I’m Catholic & my husband’s not and he no longer believes in the divine Christ

[kaefae]

Hello & thank you for your answer in advance. I converted from the Baptist faith to the Catholic Church as a young adult. Unfortunately, I fell away from the Church for some time & now I’ve returned dedicated for the rest of my life. During my stray from the Church, I married a man who was divorced. At the time of our marriage, due to my immaturity, I decided that I didn’t want to force my beliefs on him. A few years after we married, my husband told me that he no longer believes in a divine creator but only a concept of truth & truth being an individual concept. When we married, I knew that he struggled to believe in Christ as the divine Son of God but thought that everything would work itself out through prayer but it hasn’t been so as of yet. My husband was raised Lutheran & Baptized as a child. His 1st wife was Baptized as a child and is a non-believer (according to my step-daughter). My husbands former wife committed adultery, wouldn’t go to therapy and she wanted a divorce so my husband granted her a divorce. They divorced about 30 years ago & we’ve been married for 6 years (he’s my first husband and he’s considerably older than I am). In reading the Scriptures, I understood that if your spouse committed adultery then this was sufficient grounds for divorce (if the one who committed adultery did not want to repair the marriage & chose to leave as my husbands first wife did). When we married, even as a Catholic, I believed that all Christian churches believed this was sufficient grounds for divorce. I didn’t know he would need an annulment in order for our marriage to be accepted by the Church since he wasn’t Catholic. I was obviously wrong & stupid for not speaking with a priest prior to our marriage. Since my husband and his first wife weren’t Catholic there no annulment was sought after. A 1 1/2 yrs. ago this entire topic came about when I was in confession & I was confessing something indirectly related. The priest started asking a lot of questions and he told me that my husband needed to get an annulment in order for our marriage to go through a process to validate our marriage in the Church. Until this is completed I am not allowed to participate in the Sacraments of the Church. The priest couldn’t give me absolution that day and I left the Church in tears (not mad at the priest but at my situation). My husband refuses to pursue an annulment with his first wife since it involves contacting her and he says that he believes that the Catholic Church is overstepping its bounds and is overly controlling. Normally, he is a very good husband but not in this very important area of our marriage. I have returned to the Church (trying to do so) and I want to take communion very badly. I use to be like an eager child about to open a present every week before attending Mass because I was always so exited to receive communion. Now, it’s so painful to go Mass and to not be able to receive communion that I’ve fallen away from attending mass. I tried to deal with just being blessed and being in the presence of Christ during Mass but it’s very difficult. Maybe, this is selfish of me. Almost daily I read my Bible at home and study the lives of various saints, which has been of great help in my prayer life but it’s still not the Eucharist. Is this just the price I pay, because I brought this on myself - to never take communion again? Over the past 1 1/2 yrs. I’ve addressed this very important topic with my husband a number of times. When this first happened he spoke with the proper person, who would handle things like this in my parish, and he actually chewed them out telling them they were overstepping their bounds by asking him to obtain an annulment. Apparently, he really chewed them out & he was the one who told me about it. The lady he spoke with is a very sweet and calm lady. I feel sorry for her to have had to listen to his wrath. I’ve reminded him that I AM Catholic and out of respect he should abide by my wishes so that I can participate in the fullness of the Church that I attend. Now, I realize that I should have done this prior to marrying him. I’ve prayed a lot, I have a friend who prays a lot for me and still, my husband hasn’t had a change of heart. I know that ‘our time’ isn’t necessarily God’s time. He answers in his own time. Sometimes ‘no answer’ is an answer. But, I’ve been very patient with my husband for a 1 1/2 yrs. now. I don’t know what to do anymore. I read something on the forum about ‘Radical Sanation’ but since my husband refuses to get an annulment I don’t believe this would help me. There’s total refusal on his part to work with me on this. I am suffering from not participating in communion. He’s a great husband in all other areas of our relationship. Please steer me in the right direction. Peace be with you and many thanks. Kindest regards, Emily

 

[1ke]

There are two ways that you can return to the Sacraments if he is unwilling to pursue an annulment:

(1) Leave your husband and divorce him.

