I am communicating with a Catholicmatch member and it has been a bit confusing

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Ladybug1980

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Hi everyone,

This is my 1st time posting to the forums.

I met someone on Catholicmatch at the beginning of Feb 2016. It has been a little confusing.
I messaged him first on the website and when I asked him if he would like to correspond with me, he said he would like to and then asked me if it could be through personal email because his Catholicmatch subscription was ending in a week. He said he was not going to renew it. Coincidentally, I was worried that I had to pay money again to renew mine in about 2 weeks when my subscription was going to end(a week after his ended). Due to a possible courtship, I decided not to renew my subscription since he was not going to renew his subscription anyway.
It turns out we have been communicating through email, text and phone. It turns out we have ALOT of common interests and our personalities are similar too. He always came across to me that he was interested in me. I eventually began texting him more.
All was going well until about 2 weeks ago. He sent me a text at 6 in the morning(before I go to work) saying this:

“Hi, I have to let you know it was nice sharing with you all I know. I enjoyed talking with you. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. I have to let you know someone has my heart. Hope you continue on the same path. 🙂 The Lord be with you.”

Okay, so I responded saying only this: “Thank you for letting me know. God Bless you.” I felt disappointed with his text to me because I felt we had a connection and that text came all of sudden. I also wondered in my mind why on earth he would tell me the bad news before I go to work and why would he put a smiley face if he knew I might be disappointed over it! I actually was sad the rest of the day at work because I felt our communication was over. I knew I had no desire to search for any new person on Catholicmatch at this point. I was wishing he would have told me this message the night before. Anyway, later on that night I emailed him asking if we could at least be friends. I told him I respect what his love life brings and that I didn’t mean to interfere with his heart’s desires. As a single, I think it’s healthy to have friendships. I asked him if we could remain friends. He responded within 30 minutes to my email saying this:

“That would be great. 🙂 Talking with you and sharing with you fulfills a need for me. I do want to keep on talking with you. I do like that.”
I responded with “All is well my friend.”
I decided I was not going to contact him again though unless he contacted me. 2 days later on a Sunday(when he is off from work), he texted me in the morning and we texted over a course of 2-3 hours. The next day, I didn’t text him all day, but late at night he texted saying “Hope you had a blessed day.” I did respond to him with the same.

Everyday afterwards, we have texted alot. However, his email response indicating talking to me fulfills a need for him, made me think that he loved someone else but that person was no longer in his life or something? I decided I would eventually ask him more about that text. I gave it some time though. A week later when speaking to him on the phone, I asked him “Who has his heart?..and was it someone from Catholicmatch?” I recall he hesitated for a while and sounded puzzled. He then said it was someone on Catholicmatch in the past and he told me he didn’t have a connection with her. He said they no longer speak. I asked him if I was getting in the way of anything. He told me no. After hanging up with him, I wondered why he told me “someone has his heart” if he told me he didn’t have a connection with her and this woman is no longer communicating with him. I even thought that perhaps he stated all that on that text message at 6 in the morning so that I would stop communicating with him. However, again his email response to me above doesn’t indicate that. Also, I decided not to contact him again unless he contacted me first to see if he truly wanted me to stop communicating with him. As I stated before, it was him who contacted me first a few consecutive days afterwards.
I decided to ask him 2 days ago if he wanted to meet in person. He said yes. He responded very eagerly and even told me where he would like to take me(populated public places in the city).

Is it possible, he changed his mind and heart ever since he told me what he told me in that text message 2 weeks ago?
 
Hi Ladybug,
Welcome to the forums!

I would recommend that you stop overthinking his every communication, or you will make yourself crazy. My suggestion would be that you consider him a possible friend, meet him in a safe place if you like, and see if a friendship develops. And realize, if he does find a girlfriend in the future ( or return to a past one), that she will not appreciate his continued contact with female friends unless she is included.

Best to keep it low key and enjoy communication with a fellow Catholic. Keep your heart in your chest so it doesn’t get hurt. I’m pretty sure he’s not putting half the thought into his communications that you are putting into deciphering them.
God bless.

