I am not sure I handled this right

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Big_Dummy

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A old girl friend from highschool, ancient history called the other day and said she wants to hook up. I immediately put my hand over the reciever, handed it to my wife and said “listen” — I am not sure what to say to her. Well to my dismay, my wife asked her over for a visit. They went out to lunch this last weekend to “compare notes”. My wife will not tell me anything. But, it looks like they have become instant friends. I am not sure what to make of this either. What do you all think? And, yes guys she is still Hottttttt. Should I introduce her to my single brother? or would that get my wife mad? I asked my wife and she will not tell me anything.
 
Best way to have handled it would have been “hi, nice to hear from you, but sorry, I am married now and unable to resume our friendship; I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers”.
 
Is your wife nutty the rest of the time, or just this once?

Honestly, I don’t know what her game is, but I wouldn’t play.
 
What 1ke said strikes true to me. There’s some sort of thing going on here that you’re not privy to, and I wouldn’t play along with a game that’s bound to go sour.

Why don’t you sit your wife down, and instead of focusing on what was said at their little meeting, just ask her what’s going on over all. You might point out that a wife is not supposed to plot behind her husband’s back, even if such plotting seems trivial or harmless to her.
 
Um, hook up like meet, or hook up like have sex?

If the former, that seems reasonable, if the latter, a bit odd.

But maybe your wife was just curious to meet her? Why shouldn’t they get along? Are you worried that they are talking about you in personal ways? Or you find it strange that your wife isn’t intimidated or worried that you might be unfaithful? Or you think your wife is secretly jealous and plans some nefarious trick???
 
You know these people and yourself better than any of us ever could. Are you tempted to cheat on your wife when around her? Do you think that she’ll seduce you into doing so? If so, then yeah, there’s a problem.

I’ve seen other people in meaningful relationships have a platonic relationship with their exes though. Really, this one is all you; you know her, you know yourself. If you find yourself falling into temptation though, you should politely explain to your ex that you don’t feel comfortable around her, and it’s best to go your seperate ways.

You also mention introducing her to your single brother. I can’t see how this could possibly make your wife mad. It’s your brother that would be dating her, not you, and if your brother truly is single, then I see no problem.
 
kbwall said:
You know these people and yourself better than any of us ever could. Are you tempted to cheat on your wife when around her? Do you think that she’ll seduce you into doing so? If so, then yeah, there’s a problem.

I’ve seen other people in meaningful relationships have a platonic relationship with their exes though. Really, this one is all you; you know her, you know yourself. If you find yourself falling into temptation though, you should politely explain to your ex that you don’t feel comfortable around her, and it’s best to go your seperate ways.

You also mention introducing her to your single brother. I can’t see how this could possibly make your wife mad. It’s your brother that would be dating her, not you, and if your brother truly is single, then I see no problem.
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Unless the brother is local…if things work out with bro, then old GF could be around for a long while.

I’d sit down with wife and straighten this out. To me, it seems very odd that she’d want to associate with an old GF of yours, especially if you don’t think it’s appropriate for you yourself to associate with the old GF.
 
Big_Dummy said:
A old girl friend from highschool, ancient history called the other day and said she wants to hook up. I immediately put my hand over the reciever, handed it to my wife and said “listen” — I am not sure what to say to her. Well to my dismay, my wife asked her over for a visit. They went out to lunch this last weekend to “compare notes”. My wife will not tell me anything. But, it looks like they have become instant friends. I am not sure what to make of this either. What do you all think? And, yes guys she is still Hottttttt. Should I introduce her to my single brother? or would that get my wife mad? I asked my wife and she will not tell me anything.
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There is a lot of information missing for anyone here to make a fair assessment. Do you have a history of cheating so that your wife had to intervene for her own reassurance? Most husbands would probably not refer to her as “Hotttttt” unless there are certain thoughts and reactions going on. You also want to introduce her to your brother with (maybe) the hopes that she can remain close to you.

I know that I would have ended that phone call right then and there. There are too many parts of this story missing and unless one is honest with himself the games will never end… teachccd
 
I found out that my wife simply wants to make friends.

If she were to mary my brother, I would only see her around holidays since I don;'t hang out with my brother — we live about 50 miles apart and she is in his neighborhood.

My brother has never been married and needs a good woman to “train” him.

I am not sure she is a temptation that is what scares me.

Its been 30 or more years since highschool so, I don’t really know her.

No temptation to cheat in the past or present. My wife tells me I am clueless of other women making passes at me.
 
Big_Dummy said:
I found out that my wife simply wants to make friends.

If she were to mary my brother, I would only see her around holidays since I don;'t hang out with my brother — we live about 50 miles apart and she is in his neighborhood.

My brother has never been married and needs a good woman to “train” him.

I am not sure she is a temptation that is what scares me.

Its been 30 or more years since highschool so, I don’t really know her.

No temptation to cheat in the past or present. My wife tells me I am clueless of other women making passes at me.
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Is your wife still secretative about the meeting with the ex? That would bother me personally. And I wouldn’t want anything to do with this old friendship until my spouse could be truthful with me about what was talked about.
 
Big_Dummy said:
A old girl friend from highschool, ancient history called the other day and said she wants to hook up. I immediately put my hand over the reciever, handed it to my wife and said “listen” — I am not sure what to say to her. Well to my dismay, my wife asked her over for a visit. They went out to lunch this last weekend to “compare notes”. My wife will not tell me anything. But, it looks like they have become instant friends. I am not sure what to make of this either. What do you all think? And, yes guys she is still Hottttttt. Should I introduce her to my single brother? or would that get my wife mad? I asked my wife and she will not tell me anything.
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Have you ever heard the expression “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”? Well, your wife has.
 
Friend,

Guard yourself and your marriage.

Marriages are under attack from a million different directions today, why potentially risk the integrity of your marriage for the sake of a “friendship” with a “hott” ex? Aren’t there plenty of other people - people who you were never romantically involved with - that you and your wife can befriend?

I don’t mean this in an unkind way, but is your wife so lonely or in need of friends that it’s worth bringing your “hott” ex into your lives and subsequently disrespecting you and your marital bond by shutting you out and making you feel uncomfortable about her totally inappropriate “note comparison” with the ex?

How often do we pray the Our Father, asking the Lord to “lead us not into temptation”? Why would you play with fire?

This ex is clearly reaching out to you hoping to have some void to be filled in her life, a void that a married man shouldn’t even go near.

Sometimes things just feel wrong. Sometimes you can’t exactly explain why, or put your finger on it, but your gut tells you something’s just not right. (Although in this situation, I think it’s pretty easy to verbalize exactly what the potential pitfalls are.)

I don’t think you would have bothered to post your reservations in this forum if you didn’t sense that this situation just “isn’t right.”
 
Sounds like your wife is down for a hot threesome. Ignore these virgins and crush that nostalgic beaver!
 
Speaking from experience, this is a bad situation. The devil is out to get you. My first true love contacted me after 30 years and it was a strong temptation. Thankfully he was a thousand miles away from me and I talked to my husband about it. I would recommend asking your wife to limit this to “acquaintance” and then get involved in some church activities so you can make more friends.
 
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