I am Catholic and he is Hindu...what to do?

[lovedance4ever]

Hello all. I haven’t a clue if I am in the right forum for this topic, so I apologize if this is posted in the wrong place. At any rate, I am in need of prayers and advice regarding a situation that I am currently facing.

Several months ago, I befriended a guy from India. Mind you, he lives in India, so our contact has been limited to countless hours of talking/IMing/Skyping. Initially, I do not think either of us considered anything other than a platonic relationship; however, things changed drastically. I could see it leading in this direction, and today my feelings were confirmed when he said he loves me. Thing is, I think I am feeling the same way; he is everything I could ever hope for in a guy. ONLY problem? He’s Hindu.

Although he and his family are extremely tolerant (and even have respect for) the Catholic faith, I could never imagine myself starting a relationship with someone who was not Catholic…an entire vocabulary would be missing for us…nor would I expect him to convert solely for me. He knows I am a very devout Catholic (and even asks me to pray for him on occasion), but other than that, very rarely do we discuss religion.

What should I do? I feel at such a loss. If I cannot pursue a relationship with him, I will be saddened to think that I would lose such a wonderful man. But at the same time, the thought of starting something with a non-Catholic makes me extremely uneasy, as I know it should, as it is a tricky subject.

What would you do? What do I tell him? Should I completely forget about it? I am 19, almost 20, and he is 21, if that makes any difference.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this.

God bless

 

[adawgj]

Have you ever tried to dialogue between his faith and yours there are similarities and differences big difference is Hindu is polytheistic and Catholicism is monotheistic.

 

[SecretGarden]

If pursuing something with a non-catholic makes you uneasy, then follow your instincts and keep whatever you have a friendship. Dating within the Christian denominations is ok to a certain point, but dating outside Christianity in general, can create major problems especially if both people are extremely active in their faith. This becomes very apparent during religious holidays and later when it comes to raising children. Children need to have a sense of identity and part of that comes from the religion they grow up in. There are a lot of great guys in all religions but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to marry them. If he is a great guy, and truly your friend, he will understand. Great guys make wonderful friends and if he can’t support your decision to keep it a friendship, then you may have a difficult decision to make. There are lots of great guys out there and considering your age, I have no doubt, you will meet someone when God believes it is time.

 

[bsroufek]

Speaking from experience, you don’t want to go through the pain, separation, hardship and alienation from God by marrying a non-Catholic. It’s not worth it.

Think of your children with him.

 

[vsedriver]

What would you do? What do I tell him? Should I completely forget about it? I am 19, almost 20, and he is 21, if that makes any difference.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this.

God bless

you are very, very young. Also, you really don’t know this man. You can’t know someone who is miles away. You need to be physically near to see and hear and watch how he acts, how his family acts. Yes, you marry the family too. So if you hate your mother in law, trust me, things won’t get better after the wedding.

age, distance, and now a difference in religion. Many young people don’t realize how much this plays a part in your married lives. It usually raises an ugly head when the children come along. As a devout Catholic you know you can’t let a child of yours bow to a Hindu idol. And how do you explain to your children that daddy doesn’t believe in Jesus? It is a well known fact that the husband has a strong influence of the future faithfulness of children to God.

If you want a Catholic home where you can share your faith and devotions fully then marry a Catholic. There are a lot of nice guys out there. Let Jesus pick one out for you. This may be a very nice guy but there are at least 3 red flags on this relationship.

 

[Servant19]

I think “being a human being” trumps ALL religious affiliations.

People often think that the values between religions is vastly different, they are not. Raising children with common values based on a virtues based education is very simple in inter-faith marriages.

Majority of Hindus have no problem with educating a child to worship Jesus.

Do Catholics have issues with the child also worshiping God through Krishna? If that is the case, then its time to have a good hard look at ourselves.

 

[abinjoy]

Hello all. I haven’t a clue if I am in the right forum for this topic, so I apologize if this is posted in the wrong place. At any rate, I am in need of prayers and advice regarding a situation that I am currently facing.

Several months ago, I befriended a guy from India. Mind you, he lives in India, so our contact has been limited to countless hours of talking/IMing/Skyping. Initially, I do not think either of us considered anything other than a platonic relationship; however, things changed drastically. I could see it leading in this direction, and today my feelings were confirmed when he said he loves me. Thing is, I think I am feeling the same way; he is everything I could ever hope for in a guy. ONLY problem? He’s Hindu.

Although he and his family are extremely tolerant (and even have respect for) the Catholic faith, I could never imagine myself starting a relationship with someone who was not Catholic…an entire vocabulary would be missing for us…nor would I expect him to convert solely for me. He knows I am a very devout Catholic (and even asks me to pray for him on occasion), but other than that, very rarely do we discuss religion.

What should I do? I feel at such a loss. If I cannot pursue a relationship with him, I will be saddened to think that I would lose such a wonderful man. But at the same time, the thought of starting something with a non-Catholic makes me extremely uneasy, as I know it should, as it is a tricky subject.

