I can't be a godparent and I'm about to break canon law -- what should I do?

[Triflelfirt]

I’ve recently been chosen as godfather to a baby’s baptism. The baptism is all set, and the family cannot change the date now. However, I’m not confirmed, and it seems that Canon Law (unfortunately) requires that.

I am very serious about my faith, more so than anyone in my family, I believe. I want to be confirmed later on, and I want to help raise the child in the faith. But I’m not yet confirmed, and I don’t even know what I should do. If I tell my family about this situation, they will probably get a bit upset but just insist for me to go on with it. Now it’s all set.

Is it a mortal sin to break Canon Law? I’m really nervous and upset over all this. The “confirmed” requirement just looks like a very, very unnecessary stumbling block that is bringing me a lot of stress. I just want the child to be validly baptized and for the family to be happy. I’m even afraid that bringing this up right now will only weaken everybody’s faith in an even worse way.

We can’t change the baptism date, we can’t change anything, and too much work has been made already. It seems so absurd to have to change godparents now (IF that is even possible) because of this one detail, and I know fully well that there is no other godparent who would be as serious as me about bringing the child up in the Catholic faith. And my family will hate me and suffer a lot if I back out now. I am scared, desperate. I need answers, advice, and prayers (please). If everything happens to go just like that, with me as an “illicit” godfather, wha should I do afterwards?

This can be moved to the Sacraments forum if necessary.

 

[dans0622]

I’ve recently been chosen as godfather to a baby’s baptism. The baptism is all set, and the family cannot change the date now. However, I’m not confirmed, and it seems that Canon Law (unfortunately) requires that. …

Is it a mortal sin to break Canon Law? I’m really nervous and upset over all this. …

I need answers, … with me as an “illicit” godfather, wha should I do afterwards?

…

Hello,

I admire your desire to follow the law, which you correctly understand in this case: a sponsor is to be confirmed (c. 874). In my opinion, you can be dispensed from this requirement by the diocesan bishop. I suggest you try to get in touch with him (via the diocesan chancery, I imagine) to lay out all the facts and see if he is willing to dispense you. This is a favor so it is not automatic.

If nothing happens and you are an “illicit” sponsor, you would cease to be illicit once you are confirmed.

As far as mortal sin and canon law, some laws concern grave matter and so their violation can indeed result in a mortal sin. But, for this issue, I don’t think it is grave matter and you are not wantonly, willingly breaking the law. So, I’d not worry about a possible sin.

Dan

 

[Triflelfirt]

I’ve been chosen as godfather to a child. The baptism is all set, the preparations are complete, but I am not confirmed, which is something the Canon Law requires. I am a very serious catholic, more serious about my faith than anyone in my family, I believe. I don’t think there’s any possible godparent that would be as serious as me in raising the child in the Catholic Faith. I do intend to get confirmed later on. But now this is a tough situation. What should I do?

If I tell my family about this, they’ll get upset and insist me to go on with it. The celebration is all prepared. Is it a mortal sin to break Canon Law in such a situation? What should I do? Can the priest (or bishop?) give me permission to be the godfather in such a situation? I can’t think of anyone else “up for the job”, and I am scared; my family will hate me and will suffer a lot if I just back down now. All because of one small requirement in Canon Law. What should I do? And if I go on with it to the end, as “godfather”, what will I have to do afterwards? Will I have to confess it as a sin and then tell the parents and the family that I am not actually a godfather?

Please, I need answers, advice, and prayers. I’m under great stress.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

If everything is all set, then why are you worried?
In my diocese, Godparents are required to submit that a copy of their Sacramental records. Did you have to do this? Does the priest know you are not Confirmed yet? Did he give the OK?

It sounds as if you are getting worked up over something that may be a misunderstanding. No one here is really qualified to answer your questions (me included). You really should talk to the priest who will be Baptizing the child or your own priest to put your mind at ease.

 

[Lorelei12]

Have you been baptized in the Catholic faith or are you Protestant? Protestants can be “Christian Witnesses” to the baptism.

