i am so confused

[ajcjma512]

Hello all, I am in a predicament and would love some insight/encouragement. I have been dating a wonderful girl for the last four years ( I know, when’s the ring coming? ). Well to get started, we were like so many dating couples today and we did not have the most pure of relationships. Then about 2 years ago, I had an awakening to the wonder of our Lord and his Church and could not continue the way I was going. This caused some strife between me and my girlfriend at first but she began to understand and come around. What really is scaring me now is that now we are getting toward the end of college and we have talked about getting married but I am so scared because of how uncomfortable/annoyed she gets when I talk about my faith. She is a Catholic but more of a cultural Catholic. I dont know how to react when she does this because it has become so important to me and yet she is annoyed when I try to talk about it. Is this something I should be concerned about?

Thank you,
Adam

 

[newbetx]

:yup:

Well, before you become bombarded, I suggest you do some looking on Family Life and see the issues brought on by dissimilar views on faith. Even between Catholics. Lots of stories here.

Now, one of the things that’s important is that you two are able to talk through these types of issues. There’s always prayer that she decides to come along on the journey with you to non-cafeteria Catholicism, but you must be able to talk about this and the other things of importance in a marriage.

It really wasn’t enough for my wife and I to agree that she was the more religious of the two of us. It really wasn’t. Differing interests, lack of my understanding of the faith I chose…differing views on sex, contraception, etc. really caused a rift.

I’m not saying you have to agree on everything…just that what you don’t agree on, has to have a agreeable plan on how to get through it. Not something you agree to in order to get married and then find you can’t live with 6 months or years down the road.

Maybe a chat with your priest or the parish office can offer some opportunities for you two to understand your differences and maybe, change someones mind.

Peace be with you.

 

[1ke]

She is a Catholic but more of a cultural Catholic. I dont know how to react when she does this because it has become so important to me and yet she is annoyed when I try to talk about it. Is this something I should be concerned about?

Adam, you’ve spent 4 years drifting along not paying attention to the things that are most important-- your faith and finding someone who SHARES your values, beliefs, and vision for your shared faith life as spouses.

Now, it’s time to put that behind you and start focusing on the most important thing FIRST when entering into a relationship. This will likely mean the end of this particular relationship.

Not only does she not share your values and faith, she openly criticizes them. NOT spouse material. NOT mother-of-your-children material.

You’ve learned a valuable lesson here, and thankfully before you married.

In your marriage, if God is not #1 with both of you, you will be bound to have many, many difficulties.

Find a Catholic who shares your practice of the faith and will want to raise up holy souls when you have children and teach them the beauty of the faith and how to live it.

 

[whatevergirl]

Now wait a minute–although that is her present day attitude, it’s possible, highly likely being a Catholic already, that she just needs an awakening of her own. Who on this earth has lived out every single moment, always following God’s will and laws? Jesus was the only One who walked the earth who was perfect. I totally understand where 1ke is coming from, but at the same time, I think that you could be a great witness of faith to your potential wife. I would go to mass together–read the Bible together–enter a Catholic adult religious class together, etc…and see where that leads. I would say however, if she seems unwilling, or continues to throw up some roadblocks to this, then perhaps it’s time to move on. Jesus didn’t come to hang out with the perfect–He ate dinner with sinners…as He came to heal the sick. You likewise, might be in this young lady’s life to heal her too…But, Jesus also shook the dust from His feet, when people refused to listen…He didn’t force anyone, but made the offer of hope available to everyone. So–perhaps, that might be true for you and this person. I think there is hope in your relationship…Just my thoughts.

 

[Belle10]

Now wait a minute–although that is her present day attitude, it’s possible, highly likely being a Catholic already, that she just needs an awakening of her own. Who on this earth has lived out every single moment, always following God’s will and laws? Jesus was the only One who walked the earth who was perfect. I totally understand where 1ke is coming from, but at the same time, I think that you could be a great witness of faith to your potential wife. I would go to mass together–read the Bible together–enter a Catholic adult religious class together, etc…and see where that leads. I would say however, if she seems unwilling, or continues to throw up some roadblocks to this, then perhaps it’s time to move on. Jesus didn’t come to hang out with the perfect–He ate dinner with sinners…as He came to heal the sick. You likewise, might be in this young lady’s life to heal her too…But, Jesus also shook the dust from His feet, when people refused to listen…He didn’t force anyone, but made the offer of hope available to everyone. So–perhaps, that might be true for you and this person. I think there is hope in your relationship…Just my thoughts.

Very kindly put.

 

[1ke]

Now wait a minute–although that is her present day attitude, it’s possible, highly likely being a Catholic already, that she just needs an awakening of her own. Who on this earth has lived out every single moment, always following God’s will and laws? Jesus was the only One who walked the earth who was perfect. I totally understand where 1ke is coming from, but at the same time, I think that you could be a great witness of faith to your potential wife.

Yes, we are all sinners. However, we are talking about marriage-- and the bible does have a few things to say about a house divided, unequally yoked couples, and striving for holiness.

He should not enter into a marriage on the *hope *that she will change. That is not what you have suggested here, but it is what oh-so-many people do.

I would go to mass together–read the Bible together–enter a Catholic adult religious class together, etc…and see where that leads. I would say however, if she seems unwilling, or continues to throw up some roadblocks to this, then perhaps it’s time to move on.

I based my answer to him on the fact that he has stated that she is only culturally catholic, and that when he tries to discuss religion she’s having none of it and get’s annoyed with him.

I don’t think that attending Mass, bible study, etc together is a likely outcome here. Sounds as if he’s already tried that.

