I Called My Mother Disgusting When She Was Being Immature

  • Thread starter Thread starter Melodeonist
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
1ke said:
It’s far from holy, too.

What an unfortunate example to give children.
Click to expand...
Yep. I’m a bad mom and never should have had kids. When I get to heaven I’ll ask Jesus why He kept sending them to me.
 
Melodeonist said:
I know many people my age. I get along fine with them. I have many other interests besides just playing the accordion.

The only people I ever have trouble getting along with are my parents. I seem to have formed a habit of having no regards for their feelings like I do for other people. I don’t know how to break this habit, but I bet God can help me.

I am always honest to my confessor. What reason would I have to lie to him? 🤷
Click to expand...
I’m not saying you are purposely lying.
I’m saying you likely sugar coat things, just like you do here.
EVERYTHING’S FINE!!!

And then here comes another problematic thread.
Another way that you disrespected your parents, and another day when you thought your view superior to others.

CAF is not a confessional. All of these conversations need to be discussed with your confessor. Speak frankly to the priest, and allow him to counsel you. Most of the things you struggle with are not things you can put on a list and recite.

Why do you post these things, if you yourself don’t’ think they are a problem. :confused:
Thank makes no sense.
Imagine you mother found a way to read all of your threads.
Would she cry?
Would she be angry?
Would her feelings be hurt?
Just because the forum is anonymous, doesn’t mean that these things don’t need tending to Tend to your relationships and your view of what is sinful.
Good luck.
 
1ke said:
You post A LOT about either you baiting your parents or the other way around, about arguing with your parents, about getting angry and saying things either yelling or using bad language, etc.

When you post these things so frequently it is not that difficult to see how someone could draw the conclusion that you don’t get along. “I don’t understand” is a rather disingenuous response.

Yeah, so that isn’t normal.

That isn’t normal either.
Click to expand...
It isn’t exactly typical, but being a family that gets into these little spats because they haven’t decided to avoid the topic of politics altogether really does not deserve to be called abnormal. It certainly isn’t unusual for a young adult to express some “grown-up” indignation when a parent elects to use scatalogical humor, even if they’d accept the same humor from a peer without blinking an eye. Or perhaps I shouldn’t call that normal. It is, however, extremely typical. When we’re trying to be adults around our parents, we sometimes take on airs and expect them to be Super Adults around us. (We don’t realize they did that for us back when we were five years old and had to repeat every joke anyone ever told at the worst possible time.)

OP, when you feel a need to argue, avoid making personal attacks or expressing contempt for the other person. Do not roll your eyes, do not take your displeasure out on the person in either overt or covert ways, and do not let opinions give you an excuse to shirk the demands of charity. Stick to the topic at hand and make every effort to avoid inflammatory rhetoric. If you can’t do that, then don’t allow yourself to discuss politics with those who push your red buttons. This is the most typical way that families deal with this.

As for your scruples, understand that guilt feelings are like a smoke alarm. They indicate that you might have done something wrong, not that you did. When your real smoke alarm goes off, you turn it off and go looking for a source of whatever it was that set it off. It doesn’t have to be blaring away while you look for a fire. If your are wise and your real smoke detector keeps going off for no reason, you get it fixed before you get into the dangerous position of learning to ignore it. (I think you can extend the analogy on without further examples…)

Those who suggest you learn to examine your own conscience, checking your progress with an actual confessor who can ask you questions and give you feedback personally, are making an excellent suggestion. Take their advice. A well-formed conscience is the best guide to moral behavior, but the well-formed part is the part that takes work. A badly-formed conscience, whether it is scrupulous, ill-informed or fast asleep, not so much.
 
The 4th commandment obliges us to love our parents, to respect them, to obey them in all that is not sinful, and to help them when they are in need. We are not allowed to offend them, through this commandment.

I really recommend that you don’t ask these questions about your family, and especially specific questions about certain events to find if there was a sin. It’s best to bring this with a regular confessor, one who you go to normally for confession, and one who you identify as holy (doesn’t have to be St. John Vianney holy) and learned (knows a lot about the commandments, canon law, Church precepts, ect.).

I struggle with the same thing as well, it’s not easy, but asking us is going to hurt you, not help, since we cannot give advice suitable to your circumstances.
Start praying more to Mary the Mother of Christ for your mother, keep praying and you’ll overcome any sin or imperfection that you may have, but I and others here won’t be able to give a complete answer.
 
Melodeonist said:
I am always honest to my confessor. What reason would I have to lie to him? 🤷
Click to expand...
How in the world can you claim to be honest with your confessor when you are not honest with yourself when it comes to your own family dynamics.

Op. When are you planning on living on your own? What career are you pursuing?
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
How in the world can you claim to be honest with your confessor when you are not honest with yourself when it comes to your own family dynamics.

