I am an out gay man. Ask me anything.

[Exalt]

Questions :3

1. Do you plan on raising children?
2. How do you plan on leaving a lasting impression on others in your lifetime?
3. Would you say in your society (oh man TX) is generally accepting or not accepting of your decision to express your homosexuality?
4. Did any part of Q3 affect your decision to be “out”?
5. If you had to rate your mental “fortitude”, 10 being nirvana and 1 being nervous wreck, where would you place yourself?
6. How would you characterize your body type?
7. At what age did you come to realize you were gay?
8. How many SSA people do you know?
9. What is something you are much better than most people at?
10. What is something you are worst than most people at?
11. Why are you choose Exalt as your handle on CAF and what are your goals in staying at CAF?

Sorry if these have been asked and answered. Maybe more Qs to follow.

1. Raising children is something I’m going to very seriously consider. I’m only (almost) twenty-five, though, so it’s a long way off.
2. I plan on being remembered by being excellent, at everything. Being an excellent friend, an excellent worker, an excellent son, etc. I want people to remember me as a devoted, loving, caring, thoughtful human being, and I plan to make that happen by simply being an excellent person.
3. My town and society and family is definitely accepting of gay people. I never feel threatened. I live in Austin, by the way, but I hear all the major cities in Texas are pretty gay-accepting. I’ve had no problems expressing affection openly in public.
4. The acceptance of my society didn’t really have an effect on my decision to come out. I would have come out regardless of where I lived. My devotion to the truth and honesty came first.
5. I’d rate my mental fortitude at 10. For sure. I experience a profound happiness and peace moreso within the last year than at any time in my life.
6. I’d say I have a light athletic build. I exercise regularly.
7. I realized I was exclusive attracted to other men at around age 13 or so, pretty much as soon as I hit puberty.
8. I know dozens and dozens of gay people. More than 50, at least. More than I can count without taking a long time to think about it.
9. A thing I’m good at: I’d like to think I’m pretty freaking good at video games, honestly. Probably better than most people.
10. A thing I’m bad at: I’m reaaaally bad at memorizing things. I’ve always failed hard at foreign languages for that reason.
11. Why I picked my handle, Exalt: At the time, I was a conservative Catholic, and I think there were a few events we held with the name Exalt, and I thought it was cool-sounding. Why I still visit here: I’m still totally interested in religion. It’s one of my passions.

 

[Exalt]

Question: Why does it seem gay people decide that their identity derives from their sexual preference?

A heterosexual person will choose a dozen or so other attributes before offering their sexual preference as a key identifier.

Why is that?

For instance, if someone asked me who I was I might offer the following list.

I am child of God
I am a Catholic
I am a man
I am a husband
I am a father
I am an American
I am of Irish descent
I am an engineer
I am a Marine
I am a veteran
I am a combat veteran
I am a college graduate
I am from NC
I am white
I am a runner
I am a catechist
I am a heterosexual.

Why is this, that’s a fair and legitimate and charitable question.

For many of us, me included, dealing with our sexual identity was a big deal. I ended up with a very strained relationship with my parents, *and *I ended up losing most of my friends over the issue. Plus, it’s was just plain tough on me to go from believing that homosexuality was a sin to realizing that was an unreasonable position, to then actually slowly changing the way I fundamentally felt about it. It took a while for me to even grow comfortable in my own skin. Saying the words “I’m gay” felt like the hardest thing in the world five years ago.

So, having gotten over all that, my identity as a gay person is important to me. Is it as important as some of my other identities? Maybe not. I haven’t really thought to rank them. But it is important.

 

[Exalt]

I stepped away for a couple of hours, and I’m already behind. Love this thread!

Exalt, I suppose I’ll play along and ask you a question myself (and sorry if you’ve already answered this one – it’s hard to keep track on here).

How do you feel about those who choose to ignore their SSA and live a life of chastity within the Catholic Church?

Do you think that it is foolish, or even harmful?

And do you think that your opinion on this matter is in line with the majority of homosexuals?

That’s a tough question. My honest answer is this: Having lived it for a time, I think it’s unfortunate. A celibate person really does miss out on so much. There’s something about romantic relationships that you can’t really experience elsewhere, and I feel bad that they’re missing out on a very important part of being human.

Not that it’s all good. Sex and relationships have their own dangers and risks, of course, just like everything else in life. There are ups and downs, disappointments and joys.

And yes, I believe that my opinion above is most likely shared by most out gay people. We’ve all been closeted at one point or another. It’s not a happy place.

 

[Exalt]

Exalt, given your rather young age, do you think perhaps you might change your views about Catholicism in the future after further study and reasoning, since you say you’re continuously reading about religion?

Yes, absolutely. If there’s one thing about me that I hope is always true, it’s that I’m hopelessly addicted to truth – and reason, and evidence. I think my history has demonstrated that I’m willing to give up almost everything in pursuit of, and service to, the truth.

