I am so scared! Please help!

[Carjack1]

Look, all I am saying is that hispanic culture is not unique in this area. My wife is hispanic, I am an educated, adult in the USA, i know something of other cultures including hispanics. Imagine if a white person said “Our culture doesn’t belive in social services” If that is what you feel toward your culture. I would say alright. Now who is arrogant?I do not know. why don’t you tell me?
But honestly lets just take culture out of it which is where it belongs.
You may call what I said arrogant. But to make changes in your life for a whole 24 hours, and refuse to educate yourselfI know all about social services. Thank you for assuming that I am not educated in that regard on ALL possible avenues based on your own stereotypes only can be not only arogant and prideful but also ignorant.You twisted my words and situation. I do not appreciate your insults. I pray that I am just misunderstanding your opinion.
lets review some facts for a second.

1. A mom who is suicidal and mentaly unfit,
2. At least one dad who is diagnosed mentaly ill The other gone… (hope that isn’t a cultural thing that I couldn’t understand)This was flat our racist and insulting. Hispanic wife or not.
3. An aunt… now taking custody who a year ago was mentaly ill and suicidal.I am not thier aunt. i have not been diagnosed as mentally ill. Again thank you for bringing up painful things, just because you want me to hand children to unknow stranges, so that can mark them as a case
4. A grandma who is an alchoholic.
   Yeah, you are right… social services is a bad idea who knows what unstable circumstances these kids could end up in.exactly why I don’t call them
   I am not trying to be meanYou were., I truley want the best for these kids and you. I hope your decision is the right one.

At first… I was neutral on this but the more the thought process is exposed the more concerns I have. Thank you for your concern One thing is for sure… some counseling for these kids is a moral imperative especially with the history of family mental illnessOnly the mother and instability.which I am providing
A tragedy this is. I only hope that with God’s help you can bring goodness to the situation. Good luck and Godspeed. Prayers for you and your family.

Thank you

 

[Lost_Lamb]

I am sorry that I was not able to come on yesterday and give more advice. You seem to have had quite a bit of good advice, though.

As far as Child & Family Services goes, you do NOT have to call them. You are watching someone’s children while they are in the hospital. Trust me, I have been through this a few times before we got my medication straightened out.

What you are doing is wonderful. I do not have anyone that could watch my children, which would make me scared to stay in the hospital if my husband were deployed (thank the Lord that he is not, currently). To know her children are safe and being cared for is going to help her get the help she needs.

If you need to talk, feel free to message me. God Bless.

 

[Matt33]

Look, all I am saying is that hispanic culture is not unique in this area. My wife is hispanic, I am an educated, adult in the USA, i know something of other cultures including hispanics. Imagine if a white person said “Our culture doesn’t belive in social services” If that is what you feel toward your culture. I would say alright.I would be just as wrong and misrepresenting of my culture as anyone else who makes racial superiority claims. Hispanics do not have a monopoly on families looking out for one another. Now who is arrogant?I do not know. why don’t you tell me?
But honestly lets just take culture out of it which is where it belongs.
You may call what I said arrogant. But to make changes in your life for a whole 24 hours, and refuse to educate yourselfI know all about social services. Thank you for assuming that I am not educated in that regardThe idea is that you call social services to have them HELP YOU with the kids, you need help and training they can provide so much. To not do so and to not know that they are there not just to find a foster family but to help you be the foster family shows you have not done the research. on ALL possible avenues based on your own stereotypes only can be not only arogant and prideful but also ignorant.You twisted my words and situation. I do not appreciate your insults. Why is it ok for you to call me arrogant? but when I point out that you are not being consistant I am insulting. I wish I had said it more charitably but the truth remains. I pray that I am just misunderstanding your opinion.
lets review some facts for a second.

