C
Carste
Guest
Lately, my husband has been having more and more violent outbursts and I don’t know what to do. He’s under a lot of stress at the moment because we’re not in a good way financially.
He’s decided that our best option is to give notice on the apartment we’re renting, and then he can move into a house-share his company own and I can go back to my mother’s place until we’ve “cleared our debts”. I wasn’t thrilled about the idea - I really do not get along with my mother and she lives in a tiny apartment - but I agreed to do it for a few months if it helped us out. We don’t have children, so it’d be just me.
After I agreed to it, he started adding to it with things like, “and if the arrangement works for us, we could live like that until we’ve saved X amount of money, etc, etc”. I did the maths, and realised to save X amount of money like he wants, we’d have to live like that for over 3 years.
We went to see my mother to talk to her about it, she wasn’t keen on me moving back in but she’d rather that than see me homeless. All through the course of the evening, my husband kept telling her things that weren’t true about me, and sticking his fingernail into my palm as he did so in an attempt to get me to go along with it.
The next morning, I got upset and started crying and told my husband that I’m not comfortable with the idea of living at my mother’s for 3+ years, and that I didn’t get married to move back home. My mother said to us if we were going to be apart for so long, she didn’t see us ever getting back together again…
He kept saying that we “need to do this for our future” and I kept saying “but I don’t want to!” Then he said, “well you can f*** off and I’ll divorce you then because I’ve done my best”.
Then, he flipped. He got this crazy look in his eye and before I knew it, he was shouting, punching the work-surface (we were in the kitchen) and then he picked up a cup and smashed it against the door. I tried to get out of the room, but he cornered me by the sink. He grabbed both my arms as I tried to get by, and forced me up against the sink. And then he got so close to me that his saliva was flying into my face while he shouted vile things at me.
This is maybe the 4th time in 6 months that he’s been like this. Previous occasions, he’s punched a hole in our bedroom wall, broke our wardrobe to pieces by kicking it, and there was one time he followed me down the street shouting things at me and shoving me in the back.
I don’t know what to do. Afterwards, he’s really apologetic, wants to hug, etc. He never actually says “sorry”; he just tells me I shouldn’t have made him angry.
I have health-problems and don’t work outside of the home, although I’ve offered to look for a job countless times, and everytime he’s said no. I thought it might be fun to go back to college and learn something new, but he said no to that as well.
His biggest thing is to tell me how “ungrateful” I am because he’s provided a home for me. I try to be a good wife: I make his breakfast, iron his shirts, pack his lunches. I try to keep our home clean and tidy, but I admit I sometimes struggle with that because in-between all our fights, I lose the motivation and I’ve been sick recently because the stress of this ontop of my illness has sent me spiraling down.
I do not know what to do. I don’t want to leave because I feel like that’s giving up. We had another argument last night, which continued into this morning. He called me all sorts of names and threatened to kill me (he’s always making… comments such as “I want to set you on fire”; “I want to punch you”; “I’ll kill you in your sleep”) but then he’s normal again and I sort of forget about it.
His mother keeps encouraging me to leave him (he’s physically knocked her to the ground on 3 occasions; last time, his brother had to pull him off her). She’s not spoken to him in 3 months and she says she’s worried for my safety, but for some reason I can’t seem to pull myself away because I don’t want my marriage to be over??
I just don’t understand why he’s doing this.I admit that I’m not the best, but he knew about my health-problems before we married. He turns one way, and then the next minute he’s “oh I love you and I always will and I will honor our marriage vows”.
He’s my first and only relationship. I need some outside (name removed by moderator)ut, please, because surely if I was a good wife he wouldn’t treat me like this, so that must mean I’m a bad wife…
He’s decided that our best option is to give notice on the apartment we’re renting, and then he can move into a house-share his company own and I can go back to my mother’s place until we’ve “cleared our debts”. I wasn’t thrilled about the idea - I really do not get along with my mother and she lives in a tiny apartment - but I agreed to do it for a few months if it helped us out. We don’t have children, so it’d be just me.
After I agreed to it, he started adding to it with things like, “and if the arrangement works for us, we could live like that until we’ve saved X amount of money, etc, etc”. I did the maths, and realised to save X amount of money like he wants, we’d have to live like that for over 3 years.
We went to see my mother to talk to her about it, she wasn’t keen on me moving back in but she’d rather that than see me homeless. All through the course of the evening, my husband kept telling her things that weren’t true about me, and sticking his fingernail into my palm as he did so in an attempt to get me to go along with it.
The next morning, I got upset and started crying and told my husband that I’m not comfortable with the idea of living at my mother’s for 3+ years, and that I didn’t get married to move back home. My mother said to us if we were going to be apart for so long, she didn’t see us ever getting back together again…
He kept saying that we “need to do this for our future” and I kept saying “but I don’t want to!” Then he said, “well you can f*** off and I’ll divorce you then because I’ve done my best”.
Then, he flipped. He got this crazy look in his eye and before I knew it, he was shouting, punching the work-surface (we were in the kitchen) and then he picked up a cup and smashed it against the door. I tried to get out of the room, but he cornered me by the sink. He grabbed both my arms as I tried to get by, and forced me up against the sink. And then he got so close to me that his saliva was flying into my face while he shouted vile things at me.
This is maybe the 4th time in 6 months that he’s been like this. Previous occasions, he’s punched a hole in our bedroom wall, broke our wardrobe to pieces by kicking it, and there was one time he followed me down the street shouting things at me and shoving me in the back.
I don’t know what to do. Afterwards, he’s really apologetic, wants to hug, etc. He never actually says “sorry”; he just tells me I shouldn’t have made him angry.
I have health-problems and don’t work outside of the home, although I’ve offered to look for a job countless times, and everytime he’s said no. I thought it might be fun to go back to college and learn something new, but he said no to that as well.
His biggest thing is to tell me how “ungrateful” I am because he’s provided a home for me. I try to be a good wife: I make his breakfast, iron his shirts, pack his lunches. I try to keep our home clean and tidy, but I admit I sometimes struggle with that because in-between all our fights, I lose the motivation and I’ve been sick recently because the stress of this ontop of my illness has sent me spiraling down.
I do not know what to do. I don’t want to leave because I feel like that’s giving up. We had another argument last night, which continued into this morning. He called me all sorts of names and threatened to kill me (he’s always making… comments such as “I want to set you on fire”; “I want to punch you”; “I’ll kill you in your sleep”) but then he’s normal again and I sort of forget about it.
His mother keeps encouraging me to leave him (he’s physically knocked her to the ground on 3 occasions; last time, his brother had to pull him off her). She’s not spoken to him in 3 months and she says she’s worried for my safety, but for some reason I can’t seem to pull myself away because I don’t want my marriage to be over??
I just don’t understand why he’s doing this.I admit that I’m not the best, but he knew about my health-problems before we married. He turns one way, and then the next minute he’s “oh I love you and I always will and I will honor our marriage vows”.
He’s my first and only relationship. I need some outside (name removed by moderator)ut, please, because surely if I was a good wife he wouldn’t treat me like this, so that must mean I’m a bad wife…
You have the option to go back to your mother and be safe. Take it. Now!