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"I am Adam Lanza's mother" -- what it's like to be the mother of a mentally ill son
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Bill_Martin
Guest
That was an excellent article that gets to the root of the problem.
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pollycarp
Guest
Very sad.
Where are the fathers?
Where are the fathers?
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Christine85
Guest
The person should go to an institution for the criminally insane.
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Bill_Martin
Guest
We don’t have any, that’s the problem. Asylums began to close after the 50’s. Interestingly, we didn’t have the mass murders occurring with the frequency that we do today before they closed. The first school massacre (I’m talking about an indiscriminate killing, not just a murder that happened to be on school property) was in 1927. The next one was well after WWII.The person should go to an institution for the criminally insane.
There is no denying that there were many asylums that had horrible conditions and needed change. But the emotionally driven argument wanted them shut down–not simply reformed. This is the result. We have no adequate substitute.
edited to add: Additionally, homeless rates went up too after the institutions closed down. We need to accept the uncomfortable fact that some people with certain disorders cannot function in society. It’s not fair to them,their families, or the rest of us to hold onto this rosy idea that they will just adjust to normal life.
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creole54
Guest
Seriously? Would it not be kinder, more charitable, more loving and less expensive to provide people with psychotic brain diseases access to affordable mental health care and anti-psychotic drugs that will enable them to lead relatively normal lives?The person should go to an institution for the criminally insane.
Wouldn’t it be kinder, more charitable and more loving to erase the stigma of mental disease so that people wouldn’t be ashamed to say they have a problem and get the help they need?
Threatening mentally ill people with being locked up will only cause them to delay getting treatment, and then we’ll have 10 times the number of unmedicated people on the streets than we do now.
Also, which mental illnesses will warrant being locked up? Bipolar? Manic depressive? Autism, depression, schizophrenia? You do realize, don’t you, that 20% of the US population has a mental/nervous disorder of some kind?
Let’s lock them all up! Except us, of course. We’re fine.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Divorce. And unmarried mothers.Very sad.
Where are the fathers?
Kids like Adam Lanza should never have been left alone with his mother.
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Jala
Guest
Being divorced, or even never married, is still no excuse to not be there for your children.Divorce. And unmarried mothers.
Jala
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Seeker1961
Guest
There is still such a huge stigma attached to mental illness in this country that we will talk about anything else to avoid it. We’re talking about weapons bans, prayer in school, TV and movies, video games, divorce…everything but the real issue behind these tragedies.
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DaveBj
Guest
How are we going to erase the stigma of mental disease when every month or so, someone who is obviously mentally ill walks into a crowded venue and kills several people before offing himself? People are going to start calling the cops on anyone who is just mumbling to himself – and I do that.Wouldn’t it be kinder, more charitable and more loving to erase the stigma of mental disease so that people wouldn’t be ashamed to say they have a problem and get the help they need?
snip
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Delaine75
Guest
I see where you’re coming from, but sadly, I have a cousin and an uncle who are bi-polar and absolutely refuse to take the medications because they don’t like the way it makes them feel. This is bad because then everyone else has to deal with their mood swings which include intense anger, threats of violence and threats of suicide. I also have friends who are bipolar and refuse to take the medication. If people flat-out won’t take their medication to help them, then what?Seriously? Would it not be kinder, more charitable, more loving and less expensive to provide people with psychotic brain diseases access to affordable mental health care and anti-psychotic drugs that will enable them to lead relatively normal lives?
Wouldn’t it be kinder, more charitable and more loving to erase the stigma of mental disease so that people wouldn’t be ashamed to say they have a problem and get the help they need?
Threatening mentally ill people with being locked up will only cause them to delay getting treatment, and then we’ll have 10 times the number of unmedicated people on the streets than we do now.
Also, which mental illnesses will warrant being locked up? Bipolar? Manic depressive? Autism, depression, schizophrenia? You do realize, don’t you, that 20% of the US population has a mental/nervous disorder of some kind?
Let’s lock them all up! Except us, of course. We’re fine.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
Well, but in reality, the fathers can desert their children, or end up in prison, or just not have anything to do with the child after it’s born. No of course it’s not an excuse but society is just so messed up.Being divorced, or even never married, is still no excuse to not be there for your children.
Jala
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creole54
Guest
How many people per year are killed in mass slaughters perpetrated by someone with a mental disability? Less than 100? That’s 1% of the number of people killed by drunk drivers, but no one is calling for prohibition or for locking up everyone who takes a drink. It seems like the numbers are higher because of the sensationalism and mass hysteria that accompanies a school or mall shooting incident. I’m by no means trivializing the pain of loss of the families of those killed. I’m just saying let’s put it in perspective. Yes, there is evil out there, but very little of it is done by people with mental disorders.How are we going to erase the stigma of mental disease when every month or so, someone who is obviously mentally ill walks into a crowded venue and kills several people before offing himself? People are going to start calling the cops on anyone who is just mumbling to himself – and I do that.
Maybe we could start erasing the stigma by changing the way it’s reported, by educating people about mental disabilities so they weren’t seen by the public as these horrific monsters, but as people who were suffering from a debilitating illness every bit as devastating as cancer or heart disease. My heart goes out to the shooter who suffered from who-knows-what mental disability just as much as it does for the children whose lives were cut short.
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robwar
Guest
yes, this guy was sick but his mother had a bunch of guns at the home that were not locked away. She also taught him how to shoot and use them. If you have a child that has problems, it is totally irresponsible to have assault weapons in the house and open for his use. Now she and 20 others have paid for this lack of judgement.
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creole54
Guest
Agreed absolutely, robwar! I keep waiting for some report that would explain why she had those guns. Has anyone heard anything about it?
