I am "Different"

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Hotgoldensun

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Hi all,

Before I begin typing please know all of this information was typed without reading over the post and correcting it. I really need to type my thoughts out to calm my mind, but I am not sure if this will help you guys in offering advice 🤷. I will do my best though, so please disregard all of chunks of text that sound weird.

To introduce myself I am a sixteen year old maronite catholic who contemplates 24/7, can only talk about theological topics, obsessed with my discernments and lives of the saints, has scrupulous attacks all the time, and I am seen as “different”.

My daily routine is wake up, hopefully attend daily mass, go to school, pray in the chapel, go to school thinking about God all day, come home, ask my mom if she needs anything, and go to my room to work on homework or study, think, pray, sit in the silence, stream the internet, read, or watch anything that is realtive to catholicism or God.

I highly despise secular society, and it’s influences can be very bad on me. I cannot even work on a single homework assignment or read a single sentence in a textbook on how catholicism and God are relative to it. For example, I am currently studying the Civil War in history class, and my mind refuses to study the text until I know what the Church teaches about the Civil War. I concluded, “Well, it seems it is a just war, because the Union is fighting to end slavery in the nation.” Saint Josemaria wrote that an hour of study is an hour of prayer, but I noticed whenever I study there are many problems that occur. Whenever I read fast I feel like if my bloodstream flows too fast I’ll have the inclination to sin. In other words, my spiritual awareness of others lowers.

I am currently reading Introduction to the Devout Life by Saint Francis de Sales, so hopefully that will help me.

When I was at a retreat at a Franciscan Friary we watched a movie called, “For Greater Glory” and I noticed there was much violence in the movie. I left the room after thirty minutes into the movie of recieving headaches from thinking to myself, “Can these people not notice that love is the answer? Violence only causes more violence.” Yet hypocritical me I did not know correctly what the Church taught on a just war.

I will be talking to my main spiritual director tonight.

I better stop typing here.

Please know that anything you ask me I am sure I can search within the deep libraries of my head and find a well-thought reply. As you can tell I am not good with talking to others unless if they ask me the question, because when I talk to others my thoughts constantly spill out of my head unless if I am teaching someone about theology or helping them with a spiritual problem.

Also, I tend to keep myself isolated as much as possible from secular society. I only like to be around devout catholics. When I was at the friary I felt SO comfortable because I was around men who devoted their earthly lives to God. I was very happy :D.

No matter how weird/bad/good things are I always have faith in the Lord. This quote really helped me “God does not ask for success; He asks for faith! We do not have to understand what He says, but we have to trust in Him.” -Blessed Teresa of Calcutaa

Other than that I am a very quiet person. :o

Thanks 🙂
 
16 years old is young.

Your dislike of secular world is not uncommon, but it is also the world of our apostolate. We should not frame an entirely negative opinion of it as God cherishes this world to the extent he saw it worthy for redemption.

I feel you need an outlet to a social life to channel the spirituality you are feeling. Retain what spirituality that you have, and study scripture and seek guidance and writings only approved by the Church as you now do, channeling these constructively. I feel a social orientation would be good for you. Meeting Catholic devout young members like yourself and joining their group would help you. As well as getting you out of a solitary lifestyle which could be harmful at this time, you could fulfill your commitment to changing this world for the better by assisting at catholic charitable organizations. (2 Peter 3-8) I have met many young men and women at such events who have found partners of virtue.

If there was any negative factor that had you live this way, it will leave you once you start contributing your positive charity to the secular world. You will then be in a better position for discernment. As St. John of the Cross recommends “do the opposite” for those who seem to be taking the wrong path through life.

All this is not to say a solitary life is not for you. The early friars of St. Francis would sometimes choose a solitary life of prayer and these do their part by sacrifice and self mortification which lends a special favor to their prayers and makes them more effectual in God’s eyes. (Little Flowers). Perhaps if all goes well you can make it a reality God willing. Just for now give yourself some time.

I feel you should test the waters for the time. I think your conscience is in very good shape it would seem, but I think it is saying, “I gotta get out there to do my part”. Your helping your parents is a conscientious show that you are willing to share what you have.
Perhaps now you need to broaden your sphere and help and guide with love your mothers,fathers,brothers,sisters of the world.

🙂
 
djames99 said:
16 years old is young.

Your dislike of secular world is not uncommon, but it is also the world of our apostolate. We should not frame an entirely negative opinion of it as God cherishes this world to the extent he saw it worthy for redemption.

