I am very sad today

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MelanieAnne

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Today, just a few hours ago, a friend from my RCIA days called me to let me know she was leaving the Church. She says the Catholic Faith no longer works as part of her path to “spirituality”. I have no idea what that really means.

What I do know for sure is that I am experiencing extreme sadness. In fact, when I was on the phone with her, I was so choked up I could barely speak to her. I’m sure she knew that. The feeling I had reminded me, in some ways, of how I have felt when I have learned that someone I loved has died, it was just not as strong.

My friend and I agreed that we would still remain friends notwithstanding this new difference in how we live our lives. That’s a nice thing for us to say, but I’m not sure how that will really work. Throughout our RCIA period, we were like a tether or a lifeline to eachother. She didn’t like to sit alone at church, so I always stayed with her, even though I attend far more services and feel less discomfort sitting alone. We attend a HUGE parish (4500 families) so having a “Mass Buddy” is actually no small thing, it keeps you “connected”. My unhappiness today tells me that I may not be as “comfortable” with sitting alone as I previously thought, among other things!!

The weirdest thing for me, personally, was that I had a feeling earlier in the day that this would happen at some point, I just didn’t know when. That ALONE sort of “creeps” me out. Why did I know this? There was nothing in her behavior or anything else that would give me this idea. And yet, I had it. I already knew. I even told her that. Maybe I shouldn’t have. I don’t know.

I know it would be a good thing to pray for her, in fact I will pray that she will return and that she will return SOON and I truly hope that such a thing will happen. And no, this does not affect my own faith. And I also know my profound sadness will actually be lifted just by praying for her. I know that no decision is final and she can always return. But I’m still so profoundly sad I can’t stand it. So I am asking you for your thoughts.

Love, Melanie
 
I’m so sorry for you and more importantly, for your friend. Don’t let yourself get too down. There’s nothing you can do about her decision. Say a Hail Mary or other favorite prayer.
I’ll pray for your sadness.
 
RWMorris said:
I’m so sorry for you and more importantly, for your friend. Don’t let yourself get too down. There’s nothing you can do about her decision. Say a Hail Mary or other favorite prayer.
I’ll pray for your sadness.
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Thank you. It occurs to me that tomorrow is Divine Mercy Sunday. I am going to pray for her throughout my Divine Mercy Novena.

I won’t look for her tomorrow, but I have faith that this is just a temporary absence for her. I hope I am right.

Love, Melanie
 
You can never be alone at Mass. You are a member of the Body of Christ. Jesus is there, with you and for you. Even if you are sitting by yourself, you should know that you are not alone.
 
Thank you for your thoughts. I know that I am not alone at Mass. In fact, my most profoundly spiritual times in Church have occured when I was not sitting with anyone else. I didn’t feel alone, I just felt “private”. (I hope that makes sense!) I also actually felt more open to pray for others at those times, although I have no idea why that would be. But in the very least, I suspect that’s where my “most spiritual” times actually came from.

Thank you for your good wishes. I will keep praying for my friend. I think she will be back, it will just take time for her. I don’t know why I think that, but I do. I pray that I am right.

Right now I am so grateful to God that He lets us back “whenever” we are ready. He’s not so stern that we have to come to Him on his schedule, He lets us come to Him when we can. I pray my friend’s return will be soon, but I am grateful that God is patient and kind.

Love, Melanie
 
Entrust her to the intercession of the Blessed Virgin and continue to be a witness to her of the transformative and saving power of the Catholic faith.
 
Thank you for that. I feel very strong that your suggestion is just what I need to do. I just prayed an entire Rosary for her. I will keep her not only in my thoughts and prayers but I will keep her in my life. I hope and pray that will be sufficient.

Love, Melanie
 
Not to worry. I and others I know took a hike for a decade or more. Then can back with a new fervor.
The second time around is much greater than the first. Just my experience.
 
I’ve only been in the Church for a year, but found that several that were comfirmed went through it again this year.

I’ll be adding my prayers as well.🙂
 
MelanieAnne said:
Today, just a few hours ago, a friend from my RCIA days called me to let me know she was leaving the Church. She says the Catholic Faith no longer works as part of her path to “spirituality”. I have no idea what that really means.
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If she believes this sort of garbage then we probably never really had her. Spirituality isn’t a sort of accomplishment that you can cultivate by going to therapy classes. It is what grows from obedience, prayer, good works, and mere membership of the community.

I believe in three stages of intiation. In stage one the convert is asked to act in his own real interests. Eg give up the dyfunctional relationship or get married, come off illegal drugs, put some effort into school or work, be part of a community with relatively decent standards of behaviour, and so on.
In stage two he has to realise that it is not all for him. Sometimes you’ve got to give up your real self-interest in favour of another person. So you’ve got to turn out for Mass, even if it isn’t really doing you any good, because it breaks the priest’s heart to see empty seats.
In stage three the paradox is realised that in losing our lives we gain them. Working at the homeless shelter can bring massive rewards, even in financial terms, but not if it is done in a calculated way. If you join with the intention of helping the poor you’ll probably find that the place is full of rich philanthropists only too happy to dole out career jobs to people they trust. Join with the intention of putting something on your CV and you’ll have a few weeks of something positive to put on your CV.

The movement from stage one to stage two is a hard one. That’s what your friend needs to realise.
 
That is very sad, I agree, to see a soul endangered in this way. I will pray for you friend. 😦
 
Remember that no less than the illustrious St. Augustine was the “son of tears” because of the years of sorrowful prayer offered up by his mother for his conversion. Your friend’s withdrawal from the Church does seems to be couched in terms that show she’s got lots of progress to make before full conversion, but your sadness for her, if translated into loving prayer for her soul, may be just what she needs. It took St. Monica decades for her prayers to be granted, so be persistent.
 
I’m sorry to hear that. We had a catechumen leave RCIA shortly after the Rite of Election. It was very sad, I can imagine how much more difficult it is when it’s a friend. hugs
 
Melanie,

I’ll be praying for you and your friend.

I can imagine that it feels like you have lost a comrade that you shared great struggles and joys with. That’s not easy. Allow yourself to grieve and maybe offer your sufferings up for your friend.

Now, I’m SURE your friend is a wonderful person. But she sounds confused about the purpose of worship. God does help us grow closer to Him, but He doesn’t owe us that. Not getting enough, spiritually, out of the Church, is not a reason to leave. Whatever emptiness she is trying to fill will follow her everywhere she goes. She may fill it up temporarily with a new spirituality, but not for long. As I heard someone say once “it’s a God-shaped hole”.

Please don’t worry about going to church alone! I feel you…my parish has 2500 families and it’s just little ole me in the pew by myself every Mass. The Eucharist is there no matter what.

I’ve been thinking that my parish needs a “Mass buddy” program. Maybe you could start one at yours! We can’t be the only people alone at Mass. How sad to think of all those people “alone” and within feet of each other.

…DOH! Just realized this thread is from LAST April. Hope everyone is doing OK. 😃
 
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