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CapitalistCatholic
Guest
If you’ve found a woman who makes you happy, hold onto her. You won’t find another one like her.
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adgloriam
Guest
Hey @Lea101, look closely. The OP said they are BOTH devout catholic. And the OP also said HE’s the one that asked her out.
Now those are 2 ton factors to weigh in !! I’ve seen lots of lovely lady’s (and man) that simply got to that age without almost dating. In some countries that would actually be quite normal.
She’s probably wondering why the Holy Spirit moved his spirit towards her.
With empty hands I’ll tell you: THEY ARE CATHOLIC. I’m nearly 40 now, and only now am I starting to realize the beauty of freedom, and the sublime doctrine on freedom. - Talking about manipulation: did you notice the “social construct preconceptions” that swamped this thread? Attempting to sway this man away from his freedom towards someone else’s prejudice?? Psycho-sociology, in the sociological sense of symbolic violence.
God bless doctor @Lea101.
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englands123
Guest
At twenty we are to young to understand what true love is.
Love is many things.
Even a pet can be loved but is that real love ? No of course it’s not.
Love cannot not be defined it’s felt deeply within a person. Do not confuse lust and love.
Good luck which ever way you go Sir.
Love is many things.
Even a pet can be loved but is that real love ? No of course it’s not.
Love cannot not be defined it’s felt deeply within a person. Do not confuse lust and love.
Good luck which ever way you go Sir.
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Mary888
Guest
Just date her and my bet is that you will see why this is not such a great idea from a few dates. I had problem alining with dating men 5 year my seniors just because there are different interests, music, movie preferences, a whole bunch of things in this quickly changing world. A whole different perspective on life.
She is bored by things you still find exciting. Maybe she is right on it but sometimes you just need to go bad and believe the wrong thing and find out the truth is elsewhere by yourself.
People may flame me here but I also believe that HER being a senior is a bigger problem because we usually mature faster than men, so then we age faster than men. We just burn faster. So just date her and see for yourself.
She is bored by things you still find exciting. Maybe she is right on it but sometimes you just need to go bad and believe the wrong thing and find out the truth is elsewhere by yourself.
People may flame me here but I also believe that HER being a senior is a bigger problem because we usually mature faster than men, so then we age faster than men. We just burn faster. So just date her and see for yourself.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
As long as you are both going in eyes wide open. Realize that 25 years from now, you will be middle aged, she will be retired and stepping into her elderly years.
Realize that if you do have children that she may not have the energy to deal with teens and a lot of that will fall on you.
Your points of reference will be different.
Now, my sister married a much younger man and they are happy as clams. She and I are both kind of non-conformists so she does not dress like other 50 year old women.
The one thing that they have found is difficult, friends. After many years it is still kindof the two of them without many shared close friends.
Realize that if you do have children that she may not have the energy to deal with teens and a lot of that will fall on you.
Your points of reference will be different.
Now, my sister married a much younger man and they are happy as clams. She and I are both kind of non-conformists so she does not dress like other 50 year old women.
The one thing that they have found is difficult, friends. After many years it is still kindof the two of them without many shared close friends.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Wow, that is a bit of prognostication.
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VanitasVanitatum
Guest
This isn’t going to stop someone.
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Lea101
Guest
Ok. So? If your point is that single devout Catholics cannot be manipulative, I don’t think it’s an excellent rebuttal. I know devout Catholic women who latch onto any man who ask them out because they’re old and they fear they would never have kids. And young Catholic men who are attracted to older women because of unresolved issues. They’re not bad people but they’re misguided. And they’re some who are just normal. That’s for him to discern with trusted adults in his life.
It can be the holy spirit, it can be hormones. I thought the holy spirit was guiding me to a bunch of stuff. Maybe it did, but it could very much be because God wanted me to learn a lesson. Again, not a foolproof argument that it’ll work.
Uncharitable of you. People here are trying to give advice to a man who decided to tell us about his situation.
I’m not even saying it will never ever work out because she’s the devil…but be prudent geez. There’s a reason this sort of relationships aren’t common place.
Extremely immature of you. I expected much from you, yikes.
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adgloriam
Guest
I’m reminded of Fulton Sheen and John Hardon and how they placed Christ in the center of the relationship as the drawing point and gravitation center of love.
Personally, @Mary888, both academically and philosophically I’ve felt displaced from most of society for the better part of my life - I detest the dehumanizing work ethic/culture of my peers. But then understanding what being Catholic actually is, and revisiting anthropology and love in a catholic perspective, I’ve found how admirable Persons really are…When even illiterate girls had endless layers of depth and complexity, and the interests at play in a relationship are friendship, attraction, and charity. Most other things equating to sympathy/antipathy we can suppose at the outset of attraction a healthy dose of mutual draw is already based on something other than culture, and no cultural shared interest could ever outweigh the inherit richness that makes a person, a person.
