I always feel blocked from living my purpose, and like I'm just getting by

[LuciaPacifici]

It seems everyone I know is living their call. Marriage, working for the church, studying theology, discerning single life, religious life. Becoming priests and nuns.

Meanwhile I took random odd jobs and currently work at a media company that produces some content that isn’t necessarily bad, but isn’t in any way vital to the goodness of humanity. I’m grateful and do my best work, but I feel vapid.

I tried for years to work for the church but was rejected. I couldn’t help feel that everyone didn’t want me in church and thought I wasn’t a real catholic due to those rejections.

I’ve also for years felt called to a specific line of work that serves others, called strongly, but I get nothing but repeated rejections. It seems everything I feel call and desire to deep in my soul, doesn’t even want me.

I have a bf now and pray to discern. Still, everyone else said like ONE prayer or I said ONE prayer for them, and poof! Their spouse or religious vocation fell into place. People who told me they spent zero time discerning until then.

I prayed hundreds of rosaries, masses, novenas, fasts to live my path. No regrets, but why am I still not living my calling?

Why am I such a loser? All I do is offer everything up. But there is no direct purpose in my career or activities that’s directly about God or even of essential service. Just working to eat. I never wanted a corporate career, only family.

I also have talents I should use but I am so blocked with them right now and so tired from work I fail at everything else.

I can’t help with every disappointment and failure again that God thinks I’m not worth it.

I feel cursed and have since I was 12. I often think that broken family and dark spirituality surrounding my family truly cursed me.

 

[Annie]

Hi Lucia,
It seems like in western societies, everyone is supposed to Accomplish Great Things, right? In fact, I remember a really long thread where a non-Catholic was trying to figure out why Mary is considered so great in the Catholic Church, after all, what did she do?

I think a lot of people are supposed to be like support staff and just do little things, live out the states of our lives as well as we can and cooperate with God’s grace. There are probably a lot of saints we never even heard of because they were just leading little lives, but doing it so well that they attained the highest level of sanctity.

So, don’t think about what God wants you to accomplish, think about how He wants you to do the things in your life today, and what you can do to make the lives of those around you better.

We are here to know, love, and serve God in this world. Don’t neglect your relationship with God! Spiritual reading, meditative prayer, fasting, and alms-giving are also necessary!

I will try to write more later, but a question to ask yourself (not to answer here) may be: why do you want a family? I realized at one point that I wanted a family because I like children, and since getting married was not in the picture at that time, I decided to do some volunteer work with children.

May God bless you!

 

[LuciaPacifici]

I agree, we do not need to change the world in a big way to be holy or to matter. Doing every little thing with love is where it’s at. And I do think I have some basic spiritual habits down.

What bothers me is when I feel my work is actually antithetical to God’s goals, but I can’t exactly just quit. Or, certain talents I know God has given me that I ought to use, at the least for His glory, even if no one sees my work. If all I can do is offer up my pain, with no energy for my calling, I feel bad.

At one point Padre Pio was forced to enlist in the army. He was unhappy and wished to be back in religious life. It’s not that serving the military is not holy, it’s that his true calling was frustrated.

I simply wish to follow even these little paths God wants me on. Maybe my purpose at work is to be the only Catholic, to show people what it’s like. But I feel called to a family and to do my art. Nothing major, just simplicity. So why did God keep sending me a corporate job? Many women are dying for this sort of job, yet all I wanted was to be a stay at home mom. It’s ironic.

 

[Trishie]

God bless you Lucia for your wonderful spirit.
I don’t know if there is anything in the following words of Saint Therese that might encourage you?,
kind wishes, Trishie

“It is God’s will that in this world souls shall dispense to each other, by prayer, the treasures of Heaven, in order that when they reach their everlasting Home they may love one another with grateful hearts, and with an affection far in excess of that which reigns in the most perfect family on earth.” “I have often thought that perhaps I owe all the graces, with which I am laden, to some little soul whom I shall know only in Heaven.” [Saint Therese of Lisieux]

Therese of Lisieux elucidates how to live as child before God. “The only way to advance rapidly in the path of love is to always remain very little” “‘Remaining little’ means—to recognise ones nothingness, to await everything from the goodness of God, to avoid being much troubled at our faults; finally, not to be worried about amassing spiritual riches.”

“A Christian should always remember that the value of his good works is not based on their number and excellence but on the love of God which prompts him to do these things.” (Saint John of the Cross) “Do not say, “God will consider the number of my gifts.” [Ecclesiasticus 7:9]

“Offer to God the sacrifice of never gathering any fruit. If He wills that throughout your whole life, you should feel a repugnance to suffering and humiliation—if He permits that all the flowers of your desires and of your good will should fall to the ground without any fruit appearing, do not worry. At the hour of death He will cause fruits to ripen on the tree of your soul.” (Saint Therese quoted by Celine in ‘Counsels and Reminiscences’

Saint Therese of Lisieux, Carmelite contemplative nun, places my writings in perspective. “Believe me,” Therese told her sister Celine, “the writing of pious books, the composing of the most sublime poetry, all that does not equal the smallest act of self-denial.”

