I’m becoming a SAHM!

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MomToMany:
If you want to add structure to your life here is an excellent resource:

A Mother’s Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul" by Holly Pierlot

I did not get as structured as she did. I wanted to get certain routines engrained in the kids as school started and before our newest is born (about 2 weeks from now, it will be our 8th).

As for becoming a SAHM, I had a really tough time transitioning. I felt like I should be the one to do all the getting up at night since my husband had to “work”. We had a fussy baby who woke up everytime I tried to lay him down.

Also, the nursing wasn’t working. He became jaunticed and no wet diapers. Today we still feel guilty for starving this child until about his 5th day of life. Lactation consultant had me hooking up to some feeding device at all feedings. I would just cry at night as my baby was hungrily wailing waiting for me to arrange this apparatice. All the while, I felt my husband should just be able to sleep. (I still can’t figure out how men can sleep through that.) We own our own business so after 3 weeks I begged my husband to let me go back to work 2 or so days a week and he would stay home those days. (I also did all the bookkeeping from home.)

With each child I had the more I enjoyed staying home. By the second child it was so much easier because I had the older child to talk to. Plus, he helped occupy the baby. (Kids 2 and 3 were also easier babies).

If you feel yourself getting exhausted or overwhelmed ask for help!
You’ll do great. Give yourself some time to adjust.
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Thanks for the book recomendation. I’m going to look into that one.

What you said about feeling like you should always be the one to get up, that’s how I feel. We talked about it tonight, and hubby knows I’ll still need a lot of help with the house and the baby, but I just feel bad asking. I’ll feel bad asking him to get up at night and change the baby. But we’ll see. Once I’m sleep deprived, I’ll probably get over that quick! 🙂

I’m going to pump a little bit and we’re hoping hubby can do the early night feedings and changings while I sleep, and I’ll do middle night and morning. He doesn’t have to get up too early for work and is regularly up until 1:00 or 2:00 playing guitar or on the forums anyway. I tend to go to sleep around 11:00 but will probably be going to bed earlier once the baby comes. I just hope she takes to the bottle and will switch between bottle and breast. I know not all babies will do this.
 
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JessHav:
Congrats, steph! I know this is something you were looking forward to and I had you in my prayers all day!

Jess
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Thanks, Jess! I hope your little one is doing great! It won’t be long and you’ll be showing!
 
God has blessed you with a new and very important way of life. Your whole family is blessed to have you. There is no need to worry.

It is after all the work of christ that is the most rewarding.
 
Steph,
I’m going to pump a little bit and we’re hoping hubby can do the early night feedings and changings while I sleep, and I’ll do middle night and morning. He doesn’t have to get up too early for work and is regularly up until 1:00 or 2:00 playing guitar or on the forums anyway. I tend to go to sleep around 11:00 but will probably be going to bed earlier once the baby comes. I just hope she takes to the bottle and will switch between bottle and breast. I know not all babies will do this.
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I hate to cause a problem, but…

La Leche League and most lactation specialists recommend you do not give the baby a bottle (or pacifier) for the first 6 weeks while breastfeeding is just getting established. Anything that substitutes for regular nursing can cause some women to lose their milk, or cause such confusion with the baby that they stop nursing (called nipple confusion because the way a baby sucks on the breast and the way they suck on a pacifer/bottle is VERY different.)

I suggest getting involved with a LLL group or another breastfeeding support group. Breastfeeding is unlike anything you have every done and you will need someone to ask questions of… even I am nervous about breastfeeding my second baby, and I have nursed for the last 20 months (except I think he’s weaned now :crying: ) and have been involved with LLL almost that long.

Since you have time to read now, try The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by LLL or The Breastfeeding Book by Dr. Sears.

I hope I didn’t upset you or your plans, but I would hate to have you on here in a month as a frantic new mother trying to figure out why breastfeeding isn’t working (which you may still be, anyway!)

Plus, as a mother who had to pump her milk in and pump for a week non-stop after that (baby was sedated in NICU), it’s no fun, and it can also cause mastitis (which I also got, and that is REALLY no fun. Trust me.)
 
Congratulations! I did this same thing about 29 years ago. Believe it or not my generation was already being pressured into working up to the last available minute and going right back after the baby. I bellieve that raising my children has been the most valuable job I ever did. I stayed home for 15 years.

