I Am Deeply Humbled By A Dream

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OnTheFence

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I am deeply humbled. Last night, before bed, I was trying to find articles about the historical proof we have for believing in Jesus in the first place. I found a controversial article about how we can know for certain, using the analogy of the stories of Christ (the Bible) being put on trial. The author contends that the only evidence that exists is all hearsay. I considered this, and being once again tormented, as I had been last year, I started to doubt the existance of God. I stopped reading and went to bed, praying that God would reveal Himself to me.

I awoke several times from sleep. Something kept prompting me to awaken. The trial of the Bible was being played out in a dream of mine. Finally, at 2am, I was fully awakened with the full revelation of how the Bible can w/stand the trial. I am so deeply humbled. My (irreligious) husband later revealed the origins of my dream in a dream he had, and here I am, in all humility, at 4am to relate the story to you…
 
The trial:

Exhibit A: The holy, and most reverenced remains of the Holy Innocents; countless men,

women and children who were willingly tortured and slaughtered.

Prosecution: "Religious fanaticism drove these people over the edge. Every cult has

members willing to die for their cause."

Defence: "What drove these people? Was it politics? Greed for fame and power over

personal interest? What was the message they were giving their lives for?"

Prosecution: "Clearly it was a message of vengence and strife and politics to have angered

those who persecuted them so fiercly."

Exhibit B: The writings of the early Christians. The words of Jesus of Nazareth as related

by his loyal followers; the Apostles.

Defence: "But look at the message they were willing to die for. It is not a message of

violence and uprising! No, it is one of peace and love, so finely attuned to the natural

law of goodness, that it inspired men right up to this very day to give their lives

defending it. It was the message of God, as they said, and it is able to w/stand the test

of all time. Yet it was rejected by the Jews b/c it was misunderstood. It’s message,

though full of goodness and love, was rejected by men and is still being rejected by

learned men today. The simple of heart can hear and understand Jesus’ simple message of

love and sacrifice, but it escapes the minds of those who “do not have ears to hear”. The

writings were also prophetic. They foretold the coming persecution of He and His

followers. These writings, contained w/in the NT of the Bible, also fulfill, perfectly,

the prophesies contained w/in the Old Testament (the old covenant). Look and see for

yourself, the full revelation of God’s love for all His people. Go and see for yourself

the remains of those who died for it. We have all the evidence we need, to wholely rely on

God’s inerrant Word."…

…And so we have the credibility of writings of the Bible.

Continued…
 
We can place all of our truth in the words contained w/in the pages of the Bible. We owe a debt of gratitude to the early Christians who diligently preserved the remains of those Holy Innocents, and the writings of those for whom they were willing to die for. Does this mean we can place all of our trust in the traditions and writings of the men who followed this? We can rest assured, that everything that was taught and written by the men who succeeded is true to the original teachers themselves, when it in no way contradicts the Written Word of God. It means that, whether motivated by mens’ hunger for power, or by the human tendency to stray from the original teachings (like little children) when the Master and teachers are gone, they may have gone astray in their system of beliefs in all things that contradict the inerrant, divinely inspired, Word of the Almighty Living God!

cont…
 
I woke up my husband and told him that I was confident about now about the Bible and everything I had said this week to you “here”. I told him that the trial was played out in my dream and the evidence we have to give credence to the writings of the Apostles are the remains of the people who were martyred, whose remains are buried beneath St. Peter’s Basillica. He just groaned and said, “that’s nice hon. i’m glad for you (in a disbelieving tone)” and fell back to sleep.

Now, like you probably, after I wrote all of this down, I immediately started doubting. Maybe I just couldn’t sleep and I made all of this up in my subconscious? If it is real, where did it come from? Then, I remembered the relic I have of the Holy Innocents. But I still had doubts, until…

My irreligious husband (agnostic at best, but a good man) woke up from sleep and patted me on the back (I was silently praying) and said, “that’s a good story hon”. I said, “what story?”. He said, “about the people who were buried underneath St. Peters”. I said, “I didn’t tell you the story. I only told you that I had a dream.”. He said"You sure did. I heard your voice. You said about the dream you had…about the Bible being real…b/c of the people’s graves beneath St. Peters…and…and then…then I saw a cloth, like a square patch being (he giggled…) being cut from the trousers of someone’s pants. What the heck was that?". I knew it immediately! It WAS MY RELIC! I have always wondered what part they would play in my life, and now they truly have!