.
 
Hi and welcome!
As a person who has used Catholic Match and met her spouse on Catholic Singles…here are my gut reactions:

You both probably should have just kept communicating through the site…whatever it cost.
Giving out the personal info so soon escalated a close friendship in your mind, and at some point he became nervous.

When texting and emailing on personal accounts, it’s very easy for these things to become more “special” and thrilling than a subscription message. It kind of takes on a life of its own. When I was chatting with my Joe online, it was a few months before we left the site chat room, and went “offline” and even then, we went to another large chat format before the first “call” was made. One has to guard their heart.

When he said “My heart is with someone else” that was and is a red flag.
Either he does have a real life relationship elsewhere, OR he’s waffling on a pursuing a relationship with you. I suspect he views your texting and emails as “fun” and secretive. I would be VERY wary about continuing unless he went out of his way to either say
  1. He changed his mind, and really desires to get to know you better, or
  2. He wants to meet you (and then you take someone with you to watch from another table for safety.)
Who knows, maybe he’s just wary of a commitment. How much do you know about him? Does he have children? Was he hurt by someone else online? Is he a serial bachelor? Did he join the site on a whim, or is he seriously looking?

I’m concerned that you guys are dancing around some of these questions…it’s almost like he’s avoiding the hard questions and answers… I’m not sure either of you have asked any big questions. You kind of went form 0-60 all because both of you wanted to save some cash, which says to me…I’m not really convinced about this online thing, but I need a friend to talk to.

If it were me, I wouldn’t make any efforts to contact him. And if he contacted me, I’d come out and say…“Look, I think I’ve given a bit of my heart away. If you’re not interested in pursuing a relationship, please, have a nice life, but don’t contact me again. My emotions are getting mixed up and I don’t want to be that woman who hangs on someone’s every word with no chance of it going anywhere.”
He may not realize it, because apparently he is the type to hang on and not move on.
It doesn’t sound like he’s using you to a big degree, and you have certainly skated around the edge of things…but it’s not healthy and it’s not going anywhere.

That’s just my reaction to the post. If there are details missing, fill us in. God bless you, again, welcome, and I hope you DO find that special man to share your life with.

Peace.
 
Hi Ladybug,
Welcome to the forums!

I would recommend that you stop overthinking his every communication, or you will make yourself crazy. My suggestion would be that you consider him a possible friend, meet him in a safe place if you like, and see if a friendship develops. And realize, if he does find a girlfriend in the future ( or return to a past one), that she will not appreciate his continued contact with female friends unless she is included.

Best to keep it low key and enjoy communication with a fellow Catholic. Keep your heart in your chest so it doesn’t get hurt. I’m pretty sure he’s not putting half the thought into his communications that you are putting into deciphering them.
God bless.

.
Right. A heavy pattern, emotionally revelatory messages with a person of the opposite sex would look like an emotional affair to a wife.

I really don’t like this guy. 1) He didn’t make an effort to meet you in person even though he could have 2) he’s a little flaky and 3) he may or may not have some sort of other serious relationship going and 4) he’s been using you as an emotional pacifier.

Go ahead and meet him, but don’t be surprised if he is much less impressive in person.

Next time, meet sooner, and try not to become digitally emotionally intimate with a guy you’ve never met.
 
I was on Catholic Match for six months at one point and I decided not to renew my subscription because in that whole time I met no one who seemed seriously interested in a relationship. People on there seem happy to chat but I’ve heard the complaint (from men and women) that people are reluctant to take it farther than online chatting.

In any case, I actually met someone through this website. Completely randomly. Just commented on their thread and we got talking.

I think you should just cut this guy loose. As a guy I can tell he’s not serious. Chopping and changing like that is not exactly an indicator of true love. You could always just ask him what the problem is/is he into you. But if he doesn’t come up with a reasonable explanation then bye bye.

