I am very attached to my priest, and it is eating me

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Determined_Daug

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Hello!
I have a big, big problem. I’m 16 years old, but please, don’t let my age and language barrier (English is not my first language) to be an obstacle for your answer. Don’t just smile and say ‘hehe, it’s beautiful, enjoy your youth and those feelings of yours. Once you grow up, you’ll look back and smile at them’. Even if probably that’s true, it doesn’t make my problem less dramatic for me at this point. So please read all of this VERY (!!!) long text and help if you can. Every answer will be greatly appreciated.
So… I’m VERY attached to my parish priest to say the least. He is in his late 20s, so he’s young. It’s been a little less than a year (that’s when I got very serious about my faith and grew closer to God) , since I’ve been going to Mass every single day (with exceptions, of course), and that’s where it gets trikcy, because I see him almost every single day because of that.
He’s an amazing priest, really. He makes the explanation of the Gospel very relatable to everyone, he really does have a gift from God. And that’s a fresh breath in our parish, because (don’t mean to say wrong about anyone, but it’s a fact here) I’m not able to listen to other priests in my town and get out something for myself from their long and… flat sermons. Nevertheless, this priest is very kind, humble and caring, so everyone seems to like him because of that.
But it’s not all bad. He really has encouraged me to serve more to God and His Church, even if he has no idea he did, because, as I said, he does preach well. I guess he is a great reason as well for me to start going to church so much, praying a lot more and reading my Bible.
So when I discovered I had feelings, I tried to go to a different and the only other Catholic parish in my city (I live in a small one, so we have just 2 parishes), but there are a lot of things I dislike about it very much, but I’m not going to name them, because it’s a different story.
What is more, I’ve been singing in this parish (which has the priest I like) choir for many many years now, so this is my parish for a long time, where I go with my family.
And, of course, other parishioners notice when a young girl is serious about her faith and is going to church daily (because we have no youth there at all), so they have encouraged me to be a bigger part of the parish by serving and helping. For example, now I’m an unofficial member of Legion of Mary, so I go and help at old people’s home, I am on duty when the church is open and there has to be a person to adorate, I sing and pray (sometimes even play the guitar) when there’s no one else in the daily Mass or adoration who can, I help out with music in our prayer group etc. So they lean on me on many things.
And so when I do these things, it’s impossible to stay out of touch with the priests. I really enjoy doing such church service (especially when there are so few people who agree to do this), but it is VERY hard for me to do this while simultaneously getting to know the priest I like so much more and more with every day.
And yes - I’ve been praying about it a lot, I’ve been praying about this priest as well, so that God helps him in his vocation, I’ve been praying so that I only see him as my brother in Christ or even as Christ Himself, but it doesn’t help not to thing about him ALL. THE. TIME.
And it’s not lust - no. I don’t fantasize about him in any wrong way or something and I don’t try to give him any signs of what I feel. It’d be the last thing I did, because he really is a great priest, who gave vows to God and decided to follow God’s calling, and I respect and find joy in that. Nevertheless, he’s young if compared to other priests, but he’s a LOT older than I am, so there is NO WAY and I perfectly get it.
But what do I do in my situation, when I so strongly have feelings towards him and prayers don’t help to take them away and see him just as a brother in Christ, and I can’t walk away from that parish either, but I have to see him every day and get to know him better and better, thus having my feelings grow stronger within each day.
What.do.I.do?
Do I wait another 2 years until I finish school and go studying in the another city? But for now I just bare with these heartaches or what?
(And I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I’m not ugly at all, I have a fair sense of humour and am not the most narrow minded person out there. He gives me a lot of his attention, because, of course, he wants to spiritually direct one of so few young people that are in this church. But I’m afraid if he MAYBE has developed or is deveploping SOME KIND of feelings as well, because I look much older than I am. Until recently he was sure that I’m a student at university. And I don’t want to be even the smallest stumble block for him in his vocation, but, with all the humbleness, it might be so).
Thank you if someone had the patience to read it all! I’m so looking forward to answers!
God bless!
 
I know you don’t want someone to say, “You’ll look back on these feeling and laugh when you’re older” but…you might do just that. I realize that doesn’t make it any easier right now, and I know it’s a confusing time.

That said, these kinds of infatuations are common at your age. You admire him, and the line between admiration and infatuation is blurry. The thing is, you seem very smart and self-aware. You’re aware that nothing can happen between you two, for multiple reasons. Just keep that in the forefront of your mind. And be open to the possibility of dating someone your own age and refocusing that energy a bit.
 
Haha… actually I thought I’d not want to see the ‘you’ll laugh about it someday’ kind of answer, but it somewhow puts me at ease, because it suggests that it’s really not such a big deal in the long run and will end eventually…
I’m thankful for your answer and words of encouragement! 🙂
Be blessed!
 
Well, I don’t mean “you’ll laugh about it some day” to mean it’s silly and you’re just a kid. I know it feels really real to you. And it’s a normal thing a lot of young people go through. Hopefully when you’re older you’ll look back on him fondly and with admiration, but without romantic attachment.
 
These kinds of crushes happen all over the place.

Often people develop a crush on people they work with (which is why there some many stories of people having affairs with people they work with)

Or students developing a crush on their teachers/professors.

Some people even fall for the spouse or significant other of a sibling or friend’

I think the key here is that as long as you understand that some people are romantically “off limits” and do not act on your crush, all is well.

But if you don’t trust yourself or act on your feelings in an inappropriate way, then you need distance.

God Bless
 
Your english is better than many who post here! Congratulations!