1. A mom who is suicidal and mentaly unfit,
2. At least one dad who is diagnosed mentaly ill The other gone… (hope that isn’t a cultural thing that I couldn’t understand)This was flat our racist and insulting. Hispanic wife or not. Perhaps. But no more racist than claiming your culture to be above social services.
3. An aunt… now taking custody who a year ago was mentaly ill and suicidal.I am not thier aunt. i have not been diagnosed as mentally ill. Again thank you for bringing up painful things, just because you want me to hand children to unknow stranges, so that can mark them as a caseAgain your stigma of social services just making “cases” only insults those who are truly saints. You may not have been diagnosed… I’m not sure that makes me feel better. You were suicidal. If that can’t even be brought up without it being too painful then perhaps this situation will be too stressfull Ether way, you made it public knowlege,
4. A grandma who is an alchoholic.
   Yeah, you are right… social services is a bad idea who knows what unstable circumstances these kids could end up in.exactly why I don’t call them
   I am not trying to be meanYou were., Sorry, and I know you think I am still mean, just being honest, and although I fail at it I am doing it out of charity.I truley want the best for these kids and you. I hope your decision is the right one.

At first… I was neutral on this but the more the thought process is exposed the more concerns I have. Thank you for your concern One thing is for sure… some counseling for these kids is a moral imperative especially with the history of family mental illnessOnly the motherI belive you said one of the kid’s fathers was diagnosed with a mental illness. and instability.which I am providingNothing is stable in 24 hours, stability by definition takes time and unchanging, safe environments.
A tragedy this is. I only hope that with God’s help you can bring goodness to the situation. Good luck and Godspeed. Prayers for you and your family.

Thank you

Again… I do not totally disagree with your decision but it is worth it to be a honest with your weaknesses as possible. This will help you prepare for any challenges.
Not to drag out this cultural thing but it was a whole hispanic movement with the slogan of “Si se puede” that championed social services that provide the exact sercvices you say your culture frowns upon. To say “I have different family values than social services” is one thing, and I would probably agree certainly I would respect it. But to ascribe to an entire culture this idea is not only misleading but well, wrong. It is a misunderstanding of what your culture is and more importantly what OUR culture is as Americans. And what the role of all of us in society is regardless of our heritage we are all God’s children, with one goal.

 

[Carjack1]

I did not say we were superior or that we have a monopoly on looking after family members (if that is the impression you got, I am sorry). Why are you putting words into my mouth? I think you addressed my fears and about them taking the children away. I may have pre-judged the services. Not other cultures That is all I thought they did. I will call them tomorrow. Matt33 I think you and I may be on the same page now. Thank you for the advice. I just did not think bringing up the depression was necessary at this point and have been over it for a year.

 

[Matt33]

I did not say we were superior or that we have a monopoly on looking after family members (if that is the impression you got, I am sorry). Why are you putting words into my mouth? I think you addressed my fears and about them taking the children away. I may have pre-judged the services. Not other cultures That is all I thought they did. I will call them tomorrow. Matt33 I think you and I may be on the same page now. Thank you for the advice. I just did not think bringing up the depression was necessary at this point and have been over it for a year.

We are on the same page. Good luck and God bless you.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I just pm’d you!

 

[former_Catholic]

We all watch each other’s kids and we all agree to take care of each other’s kids if anything happens to us and we all take care of our own, ok?
You get the legal written permission of the parent so you can get medical care for the child in case of emergency and everything is just fine.
School is another issue. If you live in the same school district and the kids are already enrolled in school for the year, it’s not so much an issue. If you live in a different school district or the kids are not already enrolled in school for the year, it can be a big issue, a big nightmare where you cannot get them enrolled in school.
We all take care of one another’s kids, everybody does this all the time, but taking care of a friend’s kids when a friend ends up in the hospital with the flu or from a car wreck or has to leave town to bury a distant relative is not the issue here.

The big issue here is that according to the law, if you are aware of any situation of possible child abuse or child neglect, the law says that you have to report it to the authorities so that it can be investigated by the authorities It’s the law.

