I am free to marry

[God_Seeker_1]

Hi everyone,

I made a new thread some months ago concerning a situation I was in with the Church declaring null and void my previous attempted union. I have received a paper from the Bishop and the Diocesan Tribunal stating in clear terms that the former union that I had attempted to engage in (a civil marriage and exchange of vows before a baptist pastor) is not valid.

I myself was baptized into the Catholic Church as an infant (this was proven by a Baptismal Certificate from the Catholic parish where I was) and received holy communion (although I did not understand the Eucharist) at the age of 8, and continued to receive the sacrament until I was 14 years old (there were huge gaps in my attendance). I also remember performing the sacrament of confession, but I will ill-catechized, and so I doubt the effectiveness of this sacrament in my life.

At the age of 18, I had a radical conversion experience into a baptist Church and got “married” to a woman under that baptist minister. The reasoning behind the marriage was almost exclusively to avoid being in the sin of fornication, which we had been involved with for months before we came to the baptist community. We did not want to separate, but we did not wish to be in fornication. There was a civil document saying we were married before the ceremony before the baptist minister.

I can honestly say that under the baptist community, there had been people who were remarried after being divorced. I think it was common knowledge that if a divorce comes upon a marriage, the innocent party is free to marry (I understand now that this is not true). So, a few years after being in union with this woman I was married to in the baptist community, she left me with a 1 year old boy. From that point, I was a single father raising my son. The church community reassured me that another woman would come my way one day, one who was the right woman. I was under no impression that being married to someone would force me to refrain from remarriage even after a divorce. In fact, in the community I was in, the baptists prayed for God to give me a wife.

To make a much longer story short, years after this, I have gone through a long process of repentance and returning to the Catholic Church. What is coincidental is that I brought along a woman who I civilly married under a pentecostal minister. I sat down with my local priest and Adult faith formation director (been one for 30 years) and an official from the Tribunal in our diocese, and they have all told me that my previous attempted union was invalid. At the present moment, I have a document stating that the previous attempted union was not a true and valid marriage, and so it retains this decree of nullity.

I am free to marry, and I am receiving the sacrament of marriage with the woman that I am civilly married to (we have abstained from any sex, even kissing beyond a pop-kiss, throughout this long process of preparing for the sacrament after coming back to the Catholic Church).

My concern is where does the authority to do such things derive itself? Some people may consider my situation and really baulk at the idea that my previous attemped union was not valid. I am thinking in particular of the baptist community, who would say that I was married.

How can I build confidence that the decree of nullity is received in God’s eyes, and how can I explain this to others? Don’t many people receive an annulment unfaithfully or deceitfully, or can the Church make mistakes in this arena such that there is being nullified truly valid marriages?

 

[Timothy_Garber]

NOTE: The following statements are not coming from someone of authority or particular knowledge, just one who listens to a lot of Catholic Radio. Let’s hope I get this right!

From what I understand God_Seeker, what the Church has declared is true: your marriage WAS null. I believe your confusion is that you believed that your first marriage was a true marriage, as the Church teaches that marriages outside of the Church that are recognized by others is, in fact, a VALID marriage.

But wait, wouldn’t that mean that your marriage was VALID?

No, it wouldn’t. Even though you were married outside the Church, you yourself were a Catholic. You were technically part of the Church, as you committed yourself to Christ whilst in his Church (during Chrismation/Conformation I believe, unless it is counted from a Catholic Baptism). Thus, you being in the Church, the marriage was not actually VALID, as it never existed in the first place.

This is what the Church has concluded, and probably where most of your confusion lies. You are right - the Church does NOT have the power to just dissolve marriages. Rather, she goes through the same processes I have gone through, checking to see if there ever really was a marriage. If there was no actual marriage to be found, then the Church declares nullity, not to make nullity, but to rather point it out.

I hope this was a help for you God_Seeker. If you really do wish to seek God, then continue to ask questions, to learn, to love. Always keep your mind and heart directed toward Christ, and someday you shall see him.

 

[Dorothy]

God seeker,

As a Catholic you were given the correct information. It doesn’t matter what the Baptist community thinks. Go in peace…and welcome home!

 

[1ke]

My concern is where does the authority to do such things derive itself?

From God who gave the Church authority to bind and loose. The Church has the authority to legislate requirements for marriage for Catholics.

Some people may consider my situation and really baulk at the idea that my previous attemped union was not valid. I am thinking in particular of the baptist community, who would say that I was married.

But the reality is you were not married validly. The reality is not based on what people think.

How can I build confidence that the decree of nullity is received in God’s eyes, and how can I explain this to others?

Have confidence in god.

Don’t many people receive an annulment unfaithfully or deceitfully, or can the Church make mistakes in this arena such that there is being nullified truly valid marriages?

Perhaps there are some, who will have to answer to god for their sin. “many” seems quite an overstatement. I don’t think you have any facts here.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

How can I build confidence that the decree of nullity is received in God’s eyes, and how can I explain this to others? Don’t many people receive an annulment unfaithfully or deceitfully, or can the Church make mistakes in this arena such that there is being nullified truly valid marriages?

Forget about the bad behavior of others; it’s utterly not relevant. Far more people commit adultery than will ever attempt an annulment unfaithfully. Does that mean the Church made a mistake on adultery and we should all cheat on our spouses? Of course not.

With regard to the annulment, it’s been my experience that many simply doubt the process and don’t necessarily agree with the Church’s position on the matter. You even see it right here on the forum. Example: people simply ignore their convalidation date and celebrate their wedding anniversary on the date of their original “invalid” civil marriage.

IMHO, the doubting person should simply follow the Church’s requirements and don’t dwell on the matter. Even if the understanding of the parties seeking the annulment is flawed or simply wrong in the eyes of the Church, at least the parties are respecting God and His Church. We’re not perfect and God knows that. Sometimes it the best we can do.