Why do you feel anxious? If you take a look at that, you might see that the root to that may lie in the past. Could be that when you were a child, someone, maybe even a parent or family member, teacher, told you to “shut up” or “be quiet”. Maybe from that point on, you did. Maybe, you were made to feel that you, and your opinions, didn´t matter. So, you withdrew, and people picked up on that, perpetuated it.
I want you to really look at this, and even if you don´t answer me, persist till you answer that question, in full. WHY are you anxious? What are you afraid might happen? Are you afraid they might reject you? Look at babies and children. They are more or less fearless in that regard. So, I think something happened between birth and now to make you withdraw, and be anxious, to this day!
Perhaps, someone, even now, puts you down. Do they? Also, if/when people do, how do you respond? Do you just allow it or do you stand up for yourself?
When we are shy, it is reflected in body language. We may hold our heads down, not lift them up at all…even level to the floor. Eyes, likewise, might go down…as if to shield ourselves from others…painful, hurtful words they might say. We might try to hunch over, in an attempt to make ourselves a smaller target.
Now, how do you feel when you see someone who is heading towards a corner, not speaking, not answering, unable to speak up to a point you can hear that person, looking at the floor?
I´ve sometimes tried to speak to shy people, to draw them out. It is actually really hard to hold a conversation with a shy person. A lot of times, it’s a lot of work. One has to keep saying, “Could you speak up?” Also, he/she will act fearful of me.
Now, some people don´t have the patience, will just not bother with trying to ask the person a lot of questions to draw that person out. It’s a lot of extra work. Some people just simply won´t bother.
I recently did a makeover…I took the gray out of my hair…got new clothes…my ears pierced…new earrings…wearing jewelry, makeup, manicure, and pedicure, for starters.
Do you know the most surprising lesson of all this? Yes, I did manage a major overhaul to my appearance, and I admit I do feel better about myself now that it’s over and done. However, the most surprising thing I experienced wasn´t so much in how I changed (people don´t recognize me!) but even moreso in how others respond to me, now.
I mean that people, who before, didn´t give me the time of day, say “hello”. I get a lot of compliments on my dresses, and me! It can sometimes seem like PEOPLE changed, overnight! Well, it was me, but I got a taste of how, by changing myself, I could change others. It was VERY powerful.
Now…I have invitations to eat all the time. In fact, sometimes I´ve had to turn some down, because I have two invitations at once!
My sister used to go to the doctor with her 2 children. She´d go dressed in shorts, a tank top, and sneakers. Anyway, she saw a woman come in, like from work, in corporate dress. My sister noticed how she got COMPLETELY different treatment, got treated with more respect! My sister just couldn´t believe it.
So…as a result…my sister began dressing in corporate dress, herself, because she said she noticed people were treated better who dressed better. Perhaps, it shouldn´t be this way, but such is life. We play the ball in life, where it lies.
Now, they say 80% of communication is…nonverbal. If you are shy…you may not be standing, or sitting, up straight. I´d like you to take a look at how world leaders stand and sit. They do NOT slouch! They put their chests out, proudly, back straight, head held high…AND their bodies seem to take up a lot of space.
Whereas, a shy person will typically slouch…hunch over a bit, as if to make the body smaller, trying to go unnoticed by others, as if in embarrassment, or shame.
Confidence, is VERY attractive. Look at who you are attracted to, and probably, in many cases, it will be someone with self confidence.
In the meantime, till you actually feel confident, fake it. Stand up straight…force yourself to at least hold you head level. Look people in the eye. Say “hello”…smile.
It’s like Richard Gere in “Pretty Woman”…“Don´t slouch…no fidgeting…smile!”
I believe you are communicating your shyness to others, nonverbally. I believe they can pick up on your withdrawal, lack of self confidence and self esteem.
Try to project more confidence. Believe in yourself. Now, on some level, somebody may have told you that it’s “wrong” to be proud. Let´s talk about that. There is good pride, and bad pride. Bad pride is feeling superior to others. Good pride is being proud of your successes, achievements, appearance, family, country, etc.
There is NOTHING wrong with good pride. In fact, you need it to get by in life.
Some may have told you that it’s Christlike to be humble. However, some think this mean we all need to walk hunched over, saying, “mía culpa” again and again, allowing ourselves to be people’s doormats! Not so!
I had a mistaken view, for years, of “turning the other cheek”, thought it meant I had to be abused and TAKE it, not even ever defend myself!
So…look at WHY you are so anxious. If necessary, go to a counselor and get this worked out, because it will follow you through life wherever you go.
Start the change…with yourself. You don´t need to push people around, but likewise, I hate to see you turning red in the face just by a normal social situation.
Some people have anxiety issues, anyway…be they hereditary…whatever. There is also counseling for that, and medication, if needed. You are NOT the only one who feels this way. There are MANY shy people out there. I, too, have wrestled with this issue, had some degree of success overcoming it.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
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And I had this thing where whenever I saw a group of people nearby laughing, I always thought they were laughing at me. 
). As I’ve aged, I’ve come to recognize that it is part of who I am, and that it is okay. But, as with any aspect of our personality, it can hold us back if we let it dominate and stunt our growth.