I am so deeply humbled to be relating all of this to you.

I thank thee, Almighty and Everliving God, through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for having revealed Yourself and restored my confindence in Your Living Word. You have humbled my sinful heart, and I will never be the same! ALL PRAISE AND GLORY TO THE MOST HIGH GOD!!!
 
Now, my unborn child and I need to get our rest. May the peace of our Lord Jesus be with you all this blessed night!

Amen.
 
I still cannot sleep. So much more is coming to light.

I need to take back all of my slander against the church. I see meaning in why Matthew 3:13 (?) keeps coming to mind “May cannot live on bread alone, but on every word which proceeds from the mouth of God.”

Every year when I go through these doubting phases, it immediately follows Easter, and I am always unable to celebrate Pentacost w/in the church b/c of my doubts. This year, in my last confession a few weeks ago, I related my fear of falling away again to the priest. I told him about how I have never been able to celebrate Pentacost in the church b/c of my doubts. I wanted to bring my concerns to the Lord in the Sacrament of Confession, to ask for help. I begged God not to let me stray this time. I begged Him to show me how I can finally erase all traces of doubt and believe His Church!

God is answering my prayer. I took a leap of faith and began to pray the rosary that the relic is contained in, and my past was opened up to me, revealing many things in my journey that point to the Church. The mystical way in which I was led to read about St. Therese and come to the Carmelite order. The mystical experience I had with the Eucharist during last year w/out doubts - it was the feast of the Divine Mercy, and the year that St. Faustina was canonized. I was on retreat with the Carmelites. I was so enlightened on this retreat. I experienced God’s incredible mercy while there and devoted myself, even in the night, to adoring Him in the Eucharist. When I left, and returned home, my heart ached so much, like a lover who had left her beloved. My heart burned within my chest so hard I could not bear it. I was frightened by it, and went to a Franciscan monk to relate the story to him and that I was scared that God would take me to Him soon. I didn’t feel ready to God home to Him yet, despite the ache in my heart to be near His Sacramen day and night. He assured me that it would pass. For several days I felt enraptured in God’s Mercy, and my heart continued to burn and ache. My only relief was in visiting the Blessed Sacrament. After a week or so, the experience left me. The year that fkollowed was the holiest of my life. The Presence of God was so present to me, not just Eucharistically, but practically. I felt His instruction all the time. I was so patient with my family, and delighted in sacrifice and self-denial…it was Heaven on earth! But the Pentacost at the close of that year marked my “Dark Night”. My doubts are being purged, every Pentacost. This is the path God chose to bring me to complete faith in His Church.

“Man does not live by bread alone…” This is how I have lived my faith life. I relied wholeheartedly JUST on the Church Sacraments, and Sacramentals, and I was not allowing myself to read God’s own words and let them transform me. I may have doubt about the meaning of much of the Bible (all the non-essentials, as I called them) but the instruction of Christ Himself is what is most enlightening to me, and nothing the Church teaches is contradictory to it.

Wow…there is so much more I want to say! Someday I will need to go back and argue against every blasphemous suggestion I put in those threads. I know that God wants me to do this. I will copy the texts onto my computer and refute everything I said, piece by piece. I am convinced, that God is showing me that the fullness of truth is in THE ONE HOLY CATHOLIC AND APOSTOLIC ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH!

In His Abundant Peace,
~JoyToBeCatholic (AKA: On The Fence)

Can this be stickied? Also, please do not delete the original threads of mine until I tell you I have copied them.

Thank you!:love:
 
Having had a vew strange prophetic dreams myself on occasions in my life, well I wish you peace,happiness, and may you find the truth, and may God Bless you and your unborn child, and the rest of your family.

Dia dhuit.
God be with you.
 
I also need to first apologize to you and God for all of the horrible and misleading things I said. Please forgive me, and may God have mercy on me.

I also want to thank you all very much for your prayers. Pio, you really did touch me, and I believe that Padre Pio was speakiing to me through you. I had asked him to be my spiritual father. Also, RyanL, I thank you for entrusting me to the Blessed Virgin Mother and the Eucharistic Lord.