(2) Cease having sexual relations with him, stay married and live as brother and sister until/unless his first wife dies.

These are the two remedies you have for making a valid confession and returning to the Sacraments.

I hope your husband will change his mind, but you have to face the fact that he probably never will.

 

[Riley259]

I’m in a similar situation except my wife was brought up Catholic but has turned away from the Church. She was married before but refuses to get an annullment. I came back to the Church several years ago after being fallen away for over 2 decades. My wife and I almost split over my returning to the faith but somehow we have come back together and are doing well despite our differences. I am receiving the sacrament because my wife and I are currently not having marital relations. My wife always had a very low libido and she rarely initiates, so abstaining from marital relations wasn’t a big transition for me (although admittedly it is very hard) and occasionally we do slip but my intention is to abstain until she agrees to and receives an annullment (I pray for her conversion every day). If you want to receive you need to abstain. From your post, it sounds being able to receive would bring you back in full participation with your faith. My advice is to go to confession and get right with God and then abstain from relations and receive the sacrament. Pray for your husband every day, do frequent adoration and receive the sacrament worthily…you won’t be disappointed and God’s grace may change his heart yet! I’ll pray for you and your husband.

 

[mchium]

kaefae: I have no over-arching sage advice and you are certainly in a situation of great suffering and confusion. All I can do (and promise I will !) is pray for you and your husband as well as any other couples (in this forum or others) that are in the same position.

Please know that I am praying very much for you and will continue to do so indefinitely. As Catholics, we believe mightily in prayer and know that more things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of.

There are places that our limited human love cannot go and places inside others our human love cannot touch. Not so with God…He can walk through closed doors to breath His peace on suffering souls and can do what for us is impossible. His love is NOT limited in any way. Count on my prayers and I’m sure those of others here also.

Trust in Him; trust in His love for you and your husband and trust in His almighty power and desire to heal. God love you…

 

[mary_bobo]

I am so sorry for what you are going thru. Have you asked your husband why he won’t get an annulment since it means so much to you? I will pray for you. May God guide you and your husband.

 

[servus]

Hello & thank you for your answer in advance. I converted from the Baptist faith to the Catholic Church as a young adult. Unfortunately, I fell away from the Church for some time & now I’ve returned dedicated for the rest of my life. During my stray from the Church, I married a man who was divorced. At the time of our marriage, due to my immaturity, I decided that I didn’t want to force my beliefs on him…

Don’t divorce your husband. Don’t cease from fulfilling your role as his wife, or in doing so you will portray Christianity in a bad light. Go to Church and take communion. Let go of the need to pursue an annulment before you can take communion, that is not commanded by God but by human tradition.

If you really beleive that God knows that your husband got a divorce from his previous wife, demonstrate you faith by taking communion.

Do you realize that Marriage is in all cultures, from the deserts of Africa, to the plains of Asia, to the Snow Capped Andes mountains? Why? Because It was given to all people by God at Creation, all people, that is why it is ubiquitous. Marriage is not a Christian invention, it is universal. A traditional marriage in the Canary Islands is as good and valid in God’s eyes as a Christian marriage, and it does not need a Church’s stamp of approval to be valid.

The Church has the freedom to misrepresent God to you, and put you through a unnecessary heartache. But God knows you as an individual, and knows your heart. In God’s eyes your marriage is valid.

Jesus did not tell the woman at the well who had 5 past husbands to go jump through a hoop of tradition before she could be accepted into the arms of the Church. He said, “go and sin no more”, you are free.

 

[adrift]

Don’t divorce your husband. Don’t cease from fulfilling your role as his wife, or in doing so you will portray Christianity in a bad light. Go to Church and take communion. Let go of the need to pursue an annulment before you can take communion, that is not commanded by God but by human tradition.

If you really beleive that God knows that your husband got a divorce from his previous wife, demonstrate you faith by taking communion.