Op. When are you planning on living on your own? What career are you pursuing?
Click to expand...
I’m currently going to college to become a computer worker. Nothing specific. Probably something related to databases because I enjoyed using Microsoft access in a previous semester. 😃

I plan to move out when I finish college.
 
pianistclare said:
OP. You ALWAYS think you know better than your parents.
You spend an inordinate amount of time arguing with them.
Do you have any friends your own age?
Any outside interests? Besides the accordion.
If you are too old to be cordial with your own parents, then I wonder how you will manage elsewhere.
I would give ANYTHING to be able to speak with my mother

Count your blessings and really speak HONESTLY with your confessor.
I feel like you do the same with him.
“Everything is FINE! Can you absolve me now please?”

Read that examination on conscience and be open to the fact that you tend to be critical of anyone who disagrees with you.

Edited to add:
This Forum is not a confessional These are things you should say in confession. You should have learned this in RCIA. And when you go, be honest with the priest. He is there to help you.
Click to expand...
 
Melodeonist said:
I’m currently going to college to become a computer worker. Nothing specific. Probably something related to databases because I enjoyed using Microsoft access in a previous semester. 😃

I plan to move out when I finish college.
Click to expand...
I wish you the best. I myself am not yet old enough to pursue a career, so I’m just hanging in here. Keep praying and hoping, Melodeonist, because that’s an important part of maintaining your state of grace.

God bless.
 
I’m like PC. I would give anything to be able to speak to my mother again and apologize for all the bratty things I did and said as a kid. The one thing I did as a young adult was to talk back to my mother when she told me to do something. She said, “What did you say?” I made the mistake of repeating it and got a slap right in the face. The slap didn’t hurt, but the shock did as my mother had never, ever done that before. To this day I do not use that particular word. The word in itself is not so bad, but the disrespect was. This should be kept in mind. It is often not what comes from our mouths, but the intent or disrespect behind it.
No one expects Melo-Drama to be a saint at 19, but he isn’t very mature for his age, either-because he does not have to be. I often think that he had very poor introduction into the Church through his RICA classes and continues to just “slide” along, using this forum as his only information as to what is good, bad or Lukewarm. Some info. is very good, some isn’t. I think he disregards most of it anyway. Peace.
 
1ke said:
It’s far from holy, too.

What an unfortunate example to give children.
Click to expand...
Exactly. Immature comments about feces to their children to me is beyond comprehension and simply unnecessary. It IS disgusting. I think what you said to her was spot on which is why she didn’t care.

Forget it and move on. If you are having difficulty discerning appropriate behavior regarding respecting your parents perhaps it’s time to speak with a priest about this issue and not Internet strangers.
 
PhiloMed said:
Fart jokes have become my 3 year old son’s new “thing”. A friend of mine who has 4 girls says they outgrow it.

My husband disagrees.
Click to expand...
They never out grow it. Stephen Colbert just had fart jokes on last night. No kidding!:rolleyes:
 
PhiloMed said:
Fart jokes have become my 3 year old son’s new “thing”. A friend of mine who has 4 girls says they outgrow it.

My husband disagrees.
Click to expand...
Boys will be boys regardless. You can get all bent out of shape about it or just tell them it’s gross and move on. The bigger deal you make out of it the worse they get because they know it’s making you upset. The feed off the attention and find your anger/disgust/annoyance funny so they do it more often. Maybe done do outgrow it, but most men don’t. They in many ways are worse than the boys!
 
I don’t think you committed a mortal sin,
I think that I did w/ my father, when I
fought w/ him and criticized him for
my upbringing. That was a sin against
his OFFICE as my parent, and we are
told to honor that!!
 
You need to improve your vocabulary. “Now thats not very mature mother.” Says the same thing. Honor thy father and mother ( the root cause of this issue I believe) doesn’t mean not helping them grow, work on it!

And I’ll repeat for possible penetration Mel, not evrything you say that is innapropriate is a mortal sin - that has become a repeating theme for you. Learn and grow from life, stop fearing it!
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
How in the world can you claim to be honest with your confessor when you are not honest with yourself when it comes to your own family dynamics.
Click to expand...
Did we all understand our family’s dynamics before we had a family of our own? Very few did. If we’re honest, the number stands very close to zero.

Most of us have snickered at a fart joke in our time, too. Those of us who didn’t are not necessarily failing to laugh because we labor under an excess of grace, either. The most mature people do not take instances of immaturity in others quite that seriously. :rolleyes:
 
Crusaderbear said:
You need to improve your vocabulary. “Now thats not very mature mother.” Says the same thing. Honor thy father and mother ( the root cause of this issue I believe) doesn’t mean not helping them grow, work on it!

And I’ll repeat for possible penetration Mel, not evrything you say that is innapropriate is a mortal sin - that has become a repeating theme for you. Learn and grow from life, stop fearing it!
Click to expand...
He could just try not laughing and letting the failed attempt at humor pass without comment. One of the best and yet kindest ways to extinguish a vein of comedy is to unceremoniously ignore it.

Besides, those of us who eventually learned to let our parents’ faults pass without comment do not burst open under the strain. It is not less than they’ve done for us on many occasions, after all, or not less than they ought to have done.

I would go so far as to say that no one should correct the faults of others until they have grown up enough to pass them over without comment.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top