God Bless
 
I was on Catholic Match for six months at one point and I decided not to renew my subscription because in that whole time I met no one who seemed seriously interested in a relationship. People on there seem happy to chat but I’ve heard the complaint (from men and women) that people are reluctant to take it farther than online chatting.

In any case, I actually met someone through this website. Completely randomly. Just commented on their thread and we got talking.

I think you should just cut this guy loose. As a guy I can tell he’s not serious. Chopping and changing like that is not exactly an indicator of true love. You could always just ask him what the problem is/is he into you. But if he doesn’t come up with a reasonable explanation then bye bye.

God Bless
Very sweet!
 
Hi Ladybug, welcome!

As others have mentioned, I think there are a few flags here, and it may be better to prepare to move on… It’s not good that he *texted *you about someone else having his heart…if you 2 were already calling each other, that sort of dialogue deserves a phone call and a discussion, not just a text. That could show some flakiness or immaturity that will come back again later if you decide to give him a shot. He’s not being clear about what he’s thinking. I’ve heard it takes 3 months or more in a relationship before true colors start to show. It seems you’re putting more thought into this than he is, that’s not a good sign.

So at the very least, be cautious and protect your heart. If you decide to meet him, don’t be afraid to ask him tough questions.

Praying for you…
 
No you cannot a be friends. You fell victim to an accelerated intimacy brought on by all this texting and talking and emailing. It is unfortunate. I always recommend that women guard their hearts carefully in Internet dating situations.

This guy is a player. Tell him goodbye and mean it. Do not meet him in person.

It was unwise to give him your email and phone number, that is what the message feature in an online app is for. If he won’t respect your cut off of communication, you may have to get new digits.

At best he is bored and when bored he chats with you. When he has something better going on, he does that. At worst, he is a full on player.

You deserve better.
 
I feel for you.

This has echoes of something I once went through.

If he’s serious, he won’t be able to stop thinking about you and his efforts at contact will reflect that. Obviously, such contact could then fade, so the appearance of obsession doesn’t prove a relationship, but is kinda necessary in a real one…

Just ask him flat out. If he hesitates to answer, or keeps changing his tune, forget it. Your heart deserves better.

If he has a good explanation and changes his tune going forward with good consistency, then you can maybe give him a chance.

The reason I’m on the verge of hope right now myself is because this is the first time a man has believably reciprocated affection, and not just in a general way, but for specifically listed reasons that I can accept.
 
Hi everyone,

This is my 1st time posting to the forums.

I met someone on Catholicmatch at the beginning of Feb 2016. It has been a little confusing.
I messaged him first on the website and when I asked him if he would like to correspond with me, he said he would like to and then asked me if it could be through personal email because his Catholicmatch subscription was ending in a week. He said he was not going to renew it. Coincidentally, I was worried that I had to pay money again to renew mine in about 2 weeks when my subscription was going to end(a week after his ended). Due to a possible courtship, I decided not to renew my subscription since he was not going to renew his subscription anyway.
It turns out we have been communicating through email, text and phone. It turns out we have ALOT of common interests and our personalities are similar too. He always came across to me that he was interested in me. I eventually began texting him more.
All was going well until about 2 weeks ago. He sent me a text at 6 in the morning(before I go to work) saying this:

“Hi, I have to let you know it was nice sharing with you all I know. I enjoyed talking with you. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. I have to let you know someone has my heart. Hope you continue on the same path. 🙂 The Lord be with you.”

Okay, so I responded saying only this: “Thank you for letting me know. God Bless you.” I felt disappointed with his text to me because I felt we had a connection and that text came all of sudden. I also wondered in my mind why on earth he would tell me the bad news before I go to work and why would he put a smiley face if he knew I might be disappointed over it! I actually was sad the rest of the day at work because I felt our communication was over. I knew I had no desire to search for any new person on Catholicmatch at this point. I was wishing he would have told me this message the night before. Anyway, later on that night I emailed him asking if we could at least be friends. I told him I respect what his love life brings and that I didn’t mean to interfere with his heart’s desires. As a single, I think it’s healthy to have friendships. I asked him if we could remain friends. He responded within 30 minutes to my email saying this:

“That would be great. 🙂 Talking with you and sharing with you fulfills a need for me. I do want to keep on talking with you. I do like that.”
I responded with “All is well my friend.”
I decided I was not going to contact him again though unless he contacted me. 2 days later on a Sunday(when he is off from work), he texted me in the morning and we texted over a course of 2-3 hours. The next day, I didn’t text him all day, but late at night he texted saying “Hope you had a blessed day.” I did respond to him with the same.

