I am mortified

[decjlc]

This morning, I tried to go to Mass for the first time with my son (21 months old). I’ve only been one other time myself, a few months ago. We didn’t even get through 15 minutes of the service before he started “fussing”. He wasn’t really crying at this point, just whining a little and saying, “Mom.” Understandably, we got “the look” from a woman a couple of rows in front of us.

There is no cry room…just the kitchen/dining area that’s right off the sanctuary (not sure if that’s the correct term). He cried and fussed a bit in there. I was able to catch a few more minutes of the service from that room before he had a complete meltdown. I tried to take him outside a couple of times, but we had to leave after about 35 minutes or so.

I am mortified. I feel like a failure as a mother. Perhaps if I had been taking him to church all along (like I should have) this wouldn’t have happened. I’m so disappointed because I wanted to talk to someone about RCIA and converting today. I’ve been looking forward to it all week.

Sorry for the vent/whine…I’m just embarrassed and heartbroken that things did not work out the way I had hoped.

 

[JackieMom]

Most toddlers are sometimes “naughty” at Mass. Mine always have been. Let’s be honest - it’s pretty boring for them at that age, no matter how often they’ve gone. My two-year-old has always gone and still needs to be taken out 75% of the time. Take him outside to run around next time he fusses. Our church has a speaker outside for just such occasions. It’s really not a huge deal; relax. Also, expwriment with different Mass times to see which one he does best at. Evening Masses always work better for my kids.

 

[decjlc]

Speakers outside would be so nice! Unfortunately, they don’t have them. Thanks for the suggestions, but there is only one Mass time here, one day per week (Sundays). The pastor/priest takes care of all three churches in this county (yes, only 3!) and one in the next county over. These are very small churches. To go to an evening Mass, I’d have to go on Saturday to the church that’s 30 minutes away. Sigh I know it’s not as big a deal as I’m making it. I guess I had built it up too much.

If I can ever stay long enough to talk to someone about converting…and I go through the process, does it “count” as meeting your obligation for Sunday Mass if you can’t sit through the whole thing? My husband has no plans to attend Mass, but he’s only home every other Sunday (law enforcement, crazy schedule) for me to leave my son with him. Even then, I don’t much like the idea of leaving him when I feel like he should attend church.

ETA: I’ve only been one other time a few YEARS ago, not a few months ago.

 

[PatriceA]

Please don’t be mortified. My daughter was a handful at Mass, especially if I was alone and hubby was on a business trip or something. Its not a reflection of your parenting skills. Every child is different. It certainly doesn’t mean they will never act appropriately at Church either.

My daughter outgrew her restlessness once she was potty trained and I also started taking her to daily Mass to “train” her on what was and wasn’t appropriate behavior. By the time she started kindergarten at the parish school, she was one of the best behaved in her class.

Your child WILL out grow this phase. And you are a great mom!

 

[Anglewannabe]

IMO babies who go to mass and behave as infants still fuss once they hit the terrible twos. I don’t think it has anything to do with not bringing him before. The truth is, until children are 7 and reach the age of reason, it is not necessary to bring them. Perhaps talk to your priest and see what he suggests or how other moms in the parish handled it.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

This morning, I tried to go to Mass for the first time with my son (21 months old). I’ve only been one other time myself, a few months ago. We didn’t even get through 15 minutes of the service before he started “fussing”. He wasn’t really crying at this point, just whining a little and saying, “Mom.” Understandably, we got “the look” from a woman a couple of rows in front of us.

There is no cry room…just the kitchen/dining area that’s right off the sanctuary (not sure if that’s the correct term). He cried and fussed a bit in there. I was able to catch a few more minutes of the service from that room before he had a complete meltdown. I tried to take him outside a couple of times, but we had to leave after about 35 minutes or so.

I am mortified. I feel like a failure as a mother. Perhaps if I had been taking him to church all along (like I should have) this wouldn’t have happened. I’m so disappointed because I wanted to talk to someone about RCIA and converting today. I’ve been looking forward to it all week.

Sorry for the vent/whine…I’m just embarrassed and heartbroken that things did not work out the way I had hoped.

I am so sorry you went through this! Especially the rude people who gave you a stare when your little one was just beginning to fuss.

I did not take my sons to Mass when they were so small. Both of them, as soon as they learned to walk, wanted to be walking ALL of the time, and would fuss and fuss if they were restrained. They were getting nothing out of the Mass at that point anyway, and we really, REALLY would have disturbed everyone around us. They went to the nursery and we were able to enjoy Mass. I know some people are able to handle their kids from when they are tiny babies, but I think this really depends upon the child. Some kids are quieter-natured; some pay attention and don’t want to run away; some are more active and just try everyone’s patience. Don’t feel bad for leaving him in the nursery, but also, you can try working up to the full hour in church. Try taking him to daily Masses and leave BEFORE he gets fussy. Build it up slowly, add on 5 minutes every day that he doesn’t fuss. Pretty soon, he’ll be more attuned to being able to settle down and just be calm for that hour. Maybe.

