Follow Yeshua,
Oops. I guess I misread your OP and thought you were female.
I’m getting older (as we tend to do) and I may presume too much, but reading between the lines of your various posts I think I know where you are coming from in a general way.
I actually married twice (17 the first time) and fathered 6 children before I got a clue about being a man, a husband and a father but by the time the light began to dawn it was too late and my second ex booted me out the day after Christmas. Happy new year, eh? Anyway, it’s been a long journey now and I have ten children, 5 of whom are grown and married with kids of their own, and a great wife who is my best friend in the whole world. I partied away a lot of potential and a lot of opportunities and got sort of bitter about it for a while, until the light dawned again and I realized that I’d missed nothing but more time with my kids before they were off and running towards lives of their own. I’m nlessed.
I’m still relatively young to have lived such a full life— my sins have dashed me against the rocks, but Christ never gave up on me and has put me back together and restored the years that the worm had eaten, and now, I too break at the mere thought of my children and now grandchildren ever being as lost as I once was or having to experience the kind of brokenness that I’ve wallowed around in and feared I’d never recover from.
As a young man I had big dreams, but I failed and threw a lot of them away for a bowl of pottage. I’ve dealt with the devil and battled him (literally) since I was a small boy. I see now that all of it made me who I am. A father, a husband and a grandfather with more love for God and my family and neighbors than I ever could have conceived existed of on my own.
I can now boast of my weakness, because in my weakness Christ is strong. It almost sounds trite, unless you’d been the places I’ve been and seen the things I’ve seen and done the things I wished so often I could just bury deep away somewhere.
I’m really not sure why I rambled on so long, I just felt compelled to pour it out like maybe you needed to hear it as much as I need to own it. God IS Love! Love your family and your neighbor and you will always walk in His fellowship. God bless and keep you, brother.
All my best . . .
P.S. My mother died almost 5 years ago now, and we had moved her in to care for her towards the end of her life. We recovered a lot and forgave a lot during that time. She had always been the one constant who, along with Christ had never given up on me. When she was gone it was devastating to me, so much so that years later, after a particularly rough time I remember telling my wife how much I missed her and broke down. I remeber saying, “I want my mom.” Imagine, a grown man with grandchildren already, weeping and still needing his mom. It wasn’t long afterwards that Christ revealed the Truth of His Church to me and I began my real journey into the Church. Little did I realize when I cried out for my mom that night, that Christ would answer and present His own Mother to me as a gift. I still think my mother was praying for me and that wish was the broken prayer that my mother, and Christ’s Mother presented to Christ who had mercy and compassion on me yet again.
Just thought I’d share. PM anytime. I’d love to hear your personal story.
Welcome aboard this crazy place. Glad to have you. (I spent a couple of years in exile in Winslow back in my high school days. Love Arizona.)