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iloveangels
Guest
The author also talks about her dealings with the medical establishment. There are real problems getting a person into treatment and getting the insurance to pay for the treatment. She mentions this in the article–how there weren’t “beds” available for her son even though he was in serious shape. Note how fast they treat him and get him back out of the hospital. This mother in Connecticut may not have had much choice about how she was trying to deal with her son. In the absence of a clear diagnosis it may have been very difficult. I’d hate to think what may well have been going on in that house in the last year. These things are more common than people think.How many people per year are killed in mass slaughters perpetrated by someone with a mental disability? Less than 100? That’s 1% of the number of people killed by drunk drivers, but no one is calling for prohibition or for locking up everyone who takes a drink. It seems like the numbers are higher because of the sensationalism and mass hysteria that accompanies a school or mall shooting incident. I’m by no means trivializing the pain of loss of the families of those killed. I’m just saying let’s put it in perspective. Yes, there is evil out there, but very little of it is done by people with mental disorders.
Maybe we could start erasing the stigma by changing the way it’s reported, by educating people about mental disabilities so they weren’t seen by the public as these horrific monsters, but as people who were suffering from a debilitating illness every bit as devastating as cancer or heart disease. My heart goes out to the shooter who suffered from who-knows-what mental disability just as much as it does for the children whose lives were cut short.
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robwar
Guest
thank-you. I also thought I heard that he was into Goth which is pretty violent. People think violent games are innocent but a steady diet of that junk combined with a home with a bunch of guns and a lonely young man with aspergers and mental problems is an time bomb waiting to happen and it did.Agreed absolutely, robwar! I keep waiting for some report that would explain why she had those guns. Has anyone heard anything about it?
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benjammin
Guest
The thing I find sad about this is that Mr. Lanza is giving a bad name to a lot of kids with Autism and Aspergers who are wonderful children. I have a good friend of mine who has Aspergers, and though he struggles with his disorder, he is one of the most intelligent human beings I know and a good friend. My brother also is a high functioning autistic and he is probably the kindest and most loving human being I know in spite of having a disorder which supposedly limits empathy and feeling for others.
Sadly, I get the feeling people will want asylums back open when instead we should be treating these people with counseling medication. Sure Asylums may have worked, but there was just too much abuse. We need to treat the people, not lock them up.
Sadly, I get the feeling people will want asylums back open when instead we should be treating these people with counseling medication. Sure Asylums may have worked, but there was just too much abuse. We need to treat the people, not lock them up.
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Aggie414
Guest
I work in a courtroom and on a daily basis I see the results of the mentally ill who refuse to get treatment. The court system will send them to the state hospital when it becomes apparent that they’re a danger to themselves or others, they get stabilized on medicines, and then they’re released to be followed up by private doctors or the MHMR in their community. But you cannot force them to take their medications. And I do realize the side effects of the medications can be horrible, but they’re necessary.
Unfortunately there’s not a lot to be done with the mentally ill when they commit crimes. It becomes the role of the justice system to protect others from them.
In most situations of the mentally ill there are signs; but until they commit a crime or harm themselves, there’s not a lot that can be done because they have rights. I’m not in favor of just willy-nilly usurping people’s rights, but people do have a right not to be hurt by the mentally ill. It’s a vicious cycle, and I’m not real sure what the answer to the problem is as long as we’re willing to not recognize that mental illness must be dealt with before the crime happens.
Unfortunately there’s not a lot to be done with the mentally ill when they commit crimes. It becomes the role of the justice system to protect others from them.
In most situations of the mentally ill there are signs; but until they commit a crime or harm themselves, there’s not a lot that can be done because they have rights. I’m not in favor of just willy-nilly usurping people’s rights, but people do have a right not to be hurt by the mentally ill. It’s a vicious cycle, and I’m not real sure what the answer to the problem is as long as we’re willing to not recognize that mental illness must be dealt with before the crime happens.
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Incomplete
Guest
I have a friend who, with his wife, had two children.
One is a daughter, currently in a convent, discerning.
The other is a son, and he is a lot like the child described in the article, except he isn’t a child anymore. He has been diagnosed with, among other things, Intermittent Explosive Disorder. But counseling and meds haven’t helped.
In fact, he ended up selling drugs, including his meds. He ended up in jail, and ultimately ended up in house arrest with one of those monitoring bracelets at his parents’ home.
He threatened to kill my friend. My friend took him seriously enough that he did not sleep in his home while his son was there. Once the son went to bed, my friend would sleep elsewhere.
The son lives elsewhere now. But all the counseling and meds in the world didn’t help. I have no idea if this man will be the next one we hear of in the news. I do know it has been very difficult for everyone.
It has weighed a lot on my mind since the shooting. I posted this so people understand that it can be complicated, that people who suggest a place for the mentally ill are not being cold. Meds and counseling are not always effective.
But while I’m at it, I would appreciate prayers for this young man and his family. Thanks.
One is a daughter, currently in a convent, discerning.
The other is a son, and he is a lot like the child described in the article, except he isn’t a child anymore. He has been diagnosed with, among other things, Intermittent Explosive Disorder. But counseling and meds haven’t helped.
In fact, he ended up selling drugs, including his meds. He ended up in jail, and ultimately ended up in house arrest with one of those monitoring bracelets at his parents’ home.
He threatened to kill my friend. My friend took him seriously enough that he did not sleep in his home while his son was there. Once the son went to bed, my friend would sleep elsewhere.
The son lives elsewhere now. But all the counseling and meds in the world didn’t help. I have no idea if this man will be the next one we hear of in the news. I do know it has been very difficult for everyone.
It has weighed a lot on my mind since the shooting. I posted this so people understand that it can be complicated, that people who suggest a place for the mentally ill are not being cold. Meds and counseling are not always effective.
But while I’m at it, I would appreciate prayers for this young man and his family. Thanks.
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