I feel you need an outlet to a social life to channel the spirituality you are feeling. Retain what spirituality that you have, and study scripture and seek guidance and writings only approved by the Church as you now do, channeling these constructively. I feel a social orientation would be good for you. Meeting Catholic devout young members like yourself and joining their group would help you. As well as getting you out of a solitary lifestyle which could be harmful at this time, you could fulfill your commitment to changing this world for the better by assisting at catholic charitable organizations. (2 Peter 3-8) I have met many young men and women at such events who have found partners of virtue.

If there was any negative factor that had you live this way, it will leave you once you start contributing your positive charity to the secular world. You will then be in a better position for discernment. As St. John of the Cross recommends “do the opposite” for those who seem to be taking the wrong path through life.

All this is not to say a solitary life is not for you. The early friars of St. Francis would sometimes choose a solitary life of prayer and these do their part by sacrifice and self mortification which lends a special favor to their prayers and makes them more effectual in God’s eyes. (Little Flowers). Perhaps if all goes well you can make it a reality God willing. Just for now give yourself some time.

I feel you should test the waters for the time. I think your conscience is in very good shape it would seem, but I think it is saying, “I gotta get out there to do my part”. Your helping your parents is a show that you are willing to share what you have.

🙂
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Thanks :). I do have very good catholic friends in a group called New Catholic Generation. I evangelize through YouTube at the moment, but I have trouble evangelizing in public. I only evangelize to someone if they come to me first.

Anyways thanks for your advice again :).
 
You sound like a wonderful young man. I agree with the need for appropriate social outlets. Does your parish have a youth group? Are you planning to travel to Brazil for World Youth Day?

I like to read and pray, but I also like to socialize. I am part of a women’s ministry which meets several times a month and I meet with a friend at other times for coffee. My parents are still alive, and my sister and brother in law have 2 kids. I see them all as often as I can. I have started going to church again. The church has an adult Sunday school class which I would like to try.

I also have a kitten that I play with; he keeps me busy and he is fun.

What about volunteering? That is also a way to serve God and others. I used to volunteer at a soup kitchen and as you can imagine, I saw all kinds of people. It was a faith based ministry. A friend from church got me involved. I was there for 2 years until I moved out of state for grad school. I also volunteered for Make a Wish and at church.

God bless you.
 
Lisa1967 said:
You sound like a wonderful young man. I agree with the need for appropriate social outlets. Does your parish have a youth group? Are you planning to travel to Brazil for World Youth Day?

I like to read and pray, but I also like to socialize. I am part of a women’s ministry which meets several times a month and I meet with a friend at other times for coffee. My parents are still alive, and my sister and brother in law have 2 kids. I see them all as often as I can. I have started going to church again. The church has an adult Sunday school class which I would like to try.

I also have a kitten that I play with; he keeps me busy and he is fun.

What about volunteering? That is also a way to serve God and others. I used to volunteer at a soup kitchen and as you can imagine, I saw all kinds of people. It was a faith based ministry. A friend from church got me involved. I was there for 2 years until I moved out of state for grad school. I also volunteered for Make a Wish and at church.

God bless you.
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I did have a good discussion with my uncle, who is a deacon, the other day about secularism and a saint. I have great conversations with people in terms of theological related topics. I do have good catholic teenage friends in a group called New Catholic Generation online. We evangelize through YouTube and I found this as a great way for a social outlet. I’ve recently made two good catholic friends at my school :-), and I went with them on the retreat at the Franciscan friary. I seem to be doing ok socially, but if you guys notice anything please advise me. Thankyou for your advice :).

Also, I have never been to a WYD, and it seems were not financially well for a while. I do my best to keep God as my number one friend :-), while making sure I am socially balanced.

I think I am going to be volunteering at a place this summer that persuades women to not have an abortion. I serve every mass I can, and I will most likely be volunteering a lot to help end abortion.
 
DaddyGirl said:
I mean this in the kindest of ways, HGS, but…your issues sound like many teenagers going through a challenging age who have difficulty socializing or expressing themselves…and obsess about something as a way to divert anxieties.

Perhaps you might want to seek out a therapist to discuss all this with?

When you describe your blood flowing fast and the headaches, that sounds like an anxiety attack.
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I do have a problem with anxiety attacks. I’ve found several solutions for them though, normally when I am overwhelmed with something I deep breathe and say a prayer. Saint Francis de Sales book ‘Introduction to the Devout Life’ has helped me and i’ve only started reading it. My mom does know several doctors that help with my anxiety. Normally when I have an anxiety attack I use the same process of deep breathing, saying a prayer, and simply do my best to contain it.

Thankyou for your advice :).
 
Different is good!! I am 18 and into Catholicism, which I guess is “different” for our time, but it will all pay off in the end. I know what you mean about thinking about God and Catholicism all through the school day. It wasn’t always that way for me. I had my true conversion when I was 16 (at my Confirmation), and since then it’s been God-God-God all the time. Whenever I have to read books in school, I’ll be like, “Wow, that sounded like a Catholic reference.” Then I’ll have to Google to see if the author’s Catholic.

