I Cannot Tolerate Holding Hands During the "Our Father" at Mass?

[robwar]

Hello to All,

Well the subject of this post basically sums up my question. First of, I’m a kind of private guy, very introverted, and my friends jokingly call me a recluse. I do not have much to do with people I don’t know very well. I live in different places, as I travel regularly for both work and studies.

I currently happen to be in One Archdiocese, where the holding of hands is prevalent everywhere. Not only that, people get offended and give me scornful looks if I try not to hold hands, and they eventually grab my hands and hold them, during the our father. The entire congregation goes to the point of where people step out of pews to hold hands with other pews. And changing parishes won’t help, because all churches here are already overly crowded, you have to be lucky to even find a seat inside. So I cannot simply go to a corner by myself because people are just everywhere.

As I said, I don’t have much to do with anyone, (I do not trust anyone) and I actually like being alone, I hate crowds, loud noises etc, and the people at church who insist on holding hands just drives me up a wall, because I just feel that It violates my personal barriers.

As far as I know holding hands is not required, I do not want to be mean to other people by denying them what they are accustomed to, but if it violates my personal space then I’m afraid that I will have to. I would really appreciate some information on holding hands in general.

I have nothing against the peace greeting, I just find that holding hands for prolonged periods during the our father to be stressful. Should I speak to the priest about this?

Please, I would appreciate some information. Thanks

This has been discussed before on other threads. Most of the time, people just hold hands with who they are with (family/friends). The suggestions by others of folding your hands, bowing your head and closing your eyes should signal to others that you don’t want to hold your hands. The other part of this is your need to be alone which borders on the extreme or unusual. Touching anywhere is not going to stop just because you might have an issue with it. (that is in general). We do go to church as a community and those in attendance there with us are our family of faith, brothers and sisters in Christ. You might want to pray about why you may feel this way.

 

[clem456]

All good advice, rather simple.
Just fold your hands and pray. I do not think you will be wrestled to the ground wwf style.

Here might be the larger issue outside joining hands controversy:
Do not get too attached to your comfort zone. Christ is not about the confort zone. I am also by nature reticent in a crowd of people, and do not easily “fit right in”. But I have never regretted stepping out of my comfort zone, whether it be getting involved in a parish ministry, joining the choir, giving a talk in front of others, or joining hands at the Our Father.

 

[1_with_God]

Glory to God in the highest.!!! You state that all the parishs Mass in your area are crowded, what a beautiful testimony!! As for holding hands, I don’t, you don’t have to. Just say no!

 

[In_Spiration]

I usually look up toward the ceiling, that is, in a sense toward our Father above us, instead of closing my eyes. Seems to work fine, and also may remind others that the prayer is not primarily an act of human solidarity toward our neighbor. Just be sure that you’re never thinking more about this distraction than about the meaning of the prayer. Consider this an opportunity to develop even stronger spiritual focus.

 

[tabycat]

I think it’s old school but not disallowed, although a few years back an Orange County priest tried to kick out many of his congregation who were continuing to kneel after the Agnus Dei. Guess who won that little war?

I got an idea that it was not the priest that won! Given any choice I am one that does not like holding hands during the Our Father.

 

[TimothyH]

Okay, that’s fine -but what if some large fellow just assumes your being bashful and tries pulling your hands apart…? Then what are you going to do…?? You will at least give him the stink eye, for good old TEPO won’t ya’…?

Become an EMHC and refuse to give him communion.

-Tim-

 

[Cath4life]

Personally,I DO NOT like to hold hands either and I’m relieved when I don’t have to. I would LOVE to just close my eyes and NOT holding anyone’s hands at all. However, I usually do hold hands with anyone that desires to do so…

A year back, Our Lord made me realize that it is not about me or my personal feelings of what I like and don’t like. Sometimes, it’s about community and offering a smile and a hand to a lonely person next to me. Perhaps, it’s their first day at mass in a while? At my church, there are a lot of seniors who live by themselves. I can see they want to be friendly and part of our community. The more I get to know them, the more I appreciate their beautiful faith and friendly smiles

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” - Blessed Mother Theresa

 

[R_C]

ETWN Holding Hands at Mass

Concerning holding hands in the Eucharistic Liturgy the Congregation for Divine Worship in Rome responded as follows: “…] The prolonged holding of hands is of itself a sign of communion rather than of peace. Further, it is a liturgical gesture introduced spontaneously but on personal initiative; it is not in the rubrics. …]”

While this addresses the holding of hands at the Sign of Peace the reasons given apply also elsewhere in the Mass, including at the Our Father.

