I cannot grow as a Catholic, without family

[pabloSD]

My wife has become Protestant and she’s taking the childre with her.
I feel that I will not grow as much as I could as a Christian Catholic because I won’t have them by my side, in terms of beliefs. Also, I feel that I won’t be able to get as involved in my parish, without affecting my family life and schedule.

I feel stuck.

Although I do allow her and the children to go to her Bible study, Wednesday service, as well as the Sunday service. But I feel that if I attend the Catholic Bible study I was attending (on Fridays), this will separate the family even more.

I feel a lot of guilt and sadness that I’m not with them during Sunday mornings…

 

[monicatholic]

your sadness is understandable.

your guilt, unless you drove your wife away from the Church, is not valid.

disparities of faith can break a family apart. dont let that happen to you. go to Mass as often as possible. study scripture on line if you have to. offer up all this turmoil and your struggle to maintain the peace for the conversion of your wife and kids.

dont believe ANY suggestion that you should leave the Church in order to regain family unity. you DO need unity – commUNITY-- COMMUNION with God – first and foremost. never give up the Eucharist. Jesus will bring you MANY graces through His precious Body and Blood. grace you’ll need in the struggle to reunify your family.

these following are pertinent questions. they beg to be talked out. counseling with a good priest will help:
who decided that is was OK to take the children out of the catholic church?
did you both agree?
on what grounds?
were your children baptized Cathiolic?
in essense, has your wife made a sole decision to change your family foundation, ie,. your faith?
is there a way to navigate this disunity without arguing?
without making the kids feel divided?

pray to the Holy Family.

 

[k8e308]

Your wife should feel the guilt in this situation. She has turned her back on the Church, and has led your children astray in doing so. She has also violated her marriage promise to raise any children in the Catholic faith.

I do understand the sadness on your part, and I will be praying for your family.

I disagree, however, with your premise that you cannot grow as a Catholic in this situation. Find out your wife’s specific objections to the Church or why she was more attracted to Protestantism. Then find out the Catholic response to the objections, and present them to her calmly during a time you’ve set aside for discussion. You will both learn more about the beauty, history, and validity of the Catholic Church.

Allow your children to see you live your Catholic faith deeply everyday. Actually, IMO, your wife does not have the right to take your children to another church. You are the head of household and leader of the family. If she decides to attend another church, that is her decision, but she does not have the right to refuse to allow you take your children to Mass. If your children are objecting, that is also not a problem because you are their father and, assuming they are minors, you have the right and duty to tell them what to do and make them do it.

I understand the tension that these things might cause, and so I do advise you to speak to an orthodox priest or advisor as you go through this. As I said, I will be praying for you and your family. This will be difficult, but you still have a duty to raise your children Catholic, and so you must insist that they attend Mass. As the head of the family, you also have the right and duty to speak with your wife about the sin she is committing in turning her back on the church.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

You guys need to be careful in blaming the wife. This is the guy who has faith hopped and his wife has grown weary and decided to pick a faith and church for her kids on her own because he abused his role. (He even took them in to Mormonism and then decided the family was leaving it a year later.)

 

[JonathonofOhio]

I would strongly suggest you pray for her and your children, as well as yourself.

You should focus on studying your own faith. You can go to mass Saturday evenings (or another time that works for you), and then go to the protestant church with your wife and kids if you want to.

The best thing to do is not push her into anything, and to be prepared to defend your faith. If you children are young, they will not understand much anyway, but as they grow older you can teach them about their faith.

I am divorced and my ex-wife left the church and started going to a rather anti-catholic church. She was taking our children there. I go to mass every weekend and when they stay here I make them go with me (part of it is setting a good example). I also was praying for them and asking God to allow me the ability to keep the promises I made to Him at their Baptism.

As they got a little older and started asking me questions and I started answering them and showing them where things are in the bible (like Holy Communion), they started to question why their mom’s church didn’t do what is in the Bible. Next thing I knew, my oldest son was asking me if he could make his first communion. My youngest wanted to also make his first communion, and so I enrolled them both in RCIA.

They are now both just a couple weeks away from making their first communion Understand that your Faith is a gift from God, and the best gift you can give to your children is the Faith which has been given to you. Don’t ever lose sight of that or give up hope in times such as these. Hang in there and pray.

I would highly recommend you also talk to the priest in your parish and explain your situation and get advice from him.

 

[pabloSD]

You guys need to be careful in blaming the wife. This is the guy who has faith hopped and his wife has grown weary and decided to pick a faith and church for her kids on her own because he abused his role. (He even took them in to Mormonism and then decided the family was leaving it a year later.)

