I’m becoming a SAHM!

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MooCowSteph

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So this is it – my last day at work. My first baby is due in a little over a month and as of this afternoon I’ll be a SAHM. It’s a bit scary. I know there is going to be a transition time. Any advice from other SAHM’s on how to transition smoothly? I’m battling feeling a little guilty over not contributing financially to the household even though my husband and I both feel strongly that this is what I’m being called to do. We are willing to sacrifice in order to for our children to have a full-time mom. It’s also going to be a little weird to go from sharing much of the household chores to doing many of them myself, as that it part of the deal as I see it. (Especially since my husband has really been spoiling me since I’ve been pregnant!) So any advice on the transition would be appreciated. Or share your stories on how you transitioned from the working world to the mommy world. Thanks!
 
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MooCowSteph:
So this is it – my last day at work. My first baby is due in a little over a month and as of this afternoon I’ll be a SAHM. It’s a bit scary. I know there is going to be a transition time. Any advice from other SAHM’s on how to transition smoothly? I’m battling feeling a little guilty over not contributing financially to the household even though my husband and I both feel strongly that this is what I’m being called to do. We are willing to sacrifice in order to for our children to have a full-time mom. It’s also going to be a little weird to go from sharing much of the household chores to doing many of them myself, as that it part of the deal as I see it. (Especially since my husband has really been spoiling me since I’ve been pregnant!) So any advice on the transition would be appreciated. Or share your stories on how you transitioned from the working world to the mommy world. Thanks!
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Hi Steph,
Repeat after me: I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY. You will be working just as hard, if not harder, than your DH. Congratulations on your decision to stay at home

The first thing that comes to my mind is that I bonded with 4 other SAHMs and we offered each other a tremendous amount of support. It’s wonderful to be able to share experiences and get advice from someone that is in the exact same situation as you are at the same time.
 
Enjoy yourself, especially your opportunities to spoil your husband in this last month before the baby comes. I liked being able to take my Dad cups of coffee and warm goodies while he was working in the basement, and asking for his special requests for dinner.

I am looking forward to a baby coming in closer to 3 months, but I already work away from home only part time (10 hrs/week teaching, 2-10 hrs/week at rehearsals/concerts, etc.). I really enjoy having DH at home on weekends and spoiling him rotten with breakfasts he likes or requests, bringing him his coffee or favorite drinks, and procuring special healthy snacks through the week for our cozy weekend stash. Sometimes I surprise him by coming home with a DVD from the library, or a special book-- or even 2 copies of the same book-- so that we can read and enjoy it together.

Also, since you will have sooooooo much time at home, I suggest making a bit of a schedule for the housework so that you can do it in a structured way and still have free time, and NOT feel overwhelmed by soooo many tasks that need done constantly. (I really need to take my own advice here!)

As far as changes when the baby comes, I haven’t gotten there myself yet, but am looking forward to it, as well as being a little scared at the prospect of such a dramatic change. I still doubt myself a bit, thinking that I will be impatient or selfish, or even give too much attention to our little one. I guess I need to just put that in God’s hands, since today has enough troubles that we don’t need to borrow more…
 
in little or no time at all you will be used to it. you wont miss the commute, with having to get there on time, you wont miss the brownosing wanted of you at work, and the other bs that goes on in the work place. you will be able to do the things you have to do at home on your terms rather than someone elses, and for something truely meaningfull, rather than making stupid shareholders happy. you are a very lucky person! Enjoy! In a couple of decades you and your husband will see the good results of this very good decision.
 
Congratulations! I made the same move myself about a year ago and haven’t looked back. I agree with the advice posted previously-make a schedule but be flexible. Some days the baby is a liitle more demanding than others. It is hard at first because the baby needs so much attention but will eventually need less.

