I attended a Catholic funeral Friday

[superwimp]

Hello,

 I attended a Catholic funeral Friday.  It was for a neighbor who we knew for close to 40 years.  He was a knights of Columbus member and from the gist of what people said he had somewhat of a high rank in that organization.  He also belonged to the elks lodge and very active in the community.  The church was nearly half filled with mourners.
What I found strange about it is that neither his children or close friends said anything about him.  All the talking was done by the priests and the head guy of the knights of Columbus.  I know the next of kin were there because the knight gave them a chalice with the deceased name on it.  
My question is are all Catholic funerals like this where the priest does all the talking.

 

[27lw]

I believe that many Catholic funerals do mainly just have the priest celebrating Mass, and within that doing the homily. Giving a eulogy by friends or family is not really in the plan for a lot of Catholic funerals. I think this avoids the tendency to make an immediate saint out of the deceased. The point of a Catholic funeral is to pray for the deceased, in the context of a Mass.
Along with a funeral, there are usually several other events, such as praying the rosary, a funeral dinner, etc. where the family might make remarks.

 

[Gorgias]

What I found strange about it is that neither his children or close friends said anything about him.

That’s because there isn’t any part of the Catholic Mass where anyone gets up out of the pews to give a speech. After the Gospel, the priest (or a deacon) gives a homily, but that’s about it.

My question is are all Catholic funerals like this where the priest does all the talking.

All Catholic Masses are like this. The notion of a ‘eulogy’ is more natural in the context of a Protestant service, but not a Catholic Mass.

 

[1ke]

Hello,

 I attended a Catholic funeral Friday.  It was for a neighbor who we knew for close to 40 years.  He was a knights of Columbus member and from the gist of what people said he had somewhat of a high rank in that organization.  He also belonged to the elks lodge and very active in the community.  The church was nearly half filled with mourners.
What I found strange about it is that neither his children or close friends said anything about him.  All the talking was done by the priests and the head guy of the knights of Columbus.  I know the next of kin were there because the knight gave them a chalice with the deceased name on it.  
My question is are all Catholic funerals like this where the priest does all the talking.

There is no eulogy in a Catholic funeral mass. So, yes, all Catholic funeral masses are like that.

The Catholic funeral liturgy consists of three parts:

The Vigil
The Funeral Mass
The Commital and Burial

The appropriate place for eulogies–if the family desires it-- is at the Vigil, which takes place the night before the funeral mass, either at the parish church or typically at the funeral home.

 

[YADA]

The funeral rites of the Church are three fold … you attended a funeral Mass.

The first part is the Vigil …this is where family and friends typically would speak. The Vigil liturgy also has readings …sadly many families opt to have a Rosary in place of the Vigil …(note I am not against a Rosary but would add it not substitute it for the Vigil)

The second part is the Mass …usually after the Mass they allow one (or two) speakers to speak briefly.

The final part is the committal sevice at the cemetery.

The funeral rites are a journey. The Church that welcomed the person in Baptism into the family of faith says good bye to them here recognizing that they are journeying to Jesus and that Communion of Saints …

The funeral rites are a beautiful healing gift to us especially as it keeps us focused on Christ.

 

[Bonnie]

By coincidence, I also attended a Catholic funeral Friday. I wasn’t able to attend the rosary the evening before, but when I have, that is the time people talk about the deceased.

After the Funeral Mass ended, a grandson gave a brief eulogy & read a poem.

 

[Tarpeian_Rock]

There is no eulogy in a Catholic funeral mass. So, yes, all Catholic funeral masses are like that.

The Catholic funeral liturgy consists of three parts:

The Vigil
The Funeral Mass
The Commital and Burial

The appropriate place for eulogies–if the family desires it-- is at the Vigil, which takes place the night before the funeral mass, either at the parish church or typically at the funeral home.