BlueEyedLady this is also the guy who has repented and has learned about the true meaning of the Catholic Church and of his Catholic heritage and faith.

I never intended to abuse my role, as you say. If I took my family into Mormonism was because I was ignorant about my own faith and Church. If I took them out of Mormonism was because I was able to see, thanks to God’s Grace, that it is a cult that tries to manipulate your whole life, from what clothes you wear to what drinks you can’t drink.

If you read my posts, I’ve never blamed my wife. I’m blaming myself, I’ve repented, and that’s the reason I feel guilty. I brought this upon myself, and now I’m trying to repair it with God’s Grace.

I don’t know if you, as an atheist, is something you can truly understand.

Pablo

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I am not ganging up on you, only standing up for your wife. I don’t like how everyone says that she turned her back on the church or should feel guilty. She didn’t. She was never Catholic to start with. She is also under no obligation to do what you say or give you control of the kids upbringing, especially after what you’ve put her through.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

My wife has become Protestant and she’s taking the childre with her.
I feel that I will not grow as much as I could as a Christian Catholic because I won’t have them by my side, in terms of beliefs. Also, I feel that I won’t be able to get as involved in my parish, without affecting my family life and schedule.

I feel stuck.

Although I do allow her and the children to go to her Bible study, Wednesday service, as well as the Sunday service. But I feel that if I attend the Catholic Bible study I was attending (on Fridays), this will separate the family even more.

I feel a lot of guilt and sadness that I’m not with them during Sunday mornings…

Have you found a spiritual director?

Luna

 

[pabloSD]

Have you found a spiritual director?

Luna

Yes! I already met with Father Luke. He’s a young, dynamic priest. Very “contemporary,” not “old-school,” he was very understanding, not judgemental, like some other priests I’ve talked to in the past.

He will be meeting with me at least once a month. Although he’s not at my local parish, he’s in the Diocese of San Diego, too.

Thank you, Luna!

 

[pabloSD]

I am not ganging up on you, only standing up for your wife. I don’t like how everyone says that she turned her back on the church or should feel guilty. She didn’t. She was never Catholic to start with. She is also under no obligation to do what you say or give you control of the kids upbringing, especially after what you’ve put her through.

Correction: My wife will always be Roman Catholic.

My wife and I are cradle Catholics, we were baptized as babies. Even if we weren’t faithful Catholics, even though we didn’t follow the doctrines as we should have, I know that the Sacrament of Baptism is undeletable. Even if she stops going to a Catholic parish, she will ALWAYS be a Roman Catholic, both in the eyes of God, and culturally, too, because all of our family is Catholic, the culture around us is Catholic, our best friends are Catholics.

 

[pabloSD]

She is also under no obligation to do what you say or give you control of the kids upbringing, especially after what you’ve put her through.

As a Latino, who has never fallen for the stereotype of the macho, I agree that she’s under no obligation to do what I say. Of course she doesn’t have to do what I say. I don’t own her. Never will. But as a married couple, we made an agreement that we would make decisions together. And we have. But now I understand that faith is personal, and in this case, both of us can make our own decisions. I accept that.

Now regarding the children, if we want to get technical, I do have control of the kids upbringing, because I’m their father, legally, morally, and financially. As such, I agreed that she can take them to her Protestant services.

Peace.

 

[k8e308]

Pablo,

In reading your replies to the various posts here, my soul rejoiced. It seems you are in a very good place as far as your own faith, and being sure of your own faith is the best way to lead your family (back) to the Church.

You will continue to be in my prayers.

I do advise that if your children are allowed to attend Protestant services, you also insist that they attend Mass. From a moral perspective, you have the obligation to do so, and from a human perspective, it seems a fair compromise.

Peace be with you.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I do advise that if your children are allowed to attend Protestant services, you also insist that they attend Mass. From a moral perspective, you have the obligation to do so, and from a human perspective, it seems a fair compromise.

I’m not sure that’s advisable. If they are taken to two different churches every week it’s far more likely that they will end up with no faith at all.

I think that the best thing for Pablo to do is to just be patient with his wife. She really has been through a lot. Now is not the time to claim “spiritual head of household” or tell his wife that he’s dragging the kids to yet another faith. He needs to support his wife in her search for peace and happiness, and if she’s found it at her Protestant church he needs to respect that and be happy for her. He also needs to allow his kids to grow up in a stable spiritual environment. Chances are they are just starting to relax and let their guards down in this church. Don’t confuse or uproot them again. When they are old enough and have a firm grasp of theology it would be great to have long late-night discussions over coffee about religion and why he believes Catholicism is right. But for now his family can’t handle it and he may not even be strong enough or knowledgeable enough to lead discussions on the CC.