In His Love,
~donna (Joy to Be Catholic and On the Fence)
 
But wait! There is more…

I just remembered my son…he is 3 and was ill right about the time I started having doubts. I was talking to my husband about my doubts when my son threw up. He was sick ever since. He was also having nightmares. No, nightTERRORS. He’s awaken screaming! In total fear. Like he saw evil everywhere around him and could not open his eyes. The last time it happened, it was aweful. I couldn’t wake him out of it. I didn’t know what to do, and having had doubts, I didn’t want to pray my usual prayers. So I just said "in the name of jesus, please make this go away. It didn’t work and the thought came to mind to say a hail mary and St Micheal prayer. I did, and it stopped immediately.

Last night, before bed, he asked me for holy water (I used to bless them at night until the water ran out a few months ago and never got replaced) I told him i didn’t have any and he started crying (he’s never done this before).

Now I know. My son was being affected by this too. Even my other children have not been the same. They’ve been fighting more forcefully than usual. Especially my oldest daughter who seemed disheartened when I told her we were no longer Catholic. We were under the attack of Satan.
 
Please just delete all of my threads where I had doubts. I don’t want to contend with Satan anymore. It is all lies. He spoke through me. My family experience proves it, as does the lack of patience I had with them while I was typing it all. It bore bad fruit in me, and I don’t want it to ruin anyone else’s soul.
 
donna,
May God grant you, your family and the unborn child a peaceful, restful and restorative night’s sleep. And in the morning, God grant you the Grace to Love through Mercy and Justice. Seek out the Sacraments and watch closely as you may not be completely out of the woods yet. Thank you for humbling yourself on the forums after your posts this past week and prepare for Pentecost:yup: . Thanks and God Bless.
 
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slinky1882:
donna,
May God grant you, your family and the unborn child a peaceful, restful and restorative night’s sleep. And in the morning, God grant you the Grace to Love through Mercy and Justice. Seek out the Sacraments and watch closely as you may not be completely out of the woods yet. Thank you for humbling yourself on the forums after your posts this past week and prepare for Pentecost:yup: . Thanks and God Bless.
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Thank you, Slinky. I just got off the phone with my pastor. He told me to calm down and wait a few days so I can reflect on all of this more, and THEN come back and discuss it with him. I was worried that my son and I may need an exorcism. Obviously we were under attack. But he isn’t sure. He said he doubts it. Anyway, I asked if he could hear my confession, and he said he can’t. Don’t know what i’m going to do. Looks like I’m not going to get any sleep afterall. I’m going to have to go out of town to the Franciscans to get absolved and restore myself to God and the Church. I absolutely can’t wait to go to communion tomorrow!
 
donna,

i do not think it’s a coincidence that today, saturday, is the day of your enlightenment. saturday, traditionally, is the day of our blessed Mother. i believe it is her loving prayer that has returned you to her Son, that He may continue to guide you.

quite simply, i am overjoyed. my heart has been heavy since i first heard your doubts. you are a treasure to the Lord, and to me, and i rejoice in your return. you have renewed my confidence in the power of prayer! i will pray for you double! 😃

it is with loving kindness and all possible tenderness that i say that you need to deepen your faith. for your sake, and the sake of your family, you cannot be tossed and turned by the winds of philosophy. i think the rosary is an essential key, but you need to read (faithful catholic material) and discuss (with faithful catholics) much, much more. in refuting your previous posts you should encounter quite a bit of material - do not just cut and paste, but prayerfully meditate on the truths therein.

you are the answer to my prayers, and i thank God for bringing you into my life to renew my confidence in prayer.

welcome home,
RyanL
 
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RyanL:
donna,

i do not think it’s a coincidence that today, saturday, is the day of your enlightenment. saturday, traditionally, is the day of our blessed Mother. i believe it is her loving prayer that has returned you to her Son, that He may continue to guide you.
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Coincidentally (not)last night was also First Friday. 🙂
quite simply, i am overjoyed. my heart has been heavy since i first heard your doubts. you are a treasure to the Lord, and to me, and i rejoice in your return. you have renewed my confidence in the power of prayer! i will pray for you double! 😃

it is with loving kindness and all possible tenderness that i say that you need to deepen your faith. for your sake, and the sake of your family, you cannot be tossed and turned by the winds of philosophy. i think the rosary is an essential key, but you need to read (faithful catholic material) and discuss (with faithful catholics) much, much more. in refuting your previous posts you should encounter quite a bit of material - do not just cut and paste, but prayerfully meditate on the truths therein.

you are the answer to my prayers, and i thank God for bringing you into my life to renew my confidence in prayer.

welcome home,
RyanL
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I am glad this experience has strengthened you. God turns all things to good! Ryan, I have read so much, and talked with others so much (see the DCF board). I never had doubt except the time of Pentacost. It is plainly evident to me that the Holy Spirit was working in my Dark Nights. Pentacost, every year, is no coincidence. I have prayed so much prior to this week’s hellish experience that I would understand why I need to trust the Church. I begged God not to let me go through another 5 month period this year living in doubt and Godlessness. I asked the Holy Innocents to be instrumental in this and my prayer was answered. I am so elated, words cannot express it!