I disagree that “all Catholic funeral Masses are like that.” My copy of the “Order of Christian Funerals” at # 170 states “A member or a friend of the family may speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins.” Granted this is not technically a eulogy, and this has certainly been abused often; many if not most pastors now limit the time for this and the speaker to a single person. However, it is clear from the Rite that someone may, in fact, speak at the end of Mass before the Final Commendation. The majority of funerals I have attended have included such a remembrance by a family member.

 

[jaimeleglise]

The purpose a funeral Mass is to worship God, pray for the decedent’s soul.
Eulogies are not encouraged. I have seen some done, some good ones, some tacky. Normally lay people don’t speak at the pulpit at Mass. They may do a reading, however.

 

[Karen107]

Hello,

 I attended a Catholic funeral Friday.  It was for a neighbor who we knew for close to 40 years.  He was a knights of Columbus member and from the gist of what people said he had somewhat of a high rank in that organization.  He also belonged to the elks lodge and very active in the community.  The church was nearly half filled with mourners.
What I found strange about it is that neither his children or close friends said anything about him.  All the talking was done by the priests and the head guy of the knights of Columbus.  I know the next of kin were there because the knight gave them a chalice with the deceased name on it.  
My question is are all Catholic funerals like this where the priest does all the talking.

A Funeral Mass is a full Mass officiated by a Priest intended to prepare the departed for acceptance into heaven by administering funeral rites within a Funeral mass. The personal eulogies given by the departed loved ones are said the night before at the wake or outside of the funeral mass itself. Usually also a deacon or Priest will lead the prayers at a wake or at the cemetary allowing people to speak on behalf of the deceased. Some may not wish to speak, and some do… therefore it’s good that the deacons or Priests are there to help people in mourning gather their thoughts. I’ve been touched by some pretty powerful sermons at funerals, either during mass or outside of mass and feel so blessed by these Holy men who help in times of sorrow.

 

[Karen107]

I disagree that “all Catholic funeral Masses are like that.” My copy of the “Order of Christian Funerals” at # 170 states “A member or a friend of the family may speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins.” Granted this is not technically a eulogy, and this has certainly been abused often; many if not most pastors now limit the time for this and the speaker to a single person. However, it is clear from the Rite that someone may, in fact, speak at the end of Mass before the Final Commendation. The majority of funerals I have attended have included such a remembrance by a family member.

I agree that I’ve seen it done but that is outside of the main liturgy of the funeral mass and not been the norm in my experience. The Priest speaking on behalf of the deceased and those who knew the deceased during the homily is more what I’ve experienced and the wake or after the mass is the time where a eulogy on the person is done. Maybe that’s changing?

 

[pianistclare]

I disagree that “all Catholic funeral Masses are like that.” My copy of the “Order of Christian Funerals” at # 170 states “A member or a friend of the family may speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins.” Granted this is not technically a eulogy, and this has certainly been abused often; many if not most pastors now limit the time for this and the speaker to a single person. However, it is clear from the Rite that someone may, in fact, speak at the end of Mass before the Final Commendation. The majority of funerals I have attended have included such a remembrance by a family member.

I think it also depends on the region. We’re I the South, and there’s always at least one lay person who eulogizes.
The bulk of it happens at the funeral home though. At the funeral Father allows a family member to speak, but most practicing Catholics don’t even ask, because they know it’s not part of a typical Catholic funeral.

 

[katy]

Eulogies at funerals of ordinary people are not even in my Protestant family and friends’ history. I’ve been really perplexed by how common they have become. There is also no way I could have said anything at my parents’ funerals, or any of my family. What a lot of pressure this has become! Not only to have lost the person, but to have to come up with a speech. I never experienced this at either Protestant or Catholic funerals until maybe 20 years ago.

 

[Mary_Ellen]

We had been allowing someone to speak, briefly (3 minutes was recommended), before the final commendation at our funeral liturgies.

