I am living in sin, and everything is terrible

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lilypadrees said:
Regarding your live-in relationship, one of you must move out. You can’t continue on this way.
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Stop it. This is simply not true. They may be in a financial situation right now where this is not possible. The Church does NOT demand anyone be put out of their home.

They can live in continence in the same house for a while.

The OP should talk to his priest. The priest might be able to help them with other arrangements or will counsel them on how to live chastely while they are together.
 
I don’t know what to say, everyone. Thank you so much for your advice! I’m going to follow it, starting first with reaching out to my old priest and go from there.

And regarding my green hair, I wasn’t trying to make a big deal out of that here. I was just illustrating that I stand out a bit at mass. I work at an upscale, colorful salon in a metropolitan area, so it’s halfway expected of me. If and when I change jobs, I’ll probably go back to something more conservative. I’m way more concerned about my living situation.

Thanks again for everything
 
@kingmeatloaf you will be in my prayers. Know that God loves you and there are infinite mercies found in Jesus!

God also loves the women you are living with. He doesn’t love the situation but he loves you and her as human beings and as sons and daughters of God 🙂
 
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@1ke, as I stated before, he can find a male roommate to share expenses. She can find a female roommate to share expenses with. I did not suggest either of them leave without the one who leaves having a place to go.

I gave several alternatives in my post and in my initial post, advised going to Confession and seeking the wise counsel of his priest. To encourage someone who admits that he is living in sin to remain in that sin is wrong. I’m not going to do that.
 


These songs have been helpful for me when I feel stuck, spiritually dry, depressed. God Bless!
 
King meatloaf I just wanted to offer you my prayers as well, I really empathize with you as I am also a convert to the faith, in my case from atheism.

You have had lots of good advice and suggestions. Here is something I would suggest, and of course talk to you parish priest and ask his advice.

You need to take one step at a time to get closer to God and discern His will for you. The first is to be back in a State of Grace. Without being in a state of grace you are going to continue stumbling around in the dark.
  1. Decide to live as brother and sister with this young woman while you discern further what to do. That means you must not continue in a sexual relationship with her. Explain to her it is not a rejection of her but so that you can make your decisions clearly and in union with your faith and Jesus. (There is no mainline Christian Church that I am aware of that would encourage living in sin).
  2. Look for an “Examination of Conscience” online (I am sure EWTN will have one) take some time to pray and reflect and then go to the Sacrament. Of Reconciliation and be forgiven and reconciled with Jesus and His Church.
  3. Start going to mass as often as you reasonably can and receive Communion. You need Jesus in Communion to have the life of Christ within you.
  4. Continue to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation frequently (once a week if necessary) to help you deal with temptation and continue in a close relationship with Our Lord.
  5. In the meantime talk to a priest and ask him and other Catholics to find out if there is some kind of Catholic group in the area where you can learn to be a disciple and have fellowship with other believers. This group could take many forms, it might be a Young Adult Group, A prayer Group, a Bible Study, a Men’s group or a Catholic Charismatic group. Ask around or even put a notice in the bulletin or ask the priest if he would help you start a group like this. It is ESSENTIAL to our Christian walk that we have a community of believers we can share and grow with.
  6. Don’t be hard on yourself and believe you are letting people down. All that has happened is that you have realized you are a sinner like anyone else and you cannot do this alone. So please don’t let a) Despair keep you from Christ and his church, the devil would love that, be humble ask for forgiveness b) Be too proud to admit your struggles and weaknesses to others, again turn to God and receive the Sacrament of forgiveness.
  7. God bless you brother in Christ! I will be praying for you.
 
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Nobody need be rendered homeless in your predicament.
_Go to confession. There is nothing here that can’t be forgiven.
-Ask the advice of that priest.
-Live as roommates until other arrangements can be worked out.
-Pray hard. Pray for yourself, your situation, and for your girlfriend. Maybe this may be the opening needed to dialogue with her about your faith.
-Eventually tackle the budget.
-Ever ever think of changing to purple hair? 🙂 jk
 
You’ve gotten good advice here, but I doubt you didn’t already know most of it. You need to make the changes you know need to be made. We never know when our body will die, and then it’s too late. Please don’t procrastinate in the changes you know you need to make.
 
Matthew 7: ‘How narrow is the gate, and strait is the way that leadeth to life: and few there are that find it!’. - Persevere in Christ, we are all in this journey together. We’ll be praying for you. 🙂
 
You don’t have to change your appearance in order to make friends. You need to be more confident and comfortable with who you are, and you have to be willing to put yourself out there for friendship even if it means rejection. If people get to know who you are and can sense that you are a decent person you will make friends.

