I am failing...

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MrsMeganMc

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I have always intellectually known that faith is not a feeling or an emotion…but it is obviously harder when those warm fuzzies aren’t present like they have been before.

I have been struggling a lot in my personal life. Getting through my first Mother’s Day without my daughter was hard - but I got through it. I have also been dealing with an eating disorder that I have allowed to get worse and control my life.

I have stopped going to daily mass and practically stopped praying. I feel like I have failed and let God down. I feel unworthy to be with Him as I have allowed my ED to control me and allowed myself to get further into destrcutive behaviors. I know I need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on the road I need to be on - but part of me is apathetic and doesn’t care.

I had a bit of a sign today. I went for my weekly therapy appointment - and my therapist didn’t show. Truth is - I am not even really mad cause I know that I hadn’t been doing what I need to be doing to get better. Everything has just been “too hard” to deal with. But by her not showing up was kind of a sign to me…that if I am not showing up and I am not doing my part - then how can my therpist, or God, really help me? There can’t be any meeting in the middle if I don’t come half way.

I guess I still feel so numb…I don’t know what to do to get back on track and I feel like a failure.
 
You are going through a spiritual darkness. Ask Jesus to be your Light and your Strength.
 
MrsMeganMc said:
I guess I still feel so numb…I don’t know what to do to get back on track and I feel like a failure.
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I think you just put your foot on the path. Recognition is the first step towards healing.

If you can’t conjure up the “imagination” to make up good, thoughtful prayers, then simply pray the Jesus Prayer:

“Lord Jesus Christ, son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

The rest will come with time and patience.
 
MrsMeganMc said:
I have always intellectually known that faith is not a feeling or an emotion…but it is obviously harder when those warm fuzzies aren’t present like they have been before.

I have been struggling a lot in my personal life. Getting through my first Mother’s Day without my daughter was hard - but I got through it. I have also been dealing with an eating disorder that I have allowed to get worse and control my life.

I have stopped going to daily mass and practically stopped praying. I feel like I have failed and let God down. I feel unworthy to be with Him as I have allowed my ED to control me and allowed myself to get further into destrcutive behaviors. I know I need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on the road I need to be on - but part of me is apathetic and doesn’t care.

I had a bit of a sign today. I went for my weekly therapy appointment - and my therapist didn’t show. Truth is - I am not even really mad cause I know that I hadn’t been doing what I need to be doing to get better. Everything has just been “too hard” to deal with. But by her not showing up was kind of a sign to me…that if I am not showing up and I am not doing my part - then how can my therpist, or God, really help me? There can’t be any meeting in the middle if I don’t come half way.

I guess I still feel so numb…I don’t know what to do to get back on track and I feel like a failure.
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I appreciate your post. I feel like a failure too.

You are right… coming half way should do wonders.

God Bless You!
 
MrsMeganMc,

I’m sorry to hear about the dryness you are going through, I’ve felt it before too. I will pray for you, but I also want **you **to pray for me. The reason I say that is because you remind me of Jesus right now (and Mother Theresa), and I think you’re closer to God now in your weakness than I ever have been. Whatever praying you can bring yourself to do, please expand it by just a little bit so I can be a beneficiary of them too. Again, I will pray for you; whatever good my prayers will do. I send this with all the love I have in my sinful person; don’t give up!
 
Never feel like you’re not worthy of being with God because that’ll only lead you to push Him further away from you when you need to be doing the opposite!

You say you’ve stopped praying, so just start praying again. 😃 Anything from a simple “Our Father” or a “Hail Mary” once in a while, or just talk to God and ask for His help through the difficulties in your life. If you feel like you’re suffering, don’t let that go to waste! Offer it up for those that need it.

Ask Him for strength to get over this slump and just persevere in prayer even through this “dry spell”. Don’t give up and know that we’ll be praying for you.👍
 
Go to confession for an infusion of grace to help you.

Betsy
 
I do have an appt scheduled with my priest on Monday - it was the earliest that I could see him…so I just need to wait until then.

Thanks for all of the helpful advice and for the prayers.
 
Dear Megan… you continue to be in my prayers, dear soul. Please send a message, if you need to talk.

❤️ Our Lady, Help of Christians… please be with Megan and be her support, until she’s feeling better. Amen. ❤️
 
Dear Megan. This will pass. You will be just fine. God loves you so.
 
Dear MrsMeganMc

First, I’m sorry you are going through this phase - it is not a pleasant one and it can be so difficult to avoid it pulling us back into past habits that we want to be rid off.
I know I need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on the road I need to be on - but part of me is apathetic and doesn’t care.
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Sure we are not the only ones who experience this and have trouble knowing why we don’t do what we think we should do/want to do.