Our previous pastor stopped the practice about 2 months ago when someone got up to speak about the deceased, his mother - who was same-sex-attracted, and ranted on about how the Church unfairly treats gays and lesbians. After way too many 10-20 minute ‘eulogies’ this was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.

The proper place for the public/lay to speak about the deceased is at the vigil which is usually held at the funeral home. Even when we hold Liturgy of the Word services at funeral homes most of the presiders ask that eulogies be held until after the final blessing.

 

[Allegra]

As a cantor, I have attended many funerals, and I have to say, most of them include a eulogy by a family member. I know they aren’t “technically” part of the Mass, but most people have that expectation. Probably because, that’s what they do on TV. I personally hate the custom. Grieving people should not be pressured to speak publically and some of the obnoxious things I’ve heard people share during these speeches would make your jaw drop!

 

[Dorothy]

As a cantor, I have attended many funerals, and I have to say, most of them include a eulogy by a family member. I know they aren’t “technically” part of the Mass, but most people have that expectation. Probably because, that’s what they do on TV. I personally hate the custom. Grieving people should not be pressured to speak publically and some of the obnoxious things I’ve heard people share during these speeches would make your jaw drop!

The correct place for eulogies is the evening before the Mass, and after the Mass (in the hall or other place where family and friends gather.

As a reader I was subjected to a eulogy in the church that seemed to last about 25 minutes and contained such trivia as the favorite red dress of the deceased, etc. These things may be wonderful and bring back fond memories for the immediate family,…but it did detain the singer, musicians and readers.

 

[tee_eff_em]

I disagree that “all Catholic funeral Masses are like that.” My copy of the “Order of Christian Funerals” at # 170 states “A member or a friend of the family may speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins.” Granted this is not technically a eulogy, and this has certainly been abused often; many if not most pastors now limit the time for this and the speaker to a single person. However, it is clear from the Rite that someone may, in fact, speak at the end of Mass before the Final Commendation. The majority of funerals I have attended have included such a remembrance by a family member.

This is an alarmingly frequent twocents practice at my parish’s funeral Masses.

I am on record, having charged my daughter: *"I cannot stop you from saying anything, if that’s what you want to do, but if you do not begin with the words

This Is The Part My Father Said Not To Do

, I will sit up in the casket then and there and commence haunting you!"* :bigyikes:


tee
“I’m not dead yet!”

 

[Bonnie]

I am on record, having charged my daughter: "I cannot stop you from saying anything, if that’s what you want to do, but if you do not begin with the words

This Is The Part My Father Said Not To Do

, I will sit up in the casket then and there and commence haunting you!" :bigyikes:


tee
“I’m not dead yet!”

I have given similar instructions.

 

[Reuben_J]

Our parish has stopped the practice of ggiving eulogies at funeral mass.

If relatives of the deceased want to do that they have to find some other occasion but not in the mass.

 

[pianistclare]

We have no prohibition, but there may be a very brief eulogy by an immediate family member, viewed by the priest prior to the Mass.
You’d be amazed how many parishioners and converts we have received because they appreciated this small act of kindness, although it’s not supposed to be done. The unchurched or people from other denoms come and discover that the Mass is Biblical, that the priest is welcoming, that we’re not the crazy people they’ve been told we are, and that the congregation truly grieves with them.
More often then not, we see them on subsequent Sundays and eventually, in RCIA.

Not a great scenario liturgically, but it does evangelize in the long run.

The only thing I have forbidden for my funeral is the singing of Amazing Freaking Grace. :banghead: blech.

In fact, I’ve picked out all the songs and the readings. My pastor has it filed under “Dead Pianists”.

 

[Phemie]

The only thing I have forbidden for my funeral is the singing of Amazing Freaking Grace. :banghead: blech.

In fact, I’ve picked out all the songs and the readings. My pastor has it filed under “Dead Pianists”.

I’ve always said that my preferred way of hearing Amazing Grace is played by a piper, walking down the south side of a hill while I’m standing at the bottom of the north side.