 

[Exalt]

God’s peace. Joining this thread rather late, I am a PhD biologist. Exalt, you said:

“Evolution by natural selection seems to be the way all life came to it’s present state, humans included.”

Really? Can you explain how natural selection could produce homosexuality, since by its very nature it removes you from the gene pool? The ONLY thing natural selection favors is differential reproduction. It has no grand visions of “saving the planet from human overpopulation” or any other such nonsense that I have heard advanced by gay advocates as an excuse for their behavior. What IS obvious is the way that male and female bodies and psychologies are exquisitely fitted to one another, in fact MADE for one another.

You cannot use evolution as a prop for your perversion of human sexual function and relationship. What you have is a presupposition that has produced a faith, not a scientifically-based conclusion. Blessings, ~Br. Carlo~

I’m not a PhD biologist. However, it is my understanding that evolution by natural selection is the leading theory for how life developed on this planet, which was the scope of the question posted to me.

I haven’t exhaustively investigated the causes of homosexuality, so I won’t say anything about that. I’ve never really thought it was important.

I will say that in my family, my generation actually has a rather high rate of non-heterosexuality. On my father’s side, out of my seven cousins and one sister, three of us are openly gay and one is bisexual. Weird, huh?

 

[Exalt]

Sorry if I gave you a wrong idea of what I was saying. Actually, I meant exactly what I said – no more, no less. I really think that under the outer layer of your “I don’t believe personality,” that you do believe deeply in God and need to feel His love. Hence the deep interest in religion. Truthfully, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. We were all born to be with God, and as St. Augustine says, “Our hearts are restless 'til they rest in Thee.”

Well, I’m not sure what else to say other than I really, honestly don’t believe in a supreme being of any kind. That’s the truth.

 

[Captain_America]

I’ve looked a good bit, and haven’t found anything that shows that science has definitively figured out the cause(s) of homosexuality. I wish I knew; it’s a loud issue in contemporary society, and you’d think the science would be there!

As a white male, I’m realizing that more than once I’ve felt the negative effect of affirmative action, to wit, preferential treatment of women. I’m feeling like it’s a negative; I just don’t get the “benefits” of being a white male that social liberals and such tell me I’m supposed to be getting. Where’s my money and position? I learned I could not pursue my first and most beloved career option due to preferential hiring practices. That was the very toughest part of it; there have been a number of other situations in which being a white male was a disadvantage.

(Now someone’s sure to say, “stop crying” etc., or “you’re exaggerating”, but these are really only ways of blaming the victim. Affirmative action/preferential treatment is not a win-win deal; there are people who get treated unjustly as a result.)

I point all this out to wonder whether straight white males may eventually feel they’re all getting stiffed by society.

 

[meltzerboy]

God’s peace. Joining this thread rather late, I am a PhD biologist. Exalt, you said:

“Evolution by natural selection seems to be the way all life came to it’s present state, humans included.”

Really? Can you explain how natural selection could produce homosexuality, since by its very nature it removes you from the gene pool? The ONLY thing natural selection favors is differential reproduction. It has no grand visions of “saving the planet from human overpopulation” or any other such nonsense that I have heard advanced by gay advocates as an excuse for their behavior. What IS obvious is the way that male and female bodies and psychologies are exquisitely fitted to one another, in fact MADE for one another.

You cannot use evolution as a prop for your perversion of human sexual function and relationship. What you have is a presupposition that has produced a faith, not a scientifically-based conclusion. Blessings, ~Br. Carlo~

Therefore, do you believe homosexual orientation is a moral (or, rather, immoral) choice? If so, why do you think one would choose a sexual preference (or perversion, as you call it) that causes one to be despised and discriminated against by so many people?

 

[WesleyF]

Did you have a good relationship with your father?

 

[WesleyF]

How was your relationship with your mother?

How was the relationship between your mother and father?

 

[meltzerboy]

I’ve looked a good bit, and haven’t found anything that shows that science has definitively figured out the cause(s) of homosexuality. I wish I knew; it’s a loud issue in contemporary society, and you’d think the science would be there!

As a white male, I’m realizing that more than once I’ve felt the negative effect of affirmative action, to wit, preferential treatment of women. I’m feeling like it’s a negative; I just don’t get the “benefits” of being a white male that social liberals and such tell me I’m supposed to be getting. Where’s my money and position? I learned I could not pursue my first and most beloved career option due to preferential hiring practices. That was the very toughest part of it; there have been a number of other situations in which being a white male was a disadvantage.

(Now someone’s sure to say, “stop crying” etc., or “you’re exaggerating”, but these are really only ways of blaming the victim. Affirmative action/preferential treatment is not a win-win deal; there are people who get treated unjustly as a result.)