I’m confused about why you were not forthcoming with the family that you’ve not been confirmed. I think you need to make them aware of this, and have them check with their priest about what to do. Some parishes are very strict about getting records and statements from the godparent’s parish, and others not so much, but at the very least you need to be honest with this family that has chosen you.

 

[Triflelfirt]

Hello,

I admire your desire to follow the law, which you correctly understand in this case: a sponsor is to be confirmed (c. 874). In my opinion, you can be dispensed from this requirement by the diocesan bishop. I suggest you try to get in touch with him (via the diocesan chancery, I imagine) to lay out all the facts and see if he is willing to dispense you. This is a favor so it is not automatic.

If nothing happens and you are an “illicit” sponsor, you would cease to be illicit once you are confirmed.

As far as mortal sin and canon law, some laws concern grave matter and so their violation can indeed result in a mortal sin. But, for this issue, I don’t think it is grave matter and you are not wantonly, willingly breaking the law. So, I’d not worry about a possible sin.

Dan

Hello,

Thank you for your response. May I ask some more questions?

"If nothing happens and you are an “illicit” sponsor, you would cease to be illicit once you are confirmed. "

Is this true? Once I get confirmed, will I become a valid and licit godfather for that child, even though I wasn’t eligible to be a godfather at the time of the child’s baptism?

" But, for this issue, I don’t think it is grave matter and you are not wantonly, willingly breaking the law. So, I’d not worry about a possible sin."

I’m not telling my family anything about this. I’m afraid they don’t understand Canon Law, and they’ll just get upset now and insist for me to be the godfather. But if I do participate in the baptism, as a “godfather” who isn’t confirmed, I think I’ll be willingly breaking Canon Law, no? My plan was to go on with it, and then confess it (if it is a mortal sin). But then will I have to disclose to the parents (and the priest?) afterwards that I was not eligible? I am so scared, I don’t know what to do right now. The baptism is all set to happen, there’s so many people involved, I don’t know what to do. And it seems so unfair, because I’m actually very serious about raising the child in the Catholic faith in a way that I know other people aren’t – most of my family are actually lukewarm, cultural catholics, I think.

I am scared. I feel terrible for not being confirmed, and I feel terrible about everything that is happening now. I want that child to be baptized and brought up in the Catholic faith.

 

[Triflelfirt]

Have you been baptized in the Catholic faith or are you Protestant? Protestants can be “Christian Witnesses” to the baptism.

I’m confused about why you were not forthcoming with the family that you’ve not been confirmed. I think you need to make them aware of this, and have them check with their priest about what to do. Some parishes are very strict about getting records and statements from the godparent’s parish, and others not so much, but at the very least you need to be honest with this family that has chosen you.

I am a baptized Roman Catholic. And I am actually very serious about my beliefs. I’m just not confirmed yet. By the time I was supposed to get confirmed, I was an agnostic. I only converted afterwards, and unfortunately I still haven’t gotten confirmed.

The family (MY family, actually) knows I am not confirmed. But I don’t think they know that it’s a requirement for being a godfather. The problem is that they are not – I might say – as serious about the faith as I am. I am afraid that telling them that now will only result in their getting upset and insisting that I be the godfather. And then I don’t think I’ll be able to say no to them, because everything is all set already. If I don’t attend it as godfather, I’ll embarrass everyone, and in the end I really want the child to be baptized into the Catholic faith. And I am also scared that if I tell them about this situation, they’ll insist on going on with it (as I said) and, if it’s a mortal sin to break canon law under such circumstances, they’ll all get in mortal sin because they won’t be excused by ignorance anymore. And considering the fact that they’re lukewarm or “modern” catholics, they probably won’t confess it or won’t care about it. After all, they know that I am very serious about the Catholic faith and that I’m actually the best choice for godparent now.

I’m getting desperate.

 

[Triflelfirt]

If everything is all set, then why are you worried?
In my diocese, Godparents are required to submit that a copy of their Sacramental records. Did you have to do this? Does the priest know you are not Confirmed yet? Did he give the OK?