They didn’t write this law because they wanted to take the kids away from the tia or the madrina when the mama was in the hospital, ok? They didn’t.
They wrote this law because there are 11 year olds all over town who called the tia or the madrina AND SHE WAS OUT OF TOWN OR DIDN’T GET THE PHONE MESSAGE AND THEIR MAMA IS DEAD ON THE FLOOR AND THE KIDS HAVE BEEN SITTING NEXT TO THE DEAD BODY CRYING FOR DAYS BEFORE THE NEIGHBORS NOTICED ANYTHING…
They wrote this law because of kids too young to call the tia or the madrina.
They wrote this law because they found kids out on the street looking for help for their parents and those kids HAD NO IDEA THAT HELP IS AVAILABLE.

You got lucky. You got incredibly lucky. The 11 year old managed to phone you, your phone was working, you weren’t out of town, and you didn’t get in a car wreck yourself on the way there, and you fixed the situation and hopefully all will be well.

This situation isn’t a case of something “happening” to the mother like she ended up in a car wreck or something and landed in the hospital and you’re watching her kids until she is up and about again.
This isn’t a case of something just “happening” to the mother at all.
This is a case of something happening to the children.
The children were put into a situation of abuse and neglect by a mother threatening to kill herself in front of them. The mother either didn’t think enough of you to call you for help, or wasn’t even sane enough to call you for help, or perhaps even guess that she needed help.

You got lucky. She got lucky. Both of you got lucky because of an 11 year old child who managed to remain calm enough and sane enough and who was mature enough to use a telephone and call somebody for help.

You figure that all is well and you need not report this situation to child protective services, ok. But if you or your husband have a job where you work around children in any way whatsoever (teacher, teacher’s aide, school food service worker, janitor, CCD instructor, day care provider, school bus driver, nurse, nursing assistant, medical assistant, home health care provider, etc.) and it ever gets back to your employer that you were aware of any situation of child abuse or neglect AND FAILED TO REPORT IT TO THE AUTHORITIES FOR INVESTIGATION, you can be immediately fired from your job and permanently lose your license or qualifications for that job because you will not be regarded as sufficiently responsible to work around children. They can pull your daycare license for not reporting something like that to the authorities and they don’t care what culture you are from because the law is the law. Under the law any case of suspected child abuse or neglect is supposed to be reported so the authorities can investigate what’s going on and get some help for the situation.

OK? All those kids have to do is mention this incident to a friend at school that their mother threatened to kill herself in front of them, and if a teacher overhears them,* that teacher is bound by law to report it to child protective services* and so you might be confronted by child protective services asking you why you and your husband did not bother to report it and questioning if you and your husband are sufficiently responsible and qualified to work around or care for children yourselves.

If you don’t report it and the mother has no more problems ever again, you’re probably fine.
If the mother ever attempts suicide in the future and they hear from the kids that you and your husband knew about this event and failed to report it and that you or your husband work any sort of job where you are around kids, you could lose your jobs as a result.

Just so you know, one of my daughter’s classmates came home from middleschool one day to find her mother dead on the floor after having killed herself. The mother had apparently threatened to kill herself off and on for years, and the tia and the abuela had always been there to help the child. The tia found a job out of town, the abuela was getting old, and that last time the child called the abuela, she was hysterical because she had walked in the apartment to find mama not breathing on the floor.
It went through the whole school: who knew?
Who knew and never called the authorities the first time she had threatened to kill herself in front of her child? Who knew the abuela didn’t really speak english and hysteria over her dead daughter didn’t exactly help her speak english? Who knew where the tia had found work and how to contact her? Who knew and hadn’t phoned the child protective services, the social services for help? No one had ever called for any kind of help.

The only reason I even know the story is because my daughter came home from school one day with a hamster in a cage.
The girl had come to school to say goodbye to everybody with her tia, to go live with her tia, but they would not let the hamster on the airplane, and so the girl pleaded for someone, anyone, at school to take her hamster and give it a good home. Wasn’t there anyone who would take her hamster and give it a good home?
The girl had found her mother dead on the floor.
And so my daughter promised to take care of the hamster because nobody else wanted the hamster; they all had dogs or cats to kill it, and so she brought home the hamster and the story.