Suggestions? Well, you need a lot of energy for delivery so begin by getting good rest. Get your house in order so that you can enjoy the first weeks home. Pack you bag for the hospital, for my first one came 3 weeks early! Make sure you have lots of film or if you use a digital, lots of paper for printing.

I don’t know about the transition from working to not working. I think once you see how much time the baby consumes you will know where you need to be. Just try to enjoy the time because I will say from experience, that before you know it you will be back at work wondering where the years went.

I really believe that finding other SAHM’s will help too. Naturally you will find them when you take you child to story hour at the library or when you join in to some park district mom and tot classes. There are really many out there and you will find some enjoyment in trading kid stories. You will make some life long friends too. I know, I did. I went to La Leche meetings for the first 6-9 months. It does help you to be successful at breast feeding and you will find so many other moms that are also at home.

As far as affording it, I have many suggestions. Don’t spend any unnecessary money. Try to eat at home most of the time. Buy things on sale, when you need them. Give up on going out to expensive outings. Plan fun at home. Invite other young parents over for company. Rent movies and enjoy yourtime at home. Estabilish some cheap hobbies. Scrap booking, sewing, craft projects, etc are fun and can be done economically. Read, and use the library services. As your child grows, find out all the activities at church for young parents. My parish has many family centered activities. Quit buying the newspaper, magazines, or other expensive monthly items. Use the computer to read the newspaper when you feel the need. Review every single monthy bill you have and decide if it is necessary. Second hand shops are fun and quite a bargain for many clothes for you and for baby. You can’t imagine the good deals.

Follow you heart. Don’t let anyone steal you time. Your baby will be so precious. God bless your family.
 
17 years ago I left the working world for motherhood. I have since re-enterred the workforce but her are some things that made the transition easy!

First off, a mother’s contribution to the home is priceless. I viewed the housework, cooking, raising the kids as my job. I just didn’t get a paycheck but I took my job very seriously. I was the one who got up at night since I was also the one who got to take the naps during the day when the babies did (and make sure you do that - especially in the first year or so!)

I also joined a mommy and me group at a local hospital. Made a lot of friends who also stayed home. We took a lot of zoo trips, trips to the mall to window shop mostly, park trips and picnic lunches. With all that pushing of the stroller I was needless to say much thinner than now!

Enjoy these times as much as you can - my “babies” are now 17, 16 and 9 years old.
 
I’ll be one, myself, in two months! 😃

If you’re ever hit by feelings of guilt for not earning money, try to think about how much money you are SAVING your family. Day care is wicked expensive. Also, try to be a thrifty housekeeper… look for tips on frugal living and see if you can’t make your household a lean, mean, efficiency machine. Even if your husband makes enough money to afford whatever you like, remember that every penny saved is a penny you can put towards your retirement or the kids’ college fund. “A penny saved is a penny earned.”

Luckily for me, my fiance wants to put me in charge of finances, so I’m looking forward to budgeting and also to making our home a comfortable place to be together as a family.
 
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kristacecilia:
Steph,

I hate to cause a problem, but…

La Leche League and most lactation specialists recommend you do not give the baby a bottle (or pacifier) for the first 6 weeks while breastfeeding is just getting established. Anything that substitutes for regular nursing can cause some women to lose their milk, or cause such confusion with the baby that they stop nursing (called nipple confusion because the way a baby sucks on the breast and the way they suck on a pacifer/bottle is VERY different.)

I suggest getting involved with a LLL group or another breastfeeding support group. Breastfeeding is unlike anything you have every done and you will need someone to ask questions of… even I am nervous about breastfeeding my second baby, and I have nursed for the last 20 months (except I think he’s weaned now :crying: ) and have been involved with LLL almost that long.

Since you have time to read now, try The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by LLL or The Breastfeeding Book by Dr. Sears.

I hope I didn’t upset you or your plans, but I would hate to have you on here in a month as a frantic new mother trying to figure out why breastfeeding isn’t working (which you may still be, anyway!)

Plus, as a mother who had to pump her milk in and pump for a week non-stop after that (baby was sedated in NICU), it’s no fun, and it can also cause mastitis (which I also got, and that is REALLY no fun. Trust me.)
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Thanks for the tips. I thought I’d start trying to pump around 4 weeks, assuming breastfeeding has been established by then. I’ve read some conflicting data regarding nipple confusion. Some people suggest that waiting too long can reduce the chances of the baby ever taking to an artificial nipple. We’ll see, though. I wonder if the trouble is even going to be worth it. If the baby starts to cry and I hear him, I’m going to want to nurse him right away rather than stay in bed while hubby warms the breastmilk. I couldn’t stay in bed and let him cry. How long can breastmilk be refrigerated rather than frozen? It would be so much easier to warm up that way.

