I can’t feel sorry for my sins

[Loonaverse]

I have a problem that’s been going on for most of my life. I just don’t feel bad for anything. I don’t think I’m a sociopath or anything but I’ve never felt remorse or guilt. The most I’ve felt is regret which sometimes I mistake for remorse. Or sometimes if I have hurt my parents I feel sad for them but I don’t feel that guilt within me, I just want them to stop being miserable so that I don’t have to be miserable. And this has always translated into my confessions too. The only sins I truly felt bad about, if ever was sexual sins and it was because it made me disgusted with myself, and I almost always look down with disgust on anyone who struggles with sexual sin.

I reverted to Catholicism seriously 2 months ago, and I’ve felt remorseful once about my sins after knowing how great God is. But this is usually a one off thing where it’s accompanied with anxiety about whatever it is I’m praying for.
It’s just no matter how much I try I cannot feel the guilt. I’ve tried to really think about God to try and replicate what happened in my last actual confession but it doesn’t work. I tried to do confession since but I know it was a bad confession because I was not spiritually prepared and I did not feel sorry for my sins. It was like going through a list of sins but with no emotional involvement. Can someone please help me with what to do because I’m so confused but I really want to take the Eucharist. How does one just feel bad for their sins?

 

[JohnS]

When you were a real little kid and you did something really bad, did you cry or feel real bad when your parents aporoached you about it?

God is Our Father, and we feel bad for sins out of love for the Father. Embrace that old feeling you had as a kid and remember that you are now a child all over again, growing spiritually this time, not physically

 

[Vico]

… I’ve never felt remorse or guilt. The most I’ve felt is regret which sometimes I mistake for remorse.
…

Regret is dissatisfaction. To regret is to think with a sense of loss. For absolution of mortal sin there must be the will to avoid the near and voluntary occassion of mortal sin in addition to this regret (also called sorrow).

Note that attrition (the minimum for valid penance) is defined as:

1453 The contrition called “imperfect” (or “attrition”) is also a gift of God, a prompting of the Holy Spirit. It is born of the consideration of sin’s ugliness or the fear of eternal damnation and the other penalties threatening the sinner (contrition of fear). Such a stirring of conscience can initiate an interior process which, under the prompting of grace, will be brought to completion by sacramental absolution. By itself however, imperfect contrition cannot obtain the forgiveness of grave sins, but it disposes one to obtain forgiveness in the sacrament of Penance.52

 

[JMMJ]

I think to not live being overwhelmed by guilt is a gift. Far too many people are ruled by guilt, and it isn’t a healthy thing.

Accept it as a gift. If you realize you have done wrong, and you regret it, then that is enough. Feeling guilty is not a requirement. Learn from your experiences, resolve to do better, and move on.

 

[Loonaverse]

So in a “perfect” contrition, can people get absolution without going to confession with a priest?

 

[Gorgias]

I just don’t feel bad for anything. I don’t think I’m a sociopath or anything but I’ve never felt remorse or guilt.

Have you ever talked with your doctor about this? There might be something physical in play. It might not be a bad idea to just bring it up…

It’s just no matter how much I try I cannot feel the guilt.

I did not feel sorry for my sins.

It was like going through a list of sins but with no emotional involvement.

Contrition isn’t a “feeling”. It’s an act of the will. So, the fact that you aren’t overcome with emotion isn’t an indication that there’s something wrong with you.

Do you know that you’ve committed sinful acts? Do you wish you hadn’t? Do you want to attempt to avoid them in the future? If so, then you’re contrite. Your confessions are valid.

Next time you’re in the confessional, you can mention this to your confessor, too. Just let him know that you think you should have an ‘emotion’ that you’re not feeling, but you really are contrite.

 

[Vico]

So in a “perfect” contrition, can people get absolution without going to confession with a priest?

Only God can forgive sins. Absolution is the act by which a qualified priest with the necessary jurisdiction, remits the guilt and penalty due to sin. What is possible with perfect contrition is that when there is there is the resolution of confessing as soon as possible in individual confession with a priest, such a person may receive forgiveness of sin from God now. Canon law (CIC)

Can. 916 A person who is conscious of grave sin is not to celebrate [the priest is the celebrant] Mass or receive the body of the Lord without previous sacramental confession unless there is a grave reason and there is no opportunity to confess; in this case the person is to remember the obligation to make an act of perfect contrition, which includes the resolution of confessing as soon as possible.

A perfect contrition means more than 50% of the contrition is due to love of God. (revised from 51%)

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Don’t get hung up on your “feelings” when it comes to Confession.

Some people have more intense emotions. Some people are more placid.

Your firm resolve not to fall back into your sins is sufficient.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Far better than being ruled by emotional feelings, if you ask me!

 

[Gorgias]

A perfect contrition means that at least 51% of the contrition is due to love of God.

Hmm… never heard it expressed like that. Intuitively, that seems a bit ‘off’. Perfect contrition means that the motivation proceeds “from a love by which God is loved above all else” (CCC, 1452), not a ‘love in which God is loved just a little bit more than other considerations are loved’… no?

 

[Maragal]

Yes dont get too caught up on “feelings”! The point is - you feel bad for not feeling bad enough. God can grasp that. I once heard a Priest say many of us live in the “want to want to stop sinning” (notice the 2). And even the “want to want to” shows we are on our way, in the right direction. (Thats soooo me, btw…) Saint Faustina said God just needs a crack in the door. Keep going, loving, being charitable, making use of the Sacraments, and maybe read about Divine Mercy! God Bless you!

 

[Vico]

Vico:

A perfect contrition means that at least 51% of the contrition is due to love of God.