I point all this out to wonder whether straight white males may eventually feel they’re all getting stiffed by society.

I think this topic really deserves a separate thread: “Affirmative Action gone awry,” perhaps. As it relates to homosexuality, however, whoever is taking your job is probably NOT a gay person.

 

[StrawberryJam]

Hey everyone.

I’ve been thinking about doing this type of thread around here for a while, and I happen to have a few days free to post here.

A few notes:

• AMA, or “Ask Me Anything” threads are common on forums around the internet. It’s an opportunity for a group of participants to get to know someone from a novel background, and ask them all kinds of interesting questions. It’s a chance to dialogue, to learn from one another.
• I’m not here to press any agenda. The only reason I’m here is that I am curious and interested in religion and religious people – conservative Catholicism in particular. I don’t particularly care about persuading anyone of anything; evangelism is not my concern here. That being said, even though I’m not here to persuade anyone, you are totally free to attempt to persuade me or press any agenda you want. Remember, I’m here because I’m curious about you!
• I will answer every question completely honestly, and no question is off limits so long as it’s allowed by the forum rules.

Why am I here? Essentially, I’m curious about what actual conservative Catholics think about gay people generally. I know many of you believe that homosexuality is immoral, or that gays should not be allowed to adopt children or get married legally, or that homosexuality was caused by some early psychological trauma and might be able to be healed. But I don’t know what you would actually ask an out gay person if given the chance. Are you as curious as I am?

Let’s find out! I am an openly gay man. Ask me anything.

I’m not Catholic but would like to ask you a question and understand if you will reject or ignore it based on this fact.
Do you feel that non theists are in a situation that you can relate to?

 

[Exalt]

How was your relationship with your mother?

How was the relationship between your mother and father?

My relationship with both my parents is totally normal. When I was a kid, things were pretty much normal. I was a boy, into boyish things, and my parents were my parents and took care of me and my sister. They took us to church every Sunday, made sure we did our homework, and watched out for us. They encouraged us to be independent. They disciplined us appropriately. I’d like to think both my sister and I turned out pretty okay. I’m really not sure what else to say!

The worst crisis we’ve been through as a family was my coming out, honestly. That put more strain on us than anything else. But we got through it okay, in the end.

 

[Exalt]

I’m not Catholic but would like to ask you a question and understand if you will reject or ignore it based on this fact.
Do you feel that non theists are in a situation that you can relate to?

I’m not really sure what you mean… Care to elaborate?

 

[JackQ]

Hey everyone.

I’ve been thinking about doing this type of thread around here for a while, and I happen to have a few days free to post here.

A few notes:

• AMA, or “Ask Me Anything” threads are common on forums around the internet. It’s an opportunity for a group of participants to get to know someone from a novel background, and ask them all kinds of interesting questions. It’s a chance to dialogue, to learn from one another.
• I’m not here to press any agenda. The only reason I’m here is that I am curious and interested in religion and religious people – conservative Catholicism in particular. I don’t particularly care about persuading anyone of anything; evangelism is not my concern here. That being said, even though I’m not here to persuade anyone, you are totally free to attempt to persuade me or press any agenda you want. Remember, I’m here because I’m curious about you!
• I will answer every question completely honestly, and no question is off limits so long as it’s allowed by the forum rules.

Why am I here? Essentially, I’m curious about what actual conservative Catholics think about gay people generally. I know many of you believe that homosexuality is immoral, or that gays should not be allowed to adopt children or get married legally, or that homosexuality was caused by some early psychological trauma and might be able to be healed. But I don’t know what you would actually ask an out gay person if given the chance. Are you as curious as I am?

Let’s find out! I am an openly gay man. Ask me anything.

I believe that sodomy is immoral. I’m not sure I know what homosexuality is. I find it incredibly odd that people self-identify according to their sexual proclivities and temptations. I think that “gay couples” should be permitted to adopt at the same level as divorced and remarried couples and couples living together without marriage, meaning that if we restricted adoption to people who are coupling according to Catholic teaching we would have a lot more kids waiting for adoption. I think “gay marriage” as a legal concept treats unlike things as though they were the same, and is harmful to society because it loses sight of the basic foundation of human society which is the family. You can’t steer in the right direction if your compass is off. I have no problem, on the other hand, with accommodating concerns such as hospital visitation, insurance coverage, etc… As an organic concept I think gay marriage is an impossibility. I have no idea what causes people to desire sodomy, in particular sodomy with a member of one’s own gender, meaning I have no idea whether “homosexuality” is caused by biological factors, environmental factors, or a combination of the two.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I suppose my first question would be whether you believe that moral standards are objective.

 

[vera_dicere]

1. Evolution by natural selection seems to be the way all life came to it’s present state, humans included.

Evolution crafted male to be with female in the human species, ensuring children were created and raised primarily by a male and female, allowing the child to see the appropriate male and female role modelling and behaviours. How do you justify adoption by same sex couples if you accept evolution? Don’t you think that could damage, or at least limit the child’s development in this situation?