I think I’m going to call my local LLL this coming week since I won;t be working. I’d like to go to a meeting before the baby comes.
 
It’s been awhile since I pumped and stored so I looked this up for you:
lalecheleague.org/FAQ/milkstorage.html

When I worked and had to pump, I pumped directly into those playtex bags (I attached them to the pump with twist ties) and then froze those and put them in another freezer/sandwich bag. Some women freeze the milk in ice cube trays and put them in freezer bags.

To be honest when I could stay at home full time, I never pumped. I handled all the feedings and Daddy would often do diapers and just had special daddy-baby time (baths, cuddling, rocking, dancing). Adding bottles and pacifiers will affect the child spacing benefit that total breastfeeding offers. Please see Breastfeeding & Natural Child Spacing: How Ecological Breastfeeding Spaces Babies by Sheila Kippley from CCLI
ccli.org/store/onlineshopping.php?criteria=category&f_cat=mothering&catpr=30&order_by=name

Here are some other books that look helpful (all found at CCLI):
Women Leaving the Workplace — How to Make the Transition from Work to Home by Larry Burkett

25 Things Every New Mother Should Know by Martha Sears, RN

Mommy, Come Home — The “New” Trend: Bringing Up Your Own
by SANDRA K. GILLMORE

God bless you and I hope that helps.
Jennifer J (mom of 5)
 
I have read “Mother’s Rule of Life” and Sheila Kippley’s book on ecological breastfeeding, and I am glad that someone else also recommended them to you. I found it very easy to breastfeed the baby at night, and I think it would be a much more difficult and complicated process to bottlefeed the pumped milk. Why not try to breastfeed all the time and see if you’re really that unhappy with it?

From reading your other posts, I know that you are a good Catholic woman 🙂 Here are some things that no one else mentioned…
  1. Get a cord/twine Rosary and get busy doing spiritual battle while you’re feeding your baby (the twine won’t make a sound when you hold it, unlike glass beads that tinkle). www.rosaryarmy.com provides these free, along with instructions on making your own (there goes another cheap/free hobby :))
  2. Look into your church’s policy on baptism. In our church, parents are urged to take the baptism class before their baby is born. Then, have your baby baptized as SOON as possible. You don’t want to deny him the presence of the Holy Spirit in his soul for any longer than you absolutely need to. At least one of the godparents has to be a practicing Catholic and will need to get a letter from his/her pastor stating so.
  3. Go to Mass. At first, you’ll probably just go to Sunday Mass, but start trying to go to daily Mass once a week, too. See how it goes, and try adding one day more each month. The graces you and your baby will get from going to Mass as often as you can are immeasurable.
  4. Offer up all of your self sacrifice to Jesus, and stay close to Jesus and Mary! Say a daily offering, and your whole day will become a prayer.
Good luck, Steph! Congratulations on putting your baby and family first and not buying into the cultural idea that SAHM’s are second class citizens!
 
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MooCowSteph:
So this is it – my last day at work. My first baby is due in a little over a month and as of this afternoon I’ll be a SAHM. It’s a bit scary. I know there is going to be a transition time. Any advice from other SAHM’s on how to transition smoothly? I’m battling feeling a little guilty over not contributing financially to the household even though my husband and I both feel strongly that this is what I’m being called to do. We are willing to sacrifice in order to for our children to have a full-time mom. It’s also going to be a little weird to go from sharing much of the household chores to doing many of them myself, as that it part of the deal as I see it. (Especially since my husband has really been spoiling me since I’ve been pregnant!) So any advice on the transition would be appreciated. Or share your stories on how you transitioned from the working world to the mommy world. Thanks!
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My children are grown and have families of their own by now (I had eight), and I just wanted to share how excited and happy I was when it was time to quit my job because my first baby was coming. I have been a stay at home Mom all along, and if I had to do it over I would definitely do it again.

I found time to read cookbooks and improve my cooking skills; to do crafts, go to garage sales with friends, and many other things.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading books to my small children, with several of them gathered around me on the couch. I was glad to be away from the office!

Although most of my children live in other states, we usually visit approximately once every two years (either they come here or I go there), and we try to have a family reunion approximately every two or three years. We have had two so far, since my husband died seven years ago.