Everyday afterwards, we have texted alot. However, his email response indicating talking to me fulfills a need for him, made me think that he loved someone else but that person was no longer in his life or something? I decided I would eventually ask him more about that text. I gave it some time though. A week later when speaking to him on the phone, I asked him “Who has his heart?..and was it someone from Catholicmatch?” I recall he hesitated for a while and sounded puzzled. He then said it was someone on Catholicmatch in the past and he told me he didn’t have a connection with her. He said they no longer speak. I asked him if I was getting in the way of anything. He told me no. After hanging up with him, I wondered why he told me “someone has his heart” if he told me he didn’t have a connection with her and this woman is no longer communicating with him. I even thought that perhaps he stated all that on that text message at 6 in the morning so that I would stop communicating with him. However, again his email response to me above doesn’t indicate that. Also, I decided not to contact him again unless he contacted me first to see if he truly wanted me to stop communicating with him. As I stated before, it was him who contacted me first a few consecutive days afterwards.
I decided to ask him 2 days ago if he wanted to meet in person. He said yes. He responded very eagerly and even told me where he would like to take me(populated public places in the city).

Is it possible, he changed his mind and heart ever since he told me what he told me in that text message 2 weeks ago?
it honestly sounds like this guy can’t figure out what he wants right now

and if there really was another relationship going on at the same time, I’m worried he might be using you as a rebound if that didn’t go well

intentional or not, no one likes being run around in circles like that. I think you just need to step back and evaluate the situation and slow it down. I personally think it’s going too fast for something that just happened online a couple months ago

god bless and I wish you all the best
 
**No you cannot a be friends. **You fell victim to an accelerated intimacy brought on by all this texting and talking and emailing. It is unfortunate. I always recommend that women guard their hearts carefully in Internet dating situations.

This guy is a player. Tell him goodbye and mean it. Do not meet him in person.

It was unwise to give him your email and phone number, that is what the message feature in an online app is for. If he won’t respect your cut off of communication, you may have to get new digits.

At best he is bored and when bored he chats with you. When he has something better going on, he does that. At worst, he is a full on player.

You deserve better.
Right. There’s no previous friendship to revert to.
 
Due to a possible courtship, I decided not to renew my subscription since he was not going to renew his subscription anyway.
i’d also like to comment on this particular part of your post.

It appears that you had some expectations that, IMHO, are misplaced. This wasn’t a “possible courtship” it was one email.

You sent an email to a guy who said he was leaving the site but wanted to email directly with you. I would have suggested the reply, “oh that’s too bad, maybe if you return you can look me up.” Bu-bye.

I think you put way too much expectation on this correspondence and built it up in your own mind into something it was not. He clearly had a different agenda and different expectations and still does.

You got a response from this guy and immediately shut down all other options and focused exclusively on him. You assumed he was doing the same. That is a bad assumption.

I don’t understand why you placed all your chips on this guy right at the first email.
 
i’d also like to comment on this particular part of your post.

It appears that you had some expectations that, IMHO, are misplaced. This wasn’t a “possible courtship” it was one email.

You sent an email to a guy who said he was leaving the site but wanted to email directly with you. I would have suggested the reply, “oh that’s too bad, maybe if you return you can look me up.” Bu-bye.

I think you put way too much expectation on this correspondence and built it up in your own mind into something it was not. He clearly had a different agenda and different expectations and still does.

You got a response from this guy and immediately shut down all other options and focused exclusively on him. You assumed he was doing the same. That is a bad assumption.