Saint Therese of Lisieux encourages us in our attempts towards holiness in our vocation to love and serve. Of her own response to the call, she wrote, “This desire could certainly appear daring if one were to consider how weak and imperfect I was, and how after seven years in the religious life, I am still weak and imperfect. I always feel, however, the same bold confidence of becoming a great saint because I do not count on my own merits since I have none, but I trust in God who is Virtue and Holiness. God alone, content with my weak efforts, will raise me to Himself and make me a saint, clothing me in His infinite merits. I didn’t think then that one had to suffer very much to reach sanctity, but God was not long in showing me this was so and in sending me the trials I have already mentioned.”

Therese remarked that such holiness may “not be evident to the eyes of mortals.”
We draw hope from this saint of ‘the consecrated ordinary’, whom Pope John Paul 2 declared a Doctor of the Church on October 19, 1997. Many Sisters in her Carmelite community were unaware of the holiness of her ‘ordinary’ deeds of kindness, and doubted that anything worthwhile could appear in her obituary circular.

I implore God for ‘everyday’ love and trust such as Therese maintained before temptations of doubt and suffering. Like her, in ordinariness made holy by union with Jesus our God who lived ‘the ordinary life’, for 30 years prior to His public Ministry, (and thereby witnessed the ordinary life well-lived as sacred in God’s eyes) we must become shining lights in an era when disbelief, humanism and self-absorption prevail.

“If you feel too lazy to pick up a bit of thread, and yet do so for love of Jesus, you acquire more merit than for a much nobler action done in a moment of fervour. Instead of grieving, be glad that, by allowing you to feel your own weakness, our Lord is furnishing you with an opportunity of saving a greater number of souls.” (Saint Therese of Lisieux)

In response to a novice who was discouraged , Therese said, “You make me think of a little child that is learning to stand but does not know how to walk. In his desire to reach to top of the stairs to find his mother, he lifts his little foot to climb the first step. It is all in vain, and at each renewed effort he falls.” “Well, be like that little child. Always keep lifting your foot to climb the ladder of holiness, and do not imagine that you can mount even the first step. All God asks of you is good will. From the top of the ladder, He looks lovingly upon you, and soon, touched by your fruitful efforts, He will Himself come down, and taking you in His arms, will carry you to His Kingdom never again to leave Him. But should you cease to raise your foot, you will be left for long on the earth.”

“You must never believe, when you don’t practice virtue, that it is due to some natural cause like illness, time, or grief. You must draw a great lesson in humility from it and take your place among the little souls, since you are able to practice virtue only in such a feeble manner.” Therese added, “What is necessary for you now is not to practice heroic virtues but to acquire humility. For that, your victories must of necessity always be mixed with failures, so that you cannot take any pleasure in thinking about them.”

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Be little with God. He loves little souls the most. In the world it’s all about what we do… this is not how it is with God. He wants your heart, not just your work for the Church, your intent to do this work is enough. If you feel rejected, that might be from people but not from God. Many Saints felt rejected too. St Gemma Galgani tried very hard to become a Passionist nun, and this didn’t happen because of people’s lack of cooperation. St John of God is a Saint I remember hearing about, where he seemed to be rejected everywhere. Jesus was rejected too and still is, by so many. It’s a hidden path, to join Him in this, but we can do that if we offer Him our feelings of being rejected, to console Him for His loneliness in the Tabernacle.

Maybe the time hasn’t come yet for what you call your calling… but think of the present. Right now, you are not living in some sort of a limbo “before your calling”. You are living in the present and the present moment is all we can offer to God. Right now, you are called to love God where you are. In THAT way you will fulfill His Will for you. His Will is not just somewhere in the future, it is precisely where you are now, including the crosses you have to bear now. Nothing is “by accident”, and everything is for our good, to make us more holy. This present time for you is there to make you more holy, even if it seems otherwise.

It’s not so much what we do, it’s the love with which we do it and our submission to God’s Will. Try to make God part of everything, even the little things that don’t seem to be about Him. He wants to be part of everything in your life, not just an apostolate.

Jesus told approved Catholic mystics that He waits for us all night in the Tabernacle before we visit Him. We don’t need to do anything great. Just love, and remember He loves you. He gives you His Heart and asks for yours… your heart, not just the work or apostolate you can do, because it is of worth to Him.