1. It is an inappropriate “sign,” since Communion is the sign of intimacy. …]
2. It is introduced on personal initiative. The Holy See has authority over the liturgy …]

This gesture has come into widespread use, often leaving bishops and pastors at a loss as to how to reverse the situation. For individuals, I would recommend closed eyes and a prayerful posture as sufficient response …]

If some chance of changing the practice is possible talk to the pastor or work with other laity through the parish council. You can also write the bishop, as is your right in the case of any liturgical abuse not resolved at the parish level.

I consider that this posture (“closed eyes and a prayerful posture”) is the most solemn gesture that we can adopt while praying the Lord’s Prayer.

 

[TimothyH]

I’m gonna come to your parishes and hold your hands. I’m goint to reach across three pews to do it too. And I’m going to sing the Lord’s Prayer…

Ouuur Faaaaather, who aaaart in Heeeeeee-vun, halowed be thy naaaaaaame. Thy KING-DOOOOOM COOOOMe, thy wiiiiiiill be done on eaaaarth as it is in HEEEEE-vuuuun. GIVE US THIS daaaaay our daaaaaily BREAAAAAAAAAAAAD, and for-gi-i-ve us our tre-e-spas-es, as-we-for-giv-those-who-tres-pas-a-gen-nenst-u-u-us. And LEAAAAAD US NOT IN-TO-OOOOO-OOOOOOOO TEM-TAY-AY-SHUN, but de-liv-er-us from EEEEEEEEEEEE-VIL!!!

Then I’m going to lift your hands way up at the end, as high as they will go. and I’m going to do that hand-squeeze that no one knows what it means but everyone does anyway.

When the priest says “Let us offer each other a sign of Christ’s peace” I’m gonna yell, “**Praise JEEESUS!” **and give you all great big bear hugs, all of you, even YOU across the aisle.

That’s what I’m gonna do. I can’t wait for Sunday!!! See you all at Mass. :grouphug:

-Tim-

 

[clem456]

Then I’m going to lift your hands way up at the end, as high as they will go.

I have a bad rotator cuff. If you do that we will have a shin kicking match on the spot.

and I’m going to do that hand-squeeze that no one knows what it means but everyone does anyway.
-Tim-

You mean that little squeeze that says " I’m not just joining hands with you because I have to,but because I love you as a fellow human being"? That reassuring little squeeze?

 

[g_ncl]

Here in England we don’t hold hands but there is frantic handshaking for a long-time (during which the priest patiently waits for the frenzy to die down) after Our Father. I usually shake hands with the two people on my right and left and then hope that everyone realises that, like so many other things in mass, it is a symbol, and therefore you do not need to shake hands with 15 other people, given that you have not actually offended them (given that you do not even know them). But I have also had people start tugging my clothes from the pew behind so I had to turn round and shake hands; and I also had people walk across the aisle to shake hands. I am also quite a private person and don’t deal well with this. OP, keep your hands folded and if someone insists very much, consider if you could try to offer it, maybe now and then?

 

[clem456]

Personally,I DO NOT like to hold hands either and I’m relieved when I don’t have to. I would LOVE to just close my eyes and NOT holding anyone’s hands at all. However, I usually do hold hands with anyone that desires to do so…

A year back, Our Lord made me realize that it is not about me or my personal feelings of what I like and don’t like. Sometimes, it’s about community and offering a smile and a hand to a lonely person next to me. Perhaps, it’s their first day at mass in a while? At my church, there are a lot of seniors who live by themselves. I can see they want to be friendly and part of our community. The more I get to know them, the more I appreciate their beautiful faith and friendly smiles

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” - Blessed Mother Theresa

Thank you for this post, it is simple and beautiful and made my day.

 

[Samuel63]

You are not supposed to hold hands during the Our Father prayer. It is not in the G.I.R.M. which is the governing church document. PERIOD.

I avoid the awkward situation of someone trying to grab my hand by placing my hands in formal prayer positon, together and raised to chest level with fingers together. Everyone can easily see that I am in prayer mode and not interested in holding hands.

If anyone does interrupt me and try to grab my hand and pull my hands apart, I turn to them and give the death stare.

 

[clem456]

You are not supposed to hold hands during the Our Father prayer. It is not in the G.I.R.M. which is the governing church document. PERIOD.

I avoid the awkward situation of someone trying to grab my hand by placing my hands in formal prayer positon, together and raised to chest level with fingers together. Everyone can easily see that I am in prayer mode and not interested in holding hands.

If anyone does interrupt me and try to grab my hand and pull my hands apart, I turn to them and give the death stare.