I don’t understand why you placed all your chips on this guy right at the first email.
Yeah.

Until you mutually decide to be exclusive with someone, it is fine to see other people.
 
I see red flags flying all over the place with this guy. I think you would be best off if you just cut all contact with him.
 
Thanks for the replies everyone.
One reason why I have held on to him as friends is because I am mostly a loner and I have no friends. About a year ago, I began praying to God to give me friendships before I find the one. The few friends I did make are no longer around. I have put my heart on guard and I actually have never worn my heart on my sleeve with anyone. I am not going to expect anything with this guy but friendship.
 
Thanks for the replies everyone.
One reason why I have held on to him as friends is because I am mostly a loner and I have no friends. About a year ago, I began praying to God to give me friendships before I find the one. The few friends I did make are no longer around. I have put my heart on guard and I actually have never worn my heart on my sleeve with anyone. I am not going to expect anything with this guy but friendship.
He’s going to be sucking up emotional intimacy that you need to have available for whoever you wind up dating seriously or for actual long-term friendship. Bear in mind, you never know when this guy is just going to flit off–he’s already done it. So he’s not exactly a rock solid source of support.

I would suggest sticking to trying to be friends with female friends or at least other people with whom you have common interests, particularly in real life, etc. Don’t be prioritizing a guy online that you are not a priority for.

Try to do a new thing every week.
 
Thanks for the replies everyone.
One reason why I have held on to him as friends is because I am mostly a loner and I have no friends. About a year ago, I began praying to God to give me friendships before I find the one. The few friends I did make are no longer around. I have put my heart on guard and I actually have never worn my heart on my sleeve with anyone. I am not going to expect anything with this guy but friendship.
I think that’s a really bad idea. You want more whether you have acknowledged that to yourself or not. The amount of energy you’ve expended on this is too much. You have a false intimacy with this guy.

If you want friendships, seek out other women.
 
He’s going to be sucking up emotional intimacy that you need to have available for whoever you wind up dating seriously or for actual long-term friendship. Bear in mind, you never know when this guy is just going to flit off–he’s already done it. So he’s not exactly a rock solid source of support.

I would suggest sticking to trying to be friends with female friends or at least other people with whom you have common interests, particularly in real life, etc. Don’t be prioritizing a guy online that you are not a priority for.

Try to do a new thing every week.
Yes. Especially focus on meeting people in real life who have the same interests as you, because then you can take part in them together. This man does not sound reliable, and you should not rely on him to be your friend, particularly as you say you don’t have many friends. Try to make your social circle wider and fuller rather than centering on one person.

Lou
 
Thanks for the replies everyone.
One reason why I have held on to him as friends is because I am mostly a loner and I have no friends. About a year ago, I began praying to God to give me friendships before I find the one. The few friends I did make are no longer around. I have put my heart on guard and I actually have never worn my heart on my sleeve with anyone. I am not going to expect anything with this guy but friendship.
I think that this guy, after all this texting and emailing stuff is not someone that you can be friends with. You weren’t looking for friends on the site. You were looking for a special guy. You met him and wanted it to be more and it didn’t work out that way. So now you can’t ho back to being friends because you never were friends, and you never wanted him to just be a friend,

If you prayed to God to find some friends before meeting a guy to date and then whatever, then make some friends. Being a loner, you are going to have to learn how to be less of a loner if you want to get married someday.

Make real friends first. Volunteer somewhere. Join a club or a church group. Have friends of all ages, not just your own age. You can’t jump into a relationship without knowing how to be a friend first.
 
so my .02 on this… and several others have commented on things I agree with strongly.

It is difficult to seperate the logic from the emotion in any situation, especially when it comes to dating. I follow one thing when it comes to dating: Trust only Motion. I try not to listen to what the person says, but I watch what they do. There appears to be inconsistancies with what he is saying and what he is doing. Inconsistancy is a sign of other problems.

Proceed at your own risk.

I think you are on the right track with making friends first. I am in a similar situation so I can relate. Gaurd your heart, because this guy may not.
 
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