Thank you for you prayers, and I likewise will hold you and everyone else very close to my heart in all greatfulness, and will prayerfully recommend you all to the Eucharistic Lord tomorrow morning as I take my Holy Communion.

May God Continue To Bless Us With His Abundant Love,
~donna
 
Oh, I didn’t mean to sound like I’ve read enough and received enough Sacraments! (chuckle) I had a train of thought going and I lost it. I have read so much and talked to others so much (the DCF board) but God was trying to do two things with me:
Teach me why I can trust the Church (“You may know a tree by it’s fruit”: the saints)
Teach my why I DO need to answer that call to read His Word (“Man cannot live on bread alone, but on every Word with proceedeth from the mouth of God”) You see, the past several years I have backslided significantly in reading Jesus’ specific commands and allowing them to transform me. I used to read the Imitation of Christ almost every day, or the Bible but I stopped for some reason. Anyway, I think God was trying to tell me that, I cannot advance by simply receiving the Sacraments. I need to let His WORD nourish me and transform my life AS WELL as recommend myself to the Church/the BREAD.

Just wanted to point that out. I think it explains everything!:love:
 
I do realize that all of this may mean absolutely nothing to anyone who reads it, and that is totally fine. Perhaps it was only meant for me? I get it. It spoke to ME. And it has already transformed me. I will go along with my life now resting in Jesus with full confidence in His Church AND His Word.

I will also remind you all of the story of St. Joan of Arc (my patron saint-Therese of Lisieux’s patron saint. do you follow?) She was burned at the stake for claiming to hear God’s voice b/c she could not articulate WHY it had meaning to her, only that it DID have meaning to her. When she tried to describe the ways in which God spoke to her, no one believed, b/c it only meant something to HER - it was MEANT for HER.

Anyway, I am not trying to elevate myself to the ranks for sainthood :o , but I thought it was a good point. I am a bit embarrassed about posting all this, but I had to recant, and I knew I’d have to give a valid explanation why. Now I will need to go further and post WHY i no longer suddenly believer what i had said against the church b4. this will take some time, but i will do it so that i can remedy the damage i may have done.

Peace!
~donna
 
i am so happy for you, and your family, donna! we’re always praying for you.
 
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OnTheFence:
…then I saw a cloth, like a square patch being (he giggled…) being cut from the trousers of someone’s pants
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Dear OnThe Fence,

Thank you for sharing. Your accounting is edifying. I too have had some special dreams. When reading your part regarding the cloth, it reminded me of a dream I once had and want to share. I think it was regarding me taking my place, in God’s creation. It was very simple, a white cloth hung in space. It was held at the four courners but I couldn’t see what was holding it. It had a square patch, missing, somewhere near the middle. As the missing piece was found and restored to its original place, the cloth was being made whole. It made me feel that God is working in my life to restore me to His image and likeness as I accept my place, in His creation.

These dreams, that seem prophetic, are very humbling. They remind us that God is so great and we are so small, yet He still loves us, more than we can ever understand.

God bless you. I will be praying for you.
Elizabeth
 
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OnTheFence:
I do realize that all of this may mean absolutely nothing to anyone who reads it,
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I have been reading your posts, at times wanting to respond, but refraining instead, opting to ask God to bless your honest desire to know Him in truth. In my experience those who argue against Catholism serve to reaffirm and strengthen my faith. I don’t mean to come across as condescending or insulting to anyone because that is not at all how I mean to come across in saying so. It just is, for reasons that are too lengthy to state here. Humbly I say that there is no way I could possibly understand, attempt to live in, and rest in the teachings of the Church unless there was a God. I appreciate your sharing. It has been good for me. May God continue to Bless you and your family.
 
Thank you for sharing. Wow you are a typing machine! I really appreciate you taking the time to share this with us.

God Bless,
Scylla
 
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