 

[joder]

21 months is a rough age. They are just about uncontrollable at that age. I just took mine outside and waited until they settled down. I held them. But I didn’t want to make it a reward for crying.

After about 24 months they can begin to control themselves.
I personally never used the cry room. It was like playtime for the kids in there. I EXPECTED them to sit still and be quiet for one hour at Mass. They can do it. You need to be confident and use the authority that you have as a parent.

 

[Allegra]

If your toddler is fussy during Mass, you don’t have to feel bad about not bringing him and leavig him with daddy or a sitter. Babies don’t have to meet the Sunday obligation and while some kids are good as gold in Church, others really can’t sit still and quiet until they’re a little bigger. I promise you aren’t a failure as a mother! That really is normal behavior for such a small child. Maybe you could find a teenaged girl who would like to earn a little bit of money for a few hours on Saturday evening. That would give you time to get to the Church, attend Mass, and maybe even get a frappachino on the way back!

 

[decjlc]

Please don’t be mortified. My daughter was a handful at Mass, especially if I was alone and hubby was on a business trip or something. Its not a reflection of your parenting skills. Every child is different. It certainly doesn’t mean they will never act appropriately at Church either.

My daughter outgrew her restlessness once she was potty trained and I also started taking her to daily Mass to “train” her on what was and wasn’t appropriate behavior. By the time she started kindergarten at the parish school, she was one of the best behaved in her class.

Your child WILL out grow this phase. And you are a great mom!

Thank you; that sounds promising. I wish our local Churches had daily Mass because I’d certainly try that. We’ll just have to keep working on it, I suppose.

 

[decjlc]

IMO babies who go to mass and behave as infants still fuss once they hit the terrible twos. I don’t think it has anything to do with not bringing him before. The truth is, until children are 7 and reach the age of reason, it is not necessary to bring them. Perhaps talk to your priest and see what he suggests or how other moms in the parish handled it.

Thanks; I hope to meet with someone this week about RCIA, so I’ll mention it then.

 

[decjlc]

I am so sorry you went through this! Especially the rude people who gave you a stare when your little one was just beginning to fuss.

I did not take my sons to Mass when they were so small. Both of them, as soon as they learned to walk, wanted to be walking ALL of the time, and would fuss and fuss if they were restrained. They were getting nothing out of the Mass at that point anyway, and we really, REALLY would have disturbed everyone around us. They went to the nursery and we were able to enjoy Mass. I know some people are able to handle their kids from when they are tiny babies, but I think this really depends upon the child. Some kids are quieter-natured; some pay attention and don’t want to run away; some are more active and just try everyone’s patience. Don’t feel bad for leaving him in the nursery, but also, you can try working up to the full hour in church. Try taking him to daily Masses and leave BEFORE he gets fussy. Build it up slowly, add on 5 minutes every day that he doesn’t fuss. Pretty soon, he’ll be more attuned to being able to settle down and just be calm for that hour. Maybe.

I wish there was a nursery for the kids. That would be lovely. But there are no cry rooms, nurseries, TVs to watch the service from another room or speakers outside. You really miss everything just by leaving the room.

This is such a difficult age.

 

[Robertanthony]

This morning, I tried to go to Mass for the first time with my son (21 months old). I’ve only been one other time myself, a few months ago. We didn’t even get through 15 minutes of the service before he started “fussing”. He wasn’t really crying at this point, just whining a little and saying, “Mom.” Understandably, we got “the look” from a woman a couple of rows in front of us.
There is no cry room…just the kitchen/dining area that’s right off the sanctuary (not sure if that’s the correct term). He cried and fussed a bit in there. I was able to catch a few more minutes of the service from that room before he had a complete meltdown. I tried to take him outside a couple of times, but we had to leave after about 35 minutes or so.

I am mortified. I feel like a failure as a mother. Perhaps if I had been taking him to church all along (like I should have) this wouldn’t have happened. I’m so disappointed because I wanted to talk to someone about RCIA and converting today. I’ve been looking forward to it all week.

Sorry for the vent/whine…I’m just embarrassed and heartbroken that things did not work out the way I had hoped.

“Understandably” does not apply here. Try staring back and doing so until she looks away and retreats with her tail between her legs, as it were. And you can still get that frappucino on your way back from church. Win-win.

 

[decjlc]

21 months is a rough age. They are just about uncontrollable at that age. I just took mine outside and waited until they settled down. I held them. But I didn’t want to make it a reward for crying.

After about 24 months they can begin to control themselves.
I personally never used the cry room. It was like playtime for the kids in there. I EXPECTED them to sit still and be quiet for one hour at Mass. They can do it. You need to be confident and use the authority that you have as a parent.