You need to hunt this guy down (vvvvvv) and turn him in to your bishop.

I’m gonna come to your parishes and hold your hands. I’m goint to reach across three pews to do it too. And I’m going to sing the Lord’s Prayer…

That’s what I’m gonna do. I can’t wait for Sunday!!! See you all at Mass. :grouphug:

-Tim-

 

[englishredrose]

Hello to All,

Well the subject of this post basically sums up my question. First of, I’m a kind of private guy, very introverted, and my friends jokingly call me a recluse. I do not have much to do with people I don’t know very well. I live in different places, as I travel regularly for both work and studies.

I currently happen to be in One Archdiocese, where the holding of hands is prevalent everywhere. Not only that, people get offended and give me scornful looks if I try not to hold hands, and they eventually grab my hands and hold them, during the our father. The entire congregation goes to the point of where people step out of pews to hold hands with other pews. And changing parishes won’t help, because all churches here are already overly crowded, you have to be lucky to even find a seat inside. So I cannot simply go to a corner by myself because people are just everywhere.

As I said, I don’t have much to do with anyone, (I do not trust anyone) and I actually like being alone, I hate crowds, loud noises etc, and the people at church who insist on holding hands just drives me up a wall, because I just feel that It violates my personal barriers.

As far as I know holding hands is not required, I do not want to be mean to other people by denying them what they are accustomed to, but if it violates my personal space then I’m afraid that I will have to. I would really appreciate some information on holding hands in general.

I have nothing against the peace greeting, I just find that holding hands for prolonged periods during the our father to be stressful. Should I speak to the priest about this?

Please, I would appreciate some information. Thanks

Join the choir or serve and you may get out of it without causing too much attention to yourself may be??? Thats a bit dumb reply really but. I don’t have that problem as we don’t hold hands being anglican and very english I guess. Or steel yourself perhaps and try it for a few weeks and in time you may get used to it so that you are going through the motions so not to upset anyone but sort of distancing yourself from the ‘act’ at the same time as you learn to cope. Nothing like being a Christian to stretch our comfort zones as we keep being told being a Christian isn’t easy. Peace be with you

 

[pnewton]

All good advice, rather simple.
Just fold your hands and pray.

You are not supposed to hold hands during the Our Father prayer. It is not in the G.I.R.M. which is the governing church document. PERIOD.

I avoid the awkward situation of someone trying to grab my hand by placing my hands in formal prayer positon, together and raised to chest level with fingers together.

Interestingly enough, folding hands is also not in the GIRM. There is no “formal prayer position” listed there.

 

[mcw013]

Thank you everyone, for the advises here. I did not expect this post to receive so many replies. As many mentioned, I will TRY a prayerful posture and see if it works the next time I attend mass.

To the people who suggested I need to hold hands, I do not know what to tell you but I definitely would not, if it is not necessary. Thanks everyone.

 

[maltmom]

I’m gonna come to your parishes and hold your hands. I’m goint to reach across three pews to do it too. And I’m going to sing the Lord’s Prayer…

Ouuur Faaaaather, who aaaart in Heeeeeee-vun, halowed be thy naaaaaaame. Thy KING-DOOOOOM COOOOMe, thy wiiiiiiill be done on eaaaarth as it is in HEEEEE-vuuuun. GIVE US THIS daaaaay our daaaaaily BREAAAAAAAAAAAAD, and for-gi-i-ve us our tre-e-spas-es, as-we-for-giv-those-who-tres-pas-a-gen-nenst-u-u-us. And LEAAAAAD US NOT IN-TO-OOOOO-OOOOOOOO TEM-TAY-AY-SHUN, but de-liv-er-us from EEEEEEEEEEEE-VIL!!!

Then I’m going to lift your hands way up at the end, as high as they will go. and I’m going to do that hand-squeeze that no one knows what it means but everyone does anyway.

When the priest says “Let us offer each other a sign of Christ’s peace” I’m gonna yell, “Praise JEEESUS!” and give you all great big bear hugs, all of you, even YOU across the aisle.

That’s what I’m gonna do. I can’t wait for Sunday!!! See you all at Mass. :grouphug:

-Tim-

Where’s Tim and what have you done with him???

 

[Ophelia23]

My dad is the same way. Just fold your hands in front of you in prayer, and close your eyes with your head bowed. If people around you can’t take a hint from THAT, then its really their problem.

 

[Faithdancer]

I also find a good hacking cough or sneeze in your hands is enough to deter those interested in violating your space.

I had thought of this too. Unfortunately I don’t think that all of those people who disrespect one’s personal space and body language are going to be dissuaded.