What would you do? What do I tell him? Should I completely forget about it? I am 19, almost 20, and he is 21, if that makes any difference.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this.

God bless

Hi there,

Being from India I can tell you that brown skinned Indian guys easily fall for foreign women(especially for white skinned ones.I am assuming you are a white skinned one).Never seen Indian guys having a liking for black women.If you…These guys may even boast saying I have a foreign girl friend (and this is something that would make most guys jealous of him).Thats the cynical side of me.

Internet relationships are very dangerous as you may be knowing.I really don’t think it is more than an infatuation.I ve been in similar situations.How can a person who has not even seen you once so clearly says that he loves you?When I was your age I have felt that i “loved” so many girls but later on I realized that it was just an infatuation.

I recommend you praying to St. Rapahel who is the patron saint of relationships,marriages etc…He will break this if this is not meant for you.pray to Holy Spirit too.I don’t think God will lead you to a non -catholic since you always want to marry a catholic.
Pray earnestly coz no one knows what is true or whats is false

 

[504Katrin]

Hindus are sweet. I understand this. A marriage with a Hindu might be very inspirational and exciting. However, if you want to spend your life together you have to leave sweet talk aside for a moment and talk business-style first. You will have to make “contract negotiations” and discuss hard facts. A marriage must still work in times when the sweet talk ain’t working. The hard facts you discuss with him will be your pillars for your marriage. Of course, they won’t grant you an everlasting marriage as some people change basic rules after years of marriage, but they increase your chances greatly.

-How’s he going to come to the States? Is he an American ID card holder / does he have a social security number?
-Finance - Does he speak the language well enough to get engaged in a job that allows him to support a family? Does he have plans to go to school in the future? And how about yourself?
-Ask him how many kids he wants and how the kids are going to be raised religious wise in his opinion.

 

[aemcpa]

“All the gods of the heathen are devils”, the Scriptures tell us. I would never consider a relationship with someone who worships false gods. To me, it’s a non-starter.

 

[Porknpie]

Several months ago, I befriended a guy from India. Mind you, he lives in India, so our contact has been limited to countless hours of talking/IMing/Skyping. Initially, I do not think either of us considered anything other than a platonic relationship; however, things changed drastically. I could see it leading in this direction, and today my feelings were confirmed when he said he loves me.

How can you have something other than a platonic relationship on the phone? Go visit him in India. Definitely go there. Consider if you want to live there.

Thing is, I think I am feeling the same way; he is everything I could ever hope for in a guy. ONLY problem? He’s Hindu.

Your dreams and hopes were to marry a Hindu?

Although he and his family are extremely tolerant (and even have respect for) the Catholic faith, I could never imagine myself starting a relationship with someone who was not Catholic…an entire vocabulary would be missing for us…nor would I expect him to convert solely for me. He knows I am a very devout Catholic (and even asks me to pray for him on occasion), but other than that, very rarely do we discuss religion.

Major problem highlighted in bold. Adult-up and starting talking about religion…then assess how tolerant he and his family. Discuss raising children Catholic. Discuss going to Catholic church together on Sunday. Discuss Easter. Discuss Christmas. Discuss Christ. Discuss the Saint. Start discussing…

What should I do?

Discuss religion

I feel at such a loss. If I cannot pursue a relationship with him, I will be saddened to think that I would lose such a wonderful man. But at the same time, the thought of starting something with a non-Catholic makes me extremely uneasy, as I know it should, as it is a tricky subject.

What are you thinking of starting? You already have started.

What would you do? What do I tell him? Should I completely forget about it? I am 19, almost 20, and he is 21, if that makes any difference.

Yes, I would completely forget about it and attend the local Catholic youth group. But I’m not you. But a minimum, you need to discuss religion…then go visit him and decide if you want to live in India.

 

[ze100]

Lovedance4ever,

If he is not a serious Catholic, then I would recommend that you do not advance the relationship. A whole can of worms opens up if you are not on the same page with regards to Religion. Believe me, I married a lukewarm Catholic, and because of my wife’s upbringing and her general closemindedness in accepting all the doctrines of the faith, we cannot even practice NFP. We also have arguments about how to educate our four children in the faith, which parish to attend, TV or not, she is closed to having more children, etc. She calls me a religious extremist for trying to be a faithful catholic - ie. a catholic who wants to live a truly catholic life (not just Sunday once a week), and ensure the faith is passed on to our children.

It is no small coincidence that it was considered a grave sin before Vatican II to marry a non-Catholic. Our primary aim in life is to merit heaven, so you need to make sure you think with your head and not with your heart in this matter now - and not later, when you are already married, and you are regretting your choice. Today’s society puts too much of an emphasis on feelings, and not enough on the intellect - so I am very simpathetic to the dilema you are in.

You want to make sure that the husband you find is a pious man that shares your faith, desires to faithfully pass on your faith to your children, is open to having as many children as God will grant you, and wants to do the will of God = following all his commandments. A Hindu, Protestant, Muslim, and Luke-warm-Catholic don’t pass this test. I would recommend that you talk to a holy and traditional priest about the matter.

