I am communicating with a Catholicmatch member and it has been a bit confusing

  • Thread starter Thread starter Ladybug1980
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Ladybug1980 said:
Thanks for the replies everyone.
One reason why I have held on to him as friends is because I am mostly a loner and I have no friends. About a year ago, I began praying to God to give me friendships before I find the one. The few friends I did make are no longer around. I have put my heart on guard and I actually have never worn my heart on my sleeve with anyone. I am not going to expect anything with this guy but friendship.
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As the father of two girls this post distresses me. You need to create a life non-dependent on a person you only know through electronic media.
  1. Get heavily involved in your parish.
  2. Start looking for volunteer opportunities to meet people.
  3. Be open to friendship from multiple types of people.
Everyone needs a support group of friends and family in their lives so it’s time to “strap your boots on” and start building that group! Once that group is established you will have a more balanced and appealing life to share with someone else.
 
pianistclare said:
Hi and welcome!
As a person who has used Catholic Match and met her spouse on Catholic Singles…here are my gut reactions:

You both probably should have just kept communicating through the site…whatever it cost.
Giving out the personal info so soon escalated a close friendship in your mind, and at some point he became nervous.

When texting and emailing on personal accounts, it’s very easy for these things to become more “special” and thrilling than a subscription message. It kind of takes on a life of its own. When I was chatting with my Joe online, it was a few months before we left the site chat room, and went “offline” and even then, we went to another large chat format before the first “call” was made. One has to guard their heart.

When he said “My heart is with someone else” that was and is a red flag.
Either he does have a real life relationship elsewhere, OR he’s waffling on a pursuing a relationship with you. I suspect he views your texting and emails as “fun” and secretive. I would be VERY wary about continuing unless he went out of his way to either say
  1. He changed his mind, and really desires to get to know you better, or
  2. He wants to meet you (and then you take someone with you to watch from another table for safety.)
Who knows, maybe he’s just wary of a commitment. How much do you know about him? Does he have children? Was he hurt by someone else online? Is he a serial bachelor? Did he join the site on a whim, or is he seriously looking?

I’m concerned that you guys are dancing around some of these questions…it’s almost like he’s avoiding the hard questions and answers… I’m not sure either of you have asked any big questions. You kind of went form 0-60 all because both of you wanted to save some cash, which says to me…I’m not really convinced about this online thing, but I need a friend to talk to.

If it were me, I wouldn’t make any efforts to contact him. And if he contacted me, I’d come out and say…“Look, I think I’ve given a bit of my heart away. If you’re not interested in pursuing a relationship, please, have a nice life, but don’t contact me again. My emotions are getting mixed up and I don’t want to be that woman who hangs on someone’s every word with no chance of it going anywhere.”
He may not realize it, because apparently he is the type to hang on and not move on.
It doesn’t sound like he’s using you to a big degree, and you have certainly skated around the edge of things…but it’s not healthy and it’s not going anywhere.

That’s just my reaction to the post. If there are details missing, fill us in. God bless you, again, welcome, and I hope you DO find that special man to share your life with.

Peace.
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You always have wonderful advice and insight. Thank you for the Catholic witness to others and for setting such a positive example.
 
I met my fiancé on CatholicMatch. I have to say, I really do not recommend continuing a friendship with this man unless you aren’t going to enter into a relationship. Like others have stated, when/if he does enter into a relationship with another woman, she probably would not like one of his female friends being from a dating website. I also don’t recommend continuing to pursue him (if that’s what you choose to do) without meeting in person within a few months of starting talking. I would also say it’s a good idea to talk on Skype (if you can) before meeting. My fiancé and I felt like old friends when we met in person because we had Skyped regularly for 2 months.

Finally, I know it’s hard not to get attached quickly. My fiancé (then boyfriend) and I had a talk about a month in about if we were going to continue pursuing a relationship with each other, and when we decided “yes” I took that as being “official.” It turns out he was still talking with multiple girls from the site until we actually met in person and I was very hurt over it. In hindsight, we hadn’t even met each other face to face so I had no right to assume we were in any way “exclusive.”

Good luck to you! 🙂
 
You need to be very careful with Catholic Match. There are a lot of people there that want to simply play games with you.

I had some good dates from Catholic Match but there were also a lot of crazy women(probably crazy men too from what some ladies have told me) that were only interested in playing games or wanted to get too close too fast.

My best advice is to not use Catholic Match. The costs compared to the benefits are not good. I would use another dating site or none at all.
 
ADS1987 said:
You need to be very careful with Catholic Match. There are a lot of people there that want to simply play games with you.

I had some good dates from Catholic Match but there were also a lot of crazy women(probably crazy men too from what some ladies have told me) that were only interested in playing games or wanted to get too close too fast.

My best advice is to not use Catholic Match. The costs compared to the benefits are not good. I would use another dating site or none at all.
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My experience too. They either are not really interested in a relationship at all or “too much”.
 
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