Hypothetical Question

[erigby27]

Forgive me if this has already been addressed, I wouldn’t know how to word a search for the topic to find if it has or not.

If someone has been in an extremely long term homosexual relationship, and has children in the relationship (adopted or otherwise), what happens if one of the parties repents? Obviously, the repentant party will leave the relationship. But what becomes of the child? Does the repentant party cut off ties, leaving the child at the mercy of the other, unrepentant party? Or does the repentant party seek “joint custody” of the child, in which case he or she will be perpetuating the problematic parenting situation (and even worsening it). It seems doubtful that, in today’s society, the repentant party would be able to win sole custody. And, even if he or she could, it seems uncharitable to the other party (to the extent that it would certainly not encourage that person to repent as well).

I realize that same sex parenting is contrary to natural law and reason, and deprives a child of a mother and father. But obviously two people who adopt a child will develop (albeit deficient) parent-child bonds with the child. To them, that child will be their child, and to the child, those two people will be his or her parents. So do you rip the parent away from the child?

This situation keeps popping up in my head as a potential dilemma, and it is driving me insane. What is the right thing to do in this circumstance?? Someone help!

 

[Newbie2]

Morally speaking, it would be best for the child to go with the partner who “repented”, which I take to mean saw the error of his or her ways and “went straight” or “went celebate”, unless there was a compelling reason not to do so i.e. they were to be abusive and neglectful although “repentant”.

Legally speaking could be an entirely different matter, depending on who the biological parent is, and my guess is that in most cases the other partner was out of luck…unless the state happened to recognize “marriage” between the two, then it becomes, I would think, the same in the eyes of the law as two hetersexual married partners fighting over custody where one is the biological parent and the other is not.

Of course in such homosexual relationships many times the kid(s) are adopted jointly, I would think, so legally they would seem to be on a level playing field in their fight for custody.

Any family practice lawyers out there in CAF land who practice in states where there is “legal same-sex marriage”? They would probably have a good idea of what happens in such situations…legally speaking.

 

[Teresa_Lee]

It’s not much help, I know. But I believe God has the answers to this one. People who repent need to storm the gates of Heaven for the children who are affected by their actions. They need to ask for the miracles that will protect the children and help them love God above all else.

God never turns His back on children, and when we pray to Him with an honest heart that only seeks His will for the children, He will answer on their behalf. He will make decisions that allow those children to be exposed to His truths and goodness.

It’s a tough situation, but nothing is impossible with God.

Teresa
(aka: M. J. - please check out my Catholic Catechism blog )

 

[erigby27]

It’s not much help, I know. But I believe God has the answers to this one. People who repent need to storm the gates of Heaven for the children who are affected by their actions. They need to ask for the miracles that will protect the children and help them love God above all else.

God never turns His back on children, and when we pray to Him with an honest heart that only seeks His will for the children, He will answer on their behalf. He will make decisions that allow those children to be exposed to His truths and goodness.

It’s a tough situation, but nothing is impossible with God.

Teresa
(aka: M. J. - please check out my Catholic Catechism blog )

It is true that in an eternal sense, God does not turn His back on children, but that doesn’t meant that they don’t suffer here on earth.

What I would love to know is what is the morally correct decision for the repentant individual to make? If both people in the relationship adopted the child, it seems unlikely that one individual could get sole custody, especially in our current system. It seems like the most practical decision would be to have joint custody, but, as I said, this perpetuates the problematic parenting situation. Jimmy still grows up with two daddies or two mommies, which is problematic.

 

[camerong]

It is true that in an eternal sense, God does not turn His back on children, but that doesn’t meant that they don’t suffer here on earth.

What I would love to know is what is the morally correct decision for the repentant individual to make? If both people in the relationship adopted the child, it seems unlikely that one individual could get sole custody, especially in our current system. It seems like the most practical decision would be to have joint custody, but, as I said, this perpetuates the problematic parenting situation. Jimmy still grows up with two daddies or two mommies, which is problematic.

I don’t see that it is clear that the repentant individual must leave the relationship. If they live chastely, they no longer live in sin. Regarding the children–perhaps it depends upon how old they are? If the child is 15, then having the child grow up with a mother and father is impossible, and removing a parent figure is likely to be quite traumatic. While it is against the Church’s teaching for a homosexual couple to adopt, it is not as clear that once such a couple does adopt, they must tear apart what the child has come to see as a family. Is one parent better than two chaste homosexual parents, who have already become the child’s parent? I’m not convinced. There might be some analogy to a vasectomy here. Obtaining a vasectomy is a grave sin; but if one who has obtained a vasectomy repents, he is not required to undergo a reversal.

So it seems the solution *could be * merely have the parents live chastely.

 

[Vico]

I don’t see that it is clear that the repentant individual must leave the relationship. If they live chastely, they no longer live in sin. Regarding the children–perhaps it depends upon how old they are? If the child is 15, then having the child grow up with a mother and father is impossible, and removing a parent figure is likely to be quite traumatic. While it is against the Church’s teaching for a homosexual couple to adopt, it is not as clear that once such a couple does adopt, they must tear apart what the child has come to see as a family. Is one parent better than two chaste homosexual parents, who have already become the child’s parent? I’m not convinced. There might be some analogy to a vasectomy here. Obtaining a vasectomy is a grave sin; but if one who has obtained a vasectomy repents, he is not required to undergo a reversal.

So it seems the solution *could be *merely have the parents live chastely.

You could use the the example of a civily married heterosexual couple, with at least one baptized Catholic, with children, that live together, but with invalid marriage, due to lack of form, which might be a first or later marriage. This presents several potential sins:

1 attempting marriage without Catholic Church approval
2 the scandal for attempting marriage without Catholic Church approval
3 the scandal of living in this situation of sexual temptation
4 the fornication of any sexual relations
5 the scandal of any fornication
6 the scandal of receiving communion if anybody knows of the situation

In the above, the scandal is given to each other, or those that are young or weak, as some will not be scandalized, and scandal can be given, even by the appearance of sin in something that is not even sinful (like having alcohol around a known alcoholic).