Husbandspeak: what does this mean?

[leonie]

Okay, one thing I do that is probably not healthy, but that I find entertaining is do house searches on the internet. I’ve posted before that I’m not very happy with my house.

I’ve been watching a house for a year. It’s gone down in price from 129,000 to 99,900. It’s got over 3,000 sq feet and 6 bedrooms, 3 baths. It has no garage or basement, but it’s 2 1/2 acres adjacent to a state forest. It’s 45 minutes from our current location, so it would add time–30 min to 45 depending on where he is working that day-- on my dh’s commute. It’s a double that would have to be fixed up. But, I live in a fixer upper, so it wouldn’t be a step down for us. It is close to a very good retreat center and a big university, so there would be lots of resources for our homeschooling.

Anyway, my dh has been like a mountain when it comes to moving–he won’t budge. But, when I showed him that the house had dropped another 10,000, he said, “do you want to go see it?”

I was dumbfounded. I asked him hopefully, “Well, what would be the point in that?”

He shrugged and said, “None, I guess.”

What does that mean? Should I make an appointment to see it, or what?

Shouldn’t I be able to understand him after 16 years? sigh.

 

[lizaanne]

Ask him?

If you don’t understand something you husband is saying - simply ask him to clarify.

~Liza

 

[dulcissima]

Is the 30 to 45 minutes in commute time each way? That seems like a lot to add on to his day. Would you really want him gone that much? Maybe it would be better not to see the house and get any more emotionally invested in it.

 

[BeeSweet]

Okay, one thing I do that is probably not healthy, but that I find entertaining is do house searches on the internet. I’ve posted before that I’m not very happy with my house.

I’ve been watching a house for a year. It’s gone down in price from 129,000 to 99,900. It’s got over 3,000 sq feet and 6 bedrooms, 3 baths. It has no garage or basement, but it’s 2 1/2 acres adjacent to a state forest. It’s 45 minutes from our current location, so it would add time–30 min to 45 depending on where he is working that day-- on my dh’s commute. It’s a double that would have to be fixed up. But, I live in a fixer upper, so it wouldn’t be a step down for us. It is close to a very good retreat center and a big university, so there would be lots of resources for our homeschooling.

Anyway, my dh has been like a mountain when it comes to moving–he won’t budge. But, when I showed him that the house had dropped another 10,000, he said, “do you want to go see it?”

I was dumbfounded. I asked him hopefully, “Well, what would be the point in that?”

He shrugged and said, “None, I guess.”

What does that mean? Should I make an appointment to see it, or what?

Shouldn’t I be able to understand him after 16 years? sigh.

Make the appointment to go see it! He asked you, “do you want to go see it?” you didn’t answer his question! Don’t take this too harshly, but your response to him was somewhat uncharitable. Of course you want to go see it! Make the call, set the appointment, and tell your husband how much you love that he’s finally “budged” just a bit! Have a nice afternoon together going to see the house, plan to eat out together. It should be a really nice afternoon even if nothing comes of getting the house. Either way, don’t miss out on the opportunity to move this mountain! Call now!!

 

[Orogeny]

He budged and you blew it.

I love my wife more than life itself, but when she does something like that, I get very frustrated. Why didn’t you just take his offer? That’s really what it was. He saw how important it is to you and he offered to take a look. Your response basically told him that you don’t believe him. Believe it or not, we husbands usually mean what we say!

Peace

Tim

 

[leonie]

He budged and you blew it.

I love my wife more than life itself, but when she does something like that, I get very frustrated. Why didn’t you just take his offer? That’s really what it was. He saw how important it is to you and he offered to take a look. Your response basically told him that you don’t believe him. Believe it or not, we husbands usually mean what we say!

Peace

Tim

I’m scared to get my hopes up.

 

[lizaanne]

I’m scared to get my hopes up.

Who knows! You might get inside and the house is a dump!

I would tell him that you would like to take him up on his offer and that you are sorry that you were sassy to him.



~Liza

 

[RichT]

He budged and you blew it.

Exactly!!!

Now for the translation… What he said was,“Do you want to go see it?”, which translated to, “I know you have been wanting to see this house, and I know you would love to move into something a little nicer. So, I’ve been thinking we should go see it, afterall the extra commute will be worth seeing you happy.” You said, “Well, what would be the point in that?”, which translated to “I’m not interested anymore.”, thereby letting him off the hook.

BTW, He is now fully expecting you to make the appointment anyway, so hurry and make that call!!!

 

[catechumen08]

Anyway, my dh has been like a mountain when it comes to moving–he won’t budge. But, when I showed him that the house had dropped another 10,000, he said, “do you want to go see it?”

I was dumbfounded. I asked him hopefully, “Well, what would be the point in that?”

He shrugged and said, “None, I guess.”

What does that mean? Should I make an appointment to see it, or what?

Shouldn’t I be able to understand him after 16 years? sigh.

Oh boy! Am I hearing this right? Women don’t understand men? Haha, just kidding. I guess guys can be confusing at times, too.

Anyway, it sounds to me like your husband is looking for a deal on the house, if he’s ever going to move. If I were him, I’d be asking the question - why does the price of that house keep going down? Why hasn’t it been snatched up already, if it’s such a good deal? I think by actually going there to see it, you may have that question answered. He said what he said to not get your hopes up.

