I don’t think this discussion is getting anywhere with you, and I believe that the reason it isn’t is because you are asking proof for the unproveable. You cannot absolutely prove the existance of God. Also, you cannot absolutely prove God does not exist. It takes just as much faith to be an athiest as it does to be a believer. You have to BELIEVE there is not God if you are an athiest. Just as you have to BELIEVE there is one if you are a thiest.
So you are stuck, aren’t you? You are not truly an athiest, because you would like to believe. You said so yourself. And you pray. Just out of habit? I don’t think so. Just in case is probably more like it. A true athiest does not pray, even out of habit. That would be quite illogical.
Yet you aren’t a thiest, because you say you can’t believe. So what do you do in this untenable situation? You come to a Catholic forum and pose a series of questions which basically have nothing to do with with the situation you are in, and then expect others to provide answers for you, and then argue about the answers. You expect us to do what you cannot do. We cannot believe for you, and we cannot make you believe.
This is the most we can do, and I’m going to relate it to science: Have you ever SEEN an atom? Or a proton, neutron, or electron? No, but you believe in the atomic theory, and you believe they exist and do their thing, because you see the evidence for their existance. You see the effects. And you believe. Yet you do not have absolute proof. It is the same way with God. We see the evidence for His existance in the universe. We have seen the effects of His existance in our lives. So we believe. That is the most we can do for you, is tell you this, we cannot give you absolute proof. So don’t criticize us and say we are not answering your questions. We are, you just don’t like the fact that we can’t prove the unproveable. And neither can you.
So you are going to have to do the best you can to solve your dilemma, in wanting to believe, but not being able to. I think you have mislabeled yourself as an athiest–you just don’t know. And that is all right. That will keep your mind open to possibilities. I suggest you drop all the questions about religion, hell, morals, science, the Bible, etc., and find the answer to your basic question first. If you decide that God does not exist, they are pretty useless to you. If you decide He does, then you go from there.