I’m 20 she’s 42

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Sorry, I should have had my sarcasm font on, but ya…I’m not sure what else someone in their early to mid 40’s would want out of dating someone 2 years removed from high school. 39 and 17, 40 and 18, 41 and 19…where’s the cut off?

I’m not sure how you can say that. I’d have no interest in someone who’s 20. I wouldn’t see her as “perfectly acceptable” We’d have little to no commonality based on age gap alone…I could be her parent… I don’t see what doesn’t “hold scaffolding”.
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I’m sure it is, but if you can’t see the difference between the maturity level of a 42 year old woman and 20 year old guy (dare I say boy)…then IDK.

You honestly think there are plenty of parents that would be A-okay with their 20 year old bringing home someone who’s 42? I think that’s a statement with “no scaffolding”🤷‍♂️
 
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I used to before the forum change, so not sure why it isn’t there anymore.

Not sure why it would matter in this case though…?
 
I’m just a silly little Protestant, but I see no problem with it. You are both grown up adults. Any member of clergy who would refuse to join you two in holy matrimony isn’t worthy of that position.
 
Ya, they may both be adults…but I don’t see 20 as anywhere near “grown up”.

I guess YMMV…
 
Yep…I was in the military for 8 years, left for basic about 2 1/2 months before my 19th birthday.

I was an adult, but far from grown up
 
If that’s what you call someone who doesn’t subscribe to belief that just because someone has reached a milestone birthday they have now automatically reached a new level of maturity, like leveling up in a video game (which is what I and the other poster was discussing)…then I guess ya, you caught me, you caught the tater.
 
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  1. Depends
  2. No.
    Quite honestly, I prefer older women (I am 31). Worry more about your maturity level, because, if I recall correctly, that may be an impediment for a priest wanting to go through with marriage (not saying you’re immature, but keep in mind, you’re a lot closer to being a teenager than she is)
 
TC3033 said:
If that’s what you call someone who doesn’t subscribe to belief that just because someone has reached a milestone birthday they have now automatically reached a new level of maturity, like leveling up in a video game (which is what I and the other poster was discussing)…then I guess ya, you caught me, you caught the tater.
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I don’t subscribe to that view either, but then neither do I subscribe t o the view that just because someone has reached a milestone birthday they have now automatically become incompatible with people who are significantly younger or older.

One example - I know 20-somethings who hate modern music and prefer to listen to what was popular in the 70s. And I know 50-somethings who are as obsessed with modern technology as any high-school geek. Why do you think it impossible that a 20-something and a 50-something can build a real bond including a shared love, for example, of the music of Queen and those video games you mention?
 
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I asked the question in post 205, so far you are the only person who would feel differently on this. I do not think plenty of parents would support such a relationship, I think the vast majority of parents would advice against it, most of them rather strongly.
 
You’re going to deep here. Of course people of different ages can share some of the same likes. I’m sure I could walk onto any area college campus and find a sophomore who could have a similar like as myself in fitness, sports or music. To date myself let’s say a shared love of the backstreet boys and the greatest video game created, NHL '94.

That would hardly be anything to anchor a dating relationship, especially one with a 2 decade age gap with a lot of maturing and growing up to be done by one party.

I’m with @tafan2 here. If my 20 year old son brought home a 42 year old woman (I would be 49) I’d be advising against it…and might even ask both of them what the heck they’re thinking. I guess that’s just my .02
 
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That’s what me and other poster guy were talking about when you jumped into the conversation…

😉

That’s not presumptuous at all, it is what it is.

Again, as a parent if my 20 year old son brought home a woman only 7 years younger than I (at 49) I would wonder what the heck both of them are thinking. I’d advise him against it, no matter how “awesome” she is. He has years of growing, maturing, figuring out what he wants and life development ahead…I don’t see how dating someone in their 40’s would be a remotely good idea, for both the present and future.