Does your diocese have a youth council of some sort? I am on my diocese’s youth council and it’s super fun!

I love New Catholic Generation! I am not a member, but I love watching the videos!
 
Hotgoldensun said:
I did have a good discussion with my uncle, who is a deacon, the other day about secularism and a saint. I have great conversations with people in terms of theological related topics. I do have good catholic teenage friends in a group called New Catholic Generation online. We evangelize through YouTube and I found this as a great way for a social outlet. I’ve recently made two good catholic friends at my school :-), and I went with them on the retreat at the Franciscan friary. I seem to be doing ok socially, but if you guys notice anything please advise me. Thankyou for your advice :).
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You are welcome. Do you have any fun though? This is ok. I was a member of a Christian fellowship in college. We went out and got ice cream sometimes. At a Catholic retreat for college students we had relaxation time as well as spiritual time. I went to a Catholic high school and I had a lot of fun with my friends. We had sleepovers, played games, sang silly songs, watched movies, etc.

I’m concerned that you might burn out.
 
I am a little like this, and I have a friend who’s a lot like this. This helps me understand her better and be patient. Thanks! 🙂
 
Hey, you sound like me!

Seriously, this about mimics my life: I don’t like the growing culture around us, I think about God all the time, stay up late praying, have CAF as my homepage, love going to Divine Liturgy, and so many other things etc.

I would recommend, if you don’t already, listening to Catholic Answers on the radio. I started about a year ago and it is amazing how much I’ve learned since then. Still, I have similar problems as you do: scruples (especially when it comes to something I have heard at school), this sense of anger (in an odd way, not really quite anger) toward people who are anti-Catholic, still not sure how to evangelize, wastes too much time on the internet looking at Catholic stuff…

You’re not alone here. When people like me hear the truth, it’s hard to get out of your head…
 
:)Thankyou guys both for your advice :).

Things seem to be going ok right now, but I always make sure I am not doing something completely wrong. I attend a Catholic highschool, but the majority influences there are growing secular and bad. I really like to visit the friary even though i’ve been there once. I asked my friend how often they have retreats like that. He said every once in a while. I seem to live very well in a community where everyone is a devout catholic. I do my best to make a difference for the better at my highschool, and I’ve noticed it has been working to some extent, but most of them seem to be on the same paths my siblings were going on before :-(. My sister was not the best person, but ever since I revealed SheisCatholic’s channel to her she has done much better. She still struggles, but I have been helping her. My brother is very possesive of me and I do my best not to be a doormat. One time I used simple reason to turn his own argument against him when he was treating an iphone more vauled than the family. I am sorry if I am revealing too much information, but he ended up crying over the iphone that would not function. I constantly responded with love and simple reason. I figured out how powerful reason could be. I did not intend for my brother to be emotionally distrought. I used simple reason again yesterday to tell him to stop disrespecting our mom. Whenever I root him out again he replies this to me all the time, “Shut the **** up” or “Go to your room; just-just go away.” I remain calm the whole time. Overall though, I notice that I am succeeding in helping people, but it goes really really slow.

I guess the best thing I could use right now are prayers for my discernment, grades, and family :(. I do have Saint Rita of Cascia as one of my patrons though, and I always smile when I read about her whenever all hope seems lost :). I pray for you guys as well :). I really feel like this may be a sign I am called to help people who are in situations like I am right now as a Franciscan friar or another one of my discernments that involves that. I really like to help people who are going through tough times because it is one of the worse feelings in the world :(.

Thankyou again 🙂
 
Hotgoldensun said:
:)Thankyou guys both for your advice :).

Things seem to be going ok right now, but I always make sure I am not doing something completely wrong. I attend a Catholic highschool, but the majority influences there are growing secular and bad. I really like to visit the friary even though i’ve been there once. I asked my friend how often they have retreats like that. He said every once in a while. I seem to live very well in a community where everyone is a devout catholic. I do my best to make a difference for the better at my highschool, and I’ve noticed it has been working to some extent, but most of them seem to be on the same paths my siblings were going on before :-(. My sister was not the best person, but ever since I revealed SheisCatholic’s channel to her she has done much better. She still struggles, but I have been helping her. My brother is very possesive of me and I do my best not to be a doormat. One time I used simple reason to turn his own argument against him when he was treating an iphone more vaued than the family. I am sorry if I am revealing too much information, but he ended up crying over the iphone that would not function. I constantly responded with love and simple reason. I figured out how powerful reason could be. I did not intend for my brother to be emotionally distrought. I used simple reason again yesterday to tell him to stop disrespecting our mom. Whenever I root him out again he replies this to me all the time, “Shut the **** up” or “Go to your room; just-just go away.” I remain calm the whole time. Overall though, I notice that I am succeeding in helping people, but it goes really really slow.