It sounds as if you are getting worked up over something that may be a misunderstanding. No one here is really qualified to answer your questions (me included). You really should talk to the priest who will be Baptizing the child or your own priest to put your mind at ease.

I don’t think the priest knows it. My family knows I’m not confirmed, but I don’t think they know Canon Law forbids non-confirmed catholics form being godparents. I am scared. I don’t even know whether the parish priest knows Canon Law (really, it’s hard to find priests with that kind of knowledge here, unfortunately). Or perhaps he does, but then he doesn’t know that I’m not confirmed.

By “it’s all set” I mean that baptism is set to happen in that date, and the celebration is all set too, invites have been sent, a lot of people are already involved. I am terribly scared now.

 

[dans0622]

…"If nothing happens and you are an “illicit” sponsor, you would cease to be illicit once you are confirmed. "

Is this true? Once I get confirmed, will I become a valid and licit godfather for that child, even though I wasn’t eligible to be a godfather at the time of the child’s baptism?

…

Well, that’s my initial impression. I admit that I haven’t really thought about this before.

I suggest you talk to your parish priest and/or the priest who will be doing the baptism. You can also, as I said, call the diocesan offices and see what they say. Nobody here has any actual influence in the situation.

Dan

 

[pensmama87]

I am a baptized Roman Catholic. And I am actually very serious about my beliefs. I’m just not confirmed yet. By the time I was supposed to get confirmed, I was an agnostic. I only converted afterwards, and unfortunately I still haven’t gotten confirmed.

The family (MY family, actually) knows I am not confirmed. But I don’t think they know that it’s a requirement for being a godfather. The problem is that they are not – I might say – as serious about the faith as I am. I am afraid that telling them that now will only result in their getting upset and insisting that I be the godfather. And then I don’t think I’ll be able to say no to them, because everything is all set already. If I don’t attend it as godfather, I’ll embarrass everyone, and in the end I really want the child to be baptized into the Catholic faith. And I am also scared that if I tell them about this situation, they’ll insist on going on with it (as I said) and, if it’s a mortal sin to break canon law under such circumstances, they’ll all get in mortal sin because they won’t be excused by ignorance anymore. And considering the fact that they’re lukewarm or “modern” catholics, they probably won’t confess it or won’t care about it. After all, they know that I am very serious about the Catholic faith and that I’m actually the best choice for godparent now.

I’m getting desperate.

I think you already have something to “blame” it on - as a sponsor/godparent you have to have approval from your parish that is sent to the baby’s parish. If your parish can’t provide sufficient proof that you are a suitable godparent (i.e. that you are confirmed), then that’s that.

Have you already requested that paperwork be sent?

The family can definitely change the date. Whether or not they want to is their own issue. Only one godparent is required for baptism. My second son only has one godparent.

 

[Triflelfirt]

I think you already have something to “blame” it on - as a sponsor/godparent you have to have approval from your parish that is sent to the baby’s parish. If your parish can’t provide sufficient proof that you are a suitable godparent (i.e. that you are confirmed), then that’s that.

Have you already requested that paperwork be sent?

The family can definitely change the date. Whether or not they want to is their own issue. Only one godparent is required for baptism. My second son only has one godparent.

Can the parish approve me even if I’m not confirmed? Can I get a dispensation? I do plan on getting confirmed eventually.

Please, I need prayers.

 

[Joannm]

Only one godparent is required. When I was involved in baptism ministry we would allow the ineligible person stand at the font but only the eligible godparent’s name would go on the certificate. For all intents and purposes the parents could still consider you one of the godparent’s.

 

[johnnyc176]

I’ve recently been chosen as godfather to a baby’s baptism. The baptism is all set, and the family cannot change the date now. However, I’m not confirmed, and it seems that Canon Law (unfortunately) requires that.

Did you know this when they asked you to be the godfather?

 

[Bookcat]

But if I do participate in the baptism, as a “godfather” who isn’t confirmed, I think I’ll be willingly breaking Canon Law, no? My plan was to go on with it, and then confess it (if it is a mortal sin). .

THAT is not something you want to do!