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Lea101
Guest
Lol, probably sound advice. Date and get to know her. Go and get help and advice once you feel like marriage will be a reality with this woman.
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adgloriam
Guest
I appreciate it @Lea101
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Le_Crouton
Guest
Why do you want to date a woman who is double your age? What’s wrong with girls your age?
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CTBcin
Guest
Relationships with an age difference can work out. However, there’s a lot of possible setbacks to consider. There are possible differences in maturity levels, also the issue of having children comes into play. Age gaps can work, although 22 yrs is quite considerable. As you get older, it will become more pronounced. When you’re 28, she’ll be 50! This could pose unique problems later down the road.
There is also the question of what her intentions are. Are they good and holy? Maybe, maybe not. Nobody here has familiarity with your situation, so we can’t speak to that point. But if she’s a devout practicing Catholic as you say, that is a good sign.
My gut tells me that a priest would be okay with the age gap if he perceives that you are both mature and desiring marriage for honorable and holy reasons.
I’m not telling you to pursue this or not to pursue this. You have to pray about and discern these things and figure out where you’re being called.
There is also the question of what her intentions are. Are they good and holy? Maybe, maybe not. Nobody here has familiarity with your situation, so we can’t speak to that point. But if she’s a devout practicing Catholic as you say, that is a good sign.
My gut tells me that a priest would be okay with the age gap if he perceives that you are both mature and desiring marriage for honorable and holy reasons.
I’m not telling you to pursue this or not to pursue this. You have to pray about and discern these things and figure out where you’re being called.
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Lea101
Guest
From a young woman’s perspective? Most of the answers are already mentioned below.
Power dynamics can be different. This is a little shallow obviously, but different expectations can lead to a load of resentment. Some guys may want to lead a woman in their marriage, and a huge age difference can affect this. Or, the guy may not even care since he’s going after an older woman. But the woman may eventually expect a guy who’s going to be more mature than her. This isn’t anything to cry over since you’ll get an idea soon into the relationship.
Differences in maturity can be jarring too. I don’t know you personally, but the average 20 year old woman/man in 2019 have some growing up to do. It will be unfair if she expects you to think like her. And it’s unfair for her if you expect her to see the world in the same way as a young woman.
Putting that aside (i cant help myself)…
What’s the background? Did you know her enough before asking her out? Did you randomly approach her? Did she taught you in catechism classes years ago? Family friend?
What about you? Why do you like her?
Don’t have to answer here, it’s personal and you should really discuss this with trusted adults. Adults like 30s and up. A priest too. Not your possibly psyched 20 year old guy friends.
I know there’s a reason why you didn’t ask for advice, but there’s also a reason why people are asking and giving you such comments.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
Don’t you find this line of questioning to be at best nosy and at worst rude?
He did not ask for an interrogation.
If I were the OP I would tell you this is none of your business, as it is not necessary for you to know all this to respond to his question.
“Did you know her enough before asking her out”…um, asking someone out is in order to get to know them. You don’t need to know someone very well to ask for a date. It’s a date, not an arranged betrothal.
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Lea101
Guest
Dear Bear, I have literally said in my post
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Wow.
This young man has asked a lady for a date, she has agreed. They have not run off to Vegas on a drunken spree.
20 years old is an adult. The Church recognizes that those much younger than 20 can enter a valid marriage (not that these folks are getting married tomorrow).
Tis_Bearself
Patron
If you realize this is something he might not want to answer, the more charitable thing is not to ask.
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Lea101
Guest
Again, wasn’t asking him to answer to me. That’s too personal. It was for him to discern offline. As I have already said. Are we really that over sensitised?
Have I implied otherwise?
Ok. So? Who’s saying he can’t get married? Are you saying if a 16 year old girl were to tell you that she’s in love with a 32 year old man and that it’s legal in her state (in our culture), you wouldn’t feel worried? No questions asked? I believe I’m saying that this is a strange situation, and that he would have to discern. I’ve even said that he should go out with her and seek advice once he really wants marriage with her.
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Tis_Bearself
Patron
Several of us have posted that it is not a particularly “strange” situation and happens reasonably often.
It may seem “strange” to those who have not experienced it or seen it. Perhaps you need to expand your view on life rather than become defensive.
It may seem “strange” to those who have not experienced it or seen it. Perhaps you need to expand your view on life rather than become defensive.
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