hygiene help!

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splender

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This is rather sensitive, but yay for relative web anonymity…
I’m recently married and my husband, used to living the bachelor life I guess, has refused to change some of his hygiene habits now that we’re living together. He says his family and everyone he knows only bathes every other day and that that is the standard… but I say, that if I can tell you haven’t bathed, then you need to take a shower. I don’t like being turned off by my husband’s sweaty b/o and greasy hair, so I asked him to please brush his teeth and shower before coming to bed and he is really offended by this. He thinks I’m rude for asking, but isn’t it even more rude to climb into bed and expect to be cuddled when you haven’t bathed?? :confused:
 
OK, I’d be turned off by greasy hair and B.O. but not everyone needs a daily shower. It depends on what your work is, how much you sweat, etc. A sponge bath may be all that is necessary.

Now, not washing at all…yuck! Not brushing your teeth??? Bleeech!

No brushin’ = no kissin’ !
 
this is largely a cultural thing, but the only person he has to please is you, not his family, and if you request it he should comply. For many people those body smells enhance rather than dampen desire, but the husband’s first duty is to please his wife.
 
Well first welcome to the Forums.

Rude to ask? How was he when y’all were dating? I bet he showered and shaved then. I’d asked why it’s so hard. Don’t have time? Too cheap? Or just too lazy?

Tell him he ain’t gotta shower, shave, brush his teeth use deodrant the first time, but if he doesn’t, gonna be on the couch. Choice is his. Personally, I can’t sleep without a shower.
 
My ex-son-in-law did not brush his teeth. It was pathetic. And he was raised in the US (Pennsylvania), from a family of German background that had been in the US since at least the 1700s. He had no excuses, except that he did not like toothpaste. I suggested baking soda/ He didn’t like that, either. I suggested salt. No go.

Dentists recommend we brush our teeth at least twice a day with fluoride toothpaste. Here’s the module for children in schools.

I would be hooting and hollering about the teeth. Unless you live in hte forzen wasteland somewhere, I would be complaining about the bathing, too. It is not that big a deal to spend some time in the shower, even 3 minutes of wet, soap up, then rinse (sea shower). . .
 
My husband had a lot of hygiene problems when we were first dating. He never used deodorant (but used body spray as a cover-up of BO), he was always very sweaty and smelly and it was just gross. It was SO HARD for me to tell him nicely that I thought he should try using a different deodorant. I told him “my favorite scent is men’s old spice deodorant”. He went out and bought it that same day. He’s been using the same kind now for 4 years and with gentle suggestions, his hygiene has greatly improved (though there are weekends he won’t take a shower for three days!).

I’d tell him that you love him no matter what he smells like, but that you put out your best efforts to be clean and smelling nice for him, and that you would love it if he would put out more effort to smell nice for you. He’ll soon get into the habit of showering and brushing teeth before bed.
 
I guess I have to go back to the dating phase also. Did he have problems in this area? Greasy hair?

Good luck to you in getting him to understand and comply with your VERY reasonable request. I hope he takes your nudges to heart and upgrades his “standards”.
 
Why don’t you not shower for a few days, not shave your legs or brush your teeth and see how he likes it! I bet he says something to you!
 
happymommy said:
Why don’t you not shower for a few days, not shave your legs or brush your teeth and see how he likes it! I bet he says something to you!
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Is this going to turn into a competition to see who can “out gross” the other? 🙂
 
SarahR said:
Is this going to turn into a competition to see who can “out gross” the other? 🙂
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No, but maybe if he sees her not taking care of herself, he will realize what he is doing. Sometimes you need to go for the shock factor! Don’t shave for a month and see what he thinks…
 
I think that maybe having him read this post might help. He can tell that complete strangers believe his hygiene standards are subpar and that he needs to improve.

You could also subtly invite him into the shower with you everyday. 👍

And I agree with Bama. If he didn’t shower, there would be no way he was climbing into my bed. If he refused to comply with that one, I’d be the one on the couch.
 
I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around how a guy who does not shower, brush his teeth or wash his hair got a second DATE.
 
kage_ar said:
I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around how a guy who does not shower, brush his teeth or wash his hair got a second DATE.
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I was wondering that myself, but all I kept coming up with is, he has a great personality.
 
happymommy said:
No, but maybe if he sees her not taking care of herself, he will realize what he is doing. Sometimes you need to go for the shock factor! Don’t shave for a month and see what he thinks…
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If his family didn’t bathe daily, what odds that mom & sis not shaving is the norm too?

FWIW, DH couldn’t care less if I ever shaved my legs so that would have no effect.

Women shaving their legs and armpits is again a cultural thing. Some cultures don’t have the aversion to hairy female armpits that we North Americans do.
 
Maybe he can’t smell? My mother has no sense of smell. When I was a teen, she would take my clothes out of the laundry and put them back in my room if they didn’t seem dirty.Does he know he stinks? Maybe he thinks his pheremones are really turning you on - and he doesn’t know some pheremones are just plain nasty :ehh:

Like Chronister said - invite him to the shower. Make it worth his while as he’s in there - and he may be begging you to shower 2-3 times per day 😃
 
Phemie said:
If his family didn’t bathe daily, what odds that mom & sis not shaving is the norm too?

FWIW, DH couldn’t care less if I ever shaved my legs so that would have no effect.

Women shaving their legs and armpits is again a cultural thing. Some cultures don’t have the aversion to hairy female armpits that we North Americans do.
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Not eveyone has to bathe everyday, but brushing their teeth, yuck. I just thought if maybe he saw how icky it was, her not bathing and brushing her teeth, then maybe it would get him thinking about what he needs to be doing. Maybe he would change. But like you said, if his family was like that too, would he even notice… I don’t know…:confused:
 
Alright - now, there are some days I don’t bath but I also don’t create much odor so not a problem with that. I also only wash my hair no more than twice a week!

I also can not use any toothpastes - they all bother my mouth but I do use baking soda! Can’t to fluoride treatments at the dentists either - the last time I did my mouth was raw for three days after! Now, if someone can’t tolerate toothpaste and neither baking soda nor salt will work then just plain water is better than nothing!

Now the problem arises if others can tell you have not bathed. Guys tend to create more odors than women for some odd reason and brushing your teeth should go without saying!

Brenda V.
 
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