The only thing I miss is adult interaction. My greatest find was a breastfeeding support group which has led to a playgroup. Definitely find a group of some kind so you can interact with other adults some time during the week. Another thing I did over the summer when my daughter was ~9mos. was enroll in a parent/tot swim class. That was a lot of fun and something we could do together.

I definitely don’t miss the commute, having to get up and dressed early, not being aware of what is going on in the outside world, or dealing with difficult people . I loved watching her learn to roll over, crawl, now learning to walk, cut her first teeth, being the one to hold her when she had to get her shots:eek:, teaching her to use a sippy cup and many more daily activitiies that I get to see. Lots of blessings to count!

Congrats, Mom!
ehanway
 
Welcome to full time mommy hood 🙂
I don’t know about advice but all I can say is enjoy every minute of it. Enjoy this last month before baby comes…pamper yourself a little more, long baths, rest plenty, read a good book, spend some special time with hubby, make some hot dishes and put in freezer for after baby comes home so all you have to do is heat and serve…make sure ya got your bag and baby’s stuff ready for the big day, have everything bought you’ll need for when baby comes home so ya won’t have to feel like you have to run to the store after baby comes home and just enjoy yourself.
Your going to love this time and I think your going to love being a sahm, it is not an easy job but…Very, Very rewarding.
Congratulations to you!!!
 
Welcome to the club!

I agree that now is the time to get as much rest as possible. Once that baby comes, it will have its own ideas about when you should sleep.

I don’t think the transition will be that hard. You’ll have so much to do with your newborn you won’t even have time to think about it.

Let me add that I’m so glad you can be a SAHM. It’s just so much better for your kids (and of course you want the best for them). My two are 12 and 15, but I’m still a SAHM and so glad I am. They’ve been home sick since Wednesday, but of course I’m here to take care of them. I can’t even begin to think how hard it would be to get dressed and go to work, leaving them at home, even at their ages, when they’re sick.
 
Congrats, Steph!

Being a stay-at-home is great, but it has it’s difficulties! Don’t let yourself or anyone else think that it is the easy way. You’re not a freeloader- you have to earn your keep now!

Just because you aren’t earning a paycheck doesn’t mean you aren’t contributing to the family. One person put it very well to me once. She said, “My husband earns the money, and it is my responsibility to make sure it gets spent wisely.” It is a team effort now, and you each have different tasks to master.

Really take advantage of the last bit of time you and your DH are going to have alone. Once the baby comes it will put a strain on your relationship, but if you have made good use of the time you had, it won’t be as bad.

Also, remember not to feel like you have to be superwifemom. I made that mistake and it almost drove me crazy… seriously. It is completely okay to just worry about getting you and baby through each day without having to worry about housework and laundry, too. The time will come when you realize… hey, baby is occupying himself for now… I can sneak away and cut up some veggies for dinner. Repeat after me, I will not feel guilty for not being able to do everything! I will not feel guilty if I am still in my PJs at 5 in the afternoon! I will not feel guilty for only being able to meet the needs of my baby everyday!

Don’t expect to be in control of anything. Let baby guide you to do what you need to do. Just relax and follow baby’s lead. My son is now almost 20 months and it was just a couple months ago that I finally got to the point where I felt in control again. It takes time. It feels like forever, but really 15 or 20 months is not that long. (Of course, then the next one comes and it starts all over again… like in my case!)

It’s a big job, but very rewarding. Enjoy every second!
 
excuse my ignorance… but what is a SAHM?

thanks and congrats… (I guess)
Laura 😛
 
Congrats! You’ve gotten some great advice, I’ll just echo. Get some rest now and pamper yourself. Get baby’s things prepared now, baby could come a bit early and it’s best to be prepared (I thought I had one more week with baby number 4, and was surprised when she came early, I didn’t have the car seat in the car, no diapers, no after delivery pads, the room wasn’t set up and I didn’t have any clothes washed and ready, oops! I got a few things done while in labor, but most stayed undone until I got out of the hospital.) Don’t expect your house to be emaculate–dh can still help out. Take the help when people offer it, really, they wouldn’t offer if they didn’t want to help–and ask for help if you need it!!! Get some meals prepared in the freezer so you don’t have to think about that for the first few weeks.