Hmm… never heard it expressed like that. Intuitively, that seems a bit ‘off’. Perfect contrition means that the motivation proceeds “from a love by which God is loved above all else” (CCC, 1452), not a ‘love in which God is loved just a little bit more than other considerations are loved’… no?

Well actually it is mostly which means more than 50%.

 

[Gorgias]

Well actually it is mostly which means more than 50%.

That’s the point, though: I don’t recall even seeing that “perfect contrition” is merely ‘mostly’ about “love of God”! Rather, it’s that the love of God (alone!) is the motivation for the contrition…

 

[runningdude]

Confession is an objective process. How you feel about it matters little.

Going to confession is itself evidence of being penitent. If you make a sincere effort to not repeat those sins, you have made a good faith confession, and should let yourself be at peace.

 

[Vico]

Vico:

Well actually it is mostly which means more than 50%.

That’s the point, though: I don’t recall even seeing that “perfect contrition” is merely ‘mostly’ about “love of God”! Rather, it’s that the love of God (alone!) is the motivation for the contrition…

Above all else is more than for other reasons.

Catechism

1452 When it arises from a love by which God is loved above all else, contrition is called “perfect” (contrition of charity). Such contrition remits venial sins; it also obtains forgiveness of mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession as soon as possible.

 

[Gorgias]

Above all else is more than for other reasons.

Wow. You’re interpreting “God is loved above all else” to mean merely “I love God just slightly more than I love other stuff”? That’s horrible! (Try telling your wife “on balance, I love you more than the sum total of pizza, football, and my buddies.” That’s not gonna get you very far… )

In any case, it’s also not what you asserted: “love of God above all else” doesn’t mean “my contrition is 51% charitable”. You’re invalidly equating the contrition with the love of God. It’s not that the contrition itself it divisible by percentage; it’s the the contrition – as a whole – is motivated by love of God. So, it’s not what you’re making it out to be, as if 49% of the contrition could be motivated by other things, as long as 51% were motivated by love of God.

 

[Vico]

Vico:

Above all else is more than for other reasons.

…

Please read the following to understand it.

Council of Trent, Session XIV (Nov. 25, 1551) Doctrine on the Sacrament of Penance, Chap. 4. Contrition:

The Synod teaches moreover, that, although it sometimes happen that this contrition is perfect through charity, and reconciles man with God before this sacrament be actually received, the said reconciliation, nevertheless, is not to be ascribed to that contrition, independently of the desire of the sacrament which is included therein. And as to that imperfect contrition, which is called attrition, because that it is commonly conceived either from the consideration of the turpitude of sin, or from the fear of hell and of punishment, It declares that if, with the hope of pardon, it exclude the wish to sin, it not only does not make a man a hypocrite, and a greater sinner, but that it is even a gift of God, and an impulse of the Holy Ghost, --who does not indeed as yet dwell in the penitent, but only moves him, --whereby the penitent being assisted prepares a way for himself unto justice. And although this (attrition) cannot of itself, without the sacrament of penance, conduct the sinner to justification, yet does it dispose him to obtain the grace of God in the sacrament of Penance. For, smitten profitably with this fear, the Ninivites, at the preaching of Jonas, did fearful penance and obtained mercy from the Lord. Wherefore falsely do some calumniate Catholic writers, as if they had maintained that the sacrament of Penance confers grace without any good motion on the part of those who receive it: a thing which the Church of God never taught, or thought: and falsely also do they assert that con-trition is extorted and forced, not free and voluntary.

Canon V.–If any one saith, that the contrition which is acquired by means of the examination, collection, and detestation of sins,–whereby one thinks over his years in the bitterness of his soul, (b) by pondering on the grievousness, the multitude, the filthiness of his sins, the loss of eternal blessedness, and the eternal damnation which he has incurred, having therewith the purpose of a better life,–is not a true and profitable sorrow, does not prepare for grace, but makes a man a hypocrite and a greater sinner; in fine, that this (contrition) is a forced and not free and voluntary sorrow; let him be anathema.

~The Council of Trent - Session 14~

 

[Gorgias]

Vico:

Above all else is more than for other reasons.

Please read the following to understand it.

Council of Trent, Session XIV

Vico,

It appears that, in the attempt to justify your earlier position, you’ve shifted the goal-posts. We were discussing your assertion regarding the composition of contrition. You’ve responded with Trent’s discussion of how forgiveness works (not how contrition works) and whether attrition is effective (and not whether contrition is).

I understand Trent. It isn’t addressing what you’re claiming here. It is, on the other hand, addressing a different consideration – there were folks, in that day, who claimed that Reconciliation conditioned upon attrition wasn’t something that was voluntary, but was something that was forced upon a person unwillingly. That’s what Trent is responding to, in your citation, and not to the question “of what is contrition comprised?”

 

[Vico]

…

It does define contrition however.

• contrition is perfect through charity
• imperfect contrition, which is called attrition, because that it is commonly conceived either from the consideration of the turpitude of sin, or from the fear of hell and of punishment

The components are clearly shown and commonly expressed in the traditional Act of Contrition

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love.

 

[Bluebright]

On top of what the others have said, simply ask God for the grace to feel sorry for your sins. It’s a grace, none of us have any entitlement to it, it’s a free gift. It’ll come when you need it and when you’re ready. Continue to confess and receive the Eucharist anyway (that’s where the graces come). You are forgiven even if you don’t ‘feel’ sorry. Sorrow for sins begins in the will, you will yourself to have contrition for your sins. That’s totally fine with God just don’t give up, keep confessing, recieving and praying. You heart will eventually follow your will. Think of your heart as a naughty school child which must be told again and again what to do by the teacher (your will) . So decide you are sorry and don’t let your feelings (heart) tell you otherwise!