I am starting to hate men

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jurisss

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My history with men has led me to believe that there are no good men out there anymore. Ive become a man hater and refuse to even really look them in the eyes.

Please let me know how i can get rid of this.
 
jurisss said:
My history with men has led me to believe that there are no good men out there anymore. Ive become a man hater and refuse to even really look them in the eyes.

Please let me know how i can get rid of this.
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Step #1 -
Accept the fact that men are different than women (not just in a physical sense) when it comes to problem solving, thinking in general, emotions, etc.

Step #2 -
Recognize that PEOPLE (men and women) are capable of good and bad and neither gender has a monopoly on either.

Step #3 -
Don’t generalize.

Step #4 -
Don’t look for carrots in a watermeolon patch. IE - To find a “good” man, don’t look in places “bad” men frequent. Instead, look for men who share the Catholic faith and attend Mass, maybe are active in the KofC, or members of Theology on Tap, 40 Days for Life, or other Church sponsored groups.

Step #5 -
Accept that the last “perfect” man died some 2000 years ago.
 
Tietjen said:
Don’t look for carrots in a watermeolon patch. IE - To find a “good” man, don’t look in places “bad” men frequent. Instead, look for men who share the Catholic faith and attend Mass, maybe are active in the KofC, or members of Theology on Tap, 40 Days for Life, or other Church sponsored groups.
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Very good advice! I married the best man in the world, and he is involved in many ministries at church and is thinking about joining the Knights of Columbus. You won’t find a good man like him at a sleazy bar or nightclub.

Also, it is important not to get into the mindset of unconcsiously looking for reasons to hate men. Once you make up your mind that all men are selfish, lazy pigs who don’t respect women you will start interpreting every word and gesture as something that reinforces that belief. You will see everything men do as hostile or disrespectful to you or women in general. For instance, the next time a man offers to carry something for you, you will think he is accusing you of being a weak, helpless woman who can’t take care of herself instead of thinking he is a helpful gentleman.

There ARE plenty of good men out there, just like there are plenty of good women. There are also many men who have had bad experiences with catty, shallow women and now hate all women because of that. If you think that’s wrong, maybe you should rethink your view of men. It’s not a bit different.
 
Charlotte1776 said:
There are also many men who have had bad experiences with catty, shallow women and now hate all women because of that.
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Bingo! For a long time after a bad experience I was certain that all women were just like that. And my experience thus far has not lead me to believe otherwise. In my day to day dealings with women in college, I find that they are all the same - secular, anti-moral, sex addicted, ignorant and immature. I forget the phrase that is so often used - but the common 20 year old is now a 13year old inhabiting a 20 year old’s body. It’s unbelievable. I had some girl friends over for coffee yesterday - for the entire time they were here they spoke in Will Ferrell movie quotes and giggled like little girls, sometimes mentioning how they ‘hooked up’ and got ‘so super drunk I couldn’t even say my name’ the night before.

But I realised that its just not true. Forgive my horn tooting - but I know this because I am not like every other guy. And so I know that there are girls out there that are like me too! In love with God, the Church, and prayerful, respectful, moral and intelligent - and grown up. It’s just unfortunate for me, and for you, that the world has gone backwards now and so there are VERY few of us in the world. We are the worst generation remember? What do you expect!

But fear not. Have hope. Live the life of a Christian, of a good Catholic, and things will happen naturally if its in God’s will. You need to pray for yourself too - dont be afraid to do that. Pray that you can see God in all people. It makes things easier. And concentrate on the things you have. Then, one day, while you are attending Church, a man will walk in - a handsome man - and you’re gonna say “Ya right! Bet he’s just here 'cos his Mom begged him to go”. But you notice that after Mass he stays and prays the Rosary, and after that he joins everyone for coffee. You learn that he is new in town, and he’s a great guy. See what I’m getting at?

Furthermore. You can’t hate men. Jesus was a man! It’s just a shame that nobody models themselves on Him any longer. Just as no woman models herself on Our Lady any longer. But there are guys out there. Good guys. You just have to be patient, trust in God and live your life. And start to see the goodness in every person.