Do you realize that Marriage is in all cultures, from the deserts of Africa, to the plains of Asia, to the Snow Capped Andes mountains? Why? Because It was given to all people by God at Creation, all people, that is why it is ubiquitous. Marriage is not a Christian invention, it is universal. A traditional marriage in the Canary Islands is as good and valid in God’s eyes as a Christian marriage, and it does not need a Church’s stamp of approval to be valid.

The Church has the freedom to misrepresent God to you, and put you through a unnecessary heartache. But God knows you as an individual, and knows your heart. In God’s eyes your marriage is valid.

Jesus did not tell the woman at the well who had 5 past husbands to go jump through a hoop of tradition before she could be accepted into the arms of the Church. He said, “go and sin no more”, you are free.

Go and sin no more is what Jesus said not go and be adulterous with the man your living with.

Please ignore the post that I quoted. It is full of man’s reasoning not of God. The other post have good advise. The road to heaven is narrow the road to hell is wide. It is hard to live as God wants and not what we want. Jesus told us divorce was wrong. It may be that your “husband” was never married but that is not something you can decide on your own. Your immortal soul is at stake. There are many who echo what the devil wants and few who will stand with Jesus. If you take communion in mortal sin, you are committing a grave sacrilege of receiving Our Lord unwothily.

 

[servus]

Go and sin no more is what Jesus said not go and be adulterous with the man your living with.

Please ignore the post that I quoted. It is full of man’s reasoning not of God. The other post have good advise. The road to heaven is narrow the road to hell is wide. It is hard to live as God wants and not what we want. Jesus told us divorce was wrong. It may be that your “husband” was never married but that is not something you can decide on your own. Your immortal soul is at stake. There are many who echo what the devil wants and few who will stand with Jesus. If you take communion in mortal sin, you are committing a grave sacrilege of receiving Our Lord unwothily.

I hope you did not misread me. I did not say that the woman in the Biblical story, or in any case was free to live in adultery. I was talking about the woman at the well. Jesus does not put us through through a hoop when we want to do what is right. It is not our place, nor the Church’s to place unbearable burdens on people because of tradition.

You folks are unaware of what you are risking. For Kaefae to pursue an annulment with her current husband will probably end in thier divorce, you know it. But if we would simply follow what the Bible says, and not tradition, which is truly what man says and not God, then this womans life would be healed, she would live happily with her husband. St. Paul says that an unbelieveing husband may be converted by the testimony of the wife.

The Church is always making and breaking traditions. How many lives were ruined because of limbo before they discarded it?

 

[adrift]

I hope you did not misread me. I did not say that the woman in the Biblical story, or in any case was free to live in adultery. I was talking about the woman at the well. Jesus does not put us through through a hoop when we want to do what is right. It is not our place, nor the Church’s to place unbearable burdens on people because of tradition.

You folks are unaware of what you are risking. For Kaefae to pursue an annulment with her current husband will probably end in thier divorce, you know it. But if we would simply follow what the Bible says, and not tradition, which is truly what man says and not God, then this womans life would be healed, she would live happily with her husband. St. Paul says that an unbelieveing husband may be converted by the testimony of the wife.

The Church is always making and breaking traditions. How many lives were ruined because of limbo before they discarded it?

None. The speculation of limbo, for thats all it was, ruined no ones lives.

I didn’t misread you. Jesus said to go and sin no more he did not condone what she did. He agreed with her when she said she had no husband. He did not recognize those relationships as valid.

You have encourage this woman to receive communion unworthily. Your advise will bring great condemnation on her. You are declaring that they are married when Jesus says they are not.

 

[servus]

None. The speculation of limbo, for thats all it was, ruined no ones lives.

I didn’t misread you. Jesus said to go and sin no more he did not condone what she did. He agreed with her when she said she had no husband. He did not recognize those relationships as valid.

You have encourage this woman to receive communion unworthily. Your advise will bring great condemnation on her. You are declaring that they are married when Jesus says they are not.

Jesus or the Church? Tell me, are people of other religions married in God’s eyes? I think so. Thier condemnation will not come from fornication.