God’s blessings to you in the wonderful world of motherhood!

Peace,

Dorothy
 
CONGRATS STEPH.

i’m so happy for you and will be praying for your transition. for me the first 6 weeks at home with my new baby were very rough. i spent all my time educating myself on labor and not on parenting a baby. i also struggled with BF but with support from local BF groups at the hospital and library we got the hang of it at 6-7 weeks. So don’t give up on BF even if it is hard at first. (hard being an understatement for me). Also, enjoy these last few weeks before you become mom: rest up and relax because your life will never be the same after.

I love being a SAHM and know you will too:)
 
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CatholicSam:
I have read “Mother’s Rule of Life” and Sheila Kippley’s book on ecological breastfeeding, and I am glad that someone else also recommended them to you. I found it very easy to breastfeed the baby at night, and I think it would be a much more difficult and complicated process to bottlefeed the pumped milk. Why not try to breastfeed all the time and see if you’re really that unhappy with it?

From reading your other posts, I know that you are a good Catholic woman 🙂 Here are some things that no one else mentioned…
  1. Get a cord/twine Rosary and get busy doing spiritual battle while you’re feeding your baby (the twine won’t make a sound when you hold it, unlike glass beads that tinkle). www.rosaryarmy.com provides these free, along with instructions on making your own (there goes another cheap/free hobby :))
  2. Look into your church’s policy on baptism. In our church, parents are urged to take the baptism class before their baby is born. Then, have your baby baptized as SOON as possible. You don’t want to deny him the presence of the Holy Spirit in his soul for any longer than you absolutely need to. At least one of the godparents has to be a practicing Catholic and will need to get a letter from his/her pastor stating so.
  3. Go to Mass. At first, you’ll probably just go to Sunday Mass, but start trying to go to daily Mass once a week, too. See how it goes, and try adding one day more each month. The graces you and your baby will get from going to Mass as often as you can are immeasurable.
  4. Offer up all of your self sacrifice to Jesus, and stay close to Jesus and Mary! Say a daily offering, and your whole day will become a prayer.
Good luck, Steph! Congratulations on putting your baby and family first and not buying into the cultural idea that SAHM’s are second class citizens!
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It’s not that I would at all be unhappy breastfeeding; I was just thinking it would be a good way to get some extra sleep. I also think my husband would enjoy the bonding at feeding time.

We are already looking into baptism. We wanted to have it done at our old parish because we have a personal relationship with the preists, but it doesnt look that like will work out. We would have to wait until May, or do it on Easter day. So I guess it will be at our new parish.

I am looking forward to going to daily mass a few times a week over this next month. I’ve never had that opportunity working, so it will be great.

Oh, and I agree that Kippley’s book is great. Someone just recently occured to me, though. I’ve been reading all these books like Kippley’s and Sears’ about co-sleeping and breastfeeding. They all say how it’s sp easy to just roll over, feed, and then the both of you drift off to sleep. Well, it just occured to me that the baby’s diaper will need to be changed each feeding. All these books made me forget about that. Guess I’ll have to get up at night afterall… :rolleyes:
 
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MooCowSteph:
I’m battling feeling a little guilty over not contributing financially to the household even though my husband and I both feel strongly that this is what I’m being called to do. We are willing to sacrifice in order to for our children to have a full-time mom.
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Why not pressure your husband to work two jobs?

Just kidding.

Best wishes. My wife is expecting number 4!!!
 
Steph,
Oh, and I agree that Kippley’s book is great. Someone just recently occured to me, though. I’ve been reading all these books like Kippley’s and Sears’ about co-sleeping and breastfeeding. They all say how it’s sp easy to just roll over, feed, and then the both of you drift off to sleep. Well, it just occured to me that the baby’s diaper will need to be changed each feeding. All these books made me forget about that. Guess I’ll have to get up at night afterall…
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If it is only wet and the baby isn’t fussy about it, you can probably wait. If it is dirty, you have to change it. Of course, it is dirty a lot when they are first born!

I think the sleep deprivation is just something you have to deal with when the baby is born. I do know that co-sleeping saved my sanity, though. I started off with baby in a crib next to me and I was miserable even just having to sit up in bed to nurse. I would doze off and he would start to fall out of my arms.