As for what he can do. Find other people in your church who are attending without their families. Perhaps try to form an after-Mass brunch club for those people to come together, connect, and lift one another up.

 

[k8e308]

I’m not sure that’s advisable. If they are taken to two different churches every week it’s far more likely that they will end up with no faith at all.

I think that the best thing for Pablo to do is to just be patient with his wife. She really has been through a lot. Now is not the time to claim “spiritual head of household” or tell his wife that he’s dragging the kids to yet another faith. He needs to support his wife in her search for peace and happiness, and if she’s found it at her Protestant church he needs to respect that and be happy for her. He also needs to allow his kids to grow up in a stable spiritual environment. Chances are they are just starting to relax and let their guards down in this church. Don’t confuse or uproot them again. When they are old enough and have a firm grasp of theology it would be great to have long late-night discussions over coffee about religion and why he believes Catholicism is right. But for now his family can’t handle it and he may not even be strong enough or knowledgeable enough to lead discussions on the CC.

As for what he can do. Find other people in your church who are attending without their families. Perhaps try to form an after-Mass brunch club for those people to come together, connect, and lift one another up.

This repsonse makes sense coming from an atheist, but I still stand by what I said. As an atheist, you do not understand the obligations placed on this man by his chosen faith; such obligations are to be fulfilled out of love for God, but the lack of fulfillment to the best of one’s ability can result in damnation.

There are many paths to the One True God, but they all eventually lead to Catholicism, and as the leader and spiritual head of the family, it is the OP’s duty to do everything he can to lead his children to Catholicism now. We are not guaranteed the chance to be old enough to have a firm grasp of theology.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

This repsonse makes sense coming from an atheist, but I still stand by what I said. As an atheist, you do not understand the obligations placed on this man by his chosen faith; such obligations are to be fulfilled out of love for God, but the lack of fulfillment to the best of one’s ability can result in damnation.

There are many paths to the One True God, but they all eventually lead to Catholicism, and as the leader and spiritual head of the family, it is the OP’s duty to do everything he can to lead his children to Catholicism now. We are not guaranteed the chance to be old enough to have a firm grasp of theology.

His wife may very well leave him for that. Even from a Catholic perspective he has seriously abused his position as HoH and caused his family great distress and harm. If my husband had done what he did and then insisted that our children were going to yet another church to be committed to yet another faith I would be done.

He has had several religious whims. She has no reason to believe that this one is any more permanent than the others. She has just as much responsibility to protect her children from that kind of always changing environment and give them a sense of stability as he does to raise his kids Catholic. At this point he should count his blessings that his wife and kids are going to any church.

 

[chelle10]

My wife has become Protestant and she’s taking the childre with her.
I feel that I will not grow as much as I could as a Christian Catholic because I won’t have them by my side, in terms of beliefs. Also, I feel that I won’t be able to get as involved in my parish, without affecting my family life and schedule.

I feel stuck.

Although I do allow her and the children to go to her Bible study, Wednesday service, as well as the Sunday service. But I feel that if I attend the Catholic Bible study I was attending (on Fridays), this will separate the family even more.

I feel a lot of guilt and sadness that I’m not with them during Sunday mornings…

When you married, you made a vow to raise your children in the Catholic Church (both of you). I would talk to your priest. Even if she decides to go to this bible study or that, you still have your obligation as a Catholic to go to Mass on Sundays. The best way to bring her back to the faith, is to grow in yours and be a whitness by your actions, words and deeds.

 

[k8e308]

His wife may very well leave him for that. Even from a Catholic perspective he has seriously abused his position as HoH and caused his family great distress and harm. If my husband had done what he did and then insisted that our children were going to yet another church to be committed to yet another faith I would be done.

He has had several religious whims. She has no reason to believe that this one is any more permanent than the others. She has just as much responsibility to protect her children from that kind of always changing environment and give them a sense of stability as he does to raise his kids Catholic. At this point he should count his blessings that his wife and kids are going to any church.

She was baptised Catholic and married in the Catholic church. She therefore also has an obligation to raise the children Catholic. His behavior does not excuse her from the obligation. While I can understand his decision to allow the children to go to a Protestant church given the history, he is still obligated to bring them to Mass. Catholicism is not “yet another faith” for this family. It is their original faith.