I just think that this woman is being manipulated by tradition. The Bible forbids divorce, but to those who are married it is told to remain as they are (I Corinthians 7). This woman’s heart is broken because the Church declares her legal marriage to her husband void, and therefore she cannot receive communion.

What do you think the pope would say? I think he would give her an annulment on the spot, in order to respect tradition, but he would not let this go un dealt with, even if it meant dispensing with the tradition, like limbo was dispensed.

It is not worth another divorce to wear the chains of tradition. She should just let it go. In this case, those who made the tradition and place its heavy chains on her will bring down God’s condemnation.

 

[adrift]

Jesus or the Church? Tell me, are people of other religions married in God’s eyes? I think so. Thier condemnation will not come from fornication.

I just think that this woman is being manipulated by tradition. The Bible forbids divorce, but to those who are married it is told to remain as they are (I Corinthians 7). This woman’s heart is broken because the Church declares her legal marriage to her husband void, and therefore she cannot receive communion.

What do you think the pope would say? I think he would give her an annulment on the spot, in order to respect tradition, but he would not let this go un dealt with, even if it meant dispensing with the tradition, like limbo was dispensed.

It is not worth another divorce to wear the chains of tradition. She should just let it go. In this case, those who made the tradition and place its heavy chains on her will bring down God’s condemnation.

The Church is the bride of Jesus and they are one.
Her husband was divorced. Her marriage is legal but not moral.
The heavy chains are being put on by you. You are using human reason for Gods. The Church did not say that divorce was wrong Jesus did. Be careful in encouraging others to sin. Jesus talked about that too.

 

[quiet52]

Dear kaefae,
I urge you to keep praying without ceasing, and continue to attend mass, sister in Christ. A woman who is in a situation similar to yours recently told me that she receives some consolation when she joins the procession of communicants, and stands before the priest with her arms crossed over her chest to receive a blessing – knowing this blessing is not a substitute for the Eucharist, of course. She prays the rosary frequently also.
Bear this cross trusting that God is merciful and that His Spirit will help you to endure this trial.

 

[kaefae]

Thank you so much to everyone that has replied to my message. Also, thank you VERY much for your prayers. Please also pray that I use the strength that God gives me to be a good example of a Christian to my husband.

Some answers to your questions…Hi Mary Bobo, my husband refuses to go through the annulment process because he says the Catholic Church is overstepping its bounds & is overly controlling.

Thank you, Riley259 for expressing the way you have dealt with your similar situation. I plan to take your advice on going to Eucharist Adoration more often. Regarding abstinence, I really believe that my husband would be more repelled from the Catholic faith if I told him we needed to live as brother & sister. I understand that this is 1 of the only 2 options I have to receive communion right now but I guess that I would rather be a bit more patient with him. I want to encourage his faith in God & an affection to the Catholic Church. In our relationship I find that if I’m patient and don’t push for things then he usually comes around but usually, it’s about much smaller issues. Normally, we don’t have big issues b/c most other areas of our relationship are positive. My husband doesn’t respond well to ultimatums.

MCHIUM - the truths written in your third paragraph are so powerful about God’s love and ability to go where human love cannot! This all powerful love of God is what I count on to change my husbands’ heart. My husband is extremely intellectual, well educated, physically very healthy and very ‘in control’ of his life in all areas (he’s self-employed). He’s not overly controlling with me but I can see how he’d have a very difficult time with turning control of his life over to God. Letting go of the reins & giving them to God when he’s always been so controlling will take a miracle but I know that anything is possible with God.

Hi Quiet52 - I did this at mass as well, crossed myself & received a blessing vs. the Eucharist. It’s emotionally very difficult but I believe that I do need to just force myself back into it. I do pray the rosary, sometimes daily but I’ve been out of the habit lately, which is crazy and shows a lack of dedication on my part. Mary has always brought me closer to Christ. She always responds to me and I often appeal to her intercession for my husband and our situation b/c she is so powerful. I will return to my regular habit of saying the rosary daily.

Thank you, again, for your all of your prayers & support. May God bestow his love and many blessings to all of you!

 

[Pax]

I will pray for you and your husband.