I guess the best thing I could use right now are prayers :(. I do have Saint Rita of Cascia as one of my patrons though, and I always smile when I read about her whenever all hope seems lost :).
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I will pray for you.

I think it is often difficult to get along with family members. This has been so for me. I am living on my own now, but at various times I lived with family. Sometimes it helped to retreat to my room and have some quiet time. Sometimes I have had to bite my tongue.
 
Lisa1967 said:
I will pray for you.

I think it is often difficult to get along with family members. This has been so for me. I am living on my own now, but at various times I lived with family. Sometimes it helped to retreat to my room and have some quiet time. Sometimes I have had to bite my tongue.
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Thanks :). One quote that I really like is, “My Power is made perfect in weakness.” I really appreciate you guys, thankyou :).
 
You said you evangelized through Youtube? What’s your username? I’ll look you up, becuase I’ve been toying with the same idea.
 
Dear Hotgoldensun,
Code: 
 It's great that you have such a strong devotion to the things of God.  Prayer and study are both very important.  It's also great that you have a spiritual director.  I'm interested though, why you would want our opinions when you have his?  I would think that, knowing you better, he would be able to give a more accurate response to everything you have written than we can since we've never met you.  I hope you can ask him what he thinks.  Maybe you could even print your original post and bring it with you to direction.

It's wonderful that you have such a deep faith life but you really need to have some outside activities as well.  The truth is that you aren't really that different from others.  Your behavior is different, but you, as a human being, are very similar to the rest of humanity.

 Your resistance to the secular world and anyone who isn't "devout" is concerning.  There are great and wholesome things in the world and there are very sinful and terrible things but God made this world and it is his gift to us as are all the people in it - even the sinful ones (which is really all of us anyway! :) )  You need to experience the goodness and joy in the world as well as the serious and scary parts of it.  Enjoy nature, join a sports team, read a novel for entertainment...  John Paul II loved hiking and camping.  Benedict XVI watched TV, ate a good meal, and took a walk in the garden on his first two days as pope emeritus.  It is good to enjoy other things - God is in them as well as in the books and prayers.  

 We should be radical followers of God - but that doesn't necessarily translate into what you are describing.  It's important for your emotional, social, and psychological maturity in the future that you have experiences outside of prayer and study so that you can continue to serve God with all your heart and have a good outlet for some of the energy that is causing you to be scrupulous.  

 Wishing you peace and many blessings,
 SrMarie
 
🙂
SrMarie said:
Dear Hotgoldensun,
Code: 
 It's great that you have such a strong devotion to the things of God.  Prayer and study are both very important.  It's also great that you have a spiritual director.  I'm interested though, why you would want our opinions when you have his?  I would think that, knowing you better, he would be able to give a more accurate response to everything you have written than we can since we've never met you.  I hope you can ask him what he thinks.  Maybe you could even print your original post and bring it with you to direction.

It's wonderful that you have such a deep faith life but you really need to have some outside activities as well.  The truth is that you aren't really that different from others.  Your behavior is different, but you, as a human being, are very similar to the rest of humanity.

 Your resistance to the secular world and anyone who isn't "devout" is concerning.  There are great and wholesome things in the world and there are very sinful and terrible things but God made this world and it is his gift to us as are all the people in it - even the sinful ones (which is really all of us anyway! :) )  You need to experience the goodness and joy in the world as well as the serious and scary parts of it.  Enjoy nature, join a sports team, read a novel for entertainment...  John Paul II loved hiking and camping.  Benedict XVI watched TV, ate a good meal, and took a walk in the garden on his first two days as pope emeritus.  It is good to enjoy other things - God is in them as well as in the books and prayers.  

 We should be radical followers of God - but that doesn't necessarily translate into what you are describing.  It's important for your emotional, social, and psychological maturity in the future that you have experiences outside of prayer and study so that you can continue to serve God with all your heart and have a good outlet for some of the energy that is causing you to be scrupulous.  

 Wishing you peace and many blessings,
 SrMarie
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Recently I have talked to several people about how to live in a secular world and have the full humility and joy at the same time. One person I talked to constantly quoted Saint Francis of Assisi. I really learned much from the person. For the past several days I have noticed I have been more joyful and I actually am growing more in my faith than I was before. Several saints inspire me so much to remain loving and joyful :). I thank you so much for your advice, and I hope you have a blessed Sunday!
 
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