My only question, before I can even hope to intelligently comment is, are you male or female?

If you choose not to answer I will understand, and forgive my nosyness…
 
Don’t attend DAILY mass, limit it to weekends
and try to find ANOTHER parish to attend mass.
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
That said, these kinds of infatuations are common at your age.
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They’re pretty common at any age. Women tend to get “crushes” more than men do - and age has little to do with it.

Just keep your head screwed on straight & don’t say or do anything stupid, & you’ll get thru it OK.
 
Bonnie said:
They’re pretty common at any age. Women tend to get “crushes” more than men do - and age has little to do with it.

Just keep your head screwed on straight & don’t say or do anything stupid, & you’ll get thru it OK.
Click to expand...
Men get crushes too… we just talk about them less. 🙂
 
You are not alone. I have a friend from my Catholic high school that became a priest. He has worked in Catholic student Newman centers, different types of parishes with older people, more diverse populations with Spanish Masses, Vietnamese masses etc. over the course of about 30 years.

He says as a priest is does happen more than one might think over the lifetime of a priest that he is aware that someone is somewhat “infatuated” with him. He said it’s more common with younger parishioners and priests.

He also noted this was addressed in the seminary and that priests have a way of keeping a professional distance while keeping their warm demeanor and practice “custody of the eyes.”

I saw him recently and now and he has been a priest for 30 years and I asked him about this very subject and he said those that are enamored with him are few and far between now at his age LOL and that he has grown into a kindly old man. He had a great sense of humor. So, you are not alone. I actually dated him in my high school days and remember keeping my fond feelings for him after that for a few years.

We laughed about the days we dated and I told him that what I liked best about him was he was sooooooooooooo Catholic!~ He thought that was a riot, he said yes I do feel very Catholic, LOL. So you I realize how it’s easy to get a crush on a priest that speaks to your hear.

You sound like a wonderful asset to your parish and I would consider this a part of your youth. I admire your stand that you would not cross an inappropriate line and may God bless you in your faith walk.~

Mary.
 
I was a 16-year-old girl once and I understand why you felt the need to write all that out in detail, but you could have just said, “I have a crush on my parish priest.” I agree with everyone who said this is common. A lot of teenage girls have romantic feelings for the young parish priest (or their young male teacher or really any nice man in his 20s who happens to be around). It’s part of growing up and you will likely grow out of it at some point and find yourself attracted to a guy closer to your own age who is also “available”.

The one thing you have to watch out for is that you don’t create an embarrassing situation for the priest or yourself or worse yet lead either you or him into temptation. For that reason, I would strongly suggest you limit your attendance at Mass or other church activities to when you can go with your family members or in a group. Do NOT put yourself in a situation where you’d be alone or even on your own with this priest. This is just common sense. I’d say the same if instead of a priest it was a married man.
 
Whatever you do, don’t say anything to him about it (or anyone, really). Not that people won’t be understanding, but the less you talk about it, the quicker it will go away. I was a teenaged girl just a few years ago, and I know that it’s very easy to develop intense romantic feelings at your age. Luckily, those feelings can be just as quick to disappear if you don’t fuel them.

If you can attend a daily Mass that is celebrated by another priest in your parish, it would really help; and if you’re bored by their dry sermons, you can make a sacrifice out of it. There are so many resources you can utilize to help you grow in your faith, so you don’t need to pin all your hope for spiritual growth on whether or not you were engaged by the homily. In the end, being bored is much more healthy, both mentally and spiritually, than constantly being around the object of your emotional turmoil.
 
You have some good answers here. I just want to add a little encouragement: because of this early experience, you may have fewer problems with crushes as an adult. Your hard-won awareness could help you avoid related issues later in life, when the stakes are higher.

Speaking from my own experience as a teenager – this will fade if you let it. When you think about this priest, divert your thoughts. See him as little as possible, and be very fair about how often “as little as possible” really is. It’s nice to be encouraged in your involvement, and to enjoy participating, but perhaps you’re too involved right now, considering all the circumstances?

I hope you’re able to find peace soon.
 
Be cautious.
If you care about him, you will soon see that this can become burdensome for him, and a cross to bear.
Don’t let it go that far.
He doesn’t deserve that for simply being kind.
God bless you.

:gopray:
 
OP, you really don’t want this to become something unhealthy for either you or him. You don’t mention your parents or any other trusted adults, but I would find someone, perhaps a counselor, to talk this over with. I would probably advise you to take a break from daily Mass for a while so that seeing him is not an every day thing.
 
Crusaderbear said:
Your english is better than many who post here! Congratulations!

My only question, before I can even hope to intelligently comment is, are you male or female?

If you choose not to answer I will understand, and forgive my nosyness…
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Thanks you! I’m very glad I could write my thoughts comprehensible. 🙂
Haha, sorry if it came across not very clear - I’m female.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
OP, you really don’t want this to become something unhealthy for either you or him. You don’t mention your parents or any other trusted adults, but I would find someone, perhaps a counselor, to talk this over with. I would probably advise you to take a break from daily Mass for a while so that seeing him is not an every day thing.
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I never talk about my deeply personal feelings with anyone, so yes, it’s another problem of mine.
But thank you for your advice, I’ll think it through 🙂
 
pianistclare said:
Be cautious.
If you care about him, you will soon see that this can become burdensome for him, and a cross to bear.
Don’t let it go that far.
He doesn’t deserve that for simply being kind.
God bless you.

:gopray:
Click to expand...
Thanks for your answer! I’ll continue to be cautious and hopefully none of this will happen 🙂
 
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