Based on my own experience, moving is a big hassle. So unless it’s a very good reason, personally, I wouldn’t want to move. I think it’s something you’d want to really talk to your husband about. Maybe even try a little reverse psychology!

Actually, forget everything I said. As a guy, I really shouldn’t be helping women to get the better of one of my brethen!!!

 

[Orogeny]

I’m scared to get my hopes up.

Well, then, don’t ask him any more.

My advice, for what it’s worth, is to try again. It’s probably not too late, but in the future, remember that if he makes a concession to you, don’t question his motives. Assume he either means it.

Peace

Tim

 

[gardenswithkids]

… If I were him, I’d be asking the question - why does the price of that house keep going down? Why hasn’t it been snatched up already, if it’s such a good deal?

Maybe because any guy who wants to live on a few acres also wants a garage. Leonie, if you really want the house, you may need to also need to factor in the cost of constructing a garage to convince your husband to move. When my husband went out of state to explore a job transfer and also looked at houses, he sent me lots of photos over the internet of one house’s garage, but not a single picture of the kitchen.

 

[BeeSweet]

he sent me lots of photos over the internet of one house’s garage, but not a single picture of the kitchen.

Oh! That’s great! I love that! My husband would send me pics of the yard!!
How funny!

 

[catechumen08]

Maybe because any guy who wants to live on a few acres also wants a garage. Leonie, if you really want the house, you may need to also need to factor in the cost of constructing a garage to convince your husband to move. When my husband went out of state to explore a job transfer and also looked at houses, he sent me lots of photos over the internet of one house’s garage, but not a single picture of the kitchen.

Oh! That’s great! I love that! My husband would send me pics of the yard!!
How funny!

Guys will be guys. Resistance is futile.

 

[leonie]

Maybe because any guy who wants to live on a few acres also wants a garage. Leonie, if you really want the house, you may need to also need to factor in the cost of constructing a garage to convince your husband to move. When my husband went out of state to explore a job transfer and also looked at houses, he sent me lots of photos over the internet of one house’s garage, but not a single picture of the kitchen.

Well, we don’t have a garage now.

 

[villagefish]

Don’t ask for clarification. I do this to my wife all the time. If you arrange everything to go and look at the house, he’ll go with you, but his feelings about moving will remain ambivalent until after he sees the new place.

 

[leonie]

It really surprised me to hear him say that–but, I don’t really believe he intends to move. So, I don’t understand why he would say it.

If he was serious, he would be fixing up the house for sale. He’d be talking to relatives to check if they wanted to buy the house before we put it on the market. I know that sounds weird, but we live adjacent to all his family on road frontage of the much reduced family farm. So it would be undiplomatic to sale without consulting the neighbors/inlaws.

Why suggest going to see it when there’s no hope of ever escaping this place. I don’t believe he is serious.

I don’t understand how he can see how miserable I am–how many times I told him-- and do nothing to either make this situation better by improving this house or working towards moving to a better environment.

I feel like I have no power and no say. I didn’t want to move here, but he convinced by telling me it would be for three years tops. That was nine years ago.

I feel trapped. trapped. trapped.

Anyway, I can see how silly this thread is. never mind.

 

[leonie]

Don’t ask for clarification. I do this to my wife all the time. If you arrange everything to go and look at the house, he’ll go with you, but his feelings about moving will remain ambivalent until after he sees the new place.

Really?

Maybe it would resolve my desires, too.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Well, we don’t have a garage now.

Then a garage may likely already be on his wish list.

 

[Catholig]

Okay, one thing I do that is probably not healthy, but that I find entertaining is do house searches on the internet. I’ve posted before that I’m not very happy with my house.

I’ve been watching a house for a year. It’s gone down in price from 129,000 to 99,900. It’s got over 3,000 sq feet and 6 bedrooms, 3 baths. It has no garage or basement, but it’s 2 1/2 acres adjacent to a state forest. It’s 45 minutes from our current location, so it would add time–30 min to 45 depending on where he is working that day-- on my dh’s commute. It’s a double that would have to be fixed up. But, I live in a fixer upper, so it wouldn’t be a step down for us. It is close to a very good retreat center and a big university, so there would be lots of resources for our homeschooling.

Anyway, my dh has been like a mountain when it comes to moving–he won’t budge. But, when I showed him that the house had dropped another 10,000, he said, “do you want to go see it?”

I was dumbfounded. I asked him hopefully, “Well, what would be the point in that?”

He shrugged and said, “None, I guess.”

What does that mean? Should I make an appointment to see it, or what?

Shouldn’t I be able to understand him after 16 years? sigh.

Near a national forest? Just imagine the Children playing in that.

Argument at school:

J: Let’s have the party at my house. It has a swimming pool!
M: My swimming pool is bigger!
J: But you don’t have a water slide! I do!
Your kid: Well I don’t know about water slides or swimming pools but I live near a forest and I have 2 1/2 acres of back yard.

Catholig

 

[leonie]

Near a national forest? Just imagine the Children playing in that.

Argument at school:

J: Let’s have the party at my house. It has a swimming pool!
M: My swimming pool is bigger!
J: But you don’t have a water slide! I do!
Your kid: Well I don’t know about water slides or swimming pools but I live near a forest and I have 2 1/2 acres of back yard.

Catholig

I know. It sounds so wonderful. My dh likes to hunt, too. He could just step into the back yard.