As for transitioning, being at home is different than working everyday, but it’s also hard work being at home all day. I have yet to sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day! I’d say after the first few months of getting to know your baby and getting “back to normal” from the birth, you should strive to have a shower and get dressed everyday. It will make you feel better. The baby can sit in a bouncy/car seat in the bathroom while you shower. As the baby get older, a loose schedule is nice, but don’t expect it in the beginning–shoot for a general outline of your day (get up, feed the baby, take nap, feed baby, eat lunch, feed baby, well you get the idea!). Make sure after the baby comes you both get out of the house, even if it’s just to the grocery store, or library or around the block just to see something other than your living room and get some exercise.
Good luck and congrats!
Jennifer
 
Thank you all for the support and advice. It’s great. I will try to get some kind of schedule down, but it might be tough. I’ve never been good with schedules. It’s like I’m trying to rebel against myself. My SIL is the same way, and my MIL just doesn’t get it. She has had the same housecleaning schedule since the kids were small.

It’s going to be tough for not try and be supermom. I just have to remember that what the baby needs is happy, rested parents. She won’t care if the kitchen floor hasn’t been mopped in 3 weeks or if I’m in the same PJs all day.

I’m going to try to nap as much as possible. I’m a little concerned about postpartum depression, and I know sleep is the best weapon against it. I’ll really try to nap when the baby does.

I am really looking forward to motherhood and I feel so very blessed that I’m able to stay home with baby. I don’t even have her in my arms yet and I still can’t imagine handing her over to someone else so I could go sit in this cube all day.

Any tips on where to find groups like breastfeeding groups? I call thinking about looking into a Le Letch League group.
 
If you want to add structure to your life here is an excellent resource:

A Mother’s Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul" by Holly Pierlot

I did not get as structured as she did. I wanted to get certain routines engrained in the kids as school started and before our newest is born (about 2 weeks from now, it will be our 8th).

As for becoming a SAHM, I had a really tough time transitioning. I felt like I should be the one to do all the getting up at night since my husband had to “work”. We had a fussy baby who woke up everytime I tried to lay him down.

Also, the nursing wasn’t working. He became jaunticed and no wet diapers. Today we still feel guilty for starving this child until about his 5th day of life. Lactation consultant had me hooking up to some feeding device at all feedings. I would just cry at night as my baby was hungrily wailing waiting for me to arrange this apparatice. All the while, I felt my husband should just be able to sleep. (I still can’t figure out how men can sleep through that.) We own our own business so after 3 weeks I begged my husband to let me go back to work 2 or so days a week and he would stay home those days. (I also did all the bookkeeping from home.)

With each child I had the more I enjoyed staying home. By the second child it was so much easier because I had the older child to talk to. Plus, he helped occupy the baby. (Kids 2 and 3 were also easier babies).

If you feel yourself getting exhausted or overwhelmed ask for help!
You’ll do great. Give yourself some time to adjust.
 
The hardest part for me…sheesh – defintely had to be suddenly relying on DH for things I never had before…if we needed milk, I’d stop on the way home and get it. If bills needed to be mailed I mailed them or took the package to the post office, or whatever. We were both active duty, so it was a rude awakening to suddenly be looked at as the “DEPENDENT SPOUSE” – i.e. bloodsucker…lol. I coudln’t do squat on base without him all of a sudden, and it was weird…I was always the “doer” in the relationship – and happily so, but once I was at home all the time, I had to rely on DH more (not quite the memory I’d like him to have…) and that frustrated me to no end. Then after a few weeks I got more confident (and baby was baptized…that helped too) and started to go and do those things on my own instead of wait two weeks to see that a package had been mailed to his mother for her birthday ($%#@&**) – just re-training my self-sufficient self to work with and rely on someone else to do things.that was really hard for me.