Think sometimes we don’t because we lack energy, aren’t sure what to do or try to do too much at once. (“The mind is willing but the body is weak”). And then maybe we don’t do anything different because we think we are unworthy or do not want another failure.)

Something that has helped me is to think what I would say and do for a friend who had the same problem. If it is different from what I am saying to myself or recommending something, I ask myself why the difference and should I be following my own recommendations.
I had a bit of a sign today. I went for my weekly therapy appointment - and my therapist didn’t show. Truth is - I am not even really mad cause I know that I hadn’t been doing what I need to be doing to get better. Everything has just been “too hard” to deal with. But by her not showing up was kind of a sign to me…that if I am not showing up and I am not doing my part - then how can my therapist, or God, really help me? There can’t be any meeting in the middle if I don’t come half way.
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I would take this insight as a gift and treat it that way. Also try and recognise the positive steps you have made/are making - you may not have made as much effort with the therapist as you could have but you have kept going.

Hope you find your meeting with your priest helpful.
 
Hi Megan,

I know what its like to feel that way and face a habitual problem. I always go back to these facts and quotes to pick me up.

“If we have the will to walk, then God is pleased with our stumbles.” - CS Lewis

Read 1 Peter 4:12 and Psalm 23

I read somewhere that Mother Thersea used to be in such a struggle that all she could do was squeeze her rosary.

However, I would say that the best solution is to spend an hour in Euchoristic Adoration. Just sitting infront of the Euchorist and thinking about how Jesus poured himself out for you will give you the peace and courage to face anything!
 
Hi Megan,

Don’t lose hope! If you don’t have any hope, tell God that you don’t have any left and ask Him for more. Also don’t worry about the past, because the past is dead. All we have is today.

Also if you have particularly painful memories that you think might be causing some of this, my friend told me about a meditation that really helps. Instead of pushing the painful memories aside, you invite Our Lord and Our Lady into them and go through the memory focusing on their presence, with the intention of healing. It is helpful to meditate on the fact that God is Eternal, and can insert healing graces into the past if we ask him.

Another thing I have found helpful is sacramentals and other spiritual warfare tools. i remember waking up one day and my head was spinning with crazy thoughts that I couldn’t get rid of and then I blessed myself with some Epiphany water and it immediately stopped. Stuff like that has happened several times. Here is a useful prayer:

Spirit of [N]., I bind you in the Name of Jesus, by the power of the most Precious Blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ and by the intercession of the BLessed Virgin Mary, St Michael the Archangel, the blessed Apostles, Peter and Paul and all of the saints, and I command you to leave [N] (name of person or object) and go to the foot of the Holy Cross to receive your sentence, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Here is a list of some spirits and their Latin names, or you could just pick any specific problem you have and use that as a name, because there may be a spirit involved, and it doesn’t hurt to fight back.

agitation = agitationis

anger = irae

anxiety = anxietatis

astrology = astrologiae

binding = praestigiae Also the same word for deception)

depression = tristitae

despair = desparationis

domination = dominationis

effeminacy = effiminatiae (aut molitiis --if connected with masterbation)

fear = timoris

fornication = fornicationis

fortune telling = praestigii, divinationis

incantation = carmenis, incantationis

lust = luxuriae

illness = aegrotudinis

incubus = incubi

mental illness = amentis, furiosis

mimicking = simulationis

necromancy = nigromantiae

obsession = obsessionis

ouijia board = geomantiae

pacts = pacti

pain = doloris

palm readings = chiromantiae

scratching = scabri, fricae

succubus = succubi

superstition = superstitionis

witchcraft = veneficii (aut artis magicae)
 
judechild said:
MrsMeganMc,

I’m sorry to hear about the dryness you are going through, I’ve felt it before too. I will pray for you, but I also want **you **to pray for me. The reason I say that is because you remind me of Jesus right now (and Mother Theresa), and I think you’re closer to God now in your weakness than I ever have been. Whatever praying you can bring yourself to do, please expand it by just a little bit so I can be a beneficiary of them too. Again, I will pray for you; whatever good my prayers will do. I send this with all the love I have in my sinful person; don’t give up!
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judechild - this is one of the most beautiful and inspiring things I have ever read in my life. Thank you from all my heart. May God bless you.

MrsMeganMc - the way I see it, that’s what Jesus is all about. He didn’t need bother coming down amongst us, unless we were failing… May God bless you too.
 
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