Finally I just figured out how to co-sleep and it worked so well that he did it for 14 months or so and then we transitioned him to a crib when we thought he was ready. Now he goes to bed (almost) every night with no problems whatsoever. Just a night-night and blow kisses and we leave. He was ready to learn to do that, though. When we pressured him, it got worse, when we let him lead, he amazed us with what he could do.
 
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kristacecilia:
I think the sleep deprivation is just something you have to deal with when the baby is born. I do know that co-sleeping saved my sanity, though. I started off with baby in a crib next to me and I was miserable even just having to sit up in bed to nurse. I would doze off and he would start to fall out of my arms.
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That’s almost exactly what happened with me! For the first 4-5 days I sat up with my baby during the night feedings, and it was horrible! I felt so desperate and I would also doze off. But I didn’t really know how to lie down and feed at the same time. After five sleepless nights, I found out a good lying down position for feeding, and I hardly ever sat up with him after that. For us, we put him to sleep in his crib, but then when he woke up for a feeding he would come and sleep with us for a few hours. Then when I woke up I would put him back in his crib. I changed the diaper when he first woke up for a feeding (so baby cries, I get up, change diaper, bring him back to bed and sleep). You won’t be up for more than five minutes because of a diaper change, and you’ll probably be really tired from all the demands on your body from producing breastmilk and caring for your son all day that you’ll go right back to sleep once you settle into a comfortable feeding position.

I just had a thought–if your husband is up until the wee hours of the morning, he can get the crying baby, change the diaper, and settle him into the bed with you, without you even having to get up or worry about your crying son waiting for breastmilk to thaw 🙂 .
 
I just have to share this…what led me to finally try co sleeping (besides reading Dr. Sear’s book) I was up for the millionth time, sitting in the rocking chair in the baby’s room, nursing him back to sleep (he woke up the moment I put him back to bed), knowing I needed more sleep to be able to function the next day as a teacher, and I fell asleep in the chair and almost dropped him :eek: I got up, took him into bed and never looked back. I was better rested and much happier and I think he was safer!

You can change diapers laying in bed, if needed. Just have supplies next to the bed. The problem in the first month (at least for us) was diaper leakage. We used disposibles and I don’t know how cloth would work for this–double diaper with liners or those wool soakers? I’m sure you’ll figure out what works best for your family!

Also about rolling over, I always nurse sidelying, I never roll away from the baby, but curl around the baby. It’s supposed to minimize any danger of rolling on the baby. If you have your back to the baby, you may forget. If you are curled around the baby with your arm cradling the baby, it’s hard to roll over in that direction. Does that make any sense? Also to nurse the other side, I either slightly tilt my shoulder or just roll baby over onto my tummy and around to the other side (we have a bed rail along one side of our bed)
lalecheleague.org/FAQ/positioning.html

God bless
 
Thanks for the sleeping tips. We’re not planning to co-sleep totally, but will have the baby in a bassinette next to me. I tend to roll around a lot at night and I wouldn’t want to have my back to the baby as you mentioned, Jennifer. And my husband is afraid to have him in the middle. He’s afraid he’ll bop him with his hand or arm, and also doesn’t want to have his back to him. So I figure there will probably be many nights where I fall asleep with the baby in bed, and when I wake up to roll over, I’ll just put him back in the bassinette. I hope it all goes smoothly, or as smoothly as it can. I just figure we’ll stay in bed late into the morning if it’s needed to get extra sleep. And hubby can change the diapers and put the baby back in the bassinette while he’s still up. I do plan to get the Dr. Sears sleep book. I was also given The No Cry Sleep Solution as a shower gift.
 
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shannin:
Hi Steph,
Repeat after me: I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY. You will be working just as hard, if not harder, than your DH. Congratulations on your decision to stay at home
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I am Steph’s husband and I keep telling her exactly the same thing. Her contribution to our family of raising our child to be a good Catholic and her labors to maintain our home (with my help) are at least as important as monetary contribution and will not be any easier. I think she should feel pride, not guilt.
 
One piece of “transition” advice that might not go over too well with the moderators:

Stay off the forums!!!

Seriously, you will feel so much better about the time spent if you get out & go for a walk, or read a book, or take a nap rather than spend it at the computer.

This site is a good connection to the world of adults and adult conversations when your baby is older & you’re caught up on sleep (relatively speaking, of course.)

But in those early months, I don’t think anyone here will hold it against you if you disappear for a while! Your baby & vocation come first; we’ll miss you but will understand.

(Coming from a mom who’s been there & done that.😛 )
 
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