Jesus also told a Catholic mystic that a soul is worth more to Him than the created Universe… try to reflect on that truth.

Here’s something that I wrote in my blog a while ago but it reminds me of what you wrote: https://maryslittleflower.wordpress.com/2016/08/17/unique-and-precious/
No matter how ordinary or insignificant you may feel in the world, there is only one of you for Jesus. He knows your face and your voice from all the others…

Try to just spend time with Jesus and see that He delights in loving you and giving of Himself to you!

 

[TheHolyTrinity]

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

– St. Paul the Apostle

Reading your experiences brought to mind spiritual warfare, why because your experiences are from all corners of your life. Your work, your friends, your family and your spirituality. From what you discribe you are close to the Lord. The more we draw closer to the Lord, the more intense the spiritual warfare becomes.

According to the Catechism, “the whole of man’s history has been a story of dour combat with the powers of evil, stretching, so our Lord tells us, from the very dawn of history until the last day. This dramatic situation of the whole world, which is in the power of the evil one, makes man’s life a battle.”

The books below are a good arsenal in spiritual warfare and book can be purchased for a nominal amount, I think one booklet purchased is for free:
http://www.valentinepublishinghouse.com/index.htm

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Trust in the Lord. Sing his praises outloud, quote scriptures out loud. Do not at accept any lies on your path. Stand firm on the the Lords promises.

This will make Satan run and will cancel any assignments made on your daily life.

Trust in the Lord
THT

 

[LuciaPacifici]

Thank you for these replies…such important reminders to do small things with great love. I’m around so many catholic high achievers it’s easy to lose perspective. I guess just one step at a time. And yes spiritual warfare is so important. St. Michael pray for us!

 

[Nap66]

Why am I such a loser? All I do is offer everything up. But there is no direct purpose in my career or activities that’s directly about God or even of essential service. Just working to eat. I never wanted a corporate career, only family.

I feel the same way, especially lately. I’ve been saying the Rosary Novena asking for God to show me my purpose in this life. Since I quit my last job and moved home because I know God wanted me to, I have felt “why God, did you want me back here?” I still don’t have my answer. One thing I do know is that I have learned patience. Maybe for those of us who feel like we have no purpose, our purpose at the moment is to learn patience? I don’t know.

I also have talents I should use but I am so blocked with them right now and so tired from work I fail at everything else.

God is funny that way. I learned throughout my life that God allows me to use my talents, but I will NEVER, EVER make money from them. So we work jobs to pay the bills. Human beings set up that sort of society, God didn’t. But I have found that God does provide me my “daily bread” but in the eyes of society I am still a loser.

I can’t help with every disappointment and failure again that God thinks I’m not worth it.
I feel cursed and have since I was 12. I often think that broken family and dark spirituality surrounding my family truly cursed me.

Sometimes I think that God looks down at me and says “nah, I don’t need her to do a thing for me, I think I’ll pass.” But then I remember that I am thinking like a human and that is what fellow humans would say. God would never say that. He will show us what he needs from us in his time, and in his manner. It will never be what we think it is. Until then, he wants us to live each day as the best people we can.

As for your family - yes generational curses do exist. I know my family is involved in one. The best way to break such influences is prayer - the Rosary specifically. It has helped me tremendously.

 

[hymin]

Hope relies on your powerlessness. (cf. CCC 1817) Try to censor ambition in your mind (cf. 1 Cor 13:5), and keep taking to heart what you learned from previous posts.

 

[hymin]

S. Thomas Aquinas wrote, “But man’s happiness is something made; because according to Augustine (De Doctr. Christ. i, 3): Those things are to be enjoyed which make us happy. Therefore happiness is not something uncreated.” (STh II-II, q. 3, a. 1)

S. Bonaventure wrote, “If vanity comes from vanities and if all things are a vanity, then all that is created does not make the person who loves them happy. Rather they make such a person vain, according to what Jeremiah 2:5 says: ‘They have walked after vanity and have become vain.’ Therefore, if everyone should desire happiness and flee from vanity, then everyone should despise earthly goods.” (Com on Eccl.; Eccl 12:8, n.54)

Christians are to participate in the happiness of God, by taking on his likeness. How did the Lord use the goods of this world? How did Saint Paul use them? Many would benefit from an honest application of the lives of the saints. Only if, they censor envy and praise God for the gifts he gave them. We all need many reminders on persistent gratitude. “They should not forget about paying a visit during the day to the Most Blessed Sacrament in the very special place of honor where it is reserved in churches in keeping with the liturgical laws, since this is a proof of gratitude and a pledge of love and a display of the adoration that is owed to Christ the Lord who is present there.” (Pope Bl. Paul VI, Mysterium fidei, 66)