God Bless,
ze100

 

[MJJean]

I have to agree with some of the others.

You aren’t actually in a relationship with this nice Hindu man. He is miles away and you haven’t spent nearly enough time with him in person to really know him. Consider having him come visit you for a few weeks and then, if all goes well, you should travel to his home and visit with him. Interact with each other alone together and in groups, interact with each others families and friends, too. Talk about everything. Especially religion, politics, financial philosophies and child rearing. Discuss where you’d live if you were to marry in the future. See where you are then.

 

[1ke]

Majority of Hindus have no problem with educating a child to worship Jesus.

As one of many gods. Which he is not.

Do Catholics have issues with the child also worshiping God through Krishna?

Yes.

If that is the case, then its time to have a good hard look at ourselves.

It is not OK to worship false gods and it takes no examination of ourselves. What you are proposing is a relativistic viewpoint, which the Catholic Church rejects.

 

[1ke]

Several months ago, I befriended a guy from India. Mind you, he lives in India, so our contact has been limited to countless hours of talking/IMing/Skyping. Initially, I do not think either of us considered anything other than a platonic relationship; however, things changed drastically. I could see it leading in this direction, and today my feelings were confirmed when he said he loves me. Thing is, I think I am feeling the same way; he is everything I could ever hope for in a guy.

The two of you have an infatuation and a false sense of closeness due to “many hours” of skyping.

That is all. Real love is born over time, our of shared values, shared experiences, and a love of God and desire to raise a family (in the Faith).

ONLY problem? He’s Hindu.

That is not the “only” problem. He lives in India. You have neve met him. You are very young. You have religious issues, cultural issues, age issues, distance issues, and immigration issues.

DO NOT PURSUE THIS RELATIONSHIP.

What should I do?

You should make it clear that this does not have a future, romatically.

What would you do? What do I tell him? Should I completely forget about it? I am 19, almost 20, and he is 21, if that makes any difference.

Focus on your studies and your faith. You are quite young and will find the right person when the time comes. Do not continue to give hours and hours to this long distance infatuation.

 

[iepuras]

Are you sure that his parents are not expecting to arrange his marriage when the time comes? There is a significant amount of negotiation between parents that goes on in arranged marriages. The new wife is expected to move into the family home after the marriage. Her mother in law will have a significant amount of influence and power in the home. Putting religion aside, is this what you really want? You need to spend time together in the same place and not over skype. You need to talk about the tough adult issues - money, religion, children, etc. You are young and you need some time to figure out what you want in life.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

Have you ever visited India? Talk about a culture shock going from the US to India. India has got to be the filthiest and most brutal place I have ever visited. And I get to visit some filthy and brutal places so that is saying something. Talk about a complete ****-hole. (no offense intended to anyone of Indian descent) Stink, rotting corpses, human waste, starving children, pollution so thick you can hardly breathe. I am hard pressed to say one positive thing about the country or culture. And the whole filthy system is propped up by one of the most backwards and brutal religions ever devised, Hinduism. Seriously visit the country and that should take care of any feelings you have towards this guy.

 

[Porknpie]

Have you ever visited India? Talk about a culture shock going from the US to India. India has got to be the filthiest and most brutal place I have ever visited. And I get to visit some filthy and brutal places so that is saying something. Talk about a complete ****-hole. (no offense intended to anyone of Indian descent) Stink, rotting corpses, human waste, starving children, pollution so thick you can hardly breathe. I am hard pressed to say one positive thing about the country or culture. And the whole filthy system is propped up by one of the most backwards and brutal religions ever devised, Hinduism. Seriously visit the country and that should take care of any feelings you have towards this guy.

She should visit India and bring her family with her. And, invite her boyfriend and his parents to Mass at the local Catholic Church. And, avoid hitting any cows as you drive down the road… … and keep away from the monkeys.

 

[coachkfan1]

Speaking from experience, you don’t want to go through the pain, separation, hardship and alienation from God by marrying a non-Catholic. It’s not worth it.

Think of your children with him.

Speaking from experience, I completely agree. Also, have you ever even met this guy in person? Maybe I’m out touch, but forming a relationship with some one you have never even met seems bizarre.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

She should visit India and bring her family with her. And, invite her boyfriend and his parents to Mass at the local Catholic Church. And, avoid hitting any cows as you drive down the road… … and keep away from the monkeys.

I don’t think that people really appreciate how big cultural differences can be and how much of an impact that can have on a marriage. Talk about a rude awakening.

 

[1ke]

if all goes well, you should travel to his home and visit with him.

I cannot believe multiple people on this site are encouraging a 19 year old girl to travel to India to meet a guy.

Good grief, have people lost all sense?

Have you not seen the multiple news articles about women traveling in India being raped? One was WITH a male companion. Not to mention women who are just never seen again as they are taken into the sex trade by force. (and I am not implying that this man is even the one who would do something like that, but women have been snatched right off public transportation).

For heaven’s sake stop and think about what you are encouraging this young lady to do!!!

She should not go anywhere near India. If she were to go, it would have to be WITH her parents.