No matter how much great advice you get, the first few weeks/months are always hard – so take the help that’s offered, and don’t do anything you don’t want to (i.e. just give him/her a bottle so you can go for a nap, or my favorite “oh, he’ll be fine, just take him with you to the 6wk post partum checkup!” – ps, that’s a bad idea…lol!) God has given you this soul, this life because He knows you can do it and you can do it better than anyone else could. Trust in that and pray for guidance.
 
I worked till the very last minute and literally was timing contractions at my desk. I think everyone was glad when I left to go to the hospital, lol. I didn’t know I was about to be a SAHM so I can’t say I was prepared at all. After I returned to work I was there 1 week before giving my notice.

Anyway, my first came in December and having a winter baby can be tough! Especially when he only weighs 5 lb. 9 oz. So I say don’t get ambitious about getting “out and about” too soon. There will be plenty of time to run errands with her in the spring when it’s a little nicer and not everyone in the community is sick with something (strangers touching the baby happens a lot, yikes).

Think of some things you’ll want to do when it’s down time (she’s fed, just woke up from nap, been holding her for 2 hours, etc). Don’t feel like you have to be feeding, changing, bathing, burping, napping, playing every single minute of your entire day (although this will be most of it) or you may go crazy since it’ll be so different from what you’re used to with working in the workplace. Some things I got going on were a scrapbook/album, organizing stuff (especially files), rearranging stuff, etc. I’m not saying get ambitious, 3 tasks can take 3 months, but I found being at home in the very beginning boring. I love to read and would read a loud to him, but reading to an infant can get old if you surpass 10 minutes.

It’s not a bad idea to let DH have her and you run out and do an errand (when you’re recovered of course). Don’t forget to share the baby with daddy!! (It’s harder if you’re nursing full time since dad can’t do that) 🙂

I did end up starting a small playgroup with a neighborhood mom and another lady when he was about 8 months old and that was nice.

Joining Parents As Teachers was good since they have activities you can go to that fit the child’s age.

Best wishes, and congratulations!
 
Congratulations!!! As you can see by my post name, I am one too!!! I have 3 children - a 5 year old girl, a 3 year old girl, and a 8 month old boy. I worked for my oldest’s first year of life. I cried everyday I had to bring her to the sitter’s. Not once have I felt guilty about “not working”. I do work, I just don’t bring in a paycheck. I contribute in different ways. I cook every day, I clean everyday, I do laundry everyday, I change diapers everyday - you get my drift. Your children do have to be taken care of regardless of whether you home with them or not, so what better person to do it than YOU!!! My best advice to you is to enjoy it. Don’t stress if you are behind on laundry, or the floors aren’t spotless or whatever. If your child wants you to play on the floor with him, do it. If your child wants you to sit and read him a book do it. Your housework will still be there when he leaves for college and you are all alone. We only get to be parents to little ones only once so enjoy and savor every moment. Good Luck and I am so HAPPY for you.
 
Welcome.
I too, timed contractions at work, then never went back. My son was a premie and I just couldn’t leave him.
Something my husband reminded and still reminds me, is that we as a nation pay big bucks for child care. So, keeping the house clean, washing clothes and tending to a child or children is a full time job. So don’t feel guilty. You are doing the job of a nanny and housekeeper. But it is much more fun. 👍 I have loved the past 10 years. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. :dancing:
 
You can find breastfeeding groups through La Leche League, the Lactation Consultant at the hospital or you can try the health department. The one I joined was started by a Lactation Consultant in private practice so moms could get together and help each other. I got a flyer when I started childbirth classes. You might ask around. You never know what you will find. If you can go before the baby is born. It is great to see other moms with little ones!🙂

HTH,
ehanway
 
Congrats, steph! I know this is something you were looking forward to and I had you in my prayers all day!

Jess
 
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