Thanks. There were no other kids in the kitchen area, thankfully. He was the only toddler there, actually. No babies, either. I made the mistake of putting him down after about 10-15 minutes in the kitchen area, and that was a big mistake. When I had to pick him back up, that’s when the meltdown happened.

 

[decjlc]

If your toddler is fussy during Mass, you don’t have to feel bad about not bringing him and leavig him with daddy or a sitter. Babies don’t have to meet the Sunday obligation and while some kids are good as gold in Church, others really can’t sit still and quiet until they’re a little bigger. I promise you aren’t a failure as a mother! That really is normal behavior for such a small child. Maybe you could find a teenaged girl who would like to earn a little bit of money for a few hours on Saturday evening. That would give you time to get to the Church, attend Mass, and maybe even get a frappachino on the way back!

I’m still getting used to the “Age of Reason” thing for kids. I’ll try leaving him with hubby when he’s not working and taking him with me the other weeks so that way I get some actual time to focus on Mass while still teaching him how to behave (hopefully).

 

[decjlc]

“Understandably” does not apply here. Try staring back and doing so until she looks away and retreats with her tail between her legs, as it were. And you can still get that frappucino on your way back from church. Win-win.

My first inclination was to do that, but I understand that people want to focus on Mass, too. I don’t understand how someone who has been a parent could even give “The Look”. Surely their children misbehaved at some time or other.

 

[Becca3]

Or try carrying some things in his diaper bag like soft-clothed books for him to “read” or some quiet toys for him to play with so you can attend Mass if your husband can’t watch him.

 

[Kelfa28]

Or try carrying some things in his diaper bag like soft-clothed books for him to “read” or some quiet toys for him to play with so you can attend Mass if your husband can’t watch him.

This is what I do with my daughter.

She’s a fairly low-maintenance baby but even she has her moments where she gets super fussy.

One thing she absolutely loves to do is flip through books. So I make sure I bring a couple of her favorite picture books she can look at during Mass.

It usually helps out big time during the readings and the homily.

I’m sorry this happened. Keep trying or try to leave him home for the time being with dad until he is a bit older.

 

[HoosMommie]

21 months is a rough age. They are just about uncontrollable at that age. I just took mine outside and waited until they settled down. I held them. But I didn’t want to make it a reward for crying.

After about 24 months they can begin to control themselves.
I personally never used the cry room. It was like playtime for the kids in there. I EXPECTED them to sit still and be quiet for one hour at Mass. They can do it. You need to be confident and use the authority that you have as a parent.

I am a firm believer that the little ones of all ages should be brought to Mass. If they fuss, so be it. Unless they are screaming for long periods of time they should stay. Just this morning there was a little one fussing during the entire Mass, but you know what? It wasn’t a distraction at all. I managed to hear everything as did the rest of the faithful. Bring that precious baby and if you get “the look” just smile sweetly because that person is doing you a huge injustice. Jesus said "Suffer the little children . . . "

 

[decjlc]

Or try carrying some things in his diaper bag like soft-clothed books for him to “read” or some quiet toys for him to play with so you can attend Mass if your husband can’t watch him.

Thanks; I’ll try. I was able to keep him quiet for about 10 minutes by letting him zip and unzip my wallet. I brought a book for him, but he had no interest. Perhaps busy things with buttons and zippers (like a Quiet Book) can keep him occupied for a bit as long as I use them only for Mass so he doesn’t tire of them?

Would this be inappropriate to bring to Mass for him? I wouldn’t get all the pieces out at once, of course.

 

[jmcrae]

This morning, I tried to go to Mass for the first time with my son (21 months old). I’ve only been one other time myself, a few months ago. We didn’t even get through 15 minutes of the service before he started “fussing”. He wasn’t really crying at this point, just whining a little and saying, “Mom.” Understandably, we got “the look” from a woman a couple of rows in front of us.

There is no cry room…just the kitchen/dining area that’s right off the sanctuary (not sure if that’s the correct term). He cried and fussed a bit in there. I was able to catch a few more minutes of the service from that room before he had a complete meltdown. I tried to take him outside a couple of times, but we had to leave after about 35 minutes or so.

I am mortified. I feel like a failure as a mother. Perhaps if I had been taking him to church all along (like I should have) this wouldn’t have happened. I’m so disappointed because I wanted to talk to someone about RCIA and converting today. I’ve been looking forward to it all week.

Sorry for the vent/whine…I’m just embarrassed and heartbroken that things did not work out the way I had hoped.

Next week, sit in the front pew; that way you won’t be disturbed by people looking at you.

Your child will also be able to see what’s going on, and you can point out the things he can be paying attention to. “Now we are hearing a story - we have to listen! Now we are praying the Creed. That’s what we believe in!”