@StudentMI
This thread keeps coming to my mind. Consider, if you will, the possibility you may be experiencing a powerful temptation. Remember the words of St. Paul:
Eph 6:11-12
Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil. For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.
Consider too the possibility that feelings, emotions, are playing a part here. Emotions are fickle, faith is a conviction.
I’ll be praying for you, brother; if you do this I think you are making a serious error and endangering your salvation.