I am scared

  • Thread starter Thread starter lovespurple
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

lovespurple

Guest
I feel like a loser. All I know is that it’s hard for me to remember things sometimes and that I seem to constantly be screwing up. My husband hates me - really. He makes fun of me in every way. If I try to do something, he’s mad I didn’t do the other.

The latest is that (we own a business), I was moving things around today (as per his orders) and somewhere my keys fell out of my pocket. Well you would think that someone if they found it (in the store) would return it, but we are talking about people who actually will steal toilet paper from the bathroom. It has lots of important keys on it - my car keys and the business keys. I am scared. My husband thinks maybe they’re locked in the car. Now I am sitting here past midnight watching my cameras and my car. I have been here since 6 this morning and looking since noon. I am not having any luck and it will take a higher amount of money to get someone here that can make a key for my car since it needs this that and the other thing done to do so. I really hope it’s in the car, but I don’t think so. And if it’s not we may have to change the locks on the business too - I mean, we do have an alarm system and you MUST enter the correct code within whatever seconds, so even if they did come in immediately the police would be called and a siren would be heard for at least a mile.

Anyway, I jsut got off the phone with him and he was screaming about how stupid I am for 20 minutes and how this stuff never happens to him. he wants me to leave in a few weeks and he wants our son - because he believes he is the best human to ever walk the earth - really, that is his attitude. My son on the other hand only has eyes for me and will burst into tears if I try to leave him with my husband when I have to work or whatever.

I don’t know what to do, I want him to love me, but it’s getting harder and I am scared for our child. He will say he believes in God and he goes to church. He will get mad if I don’t say prayers with my son (I know I should do it every night), but he never will do it and once when the thought enters his head, THEN he’ll start whining about him not seeing me say prayers with our son. I’ve never seen any catholic or religious man saying/doing these things to their wives. I am sure they are out there, but I have had enough of the hypocrite. You can not be chiristian and want to use birth control, divorce, marry another for money, and steal a son away from his mother. What kind of a christian is this? At least one of our regular customers gave me some comfort tonight when he could see I was on the verge of crying and he came and gave me a hug - he is a very nice man.

Please pray for my life in general and for my son (and husband). Thank you. - ohh yeah, and for what started this whole mess - my keys. Thanks
 
I hate your second post is about this.

Are you afraid of him physically?

It has been my experience in public service, whether it be physical or emotional abuse (your in the later), that the situation never gets better, only worse.

You are in a potential serious situation, so my only suggestion is to seek professional help. You want him to love you but you *can’t *make him do that. It might not be a bad idea to seek a seperation.
 
Dear lovespurple,
you are not a loser, I lose my keys all the time, it’s a real effort to hang on to things, we all have a lot to keep track of.
Your husband should be respectful of you. As Bamarider says, it’s emotional abuse. Please see a counselor. See a lawyer. Protect yourself and your son. Do you want your son to grow up with that kind of attitude toward women?
It’s amazing what women put up with, I’ve been through an abusive marriage and I can’t believe I couldn’t see my way out for so long.
My counselor just asked me one day, “Why do you let him treat you that way?”
I told him I couldn’t figure out how to make him stop. But of course, staying with him gave him permission to continue the abuse.
Please get some help.Counselors are very familiar with what you’re going through and will be able to give you practical advice. And please don’t abandon your son to an abusive father.
Praying for you.
 
Sounds like verbal abuse to me. You really have to understand you are better than that. I can’t really jump to conclusions, but this can escalate. Don’t feel like a loser; be strong, don’t take that from your husband lying down–you’re a mother, you don’t need that. You’ve got important things to worry about, and that is your child.

As for his Christian beliefs: Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than being in a garage makes you a car.

…However… if it’ll help you sleep at night, I will spare the time to pray for you, in hopes you will make the right decisions that will keep you and your child safe, happy, and free.

Bear in mind: Prayer is almost useless without action.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
 
thank you all for responding. Bama, yes I am afraid of him. It has been physical on occassion. Not anything that would leave a mark, but still a kick or a shove, slap - you get the picture. If I could leave tomorrow with my son I would. But, my husband would get some kind of custody and that scares me (even if it’s just weekends). In anger he has threatened us in a horrible way. I am afraid to just leave that he would do something. I thank you for writing me and I will give it serious thought. Thanks.
 
Thanks Vicki,

I think I really need to look into all of your suggestions. Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of money since the economy is going to bad, but maybe I can find a low cost counselor or someone to talk to. Thanks.
 
Thanks blade for your post. I do agree that it’s useless without action - I just don’t know where to go from here. I guess to a counself as suggested. Thank you all for reading my posts.
 