 

[Oneofthewomen]

OP, I am going to be a blunt…
TALK TO YOUR PRIEST!!!
Do not look for answers to this on the internet- no one here is qualified to advise you.

I am a baptized Roman Catholic. And I am actually very serious about my beliefs. I’m just not confirmed yet. By the time I was supposed to get confirmed, I was an agnostic. I only converted afterwards, and unfortunately I still haven’t gotten confirmed.

The family (MY family, actually) knows I am not confirmed. But I don’t think they know that it’s a requirement for being a godfather. The problem is that they are not – I might say – as serious about the faith as I am. I am afraid that telling them that now will only result in their getting upset and insisting that I be the godfather. And then I don’t think I’ll be able to say no to them, because everything is all set already. If I don’t attend it as godfather, I’ll embarrass everyone, and in the end I really want the child to be baptized into the Catholic faith. And I am also scared that if I tell them about this situation, they’ll insist on going on with it (as I said) and, if it’s a mortal sin to break canon law under such circumstances, they’ll all get in mortal sin because they won’t be excused by ignorance anymore. And considering the fact that they’re lukewarm or “modern” catholics, they probably won’t confess it or won’t care about it. After all, they know that I am very serious about the Catholic faith and that I’m actually the best choice for godparent now.

I’m getting desperate.

 

[Bookcat]

OP, I am going to be a blunt…
TALK TO YOUR PRIEST!!!
Do not look for answers to this on the internet- no one here is qualified to advise you.

Right.

 

[1ke]

I’ve recently been chosen as godfather to a baby’s baptism. The baptism is all set, and the family cannot change the date now. However, I’m not confirmed, and it seems that Canon Law (unfortunately) requires that.

Yes, that is correct. Sorry, unfortunately you cannot be the sponsor of the child.

If I tell my family about this situation, they will probably get a bit upset but just insist for me to go on with it. Now it’s all set.

Well, they can “insist” all they like. It simply isn’t possible for you to be the sponsor. Tell them now, they can choose another Catholic who is confirmed. A child only needs one sponsor.

Is it a mortal sin to break Canon Law?

It would be grave matter to present yourself as qualified to be a sponsor when you are not. It is a lie.

The “confirmed” requirement just looks like a very, very unnecessary stumbling block that is bringing me a lot of stress

It is not possible for someone who is not yet fully initiated into the Church to sponsor someone for membership in the Church. It is not “unnecessary”.

I just want the child to be validly baptized and for the family to be happy. I’m even afraid that bringing this up right now will only weaken everybody’s faith in an even worse way.

You are making a mountain out of a mole hill. If they had selected two sponsors, then that leaves one. One is all that is required.

You simply cannot be a sponsor.

It seems so absurd to have to change godparents now (IF that is even possible) because of this one detail,

Um, yes you can. The baptism hasn’t occurred yet. You can make such a change right up to the time of the baptism.

You do understand it isn’t POSSIBLE for you to be a Godparent. Right? So even if you stand up there and pretend to be, you aren’t.

So, just tell them already.

and I know fully well that there is no other godparent who would be as serious as me about bringing the child up in the Catholic faith.

Hmmm, do you have to be a sponsor to be involved in the child’s life? No.
Do you have to be a sponsor to be a good example? No

And my family will hate me and suffer a lot if I back out now. I am scared, desperate. I need answers, advice, and prayers (please).

I think you are being overly dramatic.

If everything happens to go just like that, with me as an “illicit” godfather, wha should I do afterwards?

You should not attempt to lie to the Church. So don’t’ focus on how to accomplish your lie.

 

[1ke]

I would say if you lie and present yourself as a qualified sponsor, that is grave matter.

You should let the priest know ahead of time about the situation.

 

[johnnyc176]

OP, I am going to be a blunt…
TALK TO YOUR PRIEST!!!
Do not look for answers to this on the internet- no one here is qualified to advise you.

So your advice is to not listen to anyone’s advice on the internet. Are you qualified to give that advice?

That sounds like when someone says there is no truth except of course the statement that there is no truth.

 

[Stephen_says]

Is there going to be a God-mother who is a confirmed Catholic? It might not be an issue then.