In fact, what has helped me is this. I realised that, in reality, and this is a universal truth, all people lack something in their hearts. It’s a hole that only God can fill. Sadly, people look for the filling in all sorts of places and they never seem to get out of it no matter how much they realise that hole isn’t being filled. So pity these people. Feel for them. Be a light for them - this is what Jesus tells us to do. See that nobody REALLY is evil. No guy REALLY wants to be a disrespectful, evil man. We are all designed for good. But blame it on the Fall that we struggle - and often times we end up being bad rather than good. The world has misguided people.

When I speak to my girl friends, I often just bring up my own beliefs. When they go on about who they had sex with, how drunk they got, whatever… I offer my own beliefs and I offer my own consolotion. Because I know that - as much as they boast about these evils - they wish they could find happiness in something better, something more real. So I tell them they can! And I give them hope. This is our duty, and its a joyful one at that, to share your faith like that. Let God do the rest!

There are good people out there. Just stick to your guns… and stick to the greatest man that ever lived - Jesus Christ. You’ll see, your perception changes.
 
jurisss said:
My history with men has led me to believe that there are no good men out there anymore. Ive become a man hater and refuse to even really look them in the eyes.

Please let me know how i can get rid of this.
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The culture in which we live is evil, plain and simple. Pope John Paul II called it the “culture of death.” He was right. We have a nation of egotistical, nihilistic, hedonists who think only of themselves. Why? Because they ignore God. They live for themselves rather than others. But, believe it or not, there are exceptions to the rule.

If you want to find a good man, find a God-fearing man. Stop trying to be worldly and “cool.” Don’t go to bars, etc., to find men. Go to Church! Volunteer for some type of work in Church. Help with RCIA. Something. If you date, start your date out with a Rosary, a visit to the Blessed Sacrament, etc. If they refuse, then you know they’re the wrong guy for you! Dump 'em like yesterday’s garbage!
 
Scoobyshme said:
The culture in which we live is evil, plain and simple. Pope John Paul II called it the “culture of death.”

If you want to find a good man, find a God-fearing man. Stop trying to be worldly and “cool.” Don’t go to bars, etc., to find men. Go to Church! Volunteer for some type of work in Church. Help with RCIA. Something. If you date, start your date out with a Rosary, a visit to the Blessed Sacrament, etc. If they refuse, then you know they’re the wrong guy for you! Dump 'em like yesterday’s garbage!
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True story!

Biggest “Duh” moment of my life was when I was wondering why I never met any good women. Specifically, why my (now ex) girlfriend turned out to be… well, you can just guess what. And then I was like… “I met her at a nightclub, where she was drunk, and the only reason I met her was because she fell on me and begged me for a drink, and then proceeded to tell me how she hates men with small penises”.

Hmmm - doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out does it? Now, in reality, people like that actually ARE nice people with redeeming qualities - I mean, everybody whether they like it or not, is a child of God! But we must remember, in our assocations with people and in thinking about friendships and especially dating, that secular, non-Christians just aren’t like us. Perhaps 50 years ago a non-religious person could just about it in with our morality and ethics and virtues etc, but in this day and age not a chance. Too many evils have been normalised.

Anyway, take home point is exactly what was said. Start doing the good things, and the good people will surround you.
 
jurisss said:
My history with men has led me to believe that there are no good men out there anymore. Ive become a man hater and refuse to even really look them in the eyes.

Please let me know how i can get rid of this.
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Hi Jurisss.
There are many women who feel like you, you can be very sure of that.
There are both good and bad men.
Let God be the one to choose for you.
Pray, pray and pray.
The right man will come along, sooner or later.
Do not be discouraged and do not’ hate’.
Look them in the eye! how else will you know if he is the genuine article?
whether or not he has shifty eyes? just joking dear]
God bless!
 
Ummm. I’m really not trying to be mean with this comment, but whenever I hear woman say all men are awful, or a man say all women are horrid, I have to think it’s the person’s selection process that’s the problem rather than half the world’s population. :cool:
 
I’ll second the comments about part of the problem being the lack of people of both sexes who do not put God first in their lives, but themselves. Too many people in this society are still just children in adult bodies with adult rights and resources, so does anyone expect that they’re going to act like children who primarily live to gratify themselves?

As for the particular problem of hating men, this of course means that you’re closing yourself off to the good men, because like any person with a prejudice or bias, you’re going to see the group aspects of that person first, not what makes them an individual. In truth, I had given up on women for a period of 3-4 years and decided to live as a single person the rest of my life before I met my wife – who happens to be a person who puts God first in her life as well – so I understand your position.