No person deserves to be talked down to,belittled or be verbally/physically abused.We are made in the image of God and He loves us.You can contact Catholic Social Services.That can help(counciling,shelter etc.)or contact your local parish(Catholic Church),they can help.In the mean time,I’ll be praying for you.Our Heavenly Father loves you.Keep yourself and your child safe.Praying St.Jude will help you(Patron of lost causes).Peace.Rocky.:signofcross:
 
You are in my prayers. Maybe a Catholic priest might help the two of you.

May the Holy Spirit through Mary grace you with the gifts that we desperately need, particularly wisdom, love, courage, strength, and happiness! May the LOVE and MERCY of the Sacred Heart of Jesus be glorified, adored, loved, trusted in, venerated, believed, known, and helpful in this situation by all, in all time, throughout the world! May the WONDERS of the Immaculate Heart of Mary be known, loved, venerated, believed, respected for all time, by all souls, in all creation!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *
 
I just wanted to say you are NOT a loser… you sound like great Mom, you help run a business and so what if you dropped your keys… I lose my keys all the time. Your husband sounds disturbed - seriously. I will say a prayer for HIM that he wakes up to see how he is ruining his family with his horrible attitude and general meanness. And no, his actions are NOT Christian at all.

There are orgainzations where I live to help women who are in abusive situations - and it honestly sounds like he is abusing you - emotionally, verbally and those slaps or shoves are physical so he does all three. If I were in your shoes I would call a Priest and tell him what you’ve posted here - you are being abused and you don’t have alot of $ - does he know who could help you? Maybe the Salvation Army might give you the names of groups who could help - or Catholic Charities. Maybe you could look in your phone book?

Meanwhile, I will pray for your family. I’m so sorry you are going through this. 😦 And I hope your keys turn up.
 
He is not allowed to treat you like that. He has issues. No sane person goes on yelling for 20 minutes about someone else being stupid, at least if it’s keys or something like that. Do not allow him to do that to you. You are not obligated to listen to 20 minutes of being told that you are stupid. If it gets physical, that’s a whole different story too. If her crosses the line and won’t stop, get a restraining order. Get help. Such things go on for years because people from the outside aren’t involved. Once someone from the outside gets involved, things move to an end of the abuse.

But watch yourself and don’t develop an infatuation with a male comforter. Such things happen sometimes.
 
Speaking as two cops’ daughter:

Get out.

Dead serious, get out. I’m not at home or I’d look up all the websites, but there are places that will help you leave an abusive person and give you a plan of action to get away without getting killed.

People who are abusers are addicted to power. They want to have total control over someone else. It’s what they get off on. Nothing you do will ever be good enough, because if it were, he’d lose control over you. He doesn’t want your perfection, he wants your imperfections so he can master you and control you.

It’s a sickness that escalates. The longer he goes unpunished, without any consequences, the more he’ll indulge in his fantasies. I can’t say for certain that he’ll kill you or your son - many people who are abusers will stop short of something like that because they have that much of a moral compas left, if nothing else. But it’s a genuine possibility.

This is not a man who will ever love you, because that would be ending his fun. His desire for you is your helplessness. He wants you like a puppy wants a plushy - to beat up on!

Get out, trust me, dearest, get out! Make up your mind to make a break, find a program that will help you, and run.
 
Loves Purple

I think you need to Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It sounds like this may be your husband’s problem.

Also, take your child and look for a woman’s abuse shelter. Most towns and cities have one. They will keep you safe until you get on your feet. They will help you with counseling and help you find the resources you need to create a safe home for you and your son.

Please let us know that you are alright. Did you find your keys?
 
Dear lady, leave and leave now! I was married to a man who yelled at me for an hour when a potted plant he had given me wilted (it revived perfectly after a bit of water). I was married almost 5 years, and there was not one week where he didn’t yell at me for something I did or didn’t do, say or didn’t say. No one, but no one deserves that.
 
LIsten to what others have said. If you dont’ have money or a place to go, there are always women’s shelters.

Here is the difference between your husband and a real man. A few months ago I lost my keys. I couldn’t find them anywhere. My boyfriend has a set at his house but he lives about 20 minutes away. So, that morning, in morning traffic, he drove over with my car keys and even picked up breakfast for both of us on his way over. It was a lot out of his day to do that for me but he did it because he’s just that kind of guy. Your husband is not a real man and he sounds very dangerous. Get out now.
 
Anyone in fear of their personal safety should contact local law enforcement. The issues in this thread far surpass the advice of an internet forum.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top