And if you accept evolution, where do you believe it all began?

 

[Saint_Castulus]

I believe that gay sex is a sin, no better or no worse than adultery or heterosexual copulation before holy matrimony, or beastieality, its all mortal sin.That is my belief and puts forth my complete faith in the Catholic catechism.Any further questions? please reference the concept of faith in the catechism.That said I am never mean spirited towards homosexuals,I certainly do not approve of hunting down and executing of gays such as the government of Iran tends to do.

 

[dcana]

Thank you for your reply to my questions in post #100. Yes, you did answer my question and thanks for sharing! I was very happy to read that you and your family have a good relationship now.

You seem to talk a lot about “reason” and “evidence.” In fact, in one post you said that you “learned enough to look at a collection of evidence to support a hypothesis and say that the evidence does not meet the standard required to believe the hypothesis.” Do you have any specific training in science? You sound as if you do. I have a bit, and although I still find scientific “stuff” interesting, I don’t have that much interest in it anymore because it cannot address the big and important questions in life. I know its limitations. I also know that it has no answers for the simplest of things. Please address Br. Carlo’s post #132, if you don’t mind. How do you, using your reason, explain the existence of homosexuality given that your stated belief is that “Evolution by natural selection seems to be the way all life came to its present state, humans included.” From a purely scientific, biological point of view, homosexuality is a disorder of nature and, whatever the genesis of the phenomenon, the process of natural selection will lead to the extinction of persons who are attracted to others of the same gender, especially if homosexuality does have, as many are wont to believe, genetic causes. It is disordered because it serves no purpose to the furtherance of the species, for obvious reasons.

Did you ever really and objectively, using your scientific standards, evaluate homosexuality? You know that evolution and natural selection has produced human bodies with very well-designed and well-ordered functionality. Without getting graphic, do you see that homosexual sex is using the human body for purposes it was not designed for, whether you believe that “an invisible man,” as you say, designed it, or merely millions of years of random genetic mutation and the weeding out of “undesirables” by natural selection “designed it”? The human body is really quite amazing. It’s complexity is utterly mind boggling and I can guarantee you that human ingenuity will never produce anything even remotely as complex. Scientifically speaking, I can show you, as you yourself are well aware, how evolution has produced complementarity between a man’s body and a woman’s body, from the viewpoint of both anatomy and physiology. Such complementarity does not exist between a man’s body and another man’s body.

On to other things:

In one post you said, “What is accurate is that I rejected what I’d been taught about sexuality, and the truth of orthodox Catholicism.” It seems you rejected more than orthodox Catholicism, since you say that you do not believe in God. From your post #100, your loss of belief in God and your acceptance of your “lifestyle” around 2006 seemed to occur hand-in-hand. Is this true? If so, why do you think this is?

In your experience, have you found that atheism seems to be more widespread among homosexuals than among heterosexuals?

It is interesting that you say you are an atheist who believes in objective truth. Never met one of those before, but I don’t get out much!

I noticed that you referenced the Bible a couple of times. You said, “I’m partial to John’s declaration that I shall know the truth, and the truth shall set me free.” and “What John’s gospel says about truth is one of the most profound insights ever thought, in my opinion. I just disagree with St. John on what the truth is.” Do you not believe that Jesus Christ spoke these words?

1. Do you believe that a man named Jesus of Nazareth ever existed?
2. If so, do you believe that he said, “I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life?” Do you believe that he said, “I have come from the Father” and “the Father and I are one” and “I have come not to do my own will but the will of the one who sent me?” Do you believe that he said we should pray, “Our Father, who art in heaven…?”
3. If you believe these things, what is your opinion of Jesus of Nazareth? What is your opinion of him if you don’t believe he said anything like this or made any other reference to an “all-knowing being up in the sky somewhere.” That would be odd for him not to believe in God, since he was Jewish. I’m pretty sure that Jews believe in God.
4. What would you say to him if you could talk to him? What would you like to ask him?

God’s Blessings

 

[StrawberryJam]

I’m not really sure what you mean… Care to elaborate?

Do you believe that you are being denied civil rights, and do you think you are alone in this?

 

[Exalt]

Evolution crafted male to be with female in the human species, ensuring children were created and raised primarily by a male and female, allowing the child to see the appropriate male and female role modelling and behaviours. How do you justify adoption by same sex couples if you accept evolution? Don’t you think that could damage, or at least limit the child’s development in this situation?

I don’t consider evolution to be a guide for behavior.

Regarding adoption, I’ve yet to be presented with convincing evidence that gays don’t make good adoptive parents.

And if you accept evolution, where do you believe it all began?

I’m not sure. The question fascinates me though.