Instead of looking at those who stand out, I would instead suggest looking at men who don’t stand out. The man who isn’t interested in looking for a sexual conquest is also going to be the man who is going to be more reserved and shy about talking to you. The man who doesn’t put himself ahead of others is going to be holding the door for another person, at the back of the line at dinnertime, etc.
 
^ In addition to the above (like staying away from places where you are likely to encounter “bad companions,”) how about making a list of the attributes you want to find in a male friend, and then praying about that?

Most people are preoccupied with superficial attributes (such as appearance, occupation, even the kind of car someone drives,) and ignore the more long lasting (and important) traits, such as trustworthiness, kindness, intelligence, ability to listen and communicate. The ONLY way you can find someone who exhibits traits such as that is to get to know them, and, sorry to sound harsh about this, postpone any physical involvement and what’s known as romance UNTIL you at least really get to know them. That takes time. And by the way, it’s a very good and very practical argument to postpone physical intimacy until after the wedding. Leaving aside the morality/immorality of premarital sex, there are some very concrete reasons to abstain. Your judgment and discernment doesn’t get clouded by the very powerful emotions evoked by physical sex. You’re in a better position that way to make a really accurate assessment of what and who you’re getting involved with.

For example: You meet someone you find attractive, and go out to dinner with him. At dinner he talks incessantly about himself, barely listens, is boorish toward the wait person, and eats like a slob. You can draw the following conclusions: basically, this individual is a self-centered person who treats others badly and is not aware of the impact his behavior has on others. That type of display would have me being “busy” anytime he called subsequently, even if it meant “busy” scrubbing mold out of tile grout (that would be more productive and profitable, and leave me with a better feeling, than another ten minutes spent with such a person.)

I blame much of the mass media for this desperation that many women (and men) feel about not being in a relationship for their willingness to settle for being treated badly. It’s not really our fault, heck, we get bombarded with it from early childhood! But what IS under our control is what messages we listen to.

The funny thing is, the more you listen to God’s word, the more sense it makes on a practical level. If you were to buy a new car, you’d probably read the owner’s manual pretty closely shortly after you take delivery of that car. Scripture is like that, too: I like to think of it as the Manufacturer’s instruction manual for human beings!

Another thing you may want to consider, in addition to the church activities that have already been proposed, is involving yourself in educational, cultural, and community activities that you yourself have some interest in. Reason: You tend to meet a “better class” of people that way, and if you seek out something you’re already interested in, you at least have a common interest.
 
I once felt like this, for much different reasons. But Jesus is a man! yes I know He was also divine, but the Man Jesus decided I needed healing. As I developed my relationship with Him, He sent a male friend unexpectedly into my life. I received so much healing of past hurts. Soon i realized I had for over 18 yrs. cut myself off from “half” (not a statistician, don’t know actual percentage) of the human race. In doing so I cut myself off from knowing that part of God imaged in men.

Maybe you should forget about finding that Good Man for a while and really focus on your relationship with Jesus. No matter how close we are to Him, there’s always room for growth. My experience has been when I did that, every thing else fell into place.

Don’t forget to ask St.Joseph for his intercession!
 
raaucoin said:
I once felt like this, for much different reasons. But Jesus is a man! yes I know He was also divine, but the Man Jesus decided I needed healing. As I developed my relationship with Him, He sent a male friend unexpectedly into my life. I received so much healing of past hurts. Soon i realized I had for over 18 yrs. cut myself off from “half” (not a statistician, don’t know actual percentage) of the human race. In doing so I cut myself off from knowing that part of God imaged in men.

Maybe you should forget about finding that Good Man for a while and really focus on your relationship with Jesus. No matter how close we are to Him, there’s always room for growth. My experience has been when I did that, every thing else fell into place.

Don’t forget to ask St.Joseph for his intercession!
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I agree with this advise 100%
 
Dear OP: please do not assume ALL men are like the ones you have known so far! I do not know how old you are, but all of the advice gone before in this thread is good. You live YOUR life in the faith and in places you need to be . . . don’t go looking for love until you truly love yourself.

I would advise you pray and ask that your path in life be shown to you. It may not be immediate, but I will tell you that my own experience is that I usually get handed something when I least expect it! I came back to Catholicism late in life, I married my DH at 36 years of age and was almost 40 :eek: when He blessed me with my daughter! So, “late” many times is better than “never” (as the saying goes). Be confident that the Lord will give you what you need, sister. God Bless.
 
