are no definite answers to these questions)…
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Not really; my wife was lovely even as a size 12/14, if pictures of her then are anything to go by.

Personally, it’s not a big deal to me as I don’t mind a curvy woman at all. Too much weight gain is a problem for more than just aesthetic reasons, though. But if a wife just lets herself go and doesn’t care to stay in shape because either now she’s landed a man and she’s in the clear or for whatever reason, that is problematic as well.

Both husband and wife ought to care about their health and about looking nice and attractive for each other, in a balanced and rational manner.
 
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