It’s not being presumptuous, blanket statments, etc… It’s being a parent with about 30 more years of life experience than said 20 year old…¯_(ツ)_/¯
 
There are (even) worse ideas department, continued …

My earlier recounting of (comic and serious) Hollywood examples per this subject – Harold and Maude and Sunset Boulevard give some cautions – as does THIS from the 1930s movie “It’s A Gift”.

WC Field’s character plays a ukulele by a campfire and sings …

“I’d rather have TWO girls … at 21 EACH …
… than one girl at FOR-TY TWOooooo!”

(At which point his scowling wife hurls a missile at him that knocks the ukulele from his hands … causing him to say goodnight and retire).

22 years difference with the woman being the older one is rare. Trying to think of when that has been done successfully.

Job in the Bible had grown children, lost them and his wife and lived to remarry a presumably younger woman … and Abraham and Sara had a child long after childbearing years (though they’d married at a young age … Abraham being about 10 years older if I remember right).

But seek God’s counsel in the matter.

Come to think of it … that’s always a good idea.
 
If you’re not sick of reading stuff yet, here I am XD

I’m 19 and hit it off with a guy I’ve known for five years. He’s 36. Being sick of the guys at college, he was (and is) a refreshing change. However. My parents were not fans of this arrangement and encouraged me to get some space, as we were talking daily and nightly. After a lot of agony, I took their advice, and my friend was, for lack of a better term, distraught. Despite this, it gave me a window into what a less-ideal life with him would be like, and it opened my eyes to a few realities that my parents saw but I did not.

Now don’t get me wrong, age gaps can be pointless. Some people just click and are made to be with each other until the end, God gives grace accordingly. I still pursue men who are far older than me because otherwise it feels like I’m dating my (younger) brothers and just…eigh.

BUT. Definitely take your time with this one. No offense to her and no offense to you, time is the only way to tell with anything. How many people have you dated seriously? How many has she? How often do you see her in person? Don’t be scared away, but don’t dive in either. God bless you both! St. Anne, pray for us!
 
Personally I find it as distasteful when an older man dates younger women. There will never be a equal relationship between you, she will always have a power play of age and experience. Not to mention children and your future with a much older woman. Is she widowed/divorced?
 
255 posts!

Tom wrote two posts here. The original post for this thread, on July 6 - which was a tiny, short “situation” and a request for advice! His other post was just the very next day, July 7, offering a TINY bit of vague, further information on his two-sentence “story”.

There is a third post, also on July 7, but it just said the same thing as the 2nd. So that doesn’t count.

That was TEN days ago. Tom hasn’t shown interest in a SINGLE ONE of the 250+ replies he got here.

If he were interested in numbers or stats, however, he hit the jackpot!
 
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TC3033 said:
That’s what me and other poster guy were talking about when you jumped into the conversation…

😉

That’s not presumptuous at all, it is what it is.

Again, as a parent if my 20 year old son brought home a woman only 7 years younger than I (at 49) I would wonder what the heck both of them are thinking. I’d advise him against it, no matter how “awesome” she is. He has years of growing, maturing, figuring out what he wants and life development ahead…I don’t see how dating someone in their 40’s would be a remotely good idea, for both the present and future.

It’s not being presumptuous, blanket statments, etc… It’s being a parent with about 30 more years of life experience than said 20 year old…¯_(ツ)_/¯
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What I find presumptuous is tying growth and maturity and life experience to chronology.

Singer Shania Twain was working to help support her family at age eight, and at age 11 insisted her mother get help for herself and her siblings due to the domestic violence of her stepfather.

I am in my mid-forties but have always lived on my own, never raised or helped raise children, never really experienced serious trauma such as dv, have never managed a business and started my working life (after an extended spell in academia) quite late. All in all quite sheltered in a lot of ways.

I would think Shania in her early 20s would have at least as much life experience and maturity as I do now.

Surely you know your own son. What you do NOT know is all the women in their 30s, 40s and beyond out there.

Or is it the case that you would pretty much object to your son marrying anybody at present regardless of her age - which obviously is different.
 
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