15 years ago I could totally relate to your title. I was divorced and had gone through several low life’s who were just repeats of the ex husband. I was a single mother with three kids and an ex husband who didn’t pay support or want anything to do with them.

God knew better and I met a wonderful man who worked where I did. I had seen him when I was on 2nd shift (he was on 1st). When I was transferred to day shift I worked on the same production line he did. We went out one time and he never left. We didn’t start our relationship out in the most Catholic way, in fact everything we did was against the church, premarital sex, having a child out of wedlock, living together, etc. We married in a civil ceremony.

In time I found my way back to the church. . My husband was Southern Baptist and at first didn’t go. But I kept praying that he would convert and we could go to mass as a family. God answered my prayers and he started coming to mass, then he attended RCIA and joined the Catholic church. The priest who led his RCIA group also helped me to obtain an annulment and we were married in the church in a private small ceremony.

Since then our faith has increased, our children and my other children all have made their sacraments, we faithfully attend mass several times a week, say a family rosary, etc.

While we maybe didn’t start out of the best footing, with God’s help we are very happy. I think the biggest boost to our marriage (that at one time was on very rocky footing after his nephew’s suicide) was starting to say the family rosary every night. Going to confession and confessing the really bad life I used to live as a person of loose morals and behavior also helped. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and my life started anew.

Please don’t let a few bad apples ruin your outlook on men. Yes, they are different but trust me that there is a wonderful man out there for you. Ask God to help you in finding the right person to share your life with and he will. Asking the Blessed Mother’s help with the rosary is also a good way. She doesn’t want to see her children unhappy.
 
This is not a new question.

Many decades ago, a number of people and I were helping out with setting up for a meeting. It was a lot of work and we all were really pitching in and got pretty friendly. During a brief lull in the activity, one of the single men sort of asked out loud why all the women he met were drunks. One of the married women said that if you hang out in bars, then the women you meet WILL be drunks. If you want to meet marriageable women, you need to start hanging out with a better class of people and in places where those people congregate. As I recall, she suggested frequenting church groups.

Good advice!

One of my friends decided to make his first date with a woman, going to Mass. Gotta tell ya, that turned the situation around very quickly. And it wasn’t long before he met “Miss Right” … he has now been happily married for many years.
 
Pregustator said:
Try dating women for a change, then see how much you hate men.

😉
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That made me LAUGH out loud! I have always said that even when I don’t like men, goodness gracious do I like being in relationships with them more than I do the thought of being with women!

To the dear OP, I second what everybody has said–change where you look. But even better, get good male friends. Hang out with happy married couples, invite your priest to group dinners, spend time with your dad if he’s a good guy. You will learn to recognize good men, where to find good men, by spending time with good men–that way you can easily recognize the “baddies” and walk away from them easily. Plus, spending time with good, Godly men will convince you even more of your worth and help you to repair your image of men.

They’re not all bad…at least not after they meet us. 👍
 
Your looking externally for an internal issue. Talk constantly with someone you trust about what it is that hurts you or creates emotional unrest with you. While you may get a few good ideas here. You won’t get the help your looking for. Sort of like throwing bones, instead of putting in the real work and addressing the self revealing revelations. Which is fine for the moment.

In other words, instead of saying what wrong with men? You should be saying, what wrong with me that I can’t develope a healthy relationship with a male as a friend?

The more you talk about what is going on with you, to more you’ll come to terms with the issue.

Men arn’t the problm nor can they be placed into the same catogory. I suspect the issues are all yours. Thats not to say there arn’t some real dogs out here.

God Bless. GT
 
jurisss said:
My history with men has led me to believe that there are no good men out there anymore. Ive become a man hater and refuse to even really look them in the eyes.

Please let me know how i can get rid of this.
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Hello Jurisss,

Recently my wife and I were praying just before the Rosary and I remember us asking the Lord, " Lord please grant me the grace to see you in other people but especially in those people that I have the most difficulty seeing you."

This doesn’t deny the flaws, shortcomings or unlikable traits of a person but, it allows for me to look beyond so that I don’t sin by making a judgment of someone who the Lord still loves.

This is a difficult excercise for many Christians but it is do-able.
 
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