You also, don’t have to leave the girl you clearly love, and she doesn’t have to become Catholic. She just had to be tolerant of your faith, and be willing to get married to you. You can ask for a dispensation to marry her and might even be able to get married outside the Catholic Church. You need to speak to your priest.

Would she marry you? Would she be willing to make some small concessions in order to marry you? If she isn’t willing to make sacrifices for you now, it doesn’t bode well for your relationship.

All intimate relationships end in one of two ways: either you make a life long commitment (marriage) or you break up. There is no in-between. Figure out which one of those options you will chose and get right with God.
 
As far as the green hair and piercings, these are cultural influences; the more one grows spiritually the more the influence of the world vanish. Holiness is a death to the self in order for Jesus Christ to be the Lord of our life. Holiness is to become simple, little, and nothing, in order for God to shine through us and use us as a pencil in a His hand—for Him to write the story of our life. When we trumpet ourselves and wave flags, and do all sorts of things for others to notice us, and let ourselves be driven by the ways of the world, it us a sign that we are making ourselves the center of our life. God has to be the center. God wants us to allow Him to kill our old self so that she can give us a new self: He wants to give us Himself.
Here is a brief talk by Archbishop Sheen on this path which all just walk in order to find our way home:
Listen to it here
 
God bless you.

Good for you going to see your priest. That’s a great first step. Prepare yourself to take his advice.
You know, when I am in a pickle, aside from prayer which is essential… it is often a good idea to take yourself away from things. If you say you can’t marry and you cant kick her out then do neither… perhaps go somewhere you can afford on your own even if it is a small room and get a little distance. Just an idea. God bless you
 
Dear King,

Have you seen the poem about footprints? It is applicable to you even if it does not feel so now.

For companionship and friends in your current parish, check out the Knights of Columbus. There are men there that are good Catholics and their job is to help. The green hair and gauges might be an initial turn off to some (I know that I would have problems with it) but not all are judgmental and the others will get used to you if you become active and become a fixture at the hall.

Second (or maybe first and foremost)go to confession. There is more mercy in God than all the sin you can imagine. I do not see any indication that you are not repentant, just that you are over whelmed by circumstances. Talk with a priest, the one at your new parish ( who will have better information about local resources for help) or the one at your old parish. I can not imagine how they would work out help for your situation but I have no doubt they can.

If you are living together and making it (no matter how sparingly) why could you not get married. My first wife of 41 years was as anti catholic as you can get because of some incident with a priest that I never learned about but when I came back to the Church, she supported me, and eventually decided to come back herself. I did not evangelize her, just lived my life and answered her questions when she asked.

Mostly, see a priest and confess, that is the starting place.

Patrick
AMDG
 
" I see the church as a field hospital after battle. It is useless to ask a seriously injured person if he has high cholesterol and about the level of his blood sugars! You have to heal his wounds. Then we can talk about everything else. Heal the wounds, heal the wounds. … And you have to start from the ground up."

-Pope Francis

Start with the simple stuff. Dont worry about hair, ears, living with the girl, etc. Sort out the basics first, then the rest will follow.

Yes you are a sinner, guess what, your in luck, that is exactly who Jesus came for.

Acknowledging you are a sinner is a huge step. The next is to accept the fact that Jesus came to forgive sins and restore your relationship with him.

DO NOT listen to the devil, he will constantly tell you that you are not worthy of Gods forgiveness, YOUR sin is too great, you dont deserve God’s forgiveness because of your current situation etc. Keeping people from going to confession is the devils great lie, because it is one of the greatest gifts the God has given to man.

Go to confession, set up a time to talk to a priest, what ever it takes. Be honest with the priest concerning your feelings and situation. He is God’s instrument, let him determine your contrition and amendment to change, give counsel, and then trust is God’s forgiveness and mercy.

Getting out of a state of mortal sin and beginning to receive Holy Communion is the only path to letting Gods grace guide your situation, so make that the goal.

Start reading books about the saints, they will become your best friends!
 
One more thought: you say that your gf had a bad experience with religion in her early life. Just imagine how she would feel (about religion) if you started to treat her with amazing respect, kindness, and true love?
 
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Yeah, regarding the “I can’t marry her now either!” I may have misunderstood that. I thought OP was saying he didn’t feel he was in a position to get married or didn’t want to.

OP, if you want to marry the girl, the vast majority of priests wouldn’t object on the basis that you lived together. Priests generally like to help people out of that situation by marrying the couple. If you somehow meet a priest who thinks differently, find another priest.
 
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