Is there a place where I can go? Maybe it isn’t even a place. I can go to the Cathedral, to the shrine of the Blessed Virgin and pray the rosary and feel relaxed, but after I leave, nothing has changed. All of the problems are still there. I have always believed that Jesus wants us to be happy and that is why he came to earth. I always believed that happiness is a state of mind. My mother always said, be good and you will always be happy. Jesus told us not to worry about the affairs of life. Didn’t he say something like be like the birds in the air that God provides for? Should I let go of my worldly responsibilities? Should I not worry how my children will pay for a college education? So much of present day life seems to contradict Jesus’ teachings. Surely it isn’t Jesus’s wish that I be irresponsible, or is it? Should I walk away? If so where should I go? Should I seek a high paying job that could provide financial security for my family even though it means that I will be away from them for 2 weeks at a time? Is that worth it? Or would it be better to live at a very low income and be with them? I honestly don’t know the answers.
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God bless you for your concern for your spiritual life and your family! I myself have had all of these concerns in my past. I can tell you that in retrospect, I was letting my worries and preocupations rule my life, and not relying enough on God. I think my saving grace was that my spouse was an amazing instrument in helping me see how futile that worry was, and that if I trust in God and have faith, my worries will be set right, even if it’s not in the way I had thought they would be.
My advice for you is 1) Speak with your spouse; share
all of your doubts, concerns, worries, and frustrations with that person who is the other half of you. Unburden yourself from it all, because you will never be free of it if you don’t find a confidant to share. If it is not your spouse, then a close confidant you can trust, who is wise, knowledgeable, and can help be a guide in your life. (For me that has been my husband who has always calmed my fears).
Now, you mention getting a higher paying job to be more financially secure and to pay for your children’s college. One thing I can tell you as a child of a family of 8 kids and a postal worker dad is this: Having a dad who is never around was AWEFUL!!! It really was one of the factors that seemed to aid in pulling apart my parents’ marriage. Second, if you can see that your income will not pay for your children’s college, do not fret and worry yourself into an early grave over this. I was the 3rd of 8, and my parents could only assist me with $2000 over my college years. With God’s grace, however, I applied for and received above and beyond the cost of my tuition, because I applied myself to looking for those scholarships. I also worked a little during those years, something that you should not be afraid to have your kids do. It really teaches responsibility, plus then upon graduation, they have a lot of skills they can put down on their resumes. It really built my character to take charge of my own education this way.
To not pay for all of your children’s college tuition is not irresponsibility. To not get a higher paying job if your family is happy where they are is not irresponsibility. You are the head of the family. You are
responsible for the souls of your wife and children. In focusing on raising moral, spiritual, and well-centered children who have God as the center of their lives, you will be doing the best thing for their future.
I hope my little advice here helps you to see that it does not profit to worry about the future. Put your trust and faith in God again, and He will be there for you. You may not always be happy, you may get worried again from time to time, but always remember to put that worry back in God’s hands. Every time I feel that worry come back, I pray, “God take this worry from me, and help me trust in You!” Such a simple prayer, but it works!
God blesss!