Jesus didn’t come to hang out with the perfect–He ate dinner with sinners…as He came to heal the sick. You likewise, might be in this young lady’s life to heal her too…But, Jesus also shook the dust from His feet, when people refused to listen…He didn’t force anyone, but made the offer of hope available to everyone. So–perhaps, that might be true for you and this person. I think there is hope in your relationship…Just my thoughts.

Yes, certainly, there is some small hope that she will change.

However, I think this bit about Jesus coming to hang out with sinners is a bit overused, especially in the context of marriage.

It is not wrong to exclude from marital consideration those with whom you do not share the same values, faith, and vision for marriage. In fact, not only is it not wrong-- it’s extremely prudent.

It doesn’t make the other person a “bad” person, just the “wrong” person for marriage.

Of course we are called through our baptism to evangelize and witness to the unchurched, the sinner, etc. It does not follow that we are called to *marry *them.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes, we are all sinners. However, we are talking about marriage-- and the bible does have a few things to say about a house divided, unequally yoked couples, and striving for holiness.

He should not enter into a marriage on the *hope *that she will change. That is not what you have suggested here, but it is what oh-so-many people do.

I based my answer to him on the fact that he has stated that she is only culturally catholic, and that when he tries to discuss religion she’s having none of it and get’s annoyed with him.

I don’t think that attending Mass, bible study, etc together is a likely outcome here. Sounds as if he’s already tried that.

Yes, certainly, there is some small hope that she will change.

However, I think this bit about Jesus coming to hang out with sinners is a bit overused, especially in the context of marriage.

It is not wrong to exclude from marital consideration those with whom you do not share the same values, faith, and vision for marriage. In fact, not only is it not wrong-- it’s extremely prudent.

It doesn’t make the other person a “bad” person, just the “wrong” person for marriage.

---

I agree with you 1ke–I think when we string out these threads a bit more (no pun) …we can see more of where each other is coming from…hint hint…you need to elaborate more! I’m teasing you…I think that your points are well taken. I have my own ‘things’ that I believe my children should look for in a Catholic spouse some day–at the same time, trying to keep the right balance between shunning someone who might need some guidance and compromising one’s values to be with another who might not be as well suited. I absolutely do not want my children to compromise their own sets of Catholic ideals and values, just to keep another person–that would be rather sad. I would definitely not suggest doing that.

 

[MCGar]

Hello all, I am in a predicament and would love some insight/encouragement. I have been dating a wonderful girl for the last four years ( I know, when’s the ring coming? ). Well to get started, we were like so many dating couples today and we did not have the most pure of relationships. Then about 2 years ago, I had an awakening to the wonder of our Lord and his Church and could not continue the way I was going. This caused some strife between me and my girlfriend at first but she began to understand and come around. What really is scaring me now is that now we are getting toward the end of college and we have talked about getting married but I am so scared because of how uncomfortable/annoyed she gets when I talk about my faith. She is a Catholic but more of a cultural Catholic. I dont know how to react when she does this because it has become so important to me and yet she is annoyed when I try to talk about it. Is this something I should be concerned about?

Thank you,
Adam

I don’t have much time, but this post brought me out. Please excuse me if I type anything your other responces have already said.

I think this is a darn tooten big problem to be concerned about.
Your faith is who you are. You’ve grown and changed and now you are finding that you can’t share a big part of yourself with her.
In my very own strong opinion on the subject you are going to have to sit down with her and be totally upfront. Obviously tell her how much you care for her but then say you have something serious to discuss with her and for her to hear you out fully.

Go on to tell her what you notice about her reaction to your Catholic-speak and explain that this is part of who you are now, you realize that as a new Catholic you might be a little honeymoony about it, but that this isn’t a phase and won’t ‘change’ into a more lapsed/nominal Catholic sort of situation for you. Then ask her to seriously consider and think about this and find out how she wants to continue the relationship.

I can bet you dollar to donuts that she’s hoping that this is just a phase for you and not only that… probably every time you bring this stuff up, her inner monologue is something like, “I’m Catholic and he’s trying to tell me I’m wrong, but that stuff is just for the over-zealous. He’ll get over it because this is just too much to keep up with overtime. I know because I’m Catholic. Plus I want to argue with him but I really don’t know how to.”

Well, I may seem too brisque and upfront about this but you really need to consider a few things.

First, you don’t need to contemplate marriage with someone that you can’t talk about the ‘elephant in the room’ with (meaning your notice of her irritation.) That’s just not how a marriage should work.

Secondly, as a new ‘convert of the heart’ Catholic, you have to know that you have someone to share who you are with. Now you realize that the faith isn’t some sort of amibigous information that doesn’t affect you. This stuff is part of you now. Once you know the Truth you can’t ‘unknow’ it. The Truth is part of who you are now.

Ok, all of this is coming out in a ramble of words so I hope that I am getting my message across inspite of my bad paragraph construction.

If you don’t know my history, I’m a Catholic marrying a non-baptized non-Catholic. The Church only allows this type of marriage with bishop’s approval because marriage shouldn’t be something that hinders a Catholic in his/her walk in faith.
There would be no marriage for us if I couldn’t talk endlessly with him about Catholicism and I didn’t know he would fully support me in my decisions to follow out the Catholic faith in practice. I recently ‘matured’ in my faith concerning Catholic practice and he has not only fully supported this but also been a motivator and my own personal cheerleader.
Life is hard, you need someone that can work with you, not against you.

Man, I wish I could write more. I’ll try to check back later
Please update us.

 

[mbuangi]

RUN… RUN…