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decjlc
Guest
Thank you for all the suggestions. I’ll try to practice special quiet time with him at home. This will probably help. I think, too, the more we go the better it will be because he’ll become more familiar. Whenever he’s someplace new, he wants to get down and explore. Once it’s old news to him, he won’t be so tempted.In my experience, toys with multiple pieces (even quiet pieces) are not a good idea (too easy to be thrown and if you have to make a quick exit, too hard to regather, and somehow, despite their age, they always seem know how many pieces there are and are usually never satisfied unless they get out ALL of them.) sympathetic smile
What I do suggest is:
a) keep taking him to church when you can because that’s how he’s going to learn - and how people are going to get to know you (and if someone has an objection to him, that’s their problem). Most people are understanding if not welcoming, in my experience. Yes, take him out if he’s being noisy but try doing a finger to his lips to remind him to be quiet in church - it will take time, and it won’t always work, but the message will get through eventually.
b) practice sitting still / quiet time at home! Have reading time once a day for a few minutes where you teach him to sit still and “read” with you. Keep your voice very quiet and for this kind of “reading” (as opposed to interactive bedtime reading) keep it to just a phrase or two - try using facial expressions and hand gestures to “tell” what’s happening and encourage him to interact with you - but also in gestures and facial expressions. Also have listening time when sitting outside - time where both of you are quiet and just listen for sounds of birds/planes/bees/etc. Express your delight but again do it with facial expressions and quiet hand gestures. All of this shows him that it’s possible to “look” and “listen” without being verbal (something I think we could all learn more of sometimes! LOL!)
c) Use silent communication yourself in church - frowning face for “no”, big smile and nod for “yes”. Don’t be afraid to use thumbs up and silent fives as well. Emphasize how you hold your hands in prayer, help him make the sign of the cross on himself. He WILL copy you (eventually) and how you behave is a powerful message for him. (Never understood parents who failed to encourage - through a quick smile, nod, pat - their children when they were being good, or the ones who loudly were whispering what they were going to do to their kids if they weren’t quiet.)
d) Know that it all ends eventually. It’s been 27 years since I took my first baby to mass, and it’s only now that my youngest is 8 that I’m able to spend nearly 98% of the time focused on prayer (2% of the time, someone is bored/decides not to recite responses/figures it’s a great time to harass a sibling/etc. but it’s getting rarer every week). In general though, it’s such a pleasure when I’m able to have all my kids in the pew with me. All those masses when I spent more time outside the pew/building than in, all the “looks” I got, all the prayers I missed while distracting my child so they wouldn’t be a distraction themselves, it was all worth it
If Jesus was in church, would you even care what anyone else was doing? Would you even notice a fussy baby? Oh wait, Jesus IS there! Do you think Jesus would say, “You are a failure as a parent, you need to leave because you’re distracting Mrs. Johnson!” I doubt it. In fact, Jesus would probably say something like “Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Oh wait, that’s right He did say something EXACTLY like that!